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Life sucks.

How's that for a positive intro?

But seriously, this hit me yesterday.  Hard.  I read a story about a tree that fell on and killed an 11 year old girl while she was camping with her dad and brother.  I had a tough conversation with a great friend of mine about the best intentions and the worst results.  Work is slow, bank account is low, and I'm stressing about all the small stuff.

And then I go back to this 11 year old girl.  And her family.  And the life that was taken too soon.  Or was it?  What do I know about life, or how much time we're all supposed to have.  What I DO know is that I make small things into big things.  ALL THE TIME.  I have my health.  I have a comfortable home.  No, not expensive.  Not flashy.  But comfortable.  I have a wonderful wife who loves me and supports me.  And yet I stress.

Did I mention I'm lazy?  I know things I should do to be successful, and yet as John Mulaney puts it "Percentage wise, it is 100% easier not to do things than to do them."  

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vKaijlTs2Ns

That's another post, but these are ramblings from a guy who is trying his best, and just realized he was trying for all the wrong reasons.  I probably check back in here, and this may become very 'online journally' for a while.  Unedited.  Unclear.  Ugly.  But w/e.

So actually, life doesn't suck.  Life without purpose sucks.  Life without vision sucks.  And life without Jesus sucks.  And my new prayer is to be able to keep that in sight.

Til next time.

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A lesson in compassion

If you know me, I hope you consider me a fairly driven, aim high and don't settle kind of guy.  I believe that I was given one life to live, so I'd better live it hard.  I like to pat myself on the back for this.

So that's good, right?  Well, here's where I run into trouble.  If I see other people not 'living, laughing, and loving' to perfection all day, every day, I start to get judgmental.  This article really took me for a loop today.

"look at jimmy.  he's got so much potential.  too bad he never went to college"  or

"i'm really glad i pay so much in taxes so that people can live off food stamps.  this is america, get off your butt and go earn your own food!"

I can be the most empathetic and most judgmental person all in the same heart beat.  I love people dearly.  I judge them harshly.

Now, to be straight, I FULLY believe that America is foundationally broken.  We've gotten to the point where too many people refuse to take even a semblance of responsibility for their own actions, outcomes, and lives as a whole.  If their life is hard, it's because they were cheated.  They were abused.  They were born in the wrong place, to the wrong family, at the wrong time.  They were dealt a bad hand, and they folded.

Sure, ok.  This is true for some people.  But I personally know several people who have grown up in these kinds of conditions, and have come out on top.  Why do some people make it, while others wallow in poverty and dependence?

You guessed it.  Me.  When I judge, I choose to put that person into a box.  Then I label that box "hopeless."  I've given up on that person.  I don't even know them, really, and I've already given up.  That's cold.

I have a new goal.  A goal to help people achieve their potential.  The reason people fail isn't necessarily for lack of effort.  It's lack of support.  It's lack of resources.  Or maybe just lack of belief.  The belief that they can do something extraordinary, BE someone extraordinary.  In my mind, if they were born, they already are.  My mind just forgets.

When I look back on this blog in a few years, I hope that I can honestly say I've improved in this area.  I want to know people, I want to help people.  And only once I've done that will I have achieved a life worth living.

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This is awesome, in all the wrong ways.  As a realtor and a photographer, I love this blog so much.

It’s a valiant attempt by the agent, but surely at least some prospective buyers will notice what’s missing from this bedroom.

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Relearning the simple joy of walking with a dog.

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Happy Christmas season everyone.  Thanksgiving is over, you can now OFFICIALLY start listening to Christmas music, hunting for that perfect tree, and turning on your Christmas lights.  (if they were on before Thanksgiving, we need to have a talk).

Speaking of Christmas lights, here's a link to one of my favorite Christmas songs of recent years.  I love it for a few reasons.

It's not Jingle Bells

From a musical standpoint, it's one of the simplest yet most beautifully constructed

It delivers a different story about Christmas that doesn't involve a reindeer, a fat guy in a red suit, or even bargain shopping

The approach it takes is one of reality.  The past few Christmas seasons have been fairly eye opening to me in a number of ways.  I think growing up I was largely sheltered and saw the world through a veil of perfect, middle-class Christian joy.  Which isn't inherently wrong, but it's not an accurate story.  At least not completely.

The world is broken.  Families are broken.  People are broken.  "Got all kinds of poison in, poison in, my blood"  I dare say that these lyrics hold more truth than 90% of the other Christmas songs you'll hear in the next few weeks.  Guess what- life is hard, relationships are difficult- and no time is this more evident than the holidays.

But what I really love about the song is that it ends on a high note.  Not that every honest song has to do this, but especially at Christmas, I appreciate the celebratory tone.  It's a good metaphor for what I believe:  the world was and still is broken, but Jesus came to bring hope and redemption to all who might see him.

So if I am truly 'the light of the world', then it's my duty, or better still, privilege to bring a bit of joy to the world around me.  That's what I've learned from the past few years, and that's my goal this Christmas season.  To make those lives I cross a little bit brighter.

Everyone hurts.  Everyone has a story.  In the words of a great friend of mine, "do good."

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Thanksgiving with the nephew. Ahh family.

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Thankful

Today I'm thankful for family.

Obviously.

I'm in Ohio with Andrea's family.  The weather is cold, but the company is warm, and the food is hot.  I often grow tired of the seemingly tediousness of my life.  I lose sight of what really matters.  Which is why holidays are so important.

