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In highschool I wrote a story about a middle-generation of stellar travelers. Their parents were born on earth and left as children, and the middle generation will not live long enough to see their destination. They live their entire lives on the ship and I wrote about them trying to find their place in everything. They will never know blue skies and warm beaches and open fields with warm breezes. They’ll never know birdsong or crickets or frogs. They’ll never hear the rain on the roof of a dreary day. I never could find the right way to end the story. I wanted it to be a happy ending, but I didn’t know how to do it.

I realize now that it was a book about me dealing with depression before I even knew it. Looking back at how blatant the projecting was, it’s obvious now. It wasn’t then.

In the story, the middle-generation people are lost. They’re apathetic. They’re just a placeholder. The only job they have is to keep the ship running, have kids, and die. As the middle generation of people began becoming adults, suicide rates were skyrocketing. Crime and drug rates were jumping. This generation was completely apathetic because they felt that they had no use.

In the story, a small group of people in the middle-generation create the Weather Project. They turn the ship into a terrarium. They make magnificent gardens and take the DNA of animals they took with them and recreate them and they make this cold, metal spaceship that they have to live their entire lives on into a home. They take what little they have and they break it and rearrange it into something beautiful. They take this radical idea and turn the ship into a wonderful jungle of trees and birds and sunshine.

And I realize now how much it reflects my state of mind as I transitioned from a child into an adult while dealing with depression. You always hear “it gets better” and “when you’re older things will be easier” and I was so sick of waiting for it to get better. I was in the middle-generation stage. And I was sick of it. I was so sick of waiting.

When I was in highschool I didn’t know how to end the story. I didn’t know how to have a happy ending. I didn’t have the life experience then to finish the story in a meaningful way. I didn’t know how to make it better for these middle-generation characters.

But now that I’m older, I’m learning. That if you sit and wait for things to get better, it never will. You have to take your life and break it apart and rearrange it into something beautiful. You have to make the cold metal ship into the garden that you deserve. You have to make your own meaning. You have to plant your own garden.

You have to teach yourself that being happy is not a radical idea.

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I watched Exploding kittens so.... family pet or god

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Destroy the myth that libraries are no longer relevant. If you use your library, please reblog.

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I would like to see more people talk about how jobs treat disabled employees.

I used to prep, wash dishes, and cook at mellow mushroom. I had chronic pain that wasn't NEARLY as bad as it is today, but it was still very debilitating. I told my employer "i cannot stand more than 4 to 6 hours. I CANNOT do shifts longer than this due to my illness." And even though i made my boundaries VERY clear, everyday i worked it was 8 hours at the least and 10 or 12 at the most. I would go up to my manager and say "look i really need to leave, my shift is over, my chronic pain is killing me." And he'd say "we really need to here, you HAVE to push through." And so i did, and after one, ONE month of that job my crps got incredibly worse to the point where i could no longer walk my dog around the block which was .5 miles. I quit, and that was FOUR years ago, and ever since that day I HAVE BEEN BEDRIDDEN AND HAVE TO USE A WHEELCHAIR. It is my biggest regret in life.

My best friend who has seen my whole journey has recently developed undiagnosed chronic pain, and she is in the EXACT same scenario i was 4 years ago. Busting her ass at a pizza place with extreme pain that hurts her so much she tells me "im in so much pain i don't even feel like a person." She doesn't feel LUCID. And her manager and coworkers are saying the same thing "if you don't help us you will let us down, we'll be in the shit."

That job thats hurting you isn't fucking worth it. I promise you no money is worth losing all your physical abilities and never getting them back. Your coworkers and boss do not give a shit about you, so don't you dare suffer for them. They will never understand your struggle and they will never try. They truly think being understaffed is worse than whatever pain you experience. They would rather you permanently damage yourself than inconvenience them. FUCK THEM. DON'T FUCKING DO IT!

