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i wonder if there’s anyone out there for me that won’t end up breaking my heart

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How am I meant to go to bed when they're being so good together

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Things to look forward to...

I have plenty of things to look forward to this month and beyond to distract me from thinking of him. There's time to be spent with my friend before she goes back to visit her family in Germany for Christmas. I'm going down to her place this weekend to see her and her Spoodle puppies before they go to their forever homes. She also live near an amazing beach with crystal clear water and white white sand that I want to try my new camera at. I have a playpen being delivered to my parents house this week so I can take my fur babies up to their house to play and eat grass on their yard for the first time in their life. My yard is terrible so it's not safe to let them out their. I'll also be putting up my Christmas tree at their place as the bunnies and I are moving in over the Christmas/New Years break. I also need to test out their awesome new coffee machine (despite not drinking it anymore). I still love making it and the smell too. There's a weekend camping trip on the beach coming up. Hopefully the weather will be decent and I can spend the weekend snorkeling, swimming and following the walking tracks along the coast. In January I'm off on a cruise to the South Pacific Islands, which is all sorts of awesome. I can't wait to go snorkeling off the islands on the reefs, then on the ship, spend my days working out in the gym, running around the ships running track, sitting outside on the extended balcony to my room (to get away from the crowds), and of course, eating and drinking at the 24/7 eateries. However, that may be a little tricky now that I've gone paleo, but I'm sure I can make it work and indulge a little too. A post on Paleo to come shortly. So a very busy busy time of the year but a fun one, and I can't help but think how privileged I am to do what I want when I want. I'm not going to waste anymore time thinking negatively.

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1. i want to be someone’s first choice, the person they are excited to see, and want to talk to whenever they see me

2. i never want to be close enough to anyone again to get hurt bc everyone i’ve ever been that close to has hurt me immensely

so u see my problem.

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Why?

Why doesn't he like me enough? Why aren't I intelligent enough for him? Why am I never the one they want to love and do anything for, just to be with me? Why do I try so hard even though they never do? Why do I always say yes to him? Why do I always give and get nothing in return? Why do I put myself out there only to get crushed in return? Why do I still want him to contact me a week after he tore my heart away? Why did I act so irrationally and delete his phone number and texts? Why do I care so much? Why do I love him when he has never shown me much more than friendship in nine months? Why can't I switch off the pain inside me? Why can't I just move on when I know it's over? Why do I think no one could ever love me? Why do I want somebody to love me? Why can't I stop eating to fill the void? Why do I cry when I see happy families? Why can't I just accept that I'll most likely be alone forever? Why couldn't he have just been the one?

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New toy. Now I can take decent photos.

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Me. Again.

me as hell

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Throw it back to the 90's.

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Reason #5778 to be a morning person... you get to see the Aurora Australis. Yes they happen in NSW. Google images

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Took 2 months off from the gym

can't move for 4 days after. I miss being gym fit 💪🏽 I'll only get 2 sessions with my PT 👨🏽until he goes back to Europe 🇫🇷 for a month. Damn him and his travel bug ✈️ LOL I need to train for City2Surf 🏃🏽I'm doing green start💚so need to be able to run quite fast otherwise I'll get overtaken by all the blues💙

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My Idol I deadlifted 55kg last night. That looks like a lot more than 55kg.

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Making this. In winter of course.

Chickpea Vegetable Coconut Curry Soup: zucchini, carrot, kale, and garlic sautéed in coconut oil and seasoned (curry powder, coriander, cumin, salt & pepper) + chickpeas, red lentils, red quinoa, coconut cream and vegetable stock.

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So hot. Working from home. Luckily I have some of these cherry and mango frozen yoghurt Popsicles that I whipped up the other day.

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Must remember this.

i wish more people said that being single is normal

and you’re not going to meet and marry someone

and that’s fine

and if marriage happens, it happens. and it’s not the next big ticket to check off in life’s checklist

