lets-cassie-sands

[lets-cassie-sands]

On the first day of April

I am not a fan of April Fool’s day. I don’t like surprises. i don’t think practical jokes are generally funny. But my biggest pet peeve about the first day of April is the myriad of people who will announce fake pregnancies all over the inter webs. Do you remember this scene from “Up”. Even if you don’t like kids, never want to be pregnant, never want to even be tied down to a partner, this scene probably made you cry. It is, at first so full of joy and excitement and then in the very next second so sad and dark and hollow. This is real for so many women. So so many women have sat in an office being told by a practitioner that they will never get to announce a pregnancy. So many women have sat by their excited husbands to be told that the baby they wished for, prayed for, were overwhelmed with joy to announce is now gone and they will announce nothing. This is heavy. 

People I love who have been told that they may never get to feel tiny little legs kick them from their belly watch as friend after friend gets to have what they so desperately ache to have. When you fake it it’s even worse because they at least get to share in their friend’s joy, you’re using their deepest desire as shock value. I know you don’t have them in mind when you do it, but imagine for a second that you are the woman sitting in the doctor’s office being told you may never have a biological child. You will possibly never get to have a baby that looks just like you. Feel it. and then imagine your friends joke about getting pregnant or being pregnant for the LOLZ. It’s a pretty awful thing when you think about it. 

People I love have been told that the baby they immediately started planning for the second the other line showed up, the baby they might have already named. The one they’ve spoken to, whose heartbeat they heard, who was going to fill their life with sleepless nights and snuggles and tiny baby feet is gone, there’s no more heartbeat, no more plans. Their soul aches. Their body hurts. What they once had is now gone. Imagine knowing a child you wanted, loved, awaited was suddenly gone. And then imagine people joking about being pregnant for the shock value. It’s a pretty awful thing when you think about it. 

I’m not trying to guilt anyone, I’m begging you from my heart, please, do not use pregnancy as a joke. You may never experience any of the above, I pray you don't, I haven’t but I love people dearly who have and the thought of them reading your fake pregnancy announcement while every fiber of their body hurts at the idea that they may never get to do it or they lost their child... that’s gut wrenching. Don’t do it. put saran wrap on the toilet or glitter in the AC instead. 

[lets-cassie-sands]

Identity Crisis

I wish this election season were over. I truly do. Nothing brings forth a worse representation of Christ than an election. People passionately pursuing their ideologies while claiming the name of Christ instead of people passionately pursuing His ideologies. With the recent attacks people are scared, people are saying things that, on a normal day, they would acknowledge are racist or extreme or even evil. 

I know you’re scared, the world is terrifying, do not forget who you belong to. When Moses and the israelites were fleeing through the dessert from persecution and the people said, “Lets turn around and go back to being slaves, we’re scared” God parted the seas and ensured their safe passage. Do not forget who your God is. 

When the people of God faced an impenetrable city with only their bodies and voices, the reconnaissance group told the people of God to give up for the fear of an enemy bigger than them. God crumbled Jericho using only the voices of his people. Do not Forget who has the battle. 

When David faced a giant armed with his meager weapons God granted him victory. Do not forget who fights on your side.

You’re scared, I get it. Forgetting the God whose name you claim will not quell your fears. It will not cease the destruction. Returning Horror for Horror does not end the battle. Remember the God you claim. Remember who you belong to. 

[lets-cassie-sands]

My kid’s vegetable Garden has taught me all about my God

I have been teaching my kids how to garden because when the zombie apocalypse finally does happen I want them to have a working knowledge of how to grow edible food. (kidding… Kind of). As our plants have started to grow my kids have been asking really good questions. Things like, “ why are the pumpkins so big already?” “why are our carrots so small?” “Why aren’t our strawberries growing”. We have all heard that biblical phrase you reap what you sow, it’s common colloquialism these days,  but as my children are teaching me the opposite  is equally as true. You cannot reap what you do not sow.

I know we’ve all heard the phrase “dream a God sized dream” but the truth is we need to plant a God sized Field. You can’t dream of you reaping a spectacular harvest if you’re only planting a vegetable garden.  You can’t dream of growing giant corn stocks when you’re only planting carrots. Small seeds produce small fruit. If you want to reap a large harvest, you must Plant bigger seeds, plant a wider crop, or plant the kind of small seeds that will grow abundantly over time.

Take for example blackberry bushes, if you plant blackberry bushes, while the seed is small, if given the space and nutrients needed they will take over your entire yard. There are seeds like this in the kingdom of God. If you know what they are and are willing to give them the space and time and nourishment they need, your harvest will be huge.

If you want exciting, life changing, soul bursting harvest you have to plant exciting, life changing, soul bursting seeds. You cannot grow what you will not plant. You cannot reach where you will not go, you cannot love who you will not tolerate. God, all powerful God, is capable of growing anything and everything you plant. Ephesians 3:20 says he is able to do immeasurably more than we ask or imagine but the bible also tells us frequently to pray for rain and prepare the fields for its coming. You play a part, you prepare the fields for the nourishment from God and if you’re only preparing a window box you’ll only reap what a window box can produce. Plant heavily, plant fearlessly, plant with the trust that God can grow anything, anywhere.

