justunsaidthoughts

[justunsaidthoughts]

Once again, the demon won tonight

Guess old habits really don’t die hard. I tried to stop it, to not listen to that old demon inside me. But I can’t. I’m still that little girl who prefers hurting herself when everything feels so heavy. Still that little girl who's so good at hiding her pain. Everything feels overwhelming. I’m tired. I’m tired of masking this pain. I’m tired. My heart's been aching for so long. I’m tired of acting fine. I’m tired of faking smile. I’m tired of pretending I’m okay. I’m tired. I desperately want to end everything tonight. But I can’t.

-f

oct. 21, 2024

[justunsaidthoughts]

-f

oct. 1, 2024

[justunsaidthoughts]

I want to get angry when my laptop shuts down, without saving my work. I want to cry when I see my college diploma, and important papers, eaten by termites. I want to be upset when our workers accidentally cause my Wi-Fi to go into LOS. I want to release these emotions, but I don't. I'm tired of reacting to things I can't control. Would showing those feelings change anything? So, I sit down and keep going. Is that a good thing? Is suppression helping me now? I don't know, and I don't know how long I'll bottle this up. Maybe this is life's lesson, to just move on. But does moving on mean ignoring how I feel?

-f sept. 28, 2024

[justunsaidthoughts]

Ain't stopping

Daydreaming in the possible and impossible I’ve got my highs to myself, I can do it, Once I set my aim, I’m sure I’ll get it.

I won’t allow negativity No one can stop me. Anyone who tries Will be pushed aside, Out of my way, out of my life.

-f sept. 27, 2024

[justunsaidthoughts]

admiration

Pretty face, Eyes that curve like crescent moons, Porcelain skin that gleams in light. A fashionista with her own flair, Can carry herself well, confidence in the air Successful, independent, A beaut, carefully crafted from above. I can't help but just stare At this beautiful soul, Knowing she can never be mine.

-f sept. 23, 2024

[justunsaidthoughts]

Sometimes, no in between

Sometimes I like it, sometimes I don’t. Sometimes I’m grateful, sometimes I’m not. I want more, I need more. Is this all I deserve, Or is it only what I’m meant to receive?

-f sept 17, 2024

[justunsaidthoughts]

RED

It’s not my favorite color, but why does it draw me in? Why am I becoming like it? I’m starting to be unfair, unconsciously hurting someone I shouldn’t. Becoming the person I used to despise.

I don’t know where to lay the blame— myself, my past, or my experiences? These walls I built to protect my heart, they let you in, yet sometimes the guard within tries to push you away.

I wish I had known you when I was whole. I wish all the love I gave to another had been yours, though deep down, I know it will never be the same.

-f sept. 16, 2024

[justunsaidthoughts]

It took me quite some time to write something here. Words jumbled in my head like pieces of a puzzle waiting to be assembled. Sometimes I’m okay, sometimes I’m not, but most of the time, I don’t seem to mind. Am I healed? Why does this unknown feeling keep resurfacing, as if I’m not allowed to be happy, as if I’m not allowed to be whole and free?

-f sept. 11, 2024

[justunsaidthoughts]

Uncertain paths, unclear tomorrows, The future remains a mystery, Yet our thoughts are set on the unknown. In our twenties, aren’t we supposed to loosen up?

Too focused on what’s ahead, The present feels neglected. Shouldn’t we embrace the now to ensure a brighter tomorrow?

-f aug. 25, 2024

[justunsaidthoughts]

me versus me

I'm drowning, In the depths of my own mind. I'm drowning, But the only person who can save me is myself. I'm drowning, Yet now, I find I'm okay. Tears have washed my thoughts away. I let it out, Speaking to the air, Acknowledging my feelings, Understanding why it's so heavy. Then I realized, No one can mend me but me. I'm on my own, I can fix myself, I am responsible for my own healing.

-f aug. 22, 2024

[justunsaidthoughts]

Silent Echoes

"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder," I told her.

"Do you find yourself beautiful?" she asked.

I remained silent, just looking at her.

"I am trying."

True enough, she's trying—researching and buying products that she hopes will make her feel beautiful.

"Is it enough? Do you feel pretty?"

"I don't know."

"You are beautiful, so am I. You're just drowning in your insecurities. You are enough. Stop comparing yourself to others and start embracing who you are—your flaws, your imperfections. They can all be beautiful. You just have to feel it. Be beautiful," the reflection in the mirror said, smiling.

I looked at her intently and whispered, "You are pretty!"