because not everyone meets someone they want to marry. and that’s normal

you’re not broken or unfulfilled if you are single

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Camping in the Kosciuszko National Park I spent 4 nights over the Christmas/New Years break at the Kosciuszko Tourist Park which is Australia's highest campground (with hot showers) and boy was it cold at night. It was like winter back home and I definitely needed another blanket, but luckily I bought bed socks with me so my feet were okay. The first day was quite cold and windy on the mountain but we headed to the trail to hike to the Mt Kosciuszko (Australia's highest mountain) summit which is a 18km return trip from Charlottes Pass. We probably should have tried another day because we couldn't get warm the entire hike. We needed to stop in every shelter to defrost. Luckily I didn't find it particularly physically challenging but I did feel the change in altitude. When we reached the summit of 2228 metres we almost got blown off so we didn't stay too long and there was no view as we had our head in the clouds. If you see those types of clouds (in pics) on Mt Kosciuszko don't go, pick another day to go up there. However, in saying that, I do want to hike to Base Camp Mt Everest one day so I think hiking Mt Kosciuszko everyday for a week in all kinds of weather would be a good way to prepare for Everest, as Base Camp is more than twice the height of Kosciuszko. My friend took a few more photos which I will upload once she has sent them to me. On the second day we took it a bit easy. I applied two layers of sunscreen as my nose got quite burnt on Kosciuszko, and set off on another hike but this time the sun was shining and the singlet was on. We hiked for 6km to a small waterfall, where I took many selfies and got attacked by many flies. I might check the fly situation before I go next time because I swear these ones bite. Anyway, I was so thankful to feel the heat of the sun and wished I could go for a swim in the waterfall but it was blocked off :( In the afternoon we went canoeing which I have not done since I was 14. I found it a little hard to get used to but found it to be a fantastic core and arms workout, bonus. This was also NYE so I had my customary bottle of champagne and slept very well that night :) On our third day we did another big hike to Blue Lake which at 10km return (from Charlottes Pass) doesn't sound like much, but it was very steep. My calves, they were a burning, by the end, so there was much stretching afterwards. The weather was so nice to us on the mountain that day, which I was very appreciative for. We also got to see the last bits of snow close up but not that easy to get to. They are trying to regenerate the soil there, so it is best not to go off the paths unless you are pitching a tent and then hopefully people are careful not to step on the many beautiful wildflowers. On the last day (my birthday) we headed home and visited the Yarrangobilly Caves and Thermal Pool along the way as it was too far away to go to and back to the campsite on the same day. It's strange when you step into a cave and the temperature goes down by a massive amount. It felt like we were going from beside a furnace to very cold air conditioning. I wish I lived near a cave like this on a hot summer day. The thermal pool was amazing and sits at 27℃ all year round (can't wait to come back here in winter) and was very popular and relaxing after all the hiking and driving. Another very cheap and fun adventure that I can't wait to do again, maybe Tasmania will be next on the camping list.

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Camping in Byron Bay

I’ve always been afraid of going camping. Mainly because of my crippling fear of spiders, but with the strongest can of outdoor spider spray I ventured out into the great outdoors.

My first camping experience (and alone, no less) started with a 12 hour (so much roadworks going on) drive to Byron Bay. That was way too long so next time I will need to stay a night in Coffs Harbour or somewhere halfway.

I made it to Byron Bay Tourist Village before it got dark and set my tent up pretty easily, I was so impressed with myself :)

As you can see from my photo above I prepared a lot of salads in jars. These kept reasonably well over the 5 days. I also took some Safcol Tuna in Olive oil pouches to put in the salad and was never hungry. For breakfast i pre-made some overnight oats with quick oats, quinoa flakes, coco-nutty milk, cacao, chia and raspberries, so so yummy and filling.

I mainly wanted to go to Byron for the health food. There’re quite a few health stores and cafes. My fav to buy groceries was Santos because you could buy in bulk. I emptied their coconut chip jar and had to send them out the back for more. I’m hoping they are available online at the right price because they would be perfect for my granola as they are quite big and thick and organic.

I really wanted to try Naked Treaties which I’ve had on my Instagram for ages and the food just looks so amazing. I had the buckwheat crepe with Raw Vegemite which was so yummy I wish I could buy it by the jar but I guess I will just have to figure out the recipe. I also had the Choc mint slice cake but it was too sweet as I suspect they use Agave syrup so that was a bummer. I also tried the mint thickshake but it was too thin because I asked for no banana. It was sweet enough but could have used some ice because it wasn’t cold enough, so that was a little disappointing because Byron was so hot even though it was only November.

I climbed my way to the infamous Byron Bay Lighthouse and helped a lady who had fallen on her way down. Do not leave these sorts of holidays till your older because you just might not be able to do some of the more challenging tracks. However, I did see a girl walk the track in high wedges, and I hope to be fitter in my 70s than I was in my 20s so it’s all relative hey.

On the way to the lighthouse is the most eastern point of Australia. It was so windy and just had a view of the ocean because most eastern point of Australia. Interesting (not so interesting) fact, I have been to the most western point of the European/African coast which is actually in Northern Ireland, it’s a very hilly place with lots of sheep, and I found 2 euro so a little Irish luck, hope I made a wish.

I tried a yoga class at the Byron Bay Yoga Centre but I went to the resort one which was a little cheaper. It had a pool and a restaurant and also trains new yoga instructors. The class was so hard and the Instructor kept tsking me because I told her I was a runner. Big mistake because she kept coming over and pushing me super deep into the positions, sooooo much pain :( but I’m sure it was good for me on some level. The room was also incredibly hot even though it wasn’t suppose to be hot yoga and I was basically dripping in sweat and slipping and sliding the whole time. Needless to say I headed straight to the beach after that.

I highly recommend camping, just try and go when it’s dry or else those spiders will come out and get you. Seriously, if I can do it, AND I DID IT ALONE, anyone can. I loved going to bed super early and reading on my iPad (got to love that night setting, eyes are so grateful) or just lying there in the quiet just thinking all snuggled up in my sleeping bag. Saying that, I didn’t realise that the G20 summit would be on and the whole of Brisbane would converge on Byron, but I guess it just added to the atmosphere, plus everyone quietened down by 10pm.

All in all, a very successful and relaxing trip that didn’t cost the earth. I’d never be able to get a decent bed for $15 p/n, and I knew this one would be good because it was mine :)