[lets-cassie-sands]

Well it isn't a Vlog

I have high hopes to grace you all with my very first V log today. In fact I recorded several takes of a blog which are sadly going to waste away on my phone because Tumblr has a limit to how much I can upload. Apparently I can be chatty. So I'll say what I need to say in writing the way that I always do and you won't be distracted by my adorable baby in the background anyways. My video was about why these primaries really really matter. If you're anything like my husband (which would also mean you're amazing wonderful sweet talented and intelligent) you might not follow the primary elections because, as has kind of been the case in past years, there have been two front runners in each political party and therefore it feels like it doesn't really matter. The issue with that is that this year there isn't a firm front runner (even if the polls show there is one) when you surveyed the landscape, people are still kind of undecided about who is the worst or best candidate. If you're not aware of yesterday, super Tuesday, and it's incredible meaning to the political landscape I implore you to Google it right now. But I'll give you the readers digest version. As John Oliver said, in his absolutely fantastic assessment of why Trump is the worst thing to happen to America, no candidate in the past 30 years, who has won Super Tuesday, has not gone on to win their party's bid for the election. While that has only been the truth for the last 30 years that's a pretty solid recent history and I'm hoping that we could be the anomaly. Why does this matter? It matters because the two people that we offer up on the ballot come November are going to be the two people that most citizens of our country vote based on. If you're offered a punch in the face and a kick in the groin they're both really crappy options but you're going to pick one. I'd really rather not pick something that's painful no matter what you do. We have the ability to change this because statistics show that people vote based on a few things: how they feel, by their political party, and by recognition. My child recognizes Caillou but recognition is not necessarily a good thing. Offering up to terrible candidates give people the option to vote for a terrible choice or slightly less terrible choice which means that people who vote based on platforms are forced to default to the lesser of two horrible options. We don't want that for our country. We don't want to fall back on the guy who's only slightly awful. What's more is that the future president gets to appoint at least one supreme court justice. We have to be very careful with the person that we put up as an option for this. Not only is a Supreme Court justice seat open, but this is a lifetime appointment. The recently deceased supreme court justice had been on the bench for 29 years that's not just one generation. This appointment doesn't just affect my generation or the next generation but the generation following that and propels us into a momentum from which we may not be able to return. What is more is that in the next two presidential terms, which one single person could serve, three other seats could very well become open. That's four out of nine seats. We have to be very careful who we put in a position of power to choose who determines our rights and our laws based on the constitution. I implore every single person who reads my blog please register for the primaries, register to vote, educate yourself, vote out of knowledge. Nearly half of Congress is in a position to be unseated this year, if you aren't happy with the way our country has been going in either direction do something about it don't just say your vote doesn't matter you could incite change this year!

[lets-cassie-sands]

The scale of things

This is a hard post to write. I think it’s an important one, one that i likely won't write about again and one that I haven’t written about before.

Stuff is gonna get real y’all. And since it’s a leap day let me tell you I’m going to take this once in every four years moment and give you some real live honesty. I’m going to open up, but I implore you to not see what isn’t here ok? Fair warning, I may use potty words to stress the intensity of what Ima talk about ok? ok. 

I got on the scale this morning, like I do, every morning, and have every morning for.... as long as I can remember caring about the numbers that popped up. While most people I know would have looked at the scale, seen 113.5 and thought that was awesome, especially for someone 5′5″ who has had three kids. MY thought was, I had a bad weekend, I ate too many sweets, I gained two pounds. 

Now before you berate me for being unrealistic or too harsh on myself or “I would kill to weigh that much you should be happy!” There was a time when I would have said I would be happy under 130lbs but you see I have what the professional people call body dysmorphic disorder. If you want to know what that means in fancy speak, BDD is a mental disorder characterized by an obsessive preoccupation that some aspect of one's own appearance is severely flawed and warrants exceptional measures to hide or fix it. Exceptional measures for me have been a lot. 

I want to be able to tell you that I am not sick but I can’t.  I can tell you I don’t starve myself, I can tell you my husband is conscious of my issues and I rely on him to keep my crazy in check, I can tell you I have a family of supporters who could and would recognize the warning signs and who I trust to call me out on them. 

See, I’ll probably spend my whole life fighting with the number on the scale and the voice in my head. 

When I weighed 120 I felt like a goddess for about a week. and then that voice creeped back up... “that part is still shaped funny... it must be fat” “that part still looks bad in pictures” “this part doesn’t fit into my jeans comfortably” “I can’t wear that without getting a muffin top”

BDD doesn’t go away. It doesn’t. It’s a sickness from which you can never fully recover. I don’t binge and purge, I don’t starve, I don’t over work my poor body but I do judge it harsher than olympic gymnastics judges. 

I’m not asking for pity. I’m not asking you to feel bad for the poor thin girl who still feels fat. Because logic tells me that, two days ago when I weighed 111 or this morning when I weight 113.5 I AM a thin (and healthy, we eat Paleo and I eat much) girl. 

That’s the thing about BDD though, it can look like a healthy person. It can look like a body builder, it can look like a fitness coach, it can look overweight, it can look like an “average” weight, it can look like a person who is well within their BMI. That doesn’t mean they have a healthy perspective. I still have to remind myself that my value is worth more than my caloric intake and that’s hard in a society that places high value on it’s perceptions of beauty and health. 

I have to give a shout out to my husband who lovingly looks out for me. For my sister in law who was one of the very first people to whom I honestly (though drunkenly) admitted that I had an eating disorder to and in all of her love and grace and kindness, did not judge me but offered to help. I have to thank people who don’t shy away from the topic, people who suffer from BDD want to bury it deep down where you won't see it or point it out. We want to keep it in the dark so that we don’t have to talk about it or feel uncomfortable. We don’t want to be told we are pretty or thin or look great because our inner voice says, “you have to say that” or “yeah thanks but I know this or that is still messed up” 

If you know someone who suffers from body issues, don’t patronize them by saying things like, “You’re crazy you look amazing!” for the record I am well aware that I am crazy (although beware the ableist language there) and I am also aware that I might very well look amazing but I will never see me the way you do. Don’t say, “I would kill to weigh that or be that size you should be happy!” Should I be happy? probably. Do I know people who would like to be my size/weight? Yup I sure do but again, I will never see things as you do. Don’t say that we are being ridiculous or that we need to eat more. If you have a real concern about the amount that a person with body issues eats you can have a real and honest conversation about it, making backhand comments like “you’re too skinny” doesn’t help my body image issues, it worsens them. Then I get to thinking, “do I look weird, i am being healthy, eating well, eating plenty, do I look bad now?” 

