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tumblr help me out, does this guy like me?

alright so there’s this guy i’ve known from church for almost a year now. at first he was super super nice to me, always hugging me and just being a great guy. he’s very charming and extroverted though, so he basically acts this way to everyone. he hangs around a lot of girls and a bunch of them have crushes on him. we started hanging out more with mutual friends from church and slowly got closer. a few of us had a nerf gun war and he locked us in a closet and we tickled eachother and play fought for like half an hour. he’s a private pilot and took me flying up in his airplane. he’d compliment my outfits and stuff. he’s really nice to my family, especially my dad. we went to a pool party and he would pick me up and jump in the pool with my in his arms. all of this was great, but then he just started ignoring me. he wouldn’t say goodbye to me, started giving me side hugs instead of real ones, wouldn’t tease me like he used to, just kinda barely acknowledged my existence. i had a little crush on him, but when he started ignoring me i gave up. that is, until last night, he said something that got me thinking otherwise and now i’m all kinds of confused. i was at his house with a bunch of friends from church watching movies and hanging out, and ended up being one of the only ones left. we stayed until like 2am. and i overheard him say to some other people something about ignoring girls when you like them. ???? what does that mean? is he ignoring me bc he doesn’t like me or bc he secretly does? and what do i do? ignore him back or give up completely or what? plz help thx

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all the stars in the galaxy, and i am just a lucky combination of dust, i am ashes, adrift in the atmosphere. how strange it is that i am even here at all.

me lol

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Neutral Milk Hotel vibez

Ig: lauren.e.cassidy

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I’ve heard this before and I. LOVE. IT. 

The story I used to hear was a grandma and her young granddaughter washing dishing after thanksgiving, and the little girl accidentally dropped and broke one of those fancy china plates. The grandma said the same thing - “are you hurt?”. The girl was confused as to why her grandma wasn’t mad, to which she replied “I love you more than I love the plate.”

so heres a thing my mother always said to me growing up when i broke something on accident that i think is really important

and i know, from watching my friends and seeing their panic and terror when something broke, that not only were not nearly enough children told this thing, many children were punished in place of being reassured

and thats heartbreaking

so heres the words from my mom that i was always told, and theyre the same words that anyone who never got to hear them should hear now, courtesy of my mom, who has repeated those same words to many a friend of mine and now to you

if i ever broke anything, the first words out of her mouth would always be and have always been, “are you hurt?” 

i would say no

she would say, “thats okay, then”

and i would ask why

and she would say “because it was just a thing- even if its a nice thing, or an old thing, or an expensive thing, its still just a thing. it can be replaced, or we can live without it. there is only one you. there will only ever be one you. you will always be more important than just some thing.” 

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what i’ve learned after working as a waitress for two(ish) months

people are rude no matter what you do

some people are just hateful 

from now on i will always always tip extra when going out to eat

If you can’t afford to tip, you can’t afford to eat out.

Kids/teenagers are the NICEST customers. Usually always tip well, are kind and respectful. Old people are also pretty nice, but sometimes they can be nasty. Young folks are the best!!

people like to blame waiters for EVERYTHING. The kitchen messed up an order? Waitresses fault. The building is too cold? Waitresses fault. 

Spills happen. Accidents happen. Mistakes happen. It’s okay. It is okay!!

some people are beautiful, sweet, kind, and hilarious. They make waitresses very happy. Be like those people. 

Being rude to staff just makes you look like a terrible person and the whole staff will 100% talk about you afterwards.

Talking bad about your waitress only makes you look like a terrible person (which you are) 

the general public is v difficult to deal with on a daily basis

every single person that comes in to eat has a totally different life story and that’s totally crazy to me

if you have a birthday party at a restaurant and have cake, offer your waitress some and she will be v happy and love you forever

feel free to add more :))

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on the bright side i started therapy and medicine for my depression/suicidal ideation/anxiety.

the downside is it hasn’t helped.

my head seems to hurt all the time, i sleep until noon every day, i haven’t done school in a while and i think i might just drop out idk, i have anxiety attacks at work all the time, i cry a lot, im lonely, im ugly, i’m only getting uglier, i still want to die, idk what to do ahaha :)

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y’all i can’t be the only one with huge dreams and wild ambitions but absolutely zero motivation to do anything to achieve them. it’s a major source of my mental health issues and yet i do nothing to fix it. it’s like i can’t. what’s wrong with me.

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I put another cover on soundcloud. Check it out if you’re in the mood :)

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hey there tumblr long time no talk

how we doing? let’s be friends :)

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Helloooooo I’m usually not one to share stuff like this but I started posting some random ukulele covers on Soundcloud. Fair warning, they aren’t good...but I play the ukulele a lot and it helps me with a lot of things, from boredom to suicide to anxiety. And since I’m *trying* to be more confident I thought I’d put some stuff out there...somehow just accepting the fact that it isn’t good but that that’s okay just helps. So anyway have a listen if you’d like! :)

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y’aaaallllllll the first one has me DEAD AAAHHHHHHHH

just let this sink in

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OKAY storytime from my senior prom tonight!! 

My best friend and I went together and at one point in the night we got talking to these two other girls. We never met before but we became friends so that was cool. I don’t remember her name so let’s just call her random prom girl. So random prom girl pointed out a group of guys and explained how they were kinda scoping them out, especially this one in a blue vest. But she was too shy to say anything to him.

Well a little while later on the dance floor during a slow song we saw her and blue vest guy dancing !! My friend and I like screamed and freaked out we were so hyped for her.

Girls support girls yo. We both wanted to have dates and wanted to dance with someone, but instead of being jealous or trying to steal that guy we were so genuinely happy for her.

Only problem is he looked like he wanted nothing less than to die right on the spot and turn into a pile of dust in her arms but that’s fine that’s fine. His hands weren’t even touching her waist like fr his hands were in fists at her sides. It was a sad sight. Still super stoked for random prom girl tho!!

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Post-prom ramblings

WEllllppp just got back home from prom (it’s 2:40AM) it was good! It wasn’t perfect by any means but i think it was about as good as it could have been. I even slow danced with a guy for the first time haha (he’s just a friend but still) and my friends and I had a great time. It’s crazy to think that senior prom is over....

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this user has crohn’s disease

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5/10/18 Pre-prom ramblings

Y’ALL MY SENIOR PROM IS TOMORROW. Which is totally crazy and totally exciting...or at least it should be, right?

And I am very excited, believe me. But i’m also really struggling with it. I live two hours away because my family moved a few months ago as i’ve mentioned before...which is fine like okay whatever, but it makes me so mad. I just wish I still lived there. I wish i was there. I just want to be there. I want to live there. I don’t want to drive two hours tomorrow to go back for prom, I want to live there. Sure that sounds dramatic but it’s just really getting to me. I’ve gotten so used to living here and thought I had moved on from this....guess not. 

I also still have those insecurities, like that no one wants me there, my friends don’t really want to go with me, i’m going to look ugly, no one likes me, no one will like me, etc etc. And hopefully once I get there I’ll realize all that was wrong and I’ll have a good time.

I’m just so afraid that I’ll be there, at prom, and everyone else will be having a great time and all of this will be too much for me to handle so i’ll just end up being miserable and ruining my senior prom. 

I’m trying so hard to be excited, trying to hype myself up ya know. But I’m just not. I feel so empty. So out of place.

Also I graduate in a week so idk maybe I’ll just suck it up and get the hell out of high school so I can just forget about all of this.

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This is my current favorite fanfiction on The 100 and you guys should totally check it out!! The only way I can make it through the week between episodes is by reading fanfics and stuff on tumblr XD Season 5 has me dead!!

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Chinese village