jamiehoney

[jamiehoney]

Because you’re not free

Sirius was sprawled on the bed, his fingers twitching against the sheets. Remus stood across the room, arms crossed, trying to hold on to whatever calm he had left.

“This is bullshit, Sirius,” Remus said, his voice tense but steady. “I can’t keep doing this, pretending it doesn’t mean a damn thing.”

Sirius scoffed, sitting up.

“Who said it doesn’t mean anything? Just because I’m not shouting it from the rooftops—”

“That you care about me?” Remus cut him off, stepping forward. “That you’re with me? Because honestly, sometimes I don’t even know if you are.”

Sirius narrowed his eyes defensively.

“Why the hell do you care so much what other people think? What difference does it make if they know?”

Remus laughed bitterly.

“Because, because you’re not free, Sirius. You hide behind all this bravado, but deep down... you’re fucking terrified.”

“I’m not scared!” Sirius snapped, his eyes flashing with something between anger and pain. “I don’t owe anyone anything—not you, not them.”

“It’s not about them, Sirius!” Remus shouted, his voice finally breaking through. “It’s about you. You’re too scared to be who you are, too scared to tell the world to fuck off and actually do something real.”

Sirius took a step back as if the words had physically hit him.

“And what the hell do you want me to do, Remus? March into the Great Hall and declare it to everyone?”

“No!” Remus yelled, pointing at Sirius’s chest. “I want you to declare it to yourself.”

The silence that followed was suffocating. Remus was breathing hard, his heart pounding in his chest. Sirius looked away, his fists clenched, but he didn’t say anything.

“I don’t want to be your secret, Sirius. Not anymore,” Remus said finally, his voice low and cracked. He grabbed his coat from the chair and turned toward the door.

“Go, then,” Sirius muttered, his voice rough. “If it’s so fucking easy for you.”

Remus hesitated for a moment but didn’t turn around. When the door closed behind him, Sirius sank back onto the bed, crushed by the weight of everything he couldn’t bring himself to say.

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I did this watching Shameless, an argument between Ian and Mickey :c

idk if I'm going to keep writing here, continuous? :^

[jamiehoney]

[jamiehoney]

Letters to the stars | Wolfstar

Dear Padfoot,

It’s strange to write to you knowing these words will never reach you. But no matter how hard I try, I can’t seem to shake the emptiness you left behind. Maybe that’s why I write: because of this constant, aching void. I try to move on, but sometimes, in the silence of the night, I find myself thinking about everything we never were, everything we never had. And even now, when I look at Teddy, I can’t help but wonder what it would have been like if you were here.

Tonks and I... we’re fine. We have Teddy now, and he’s a wonderful boy. She’s incredible, Sirius, and she makes me happy. But it’s different. What I felt for you, the way you made me see the world, no one else can give me that. I didn’t realize how much I needed you until I lost you. And even with Tonks by my side, it’s like a part of me is always missing.

I know you’d hate for me to write this, and you’d tell me to be more “practical,” more “realistic.” But, Sirius, I loved you so much, and I still do, and that won’t ever change. Maybe I’ve built a life that tries to replace you, but deep down, I know: nothing will ever be enough. I just wanted more time, just wanted to show you how much you meant to me.

Sometimes, I look up at the sky, searching for the constellation that bears your name. And for a moment, I imagine you’re there, looking back at me, telling me everything will be alright. I’m not sure if that’s what you’d say, but it’s what I wish I could hear right now. I feel so alone, even with everyone around me. And even though the war is over, victory means nothing without you here to share it.

I miss you so much, Sirius. Maybe I’ll never truly move on, because you were always the one who made everything make sense.

With eternal love,

your moony.

[jamiehoney]

Some nights hurt more than others, but little Sirius always knows what to say.

It’s a night after the full moon. My arms and legs feel like they’re throbbing. Sirius is sitting at the edge of my bed, trying to push away thoughts of the previous night while helping me change the bandage on my right leg.

— Hey… — I whisper, and his eyes meet mine. — Do you think I’m weird?

— Definitely — he mutters as he finishes securing the tape.

— No man, seriously. Am I weird?— I ask again.

— Yeah, but so what? Everybody's weird. — His eyes meet mine again, but this time, I can see a sweet smile on his lips.