It’s not a comfortable topic. Women’s bodies and body issues are taboo but I implore you to take a minute out of your day to appreciate the marvel that is your body. I am trying to do that today. 

[lets-cassie-sands]

the little victories

This weekend we took a little excursion. We wanted to get away, take a break from the ministry work, take a little trip together as a family and unplug. We felt we needed to unplug from our lives, our worries, our chores, and even our church. We have some dear friends up in the San Jose area who just leapt to a new life stage and who we usually spend a few days with in the summer that we thought we could visit to celebrate their leap together. We got to spend hours in the car just talking, something that, with three kids, my husband and I don’t get to do that often anymore. We got to sit down to dinner with friends every single night, which we had gotten away from doing. As an introvert it is hard for me to go out and be with other people but sharing a communal meal with loved ones always fills my heart with Joy. My husband got to have some Man time and hang out with a buddy, away from kids, with no guilt of “leaving his wife at home”, with no need to excuse himself to go and with my encouragement. I got some girl time, which I never get anymore. While we did have to take a weekend off (which is super hard to do and rarely happens) it was nice to get this little time away and it gave me some little victories. 

My family spent a huge chunk of time together. An entire weekend. We haven’t spent an entire weekend together, save for our yearly vacation, in a long time. My kids unplugged and played with other kids. Where we live there aren’t many parents at home during the day and our closest park isn’t one of my favorites so they’re usually stuck playing with one another.  My husband and I fellowshipped with two other believers for four days and it was amazing. We talked theology, catechism, ministerial dynamics, child rearing, spousal uplifting, life stages, encouragement, souls searching, church discipline, our hopes for our futures, our hopes for our kids futures, our own personal ministry plans and our churches’ plans. It was so filling. We shared books with one another and websites and tips. I got to see some gaps in my parenting and affirm parenting stances I had previously felt shaky on. I got to watch my kids interact in a new church setting and in a home they were unfamiliar with. I got to be proud of my kids for their manners and politeness and work with them on areas where they missed the mark. 

I got to talk with my husband about things we have had on our hearts for a while, share burdens and frustrations. I got to praise him for how amazing he is and he uplifted me with his praises for me. When we came home I got to be thankful that I am so neurotic and have to leave the house clean anytime we go away because coming home to a clean house means I can come home and relax. My kids, after spending all day in the car, only wanted to get out and run around with one another and play. There hasn’t been a fight or a single mention of any devices. I watched them mimick the manners and habits I have taught them like politely asking for things and expressing their emotions before getting angry. They played with playdoh and then put it all back into the right tubs. 

I love getting weekends like this because, as many people know, working in ministry can be draining at times. We work in a world of imperfect people and are ourselves imperfect. Weekends away refresh us to come back and do a God work. 

[lets-cassie-sands]

Letting the Lord fight for you

Sometimes things happen in life that rally up our fight or flight response. Our natural instincts tell us to defend ourselves. Our emotional nature tells us to defend our honor or family. God, on the other hand tells us to let it go, if a fight needs to be had he will fight it for us. Jesus, in one of the most quoted statements he made, told us to turn the other cheek. 

That’s great to say, better to live, but often times, if you are like me (which I am sure you all are because I am *awesome* Sarcasm) we give something to God and then the fear creeps in and says, “Why aren’t you doing something? You know what needs to be done, you know what needs to be said.” I have learned, God has taught me, that just because something needs to be said does not mean it needs to be heard. As a woman especially, I need to unburden my heart by crying out, to God, to another wise Christ follower, to my mommy (yes my mommy), to my spouse, because God tells us to share our burdens and to pray for one another. But sharing my burden in confidence to any of the aforementioned means that I am trusting in God to handle the person with whom I have a burden. Does God tell us to approach our Christian brothers and sisters when they have wronged us? Yes absolutely. But someone who is not our brother or sister in Christ, someone with whom we have already had this discussion, someone with whom we are only bent to fight or lash out emotionally, these people need not hear the things you so desperately need to say. Say them to God  or to a trusted friend. Don’t gossip and don’t be mean but share your hurts and your heart. 

Let God fight for you. Exodus 14:14 “The Lord will fight for you, you need only be still.” Today I told someone that if God isn’t changing the situation then he is trying to change you, that’s true. God may be fighting your fight in a way you cannot see or understand. Trust in the Lord and lean not on your own understanding. How many times have you been wrestling with something, trying to change, feeling convicted and no one could tell? Maybe your battle is being fought on a ground you cannot yet see. Maybe the person who has burdened you is being changed and God is doing it his way. His way is the one that lasts, trust in that. 

[lets-cassie-sands]

I got married when I was 21. Do you have any idea how many times I hear that that was a crazy move? That that was “too young”. My mother was married when she was 19. She’s been told that it is a miracle that she and my dad are celebrating 30+ years together. 19 is “too young”. No I am not here to tell you the advantages of child brides, but to focus on an issue I have realized the older I get. We don’t think that young people are wise enough to decide who to spend the rest of their lives with when they’re 18, 19, 20 or 21. We don’t think they’re responsible enough to drink until they’re 21. We don’t think they are wise enough to understand the risks of smoking until they are 18. Yet, when they are in high school we are asking them at 15, 16, 17 years old to pick a college that will determine the outcome of their entire life. We are asking young people at the mild age of 20 to commit to a major that will determine their career for the rest of their life. We are asking young people to pick a life choice, on in which they will spend most of their waking hours, when they’re too young to drink. 

