lifelinelemon

[lifelinelemon]

[lifelinelemon]

Guys I didn't get asked for ID for buying paracetamol for the first time today, I feel old 😭 😂

[lifelinelemon]

[lifelinelemon]

Damn this hit hard, I wasn't mentally well enough to read that hahah

[lifelinelemon]

One of my old sixth form pastoral teacher people came into the shop I work in the other day. And it's funny because I'd been wanting to visit my school and say hi to old teachers who'd taught and looked after me in sixth form as it was a very low time in my life and they mean a lot too me and I thought it would be nice to see them now I'm much happier and at a different point in my life (it's been almost 2 years since I finished school)

But since she came into my work my anxiety has gone through the roof. And it was lovely to see her, it was just a chill interaction, I helped her in store with what she came for and she chatted a little to me and that was it. But instead of it just being a nice interaction and me feeling like it was nice to see her again at that be that. I can't stop thinking about sixth form and all the teachers there and the fact I'll probably never see them again. It feels awful, I can't accept that I'm supposed to just move on. I understand that those teachers have hundreds of students, it's their job to teach us then see us move on. But for me as the student, school was my life, my life revolved around school. These people saw me on some of my best days and my worst days. They supported me through the worst times in my life and made me who I am today. I told them things I haven't told anyone else. I trusted them more than I've trusted anyone. Yet I'm just expected to walk away and never see them again. I opened up to these people, let them guide me, I WANTED them to help me and they did, how can I just move on from that? How can I accept that I won't get to see them again? I miss them.

[lifelinelemon]

Yup, I don't like that this just described a conversation I have with myself frequently 🫠

What it's like inside my brain #53 [featuring my AD(H)D goldfish and my autism blob]

|← ← previous "EMPTY" → next

[lifelinelemon]

Being misunderstood because of my personality sucks.

I have a very blunt sense of humour at times. I also struggle to admit when I don't understand what's being asked so combine this with a blunt sense of humour the tone of my voice can come off as rude when I didn't mean to be.

This sucks and in the moment I struggle to recognise that I've been perceived wrong and that causes me to be extremely upset when the other person responds to me as if ive been rude to them. So from my point of view i just see it as them being unnecessarily rude to me.

This happened today.

I smacked my chin on the ground falling off my skateboard. While at the hospital a nurse was asking me questions to determine what care I needed. And she asked 'have you thrown up since hitting your head?' And I respond with 'yes' so she asks 'how many times?' And I say 'uhhh well I don't really know how to quantify it yknow? Like what counts as one time? I can't really say!' I say this quite monotone but while smiling the nurse responds with this whole spiel in a scolding, annoyed tone with a stern look on her face saying about how I have to answer the questions it's important to get the right care I can't just not answer she needs to know etc. but I never refused to answer I just didn't know how to and I was trying to just joke about it cause I was uncomfortable talking about throwing up as I find it embarrassing to describe how i threw up. Even before this happened I wasn't feeling very welcomed or comfortable with the nurse but this made it 10 times worse, i really struggle with any sense of rejection or 'telling off' I cried my why through the rest of her questions and couldn't make eye contact the rest of the time I was there.

I accept that the nurse could have thought I was just being rude and that's my fault but I don't think she should have jumped straight to being that harsh to me, it was the first time we'd met, I'd had a head injury and was clearly in pain, the last thing I need is telling off, atleast give me a chance to get to know me and understand my personality just a tiny bit.

Now I just hate myself and feel like I can't be myself and should just hide away and not talk to anyone other than simple necessary sentences.

[lifelinelemon]

Any tips on how to politely reject a job offer?

Help 😭

[lifelinelemon]

The anxiety in me is coming out to play again and it's NOT welcome

[lifelinelemon]

Today was awful

I hate myself

No one loves me

I don't want to do anything I just want to stay at home all week

I wish I wasn't like this

[lifelinelemon]

I want friends

I want people I can ring any time any day and they will be there for me.

I want friends to hang out with, to do boring things with like going for a drive and listening to Taylor Swift

I want people who just like me for me, no judgement, no pressure.

I have a friend, she's my best friend, but she lives far away.

I'm so lonely

I try to make friends but I haven't found anyone I just click with. It always feels forced and then fades away after a couple months because it's not meant to be

I don't understand what I'm doing wrong, where am I supposed to find MY people.

I can get along with people and have a laugh but it's the wrong people, they are lovely people but they aren't my age, they aren't looking for more friends in their personal life. And that's okay. But where are the people who need a friend like me?

Maybe they don't exist?

For once I truly don't feel like I'm the problem, I know I'm likeable. I just need to find the people that SEE ME, the me that you only get know if you get to know me truly.

I'm lonely and sad 😔

[lifelinelemon]

The anxiety is creeping back.

Someone tell it to go away .

[lifelinelemon]

I'm not crying you are

[lifelinelemon]

I did not need my cat giving me a heart attack thinking he was dead 😭

I'd been shaking him for a good 30 seconds before I started recording.

He's totally fine just very tired apparently!

[lifelinelemon]

Sometimes I hate living inside my own brain

[lifelinelemon]

Why are all your online friends American? You always complain you have no in person friends so maybe make some online friends from the uk who you can eventually meet up with?

Yeah you're right, this sounds like a lovely idea, in theory atleast. See the problem is my sleep schedule sucks so much that everyone in the uk is sleeping while I'm awake wanting to play video games. I'm destined to not have irl friends 😭. It's fine I'm fine 🙂

[lifelinelemon]

The meaning of the Delicate music video by Taylor Swift hits too hard 😭