Especially Thanksgiving.  It takes a time like this to gather a family and talk about what we're grateful for.  The world likes to slip in and make you forget.  You have to force it back, and take count of how blessed you truly are.  Cuz you are.

I have to go beat grandma at Rummikub now.  Go hang out with someone you love.  And thank them for being who they are.

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I need to work on my geography

This is one of my favorite articles as of late.  Gotta love Buzzfeed.

http://www.buzzfeed.com/robinedds/its-thanksgiving-so-we-asked-some-brits-to-label-the-us-stat

Today I learned that my geography sucks.  My 3rd grade self would be ashamed of what I've become.

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Today I learned that I don't like shoveling snow before Thanksgiving. I do love our view though.

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it's 3 am

and that's just how i do things.

today I learned that computers are horrible.  well, i've actually known this for quite some time.  but this week was different.  i spent well over 10 hours simply reading FORUMS on how to install a new hard drive, then make it a bootable disk, then figure out the difference between IDE and SATA, then figure out why usb 3.0 ports only read 2.0 plugs, then spend 5 hours decoding a wireless issue which included a full hour of live-chatting (not the fun kind) some Almost Human (you're welcome, Fox) named Gretel (I'll bet) only to have her tell me that my router doesn't even qualify for complimentary assistance, so if I wanted any actual help, I'd now have to pay her $29.95.  (one more parentheses for good measure)

All said and done, I FINALLY found that my driver was outdated.  Found the info, found the website, found the update- bingo.  Internet.

And that's what I learned.  If you ever see that red x of death next to your network, just call me.  I can tell you 1,000 things that won't work.

And one that can.

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I somehow didn't have any music posted yet.  This is a song I'm hoping to learn soon.  As soon as I get my hands on a banjo...

Saw them open for Mumford in St. Augustine, and they were easily one of the best of the 13 bands there.  So yes, this one will be on my annual year-in-review cd.  No doubt.

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Madison is full of auto mechanics, which come right after lawyers on my ‘sleaziest people alive’ list (no offense to the wonderful lawyer friends of mine, you are the exception). Now, if you’re anything like me, you can change wiper blades, put gas in your tank, and if you’re feeling inspired, ...

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Today I learned that hockey pads do not work well for roofing. It was worth a shot, but ended up an ultimate and utter failure...

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If

One of the reasons I love my wife is because she inspires me in so many ways.  Usually it's through some act or word or craft of her own.  But occasionally, it's showing me a new artist, song, or in this case, a poem.

Since I was a terribly non-traditional English major (Shakespeare is one of the worst people ever to live), it's really no surprise I'm not too familiar with Rudyard Kipling, and more specifically, his poem "If", which has more than once taken the British crown as the 'nation's favourite poem'.  It's full of thought-provoking challenges that really nail so many elements of this week's rather unintentional theme.  I don't know why my posts have all been so weighty up to this point.  I promise to not always be so.  But for now, this is what I'm learning, and I'm enjoying the lesson.

   So without further adieu, "If', by Rudyard Kipling.

If you can keep your head when all about you   

    Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,   

If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,

    But make allowance for their doubting too;   

If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,

    Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies,

Or being hated, don’t give way to hating,

    And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise:

               If you can dream—and not make dreams your master;   

                   If you can think—and not make thoughts your aim;   

               If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster

                   And treat those two impostors just the same;   

               If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken

                   Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,

               Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,

                   And stoop and build ’em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one hap of all your winnings

    And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,

And lose, and start again at your beginnings

    And never breathe a word about your loss;

If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew

    To serve your turn long after they are gone,   

And so hold on when there is nothing in you

    Except the Will which says to them: ‘Hold on!’

               If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,   

                   Or walk with Kings—nor lose the common touch,

               If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,

                   If all men count with you, but none too much;

               If you can fill the unforgiving minute

                   With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run,   

               Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,   

                    And—which is more—you’ll be a Man, my son!

Final note, if you like the poem, this short film [What If] also received great reviews.  I haven't watched it myself yet, but it's on the 'to-watch' list.  If you watch it, please let me know what you think!

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"What others think of you is none of your business."

A friend of mine was told this by an old woman the other day.  I like it.  Not because I necessarily believe it wholeheartedly (I kind of think it's sometimes your business), but because it's one of the things that has kept this blog offline for the past several years.  I care too much about what people think.  For most of my life, I tried to please all people, all the time.  In school.  In relationships.  In music.  Only recently have I really, truly learned that you can never please everyone.  If Jesus was disliked, and even hated, then what chance do I have?

Which brings me to point two.  If you care about what others think about you, why?  Are you living your life for them?  Or for yourself?  Or for something greater?  Something bigger?  Something that would completely engross their thoughts and turn them upside down?

That's my new goal.  To live my everyday life like it's my last.  The general 'work hard, play hard' will continue.  But more foundationally, I will aim to embrace Colossians 3:23:  "Whatever you do, work at it wholeheartedly as though you were doing it for the Lord and not merely for people."

No pressure....

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Is it worth it?

Here's something that challenged me this week.  We're discussing justice at church, and using this video as part of it.  Challenging.

"Do what you can, with what you have, where you are"  

       - Theodore Roosevelt

I know I struggle with this, and probably always will. Do you think it's worth it?

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In keeping with the YOLO theme, I've recently learned that climbing a building is one way to feel alive.  And enjoy a great (legal?) view.