Most of the “older 20-somethings” I know are still in college... why? because we couldn’t decide who we wanted to be for the rest of our lives when we were still teenagers. Because of this, we fell out of the “typical college structure” and got jobs because... you have to do something with your time. But instead of having a college and career path for us, the world had “non-respectable” jobs that gave us abysmal career experience and mostly just taught us to serve coffee or food. 

Why do we not have a vocational path for those people who aren’t ready to commit to a career when they’re a teen. We applaud people who wait until they are older to pick a spouse, why not a career? We tell people to “date, don’t settle down, wait until you’re sure”, but we tell teenagers (because yes, an 18 or 19 year old is a teenager) to pick a degree path that will give their career options tunnel vision for the rest of their lives. 

I’m not a socialist (ok I a little bit am but that’t because I believe most of that stuff is the responsibility of the body of Christ and I support us supporting people) but they have the education thing looking pretty good. Offer vocational options that don’t cost a fortune (like all of the tech and vocational schools do now) so that people can get career experience, have a certification to get off their parent’s paycheck and decide if the “job” they thought they want is really the job they want to commit to for the rest of their lives. A person cannot possibly get off their parent’s income if they’re using all of their income to pay a student loan. Not everyone is cut out for a four year college when they are 18. I wasn’t. I learn better and focus better now that I have life experience. I appreciate my university education more now than I would ever have if I had followed our traditional college path. Make upper education optional, not necessary, so that there are less people who feel they “have” to have a BS/BA and therefore makes those willing to get them able to get higher paying jobs and therefore pay for the education they received. Right now a degree is nothing special because everyone is expected to get them. It’s basic economics. The market is flooded with degrees and therefore a degree is worth less, but costs more than ever before. 

I’m in my late 20′s and still in college. I’m not ashamed of that fact because it’s the right decision for me. I will never be stuck in a job I hate because that’s what I got my degree in... #endrant

[lets-cassie-sands]

the five potential reasons why your pastor didn't go to your event

it has been a while but I am back with a subject that comes up frequently. No it is not my noticeable love of lists, though I love them so so much, it is the five reasons why your pastor didn’t go to your event. 

Have you invited your pastor to an event you were having? A birthday, bridal shower, graduation party? Of course you have, I have, your pastor is a part of your church family, it’s normal to invite people you feel close with to important events. Did they decline your invite? Tell you they couldn’t come? I feel you, I genuinely do. Before I was a pastor’s wife I invited my pastor to events and felt slighted when he wouldn’t show. I invited his wife to my bridal shower and she didn’t come and at the time my feelings were hurt, but after 6 years by the side of a man in ministry, I can tell you, when they don’t go, there’s a reason.

1. Pastors are super busy people. Pastor isn’t a job title like others where, when you clock out, you’re not on the clock and are removed from the obligation of your job. A pastor is a shepherd of people and shepherds never turn away from their sheep. My husband is on call all the time. If someone needs prayer, a person becomes hospitalized, a family encounters a situation in which they need immediate help, my husband is a part of the ministry team that helps make that happen. If your pastor RSVP’d yes but didn’t show, more than likely one of those things happened. Rest assured that if your pastor bails it is almost always for kingdom work, if not, see #2

2. Because pastors are busy people and are essentially always on call, family time is important. Everyone has heard horror stories of PK’s whose parents put more time into the ministry than their relationship with them. We (and by we I mean nearly all pastors) are striving to put our families first after God. That means, if he got called to something else earlier in the week or he had ministerial duties that crashed our family time, your event may have been the only time that he could get family time and that has to come first. and because family is so important see #3

3. If the whole family isn’t invited, he probably isn’t going. As I said in #2, family time is super important. Pastors almost never get to go to church with their family. During important religious holidays they are pastoring. In many churches, there are festivals for Halloween so no taking their kids trick or treating, christmas even services so we don’t have christmas eve dinner as a family or attend service together, easter egg hunts are out since the pastor is working, etc. If we can’t go together we probably can’t go. Besides that, getting a babysitter is not as easy as it seems. Babysitting is like a savings account, you only use it for emergencies and special occasions. I can’t tap out our babysitting account before the year is up so, no kids, most often means no pastor. 

4. depending on the venue or function, he may not go simply because he shouldn’t be where you’re going. Having a pub crawl for your bachelor party? Pastor probably isn’t going to that. Having your birthday party in a “party scene” club? pastor probably isn’t going to that. Not because you’re sinning or because he is “holier than thou” but, he has to answer to anyone who may see him at those places. He is going to get criticized for a lot of things while he is the pastor, he probably won't invite criticism for the sake of attending your event... sorry.

5. he can’t play favorites. Before my husband was a children’s pastor, he was a youth pastor. During the end of the school year he was invited to a LOT of graduation parties. He’s only one guy so, because he couldn’t go to all of them, he went to none. It would be really hurtful if you invited your pastor to your event and another church goer invited him to a similar event and he went to that person’s and not yours. Generally if he can’t be at all things he choses to offend the least people and go to none. 

hope this helps the next time pastor misses your event. He loves you, he does, but there are a lot of reasons he may or may not be able to go to the things you invite him to. Don’t be too mad!