-f aug. 21, 2024

[justunsaidthoughts]

For the better

Maybe we broke up for the better, Sometimes opportunities are cut short Because we have each other. We needed to grow, we craved it so bad, But deep down, we knew Being together, we can't.

Perhaps that’s why we met Not to be forever, But to learn, To grow apart, Individually stronger, Each on our own path.

-f aug. 21, 2024

[justunsaidthoughts]

Despite the love we have for someone, I hope that one day we will learn to let go when we realize they're no longer the right person for us.

We meet people for a reason, even if only for a moment. We also part for a reason, often to learn a lesson that stays with us for the rest of our lives.

-f aug. 15, 2024

[justunsaidthoughts]

I was about to close my eyes when I came across a one-shot AU story that caught my attention with its title: 'POV: The Most Painful Part of Your Relationship with Her is When She's Drunk.' The story is about a girl sharing the most painful aspect of her relationship with her partner, which surfaces when her partner is drunk. This is a woman-to-woman relationship, and the girl mentions that every time her partner gets drunk, she confesses her desire for a 'normal' family—a child—but is afraid to leave her partner. Despite wanting that life herself, she loves her partner so much that she's willing to set her own desires aside for her partner's sake. The girl reassures her drunk partner that she understands, expressing that her partner's happiness matters more to her, even if it means sacrificing her own. It's a painful story for me because it touches on the theme of letting go of your own happiness for the sake of your partner's. Even if it tears you apart, you're willing to give them everything, but sometimes you can't, so you have to let them go, hoping that someone else can give them what they truly need.

You came home drunk again, I sat beside you with a heavy heart, Already knowing what would start— Your tears began to fall, and so did mine.

You want a normal family, a child— How can I give you that? If I could, I’d grant it in a snap, But this I cannot provide.

I wish I could buy your happiness, I’d give everything I have, But some things can’t be bought— Love alone isn’t enough.

I wish to fight for us, But how can I when I’m not what you need? My heart yearns to make things right, Yet, I can’t give you what you truly want.

I’ll be letting you go now; Please choose your happiness, For it means the world to me too. But if you ever change your mind, My arms will always be open for you.

And if you find what you want, My greatest love, Though our paths have parted, Even from afar, my heart will always beat for you.

ctto of the photo -f aug. 11, 2024

[justunsaidthoughts]

Amidst all the achievements I've made, I don't understand this unknown feeling every time I realize someone is above me. I know it's neither insecurity nor jealousy; it's the fear of being easily replaced, like a star overshadowed by a brighter light. The skills I've crafted myself for years can be mirrored by anyone in just months.

-f aug. 8, 2024

[justunsaidthoughts]

Based on a fictional story I saw, it's about a girl wanting to move on completely but still stuck because the guy's family is still looking for her.

I got busy with school stuff lately. My phone vibrated and her mom's message appeared. Pain struck again. It's been months since we separated, and the tingling feeling is still here. I am trying my best to forget about him. But how can I do it when his family is still longing for me? This is the sad thing about breaking up. It's the feeling of also losing your second family.

We've been together for five years and ended because we were no longer growing. We became toxic and decided to go our separate ways. Ending us was a mutual decision, or that's what he wants me to believe. His family did not acknowledge that and still hopes for us to get back together.

As for me, my doors are already closed. Our chapter has ended. Yes, I still think about him, about us, but I can no longer see myself in his arms again. I am now focusing on law school, and being in a relationship is the last of my priorities.

Her mom's recent message invited me for shopping and dinner, stating that I should not worry about her son because he doesn't know about it. This is not the first time I received this kind of message, so I already know how to handle it.

It pains me, actually. How I miss being with his family. The way they treated me as their own. The kind of love I felt when I was with them. How her mom cooked my favorite food, how her dad fetched me and bought me things just because they reminded him of me, how her sister cared about me. I miss them. I miss them more than him.

But cutting ties is important. I know it would be unfair to the new girl. I've been contemplating this for months and I know it's the best thing to do. I will mourn leaving them, but I also need to accept that our story has to end. Cutting ties doesn't mean I don't value them anymore, but I need to do this not only for myself but also for their son. They may not understand it now, but I know they will eventually. It will be hard, but it's what we need.

-f aug. 7, 2024

[justunsaidthoughts]

Remnants of the Past

I wished to be the one to love you more, But I knew I couldn't be that person, I was too broken to give you the love you needed. I craved light, I needed to survive. You loved me completely, With tenderness and patience, But it wasn't enough for a broken soul like mine.

Everything happens for a reason, they say, If I hadn't let you go that night, Would we have become who we are today? I thank God for giving me the courage to let us go, So we could grow, apart yet whole.

-f aug. 5, 2024