library-of-oz

[library-of-oz]

HERE WE GO MOTHERFUCKERS

[library-of-oz]

Damn no one fucking likes Kendall do they

[library-of-oz]

Get mad at me. Scream at me.

Scream everything you hate about me if it means that in the end, I can still say I love you.

[library-of-oz]

[library-of-oz]

01/02/2023

9:47 am

I could really keep up with this in the past few days but yeah. I feel good I guess but I don’t know if I’m gonna be single for Valentine’s Day. I’m pretty bummed about it and I don’t know how to stop feeling like this but I few like I’ll be fine. I know I’ll be fine.

The second Semester started at school, and I only had two two classes. I have to do math 20-1 now, and I’m going to scream. The teacher talks so fast, and I don’t know how to get her to stop. Like, we got through nine questions in 30 minutes, like I don’t know how to make her chill. But at least I got my friend’s notes from Math 20-1 and Math 30-1, so I can use those to help me.

At least I have a free period during the first period, so I can sleep and go to school later. And being able to sleep is a good thing because I want to sleep in, and I haven't been getting proper sleep

[library-of-oz]

20/01/2023

11:55 am

I can’t keep on this and I’m sorry I’m really trying h it the last week or so has been so fucking difficult for me and I just wish things could just be normal because I just want a normal relationship and everything just sucks and that it’s not getting any better. I just want things to be normal and wish I knew if I was still in a relationship or not because it’s taking such a toll on my mental health rn

[library-of-oz]

13-14/10/2023

11:06 pm

I had a great past two days, and honestly I could not ask for anything more

I apologize for not updating, I genuinely forgot, because I was having such a great time, but there hasn’t been much that I should update on other than I went ice-skating today. I hung out with my friends yesterday, and yeah. I went to hot topic and the farmers market today and it was pretty

Personally, right now I’m just really worried about my boyfriend because he’s in the hospital and I don’t really know what’s up with him, I’ve tried to get in contact with his mom, but no one’s telling me what’s going on. I’m really worried about him and I really hope he’s okay.

[library-of-oz]

12/01/2023

10:46

So basically, this entire day went very well or as well as I would like it to.

I got to filming for day two of my film. And it was so much fun we got a scene done very quickly and we got a lot of stuff done. I’ll show pictures from behind the scenes and omg I looked at my actors instagram today and she posted the pictures I took! I’m so happy she did.

And after school I got a script writing software I really wanted because I needed a software that I could actually use and I bought Final Draft. I’m so glad I got it.

After I started to watch Everything Everywhere All At Once with my boyfriend again. It was his first time and he loved it. He was really nice about it and he adored it. He asked me about the generational trauma, mother daughter relationships, and the life of an immigrant family. He was really interested in it and I’m glad he asked me about it.

After we watched a bit of parasite before he wanted to go to sleep. Which is okay I just miss him like a lot a lot like all the time.

[library-of-oz]

11/01/2023

9:23 pm

I am so fucking high and I just woke up I hate this feeling so much. I’m gonna fucking scream. I don’t wannna go to school and I’m actually going to rip out my fucking eyeballs.

[library-of-oz]

10/01/2023

8:49 am

I just got to school and my friend, Evan, immediately walked up to me and asked me to go to comic con with them in my city in September and I really wanna go.

So the next step is finding a group costume for a of us and I don’t know how many are going with us other than me, said friend and his girlfriend, Jude. And I can’t wait to go with them because they’re so much fun and so nice.

I think we’ve decided on Teen Titans and I wanna go as Starfire. Evan and Jude are gonna go as Raven and Beast Boy. I totally support it. Jude could so rock Starfire and I low key wanna see her do it. I adore her so much and she’s the coolest.

I’m so excited to plan this and see which version of the Teen Titans to go as. I was just thinking the ones from the OG show, Teen Titans. But Evan was thinking of going as the old school comic versions since those are the ones he likes. I don’t mind any, but it’s honestly his choice because he’s the one who invited me. And honestly, I think any version of the teen titans looks cool as fuck.

3:45 pm

Schon was fine and so was set. I know it’s just the first day but I’m already a little tired. I hate this feeling but I know way more is coming since this is our first day and we need to film a lot. Plus I’m the one doing the editing so I’m just meh. It’ll be fine though I’m gonna get through it and everything will be fine. I got to spend time with people I love and that care about me. I got to do something I like with people that are super cool. And people I really do appreciate.

6:35 pm

I will never be loved the same way I love others. I will never be cared for and loved the way I show that love to others. I will never get to experience the same care and love I give others. No one will ever love me the same way I love others and I’ll never be loved like that. No one will ever understand me or try to love me the same way I love others. I will constantly be alone, and I’m just gonna suffer because of it.

No one will ever care about me the same amount I care about others. I won’t be loved save me. I love others and that’s the way I need to be loved.