[lets-cassie-sands]

Things pastors wives want you to know (from a pastor’s wife)

Once upon a time, I met an incredible man, he was hard working and kind and had the patience of a wise old karate teacher (yes I did just relate my husband to Mr. Miagi... deal with it) and I fell in love. I felt called to be his wife, like I had finally found the person that God put on this earth for me. While we were dating, he told me he wanted to work in youth ministry, he felt called to it. I felt called to be a Children’s Pastor so it felt like a perfect match. Until we got engaged, when I realized that I had been called to be his wife (yes I was called to this role, it is a thing) and that superseded my desires to be a Children’s Pastor (to anyone not in the know, spouses getting hired to a church for two positions is pretty rare, not unheard of but rare) it also meant that where he would go I would follow. He was called to be a pastor, and I was called to be the pastor’s wife. It was definitely a transition and in that time i have grown exponentially but I have also met a lot of pastor’s wife friends and we generally have these conversations:

1. We don’t want to know what you hate about the church or where you think it could improve. I understand wanting to seek advice from someone “in the know” but my husband, wonderful man that he is, tries to shield me from the frustrations of the church and his job because church is supposed to be our family, it is supposed to be a body that we have a role in. Others of you are complaining to me because you believe that it will make it to my husband’s ears, my friend, if my husband and I run out of things to talk about and all I have to bring to the discussion is your frustrations we have reached a terrible time in our marriage. If you need something addressed, my husband has office hours, if you have a question there are deacons and elders who can answer these, I would love to minister to you in your life, not where you think our church sucks.

2. We know our husbands are not perfect, but we are not going to join you in criticizing them. I knew a person at a church we served at who spent some time working with my husband, she would lament to me about his flaws from a “knowing” place because she wanted me to sympathize and agree. I won't point out my spouses flaws to anyone but him because he alone can address those flaws, and he is mine, not yours to live with. I have accepted his flaws and I have to live with them daily, can’t you?

3. I sincerely appreciate your prayers, all of them. Being a pastor’s family is hard, there’s no job security, there’s crazy hours, there’s always someone who shows up at my house at random hours to see my husband. He goes away to camp, on trips, to conferences, to outreach and growth opportunities. And all of that forward progress he is making in our community is pissing the devil off. Satan wants my city to be his and my husband is messing with his plans, who better to throw my husband off course but his family? We feel spiritual warfare just like anyone else, he is not immune to it he is walking around with a giant target on his back, your prayers for him comfort me, your prayers for me comfort me. Your prayers for my kids make me feel loved and like they are loved. It is so appreciated.

4. I want to love you, seriously I do! I want to be a normal loving part of our church family. I want to spend time at events with you, all of you! I am only one person, it may take me years to know and love every member of our congregation but that doesn’t mean my desire isn’t there. I am balancing my time between my duties as a wife, a mom, a congregant and a leader. Be patient, I am working my way to you I promise.

5. you cannot use my influence over my husband to manipulate him... not gonna happen. I knew a person who, whenever she wanted something done in my husband’s ministry, she would tell me and say, “I know who really makes the decisions.” Woe to you my friend, the only decisions I make are what happens in my home, with my kids and what we are eating for dinner. I don’t work at the church, I don’t serve in my husband’s ministry (God has called me to serve elsewhere in our church) my influence over my husband is for me alone and I use it on girls nights (j/k kinda) I won't manipulate my husband for you. What’s more, he has to hear my ideas all the time, how often do you think he finds a leader empowered enough to come to him with ideas they want to help happen?

6. We are doing the best we can. I didn’t read my bible at all yesterday, I wanted to but the day ran away from me. My kids threw a fit about going to church for bible study tonight... guess where we didn’t go? I raise my voice more often than I would like. I broke my toe the other day and some potty words made their way out. I have a ridiculous appreciation for gangster rap. I am trying, the best I can, I am a sinner saved purely by the grace of God. I am no better at being a Christian than anyone else, no matter what my husband does for a living. I am trying... really.

7. I am a person, not an extension of my husband. I am his and he is mine, we are cleaved together, but we did not mind meld and share one brain the day we got married. I have strong political views that my husband does not share. I have theological views that my spouse and I debate about (and we like talking about our differing views... or I do, but I like to argue) I think our kids should be raised one way and he thinks another. We balance each other, we do, but what you expect of him I will not meet. I don’t know the details of his ministry or when things are happening, I don’t have to agree with him 100% of the time. I am my own person, I have a name... no, believe it or not it isn’t Pastor Josh’s wife. or as one congregant used to call me “Mrs. Josh”

8. I am more proud of my husband and his work than I can say. My husband works hard, he gives up his time and energy and sometimes his sanity. He pours himself out and serves well beyond the hours he is paid (as he should) he is kind and gentle and GOOD at his job. His work is showing and his ministry is reaching places in our city that people thought we couldn’t reach. He has an uncanny ability to sit down next to someone and they will pour out their hearts for him... he is incredible and I love him. I am proud of him. I will always be proud of him

9. I cannot meet most people’s expectations, and I am not trying anymore. I was told, once, that I ought to join a group because I was the pastor’s wife and it was “expected” of me. That was a terrible idea. I didn’t ask God, it wasn’t  role that I fit into well, it wasn’t work that I enjoyed but I did it because I was expected to. I served in my husband’s ministry, though it wasn't where I was called to serve, because I was expected to. God is the only person whose expectations are necessary for me to worry about, and I am working on that. You have your idea of what I ought to be like, I get that, I have ideas of what cheesecake should taste like but every once in a while I am pleasantly surprised by a cheesecake that is different from what I expected. 

10. we are lonely. yep, we are. often, we sit on the sidelines trying to balance things. Sometimes we didn’t meet your expectations and you’re not interested in spending time with us. Sometimes you think, because our husband is the pastor, we have some kind of ordination apart from you (we don’t) sometimes we avoid people because we are afraid that you’re only spending time with us to get info on our husbands (it has happened) or maybe you think we are too busy with more important ministry work, or we don’t want to hang out with you when we have a whole congregation to spend time with... but everyone thinks this way, we don’t get invited places, our husbands are always on call, they go away for weeks at a time, they work late or early or both. We want to get to know you, we want a family here, we want you to not fail us for our faults and not treat us like a different species of human. We are lonely but we are people. 

