just-system-things

[just-system-things]

autistic system* culture is fakeclaiming yourself for “not having” symptoms you do have, but aren’t thinking about because you’re too focused on the literalness of the wording

*or any other conditions

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Just system things:

Feeling jealous over other people's ability to share childhood stories when almost your entire childhood is blank

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Just system things:

Denial symptoms making you feel crazy despite being professionally diagnosed

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Just system things:

Having a dark serious demon alter who is for some reason always accompanied by a giggly child alter

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I unsurprisingly was fake claimed over my last post. I don't know what to tell you bud, it's not something I choose or we as a system choose. I don't know why it happens. Maybe it's having a low split tolerance. Maybe it's because our brain is used to and trained to seek refuge in fully becoming someone else. But for whatever the reason, every time we role play, another of us is formed. We become the character we're playing and they become part of us. It's like... Almost an extreme uncontrollable form of method acting. I didn't mean that to say we're just acting, but that method actors typically try to get very in touch with or become one with their characters. We just didn't make the choice to become them and the character never goes away. Sometimes it happens with characters we haven't role played but relate strongly to as well. Even as I type this I understand why critics would fake claim me, it sounds sort of fantastical, but it's the truth of how I live my life. I'm in the process of integration, of memories coming back, and the more I remember, the more certain I am it has been this way as far back as we could remember. Whenever it wasn't safe for "me" to front, we would become someone else, often a character or a copy of a character we had latched on to. One of our first alters that we can recall was Matilda. Being Matilda, Matilda the alter, kept us safe. Our brain seems to never forgotten how to become characters we feel close to, almost like it's gathering them just in case, like armor we may need later. You don't have to like it, you don't have to believe it, you can think it's cringe as fuck, but that doesn't stop it from being my truth.

[just-system-things]

r/systemscringe: just roleplay!

Me: I'll have you know every time I roleplay I end up with a new alter, thank you very much

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Just system things:

We're too different from each other, must be faking. Also we're too similar to each other, must be faking

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Fronting experiences!

1. The helicopter parent

Alter just pops in out of nowhere uninvited and starts giving opinions on what you're doing

2. Curious child

Alter just starts asking you a bunch of questions on what you're doing and shenanigans out of nowhere

3. Thrown in

You're struggling! Quick gatekeeper! Throw a motherfucker here to help!!

4. The corner whisperer

You don't even notice they're in front with you until you hear them whispering from a corner all of your darkest thoughts

5. I'm coming for you bitch

You say 1 thing about an alter and then you can hear them sprinting to front, too late, he found you!

6. Positive hyperfixation trigger

Oh no i mention bees, now the little is fronting and babbling non-stop about them!

7. "ACTSHUALLY ☝️🤓"

You make one single mistake and THAT motherfucker comes out of nowhere to tell you how wrong you are, THANKS JACKASS

8. Party!

A lot of alters just front cuz something fun IS happening!!

9. Party! /Neg

A lot of alters just front cuz something horrible IS happening!!

10. You kinda just wake up together

You get to front and the other guy is just there with you too, alright then

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Just bipolar system things:

Being fake claimed for being a system because you're bipolar (and therefore psychotic) and wanting to FUCKING RAGE about it, but doing some deep breaths because this is making our heart beat too fast.

(also being told by mania watchers that now we have to take at least an hour break from the internet so we can regulate. Joy.)

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I'm not over this actually. Do you regularly go around telling people that because they're bipolar, they're psychotic and therefore what they say isn't true? Psychosis is marked by a disconnect from reality. Telling a system that they exist due to psychosis, is the same damn thing as telling a system they made it all up. It's saying "all of you aren't part of reality! You're not real!"

Do you have any idea how damaging fake claiming can be for a system? How much it can set back progress? If we'd received that message two years ago, it would've caused all of our ANPs incredible damage, it would've spiked our denial and depression through the roof, it might even have caused heavy blackout amnesia barriers. And I'm not just speaking out my ass. You're not the first person to think they were in the position to tell us that we exist due to psychosis while we're not actively psychotic. Last time was a few years ago, by someone we knew IRL that was supposed to be our friend. And that time fucking wrecked our system in the ways I listed above as well as ways I don't quite remember yet because of how fucking traumatic it was.