10:33 pm

HIGH

[library-of-oz]

09/01/2023

10:54 pm

Today was the first day back to school and honestly it was pretty good. I had a lot of fun in school and I was really excited to see my friends. I saw some people that hadn’t seen in like weeks and I really missed them.

I felt very depressed through this whole winter break and I’m really glad to see my friends. Seasonal depression has been kicking my ass for the past few days and honestly seeing my friends is actually so much fun. And we didn’t do much at lunch either, it was just really fun to vibe with them and do all of that fun shit.

[library-of-oz]

07/01/2023

5:37 am



Dude, who knew keeping a diary was this hard. I do not like doing this, but it’s like actually really fun for me. I just hate that I have to keep up because like what if I just don’t I just forget. I feel like I made a promise to myself, and I was not keeping up on it, which I dislike. And but in the past few days have been in a very dark place. I’ll be honest I don’t know if I want to be alive. Mentally, I was in this weird fugue purgatory state. I don’t think I’m out of it yet, but I think I will be soon. Today is going to be a good day for me, I have a lot to do today, but I’m very excited. I can’t wait to just be happy, and I really hope things are meaningless as I think they are.

I feel like I’m alone in these thoughts, I know I’m not, but it always feel that way. I think about all of them Monday and things I do in my life, and I think about how worthless they are in the end, and how they will not mean anything. I don’t know if my life forever amount to anything and I’m scared of it one, I won’t know what to do if it doesn’t. I feel horrible every day, and it makes me wanna cry. 

I am really excited for today, though, but the only downside of it is, I’m kind of in a fight with my boyfriend. And it’s still ongoing, but he’s asleep, and he has been for almost 15 hours. I’ll sort it all out, and I think we can bounce back from this. I’m pretty sure we can, it would be really unfortunate if we can’t, but I do want to make this work. This is my first healthy relationship and I just want things to be okay. Last night while high, I even wrote out exactly how I was feeling because of this fight, and how he made me feel. I’m gonna structure of better than I’m gonna send it to him, when he’s awake, obviously.

I really hope this argument doesn’t bring a damper on my day, because I would love to just stop arguing for a day, and then go back to it to sort out everything tomorrow. I just want today to be special because it is.

[library-of-oz]

04/01/2023

9:30 pm

We’re getting Taco Bell right now and after me and my brother are gonna watch a movie, called the menu, I’ve been really looking forward to watching it

And before this, me and my boyfriend, we were watching a lot of episodes of Arrested Development. It was his first time watching it, and I’m really excited to get to show this to him.

10:17 pm

Hey, so we just got home and we have a bunch of food, and now we can watch the movie.

11:58 pm

I love this movie, and now we’re gonna watch ready or not. My brother has never seen it and neither have I. I know she does survive, and I know it’s a hide and seek thing, I just don’t know what’s going to happen and how it’s gonna go down.

05/01/2023

1:03 am

Oh my fucking God this movie is so fucking gory. I did not expect this movie to be so open and outwardly gory. I’m enjoying it but also I’m getting very squeamish.

[library-of-oz]

Why do I have to destroy everything?

[library-of-oz]

03/01/2023

6:47 pm

I FORGOT TO HIT POST LAST NIGHT I THOUGHT I DID

I’m gonna watch Glass Onion with my boyfriend tonight and I’m so happy he’s gonna like it. And then tomorrow I’m gonna watch The Menu with my brother. Honestly winter break hasn’t been that like eventful and it’s kind of getting to me.

I’m scared I’ll have another existential crisis soon. Like I’m so scared things are meaningless and I’m just gonna die I’m so scared of that and it’s unfair. I don’t wanna feel like this. I don’t want life to be meaningless and I’m scared that life is going to be meaningless. I’m scared I’m never gonna melt anything and I’m really just terrified. None of this means anything. I’m scared I’m not gonna have anyone to talk to about this and the people that I do talk to you won’t understand it just tell me everything‘s gonna be fine. Everything will be fine and that scares me. I don’t want to feel like this, I really hope this feeling goes away. I’m so scared. I don’t wanna be scared of death and I don’t want to come to find out that at all means nothing or I did everything for nothing. 

[library-of-oz]

02/01/2023

11:20 pm

Today’s been a good day, I guess. I really did like today. Nothing really happened, but I took a very long, relaxing shower. I shaved my face, trimmed my eyebrows, and I look sick as fuck.

I’m currently watching Knives Out, the first one. With my boyfriend actually. I told him this is my favourite movie, and he’s really excited to watch it now. We’re at the car chase scene, and he seems to really be enjoying it. I’m really glad I got to show him this movie because he’s not really a movie person, but he loves listening to me about it.

[library-of-oz]

1/1/2023

1:10 pm

I feel like I can make this now, and years old try my best this updated. I had a really good New Year’s though. It was pretty fun and I go to take a cool pictures. I loved my outfit too. Will update as the day goes on.