[lets-cassie-sands]

The Food Stamp Challenge

 A few months ago many celebrities joined in raising awareness of the actual struggle associated with food stamps. Mind you, I have never been on food stamps, there’s been times I have certainly qualified but I always felt that if I could sufficiently provide that I should. The issue they were trying to bring attention to is that the average family on food stamps gets $29 per person per week. That comes out to $522/month for a family of four. This is where I get irate, think about your grocery budget, do you get to budget $522/ per month for groceries? I don’t, i have a family of 5 and $500 would be impossible to make happen. I don’t mean we can’t keep it to only $500, I mean we can’t afford to spend that much on groceries. The most popular blogs and pins on pinterest are all about how to keep your grocery budget below $100 per person, that comes to $22 per week per person or $1.05 per meal per person. Most of the people I know can only budget this per week. 

Am I irate at people receiving food stamps? Absolutely not. They have mouths to feed and need the financial help. Statistically speaking, such a small number of people who are on food stamps truly DON’T need to be on it, it’s an entirely valid and useful form of aid. I would happily hand over my tax money to ensure people are fed. So, why am I irate? Because it’s nearly impossible, on that budget, or my budget, to buy truly healthy food. 

The lowest costing food in America are those crops that are subsidized by the government... that’s the point of government subsidizing, to lower the costs and have these items readily available. but, unfortunately for the consumer, the nine biggest government crops are nine of the worst things for you! 

We subsidize Sunflowers for the purpose of consuming their seeds and making oil. “Sunflowers, mainly used to produce oil and seeds, have received more subsidy dollars in the past fifteen years than canola, oats, or apples” Isn’t that great! High fat, High trans fat oil and seed to snack on at all those ball games you’re attending.

We subsidize Peanuts, even though it is a growing allergen, for the use of making peanut butter and peanut oil. Isn’t that great! High fat, High trans fat oil and something to spread on your sandwiches! 

We subsidize livestock for the use of it’s meat and dairy. Red meat consumption is not only linked to high cholesterol and an increased risk of heart disease, it is also linked to environmental issues due to the nature of raising livestock for these purposes. On top of that, dairy milk is not even very good for you. One glass of milk has more sodium in it than a coke... A COKE! and nearly half as much sugar as a glass of grapefruit juice. 

the next one may surprise you, we subsidize Barley for the purposes of BEER. “Two of the most subsidized crops in America, Barley and Sorghum, go into making one of the most popular beverages in the country” in fact, while barley can be used to feed livestock, 44% of the barley produced in the US goes into our kegs. 

we subsidize rice, empty calories but hey, it’s filling and cheap

we subsidize soy beans.... for the purposes of making OIL... gee I am so glad those high fat and trans fat empty foods are cheap!

We subsidize wheat, but rarely do we consume it in forms other than bread... empty calorie filling bread.. so glad that it’s cheap! 

We subsidize corn the most. Corn is the #1 consumed grain in the U.S. and do not mistake, it is a grain, not a fruit or vegetable. the biggest way we consume it is as corn syrup which has been linked to diabetes. I am so glad my sugary stuff is so cheap!!

The issues with these crops is that most are not filling, high in empty calories and useless to feeding a family of four. Fruits and Vegetables are considered “specialty crops” and are generally not subsidized which keeps the price of fresh fruits and vegetables higher than most can afford. The reality of the food issue in our country is that, when your option is feeding your entire family on $1.05 per meal, you’ll get more bang for your buck if you buy ramen than you will if you buy fruit. Everyone will be fed. If your option is a bowl of noodles or a single apple, hungry people are eating the noodles. Our government wants to subsidize health care but they won't subsidize healthy living! I am irate that people are expected to be healthy with so little to spend on healthy foods, I am angry that the poor in our country are generally the most overweight. 

We need to treat our poor with more respect than that. When you can go to a homeless shelter and receive a better, more well rounded and healthy meal than you can in your own home with your own money, that is a problem. When it is more affordable to go to the Del Taco for dinner (after you’ve worked all day, likely as the sole breadwinner for your home and are tired) than it is to go home and cook, that is a problem. When being healthy is the least affordable thing but we are forced by the government to buy insurance or pay a fine for our subsidized health care, That is a problem. Food... real food needs to be affordable for families. FEED AMERICA

http://247wallst.com/commodities-metals/2011/07/06/the-nine-foods-the-government-is-paying-for-you-to-eat/3/

[lets-cassie-sands]

Be careful little hands what you type

today a woman learned an incredibly valuable lesson but that lesson came at a huge cost... likely it cost her her job. 

See, unless you are in the baby wearing community, you have no idea what an employee of a major accessory store did to get herself fired, but it spread through the tight nit community like wildfire. 

Some 14 or so hours ago, someone took a screen shot of a post made on a woman’s personal Facebook page, though it was set to public, and reposted it in a baby wearing group and it took off. As of this morning, it had made it’s way to Australia, Europe, Asia, and all around the US. 

The woman whose Facebook was screen shotted (is that how you say that? “screen shotted”? “screen shot”?) had taken a photo of a customer in this accessory store where she works as a manager. The woman was wearing what seemed to be a 4-5 year old on her back in a soft-structured-carrier. The employee took the photo without the mother’s knowledge or consent, and then posted it on her own personal Facebook with a rant about lazy parents and called the mother “f#*@ing stupid” (though I have censored potty words for this post).