Don't fucking fake claim systems. Don't go around calling people fucking psychotic. You need several doses of "shut up and stay in your lane." There is never a time it is okay to make these judgements anonymously about strangers on the Internet. If you're not someone's doctor, keep your medical opinions about them to yourself. Asshole.

Do you know that psychotic disorders cause headmates right?

I'm sorry, are you our therapist in disguise? You must be, right? You've spent the hours with us to know about our system, our trauma, our amnesia barriers, our bipolar disorder, and what our risk factors for mania that would lead to psychosis is, right? You're a qualified individual that knows is well enough to come into our inbox and tell us that we're a result of a symptom that we're not currently having, yeah? Cause if not, this is some fake claiming ableist bullshit. Do not assume you have the right to tell a system that they're a product of psychosis. That is incredibly dismissive. Also I'd personally suggest not labeling an entire disorder by one possible symptom. I think that's pretty ableist too.

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Do you know that psychotic disorders cause headmates right?

I'm sorry, are you our therapist in disguise? You must be, right? You've spent the hours with us to know about our system, our trauma, our amnesia barriers, our bipolar disorder, and what our risk factors for mania that would lead to psychosis is, right? You're a qualified individual that knows is well enough to come into our inbox and tell us that we're a result of a symptom that we're not currently having, yeah? Cause if not, this is some fake claiming ableist bullshit. Do not assume you have the right to tell a system that they're a product of psychosis. That is incredibly dismissive. Also I'd personally suggest not labeling an entire disorder by one possible symptom. I think that's pretty ableist too.

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Just bipolar system things:

The team of alters in charge of monitoring us for signs and symptoms of mania said no more caffeine and now we all have to deal with caffeine withdrawals. They're right! But I'm cranky about it.

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Just system things:

Step 1: one of our ANPs goes on r/systemscringe just to see.

Step 2: alter has increasing feelings of doubt and denial to the point of distress

Step 3: other parts try to remind them we're real and here

Step 4: more denial. "but what if I'm just making you up?"

Step 5: unidentified alter fronts and says out loud "yeah, can you shut this shit down please?"

Step 6: no internal response except a feeling of something like...moving in our brain followed by a headache

Step 7: alter roulette. Ten different alters have very fully fronted in the last twenty minutes and our head feels like it's gonna explode but hey it worked, the doubt has been effectively proved wrong.

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Just polyfrag things:

Having an ever growing army of sideblogs for everyone to express themselves how they see fit

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Just dumbass things:

Thinking it would be cool if people send in asks here about system things but entirely forgetting that we need to click "allow asks" for that to even be a possibility.

-too sleepy to function

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Just system things:

Starting a piece of writing or a conversation then taking forever to finally get back to it because the specific part that was fronting in the begining is taking a nap or whatever.

Looking at the thing you were just typing/writing and feeling suddenly very disconnected from it as well as feeling frustrated and confused cause it seemed so important five minutes ago then realizing "Oh, wait. I'm someone else now."

Having a lot of drafts/wips from different alters that make no sense to you, but not ever deleting them cause someone's going to want to come back to that at some point probably.

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Experiences I have related to DID that I forget are literally because I have DID

- Feeling like my identity / sense of self is fluid & ever changing

- Being absolute ass at a specific thing and then being good at it later

- Thoughts / inside voices being fuzzy , distant , like a distant conversation

- Having fluctuating feelings toward friends/families/my partner

- Getting suddenly dizzy and finding it hard to move

- Realizing I’m not wearing what I originally put on

- Feeling zero emotions or feeling every possible emotion amplified 100x

- A lot more that I can’t remember right now, also because of DID

Me after realizing everything I do and feel is related to having this dissociative disorder 😦😦😦😦😦