lifelinelemon - Tumblr blog

[lifelinelemon]

He tried so hard to warn him 😭

[lifelinelemon]

This is how I feel about my anxiety:

So I'm me and I have my own personality and thoughts and I know how to act and what to say in situations but there's this alter ego in my brain that thinks I'm stupid and will respond to the situation wrong so it tells me to shut up and it answers before I can and gives an overly cautious people pleasing answer or just all together back out of the question and barely responds to the situation to avoid judgement but sometimes that actually results in more judgment. And then I overthink it later because I know I could have responded better.

[lifelinelemon]

New plant makes everything better 🌱

[lifelinelemon]

I feel so useless.

Yes I have a job but...

I'm stuck in a low paying job that isn't even enough to afford rent somewhere cheap and I have no friendship group, no social life, I'm stuck, trapped in a life I desperately want to change.

So just change it right? Wrong.

How am I supposed to hold down a full time job, I barely cope with my part time job, the first couple months I cried almost every day after work from the stress of constantly people pleasing and pushing myself wayyy out of my comfort zone just in order to do my job. It's better now but I don't think I can go through that adjustment period again.

I feel so far behind my peers.

I desperately want to live alone and have that independence but the logistics of finding roommates, the money and the confidence to move out from the life I have at home.

I feel like I'm trapped, destined to live at home for the rest of my life working the same little part time job just waiting for something better to just appear instead of getting myself together and going to find what I want in life.

Why does being an adult suck so much, I'm so overwhelmed.

Is this post written well? Nope but I give up. It's impossible to express how awful I feel about my future. It's dismal.

[lifelinelemon]

The amount of times I rewrote this because I was overthinking how my handwriting looked 🤦🏼‍♀️

[lifelinelemon]

Being tired makes my anxiety infinitely worse but being anxious makes it hard to go to sleep.

It's a vicious cycle

[lifelinelemon]

Why am I anxious? I honestly couldn't tell you so that's really fun for me isn't it.

[lifelinelemon]

Should I be concerned if someone were to have accidentally consumed diluted pen ink?

Asking for a friend :)

[lifelinelemon]

I need plant recommendations! I want something similar to a monstera but that will be small enough to fit into a 15cm pot (I don't mind if it will get bigger and eventually need repotting) and that's an indoor plant that's easy to care for. I currently own a selection of cacti, a terrarium and a monstera. Thanks in advance!

[lifelinelemon]

How does it feel to text your friend of 15 years on your birthday about how you plan to celebrate your birthday with them in a few weeks and have them forget to wish you a happy birthday

It feels pretty shit tbh

[lifelinelemon]

20 my lucky number, and the age I have just turned.

Crazy to think I'm no longer a teenager so I shall now reflect on what I have accomplished/been through in my teenage years purely for my own documentation but feel free to read, be warned I will briefly mention some deep topics.

13 - year 8 in high school, uneventful other than typical girl friendship drama

14 - year 9 in high school, uneventful other than typical girl friendship drama

15 - year 10 in high school, I started my GCSE's, the covid 19 pandemic began (aka the beginning of worst few years of my life), my grandad passed away 3/4/2020

16 year 11 in high school, feeling so isolated because of covid and the most mentally unwell I've ever been, joined my favourite discord server 28/10/2020, did my GCSE's (kind of... they were a bit messed up because of covid) got better grades than I expected but didn't fully celebrate it because of my mental health.

17 - started sixthform/my A-levels, started off well but quickly turned into utter hell as I couldn't cope with the stresses of school after being isolated for so long, tried driving a car for the first time and it terrified me so I decided I wasn't ready to drive. Got our first dog Florence!

18 - wooo I can drink alcohol (oh wait I hate alcohol), my Grandma (passed expectedly on 17/3/2023) and Granny (passed unexpectedly 29/3/2023) passed away with in 2 weeks of each other, dragged myself through A-level exams after struggling my way through sixth form got okay grades better than I expected given I had skipped so many classes due to mental health but wasn't too bothered by my grades as I didn't particularly need them, finished school forever yayy, started learning to drive, got my first car, and started applying for jobs.

19 - got my first job at the end of September 2023 started off very anxious about the whole thing but slowly got better over the year and now I feel confident in my abilities and love my job, passed my driving theory test first time and then passed my practical driving test and got my drivers license on 26/4/2024 and I loveeee driving now!

And that brings us to now! I've almost been working at my job for a year and I'm looking forward to what life in my 20s will bring! Im sad to see my teens end but it's definitely the end of a chapter that needed closing on a good note which I'm happy to say it has!

[lifelinelemon]

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[lifelinelemon]

I think I've finally beaten this loop of plant ownership phases

[lifelinelemon]

[lifelinelemon]

This, but don't get it confused with me being rude i just find it hard to integrate into new social settings and introduce myself to new people