loathe-as-one

[loathe-as-one]

I am such a burden to everyone. I’m disgusting and I’m needy and nobody actually likes or cares about me. I’m such a piece of shit.

[loathe-as-one]

apology to the ones my illness has hurt

I’m sorry I left 

It was all I could do

I was in so much pain

but i never meant to hurt you too.

[loathe-as-one]

[loathe-as-one]

It doesn’t matter how many things are going right I still feel fucking empty inside.

[loathe-as-one]

Can't run from myself, there's nowhere to hide.

[loathe-as-one]

I just want to shed my tears and let it all out.

Unable to express myself when I’m breaking inside.

I feel like nothing is ever enough, I will never be enough, my life feels like it will never amount to anything I could hope for.

I don’t know what to do anymore besides type these words into the void.

Knowing nobody cares and nothing will come from it.

I wish I could disappear.

[loathe-as-one]

Overwhelming

Anxiety engulfing me

Paralyzed physically

Mentally disconnecting

[loathe-as-one]

I hate this cycle of pain in my chest.

Why do I give everything I have.

Until I have nothing left.

Fuck false hope.

I live in regret.

[loathe-as-one]

Once again hurt myself by caring more for someone that ended up hurting me in the end. Why do I hold hope that someone will ever care for me like I care for them. Why do I hold onto the feeling that maybe someday they will want to give me the chance to care for them as more as a friend.

[loathe-as-one]

Honestly wish I still had friends I could talk to about life advice or emotional things. I’ve felt so lonely and have been concerned about bottling up too many emotions to the point of burn out. I just wish I felt like I was confident with where my life is at, but once again I’m fucking mentally stressed over having emotions towards someone new. I’m not trying to overreact. I’m not trying to ruin something good before it comes to fruition. I just want to feel like I can talk about how I feel instead of bottling everything inside. I’m so afraid to feel that it’s becoming a problem. Emotional vent over.

[loathe-as-one]

It’s so scary actually having feelings for someone new. I’m not in a relationship with them, but the anxiety of not knowing if things will work out is always in the back of my mind. I feel like I want to talk about it but nobody would care enough anyways to listen.

[loathe-as-one]

Slipping back in to the negativity.

Trying to climb my way out of this suffering.

Hoping to find something that gives me peace.

Waiting on my heart to let go of everything and find release.

[loathe-as-one]

[loathe-as-one]

Zen - Grogu and Dust Bunnies | 禅 グローグーとマックロクロスケ Lucasfilm x Studio Ghibli (2022) — dir. Katsuya Kondo

[loathe-as-one]

Hate the fact I keep opening up Instagram and see my ex’s new account. I miss her endlessly. I think about her every day. I regret every single day that I decided to give up on the woman who wanted to spend her life with me, and I really do love her. I was in a dark place mentally and put too much pressure on myself and my relationship to the point where I felt the only thing I could change was the relationship ending. I hate myself. I loathe myself. Everyday I live with the regret and pain I caused myself. I don’t know how to look myself in the mirror knowing I broke her heart, I hurt her emotionally, and I wish I was a better man. I’d give her everything if I could, but I don’t know if it will happen the way it plays out in my mind, in my dreams, and I want nothing more than to love her again the way she deserves.

I hope she’s happy with him now. I hope he’s a good man. I wish nothing more than her happiness. I can’t help but wish it was with me.

[loathe-as-one]

source: yes, my darling by homunculus

[loathe-as-one]

source: tsuzuki kara by ouchi kaeru