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Save dead boy detective

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I need a fic touching on this concept.

ugh. something about the inherit tragedy of the fact that crystal will grow up and charles and edwin will stay sixteen forever. they’re friends but crystal still has her whole life ahead of her and edwin and charles are stuck in a sense. she can’t stay with them forever. the whole point is that she can still live past sixteen but they’ll never be able to. to stay with them is to trap herself. to stay with them is to keep herself from growing up. i have no doubt that they’ll stay friends for a long time but sometimes life is about moving on, even if you want to stay. even if you have to be dragged away kicking and screaming. even if the people you met leave irreversible imprints on your life and who you are. crystal will grow up and hurt and heal and figure out how to exist as herself, how to exist as crystal the psychic and crystal the human. crystal will grow up and the boys will forever be sixteen.

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I can’t remember if I have talked about this before but I think Charles might have been able to live. Like I don’t think it was certain but Edwin says he knows Charles wouldn't have survived because he could see him but Edwin has only just come back as a ghost and probably is operating on medicine from 70 years before hand. And they accept that some people who can see ghosts survived life threatening situations because that is what happened to Niko and what Monty claimed happened to him.

So I don’t think it is a certain thing but I think that maybe there was a chance and that Edwin becomes more aware of that as time goes on and feels horrendously guilty that he did nothing because Charles makes it very clear he didn't want to die. But eventually Charles finds out about these feelings and tells Edwin a) he doesn't and never would blame him for his death and b) if it was a choice between definitely dying peacefully beside Edwin or fighting for his life in a hospital and dying without ever getting to know him, whether he lived or not, Charles would pick the attic every time.

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art by ian miller from james herbert's "the city" 1994

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Know your kind of PUNK - Updated Version

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Y’all, if you’ve not read The Scarlet Alchemist, PLEASE do.

The story takes place in an alternate universe Tang Dynasty around 800CE and focuses on a girl and her cousins as they try to become civil servants. Zilan specifically wants to become a royal alchemist, and she also has the ability to raise the dead. The whole lot of them are imperfect and endearing.

Zilan is my favorite kind of heroine. She’s practical and grounded and not an Action Girl with something to prove. The pacing is exceptional and the world is immediately immersive.

I’m about twelve chapters in and absolutely loving it.

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I love this.

Also, can't help but to imagine what the Dead Girl Detective show would have been like.

It's Awful Here

Finished up the Dead Girls piece, and oh I'm love. Decided against a corset for Edith, just a chemise and bloomers. I kinda wish I'd done more with Charlotte's clothes, but they're just Charles' right now. His outfit is pretty gender anyway. Also enjoyed the lighting here - back lighting AND holding the lantern made for some fun puzzles to solve.

Hope you like!

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Gren saying he promised himself he wouldn't cry at the wedding

Finally learning anything about Callum's dad-bonus point for it happening because Callum recited a poem to Rayla

Runyan being back.

Briefly meeting Rayla's parents.

My Favourite Details This Season

Callum pacing and tossing the cube in episode 1 he's just like me fr

"I heard you were up here losing your mind ;)"

"Lots of books, I like books :D"

"I HAVE AN IDEA" "So,,,, what's your idea-" *runs out of room*

"I HAVE A SECRET PLAN" with the most dramatic stage whisper I've ever heard

SNEEZLES IN CALLUM'S SCARF

Pyrrah stretching like a cat

Literally every interaction Soren and Corvus have. The party conversation. "Maybe it's edible" "NO, and PLEASE don't find out" and then Corvus having to tell him to spit it out. "You’re a man of mystery, Corvus ;)))" and "You clearly didn’t learn anything at camp 🙄🙄🙄" “It’s not great.” “Yeah I tried. “Okay” “It’s the effort”. Soren’s head falling onto Corvus’ chest

Janai being so damn tall. I swear to god this woman grows like a foot every season. What is happening to her. Why is she like that

"Wake up kids!" When they arrive at the frozen sea

"It’s literally frozen in time 😮" "it’s literally frozen in ice, it’s figuratively frozen in time"

"The frozen ship, so sad😔"

Rayla sitting on the table reading a book imagining the characters she’s so silly

“Is Rayla crying?? I’M COMING RAYLA 😡😡😡”