This caused an uproar as this woman’s post, belittling this mother and her child, was shared again and again and again. hundreds of posts to the company’s page were made in defense of this mother and in outrage that an employee would ever photograph and shame someone in their store. 

A few months ago, a man photographed a woman who was breastfeeding in a TGIFriday’s and posted it on Facebook asking women, “Why can’t you just cover up?” Again, the post was shared and re-shared and there was an outrage. 

I posted on my own personal Facebook a few days ago this message: We are privileged with a freedom of speech in our country, we are not free from the consequences of our words. I fear that many people will use their words without thought and do irreparable damage to relationships today. Think wisely before you use your freedoms. "The tongue is a small party of the body. Think how a small flame sets a forest ablaze."

this was in regards to something entirely different but it applies here as well. How is it that we live in a society that can be so big and yet so tight nit as to show up and support a single mom who felt violated (both the woman photographed wearing her child and the momma breast feeding got massive support and both occasions resulted in supporting moms showing up at both places in solidarity with the mothers) but still be so small minded and foolish as to photograph a stranger and post it on the internet to SHAME them. 

“People of Walmart” is a great example of this, why is there an entire website dedicated to photographing strangers in public without their knowledge and then posting those photos online for the world to see and ridicule them. 

How full of ugliness must we be to continue to give a site like that any traffic? How full of unhappiness must you be to use your access to the internet, with all of the knowledge and social educating you can gain from that access, to SHAME someone on what could be a global level. 

The company responded that it acted appropriately, considering that, as we know thanks to Facebook, the news was at that store today with the mom who was photographed, I am going to wager that the action taken was terminating that employee. 

How have we, as a society, allowed people to miss this lesson in social etiquette and the result is that a grown woman has violated that etiquette and lost her job. I think the result is appropriate, it’s a lesson I have personally learned. 

Many moons ago, when Myspace was a thing, I complained about my job on social media. I worked as a gymnastics “teacher” and I complained that helping lift a few older kids, I had pulled a muscle and been kicked in the face that day... but I didn’t say it that nicely and I didn’t clarify that I meant older. It absolutely looked like i was shaming overweight children and because I had my place of employment listed on my page, when you searched google for my company, my myspace came up. I shamed children on the internet and I lost my job for it (and I should have), at 18 I didn’t understand it, I was angry by it, but now I do. Now I know that not all things need to be said, not all opinions are created equal  and even if something needs to be said, it doesn’t mean it needs to be heard.

Life lesson people, nothing on social media is private, nothing is just between you and a few friends, utilize your privacy settings but more importantly, remember the words of Gandhi, “Speak only if it improves upon the silence”

[lets-cassie-sands]

10 things Christians need to stop saying... like now...

So many things have happened this year that have made the religious right explode into an uproar… Matt Walsh has had fodder for blog posts to last him until this time 2016, The Blaze has been…wait for it… ablaze (lol) with commentary on the state of things. Yesterday my Facebook feed was a rainbow throw-up/rant fest…. which made for argumentative reading yesterday, it also made me think of so many things my Christian brothers and sisters do that make us all look insane. I love Jesus… he is awesome, he is my homie… we are cool and have been tight since ‘07. I LOVE people, daily people restore my faith in the world, show me why I need Jesus and give me hope that the world isn’t going to hell in a hand basket, but what I don’t love is hyperbole and extremism. Christians, y’all make some cray extremists! and here are 10 things you need to stop saying if you want anyone to take you seriously…

I forgot one… so now it can be 11,

“libtards” stop saying this… yesterday. this takes a term that is already being used in a pejorative manner, “retard” and is highly offensive and reworking it to be even more offensive. it doesn’t show love or uplift, it doesn’t do anything but demean your fellow man and people with disabilities. STOP, it’s offensive and makes you look ignorant and hateful

10. “I say this with love”… this one can be true but more often than not, it reminds me of Ricky Bobby in Taladega Nights, “With all due respect…” and like Ricky Bobby, someone needs to respond to you and say ““Just because you say that doesn’t mean you get to say whatever you want to say to me!” Saying, “I am saying this in love/ with love” has really become a Christian cop-out to say whatever offensive or knowingly hurtful thing you want to someone. Here is the kicker my Christian siblings, to say something in love/with love to someone you must LOVE THEM first, and you know what… most of you aren’t being loving.

9. “This/that cheapens it for me” I saw this from someone *cough Matt Walsh* during the Caitlyn/Bruce Jenner media storm. That his becoming a woman cheapened womanhood for me… do you know how ridiculous that sounds? It sounds petty and immature, like the sorority girl who is offended that her girlfriend announced her engagement a day after she announced her own, that by having your own joy, you somehow steal mine. This is insane reasoning. I can have joy that is in no way dampened by joy that you have. Your love does not lessen my love, your marriage (or divorce) does, in no way, cheapen my marriage; what a sad delicate marriage I would have to have if it did. Know that when you say this you sound like a teenage girl, angry at the world for stealing her thunder.

8. “That’s it, this country is going to hell, and I am leaving” Again, we are looking at an issue of maturity. My 4 year old says something like this when his daddy and I don’t just let him win games and you know what? You sound like this too. Besides the fact that we are called to bloom where we are planted, if you believe that there is a problem in our nation, why are you unwilling to stay and be part of the solution? Why are you unwilling to be an active fisher of men instead of desiring to be a passive keeper of the aquarium? Do you really believe that, in any other country, you will not find just as many issues? The issue isn’t a national one, it’s a global one, it’s a human one and it is called sin. Do you think in another country you will be rid of it? No you won’t at all. But by all mean, expatriate and clear the way for those who want to affect change to actually do it. 

