I've been in therapy and on meds on and off for 18 years. It's helped, but obviously not enough. If it did, I wouldn't have this blog.... Pre Op FTM on T for 2 1/2 years
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Help me
I'm talking to this girl that I REALLY like, but we aren't official, dating, or had the talk about being exclusive. We haven't even met in person. I talked to her 4 years ago, and after my breakup with my fiance, she hit me up again. Anyways... I'm bisexual, and I've been having dirty talk with guys online. I feel so bad that I'm having an anxiety attack. My head, neck, shoulders, arms, and hands are woozy and numb and tingly. I feel like someone is squeezing my lungs and larynx so i can barely breathe. I feel so dirty and guilty. I want to see if anything could come with her. I can meet her in about 2 weeks. I would never dirty talk with someone if we were exclusive. We have both stated that we aren't talking to anyone else. We want to get to know each other before we rush into things. I feel so guilty that I feel like I'm going to throw up. I think I might. When I feel guilty, I feel the need to divulge every single thing I've ever done wrong. I fuck everything up by doing this. I've done it before. I also force myself to throw up. My brain tells me that I can throw up the bad feeling inside me even though I know I can't, but I still do it for hours. Why do I feel guilty if I've done nothing wrong? Is it because I'm growing feelings so I FEEL like I'm cheating even though I want? Is it because I've been in multiple abusive relationships with my mom and exes where they've blamed everything on me so I just feel guilty and horrified anytime I think I might have done something wrong? Or did I do something wrong and subconsciously trying to sabotage this? Someone please help me.
#ex#exes#ex girlfriend#ex girlfriends#feelings#caught feelings#scared#afraid#anxiety#anxiety attack#anxiety attacks#anxious#self sabotage#hurt myself#i like you#i like her#emotions#emotion#emotional abuse#dirty talk#talking#talking to#talking to someone#relationship#relationships#guilt#guilty#feeling guilty#did i do something wrong?
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Fangirl Challenge
[9/15] - Joey and Caitlin [Jaitlin], Degrassi [Junior High/High/TNG]
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Society would tell me that it’d be too soon to say anyway... You’re just as fucked as me.
with you
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They say they’ll always be there. And if they were awake or not working, they would be. But that’s not when you break down. You break down when no one’s there. You break down when there’s no one to call. You break down and you’re alone....
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