“Rayla! I’m here!” *door slams in his face*

"NO PUNCHING THE BOAT" and Callum's facial expression and pose afterwards 😭

Sneezles and Stella being buddies

“Your breath is warm” “Oh…sorry”

The way they SITTT (Karim in his throne, Janai after trying to burn the tree, Soren against the wall in the first meeting, Miyana on the rocks in the second episode, Ezran on his bed, Janai near the tree, Rayla lying on her bed and on the table)

 RAYLLUM ON THE SIDE OF THE SHIP

“ARE YOU BEGGING FOR MERCY?” “NO” “GOOD, YOU DON'T DESERVE ANY” HOLYYYY SHIT

Terry's glasses making their heavily anticipated return

"And this is Rayla- wait, did you want to do your own intro?"

"Welcome to the starscraper 😌" "WELCOME?! YOU NEARLY KILLED US" "Nearly, but the fates seem to have another path in mind for you" "The FATES?! What does that even... is that even an apology?!"

"Okay, you both seem on the nice side, so not to be rude... as if somehow this is ruder than throwing people out from a great height🙄🙄🙄..."

“Wait, is everyone else wearing blindfolds too?” “That is a joke.” “Yeah it was funny 😡”

STELLA TRYING TO STEAL THE SKETCHBOOK

“Where’d you get that comically large block of ice”

Callum trying and failing to use Rayla’s blade and almost cutting his fingers off

“How do I insult a star spider? 😆 Ezran would know what to do- ow OW HEY”

Astrid’s little trans speech your honor I love her

"This orb.... is a giant peice of candy 😐"

Jack De Sena's voice acting in Kosmo's hallucination?? Hello?? Poured out his heart and soul all for a hypothetical

"A child will die 😠" I'M SORRY IT'S A FINE LINE BUT IT CATERS TOO MUCH TO MY SENSE OF HUMOUR FOR ME TO TAKE IT SERIOUSLY

Wind elk :)))))

The awkward giggles when they're about to kiss that first time

THE VOWS, THE WAY THEY LOOK AT EACH OTHER, THE CEREMONIES??? EVERYTHING ABOUT THE WEDDING IS PERFECT I’M CRYING

The entire “fiscal exercices” conversation 

“HER DAD JUST DIED”

Leola. Just everything about Leola she's just like me fr

Feel free to add on because I certainly will. This list is like 50% unfinished

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stop necronyming trans ppl.

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Ulvhedin och Ingrid av isfolket som brygger en trolldryck i isfolkets dal

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Also in the home stretch in the Ice People series now (two books left after this one!) and still wish this shit would get a TV series

Like the amount of stuff that'd make this a cool af show is a criminal offense and I WISH I had the money to fund that

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This is really interesting. It wouldn't be surprising if has dad kept him from his heritage and forced his mom to assimilate. Then there is the question of pressure to assimilate from larger society.

One thing i want to point out is his mom walking around in south Asian clothes in their house.

Another thing I have been wondering is what he says when he meets edwin for the first time and asks why he is different from the Pakistani kid his school mates beat up. Idk know history well enough to know if there was was a specific historical/sociopolitical reason why Pakistanis were less accepted than Indians in England back then. Or was the Pakistani kid an immigrant, unlike Charles who was born in england and half-english. Or did the pakistani kid act " too pakistani" while charles acted " British enough"?

Was charles proud of his Indian heritage? Was he interested in it? If so, which parts in particular ( music, food, history, religion, traditions? Did he learn his mother's language?).

It's funny (and great!) seeing fics where Charles is able to share his Indian heritage with the gang... at the same time, I think I find him more relatable if he's missing connections to it x)

I wasn't taught Guadeloupean culture : I don't speak creole, I don't know how to cook the cuisine, I don't have a real understanding of how it works, and anyone who could have taught me is either dead or not really a part of my life (granted, I'm further down the generation line since migration than Charles is)

So I guess for me it's interesting to look at Charles from the angle of like. Here's this thing that was a huge part of my mother's life and for whatever reason she's not sharing it with me, and I don't have like. A reason or a space to dig into it so why would I right? It's not a big deal.

Until the moments when it is