7. “This/that is what is wrong with the world” see above, no one thing, action or law is what is wrong with the world. Sin is what is wrong with the world and you are so focused on these teensy tiny issues that you allow the larger issue to creep by you. Pope Francis said in a news conference (I’m paraphrasing here) that we (Christians) are getting too wrapped up in these small battles that we are loosing the whole fight, we are allowing those with the greatest need to be passed over while we funnel our money and time into tiny fights. “The church has sometimes locked itself up in small things, in small-minded rules” 

6. “The Bible says this about…” listen, I love the Bible SO much, but if you are having a conversation with a non believer you may as well say, “Harry Potter says this…” If a person does not believe in the authority of the Bible, your argument based on what it says, to them, is invalid. If a Muslim comes up and tries to argue with me and starts with “The Quran says…” I’m gonna stop him right there because I don’t believe in the authority of the Quran. Use logic to support the Bible, because it does. Use action to show faith, use works along with words.

5. “It is our job to bring light to the world” ok so this one is tricky because it is all in context. I had a friend argue with me, when I said we needed to use our words carefully, that we are called to “call out” sin where we see it, this doesn’t fall in line with the Bible my friends. We are called to rebuke our fellow believers when we see them wandering off the deep end, yes, in love (but y’all have to love them first) but we are NOT called to go around like Oprah, on “my favorite things week”, shouting, “You’re a sinner, and you’re a sinner… EVERYONE’S A SINNER!!!!” because, guess what? Everyone’s a sinner. Christ didn’t go around shouting out about people’s sin, he met them where they were and lovingly showed them their errors and told them how to fix it. 

4. “God has a righteous anger toward sin” Yo, I have a friend who says this constantly and my response is always the same… GOD has a righteous anger about sin… God. Last time I checked, I am not God. Last time I checked, I was a sinner…and so are you. God can be angry about sin because he is without it. When Jesus was overturning tables in the temple court he did not call out to his disciples and say, “Guys come over here and help me flip this stuff!” why? Because they are sinners who are unworthy of being angry about the sins of others. In fact, God himself tells us to check ourselves if we ever feel the urge to check others. And, in case you are wondering, there are no Junior Varsity sins, and Varsity sins, sin is sin guys and the sin of another does not weigh more than yours. 

3. “God created this/that” or “God made it/them this way” Listen, no matter how true it might be (and remember I love Jesus and God) EVERY religion could  (and often does) claim that their god made everything, owns everything, ordained everything, defines everything. I don’t want to be governed by what they think their god has done. I don’t want to wear a Hijab, but the Muslim religion is CERTAIN that their god, who they believe is the one and only god, commands it… I don’t want to be governed by that god, I want to follow my God. Hear what I am saying brothers and sisters, your God governs you because you follow him, other people follow other gods and you shouldn’t be forced to submit to the will of a god you do not follow. 

2. “This is a sign of the end times” This one is definitely the second most insane sounding thing that Christians say, partially because it’s very “man on the corner shouting about the end of the world” and also because people have been saying it for a millennia and for a millennia they have been wrong. You sound like Harold Camping when you say stuff like this. God said he would come like a thief in the night. Prophesy all you want, but know, when you say stuff like this you sound a little conspiracy-theorist.

1. “I am so excited the second coming is near” OR anything like this. Have you read Revelation? The “End Times” is not going to be all partying with Jesus and having fun, there’s going to be war, there’s going to be death and screaming and anguish. You’re going to watch people that you love become the subject of the judgment of God…. and you’re excited about this????? Understand, to anyone who has read the bible and the prophecy of the end of times, you sound malicious… this is not happy-go-lucky stuff. Don’t be excited that people are going to perish or “sinners will pay” That line of thinking DIRECTLY undermines Jesus, what he came to do, and the message of Love that the gospels is ALL about. We are here to help heal a sick world, not to relish that their sickness will eventually kill them. Karma isn’t something we Christ lovers are supposed to be excited about… we are here to save, heal and love… not get excited that the “evil sinners” will get what’s coming to them…. you’re an evil sinner saved purely by the good grace of God…. remember that.

[lets-cassie-sands]

Adulting is hard y’all

This morning was a chaotic mess of waking up early to write two papers a few hours before they were due (I never do that... seriously... and by never i mean every single Monday morning since I went back to college) but we’ve all been struck by the bub, that is, the bubonic plague. I kid, because that stuff still exists and I don’t want the CDC to come down on my house like a hoard of web ballooning spiders in Australia (yo.. it’s a thing... spiders fall from the sky there, another reason why I will visit but never live there http://www.nbcnews.com/science/weird-science/pouring-down-arachnids-australias-spider-rain-explained-n361006). But really, we have all been infected with an Upper Respiratory Infection and here’s the thing, stay at home moms don’t get sick days, especially when your kids are sick. There’s a pile of dishes in the sink that I need to clean once I put away the ones in the dishwasher. There’s the only remnants left to show that we did, in fact, go on a “vacation” and that’s the mammoth sized pile of laundry that still has to be done. And my babies are all oozing and coughing and feverish. Sometimes I feel like I need an adultier adult to come help me figure out adulting.

As I have been sitting down trying to write this I’ve gotten up five times to get kids food, send the dog outside because she stole their food, get drinks... oops someone spilled their drink... oops now my tea is cold... oh here in the microwave is the tea I was heating up earlier and then got crazy because I couldn’t find it.... this is why I get up early to do my papers, no one is awake yet and what should take me an hour to do does only take me an hour to do as opposed to a three minute tumblr post that has taken me 45 minutes to write. But the truth is, if the biggest issue in my life is cold tea and work taking 5 times as long as it ought to, I’m a pretty luck person aren't I?