itsyaboyluce

[itsyaboyluce]

Gibbs is confused that I've been home for the last several days, but he's taking the chance to cuddle with me.

5dpo

[itsyaboyluce]

My boys spent the night without me because I slept in the living room after my surgery, but now they're clinging to me

[itsyaboyluce]

MY SURGERY IS THIS FRIDAY

//trying not to hyperventilate

I can't believe this is actually happening 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

[itsyaboyluce]

My boys can be so sweet together in the mornings, all cuddled up together while I get ready for work. Grooming each other at the same time.

Just gonna ignore that grooming each other is a dominance fight lol

[itsyaboyluce]

10 daaaayyyyyssssssss

AND THAT IS ALL I AM FOCUSING ON RIGHT NOW

[itsyaboyluce]

[itsyaboyluce]

11 days to go

I'm so fucking nervous. Excited, but nervous. It doesn't help that I've never had surgery before, as I don't count my wisdom teeth extraction (that was twilight sedation).

I'm nervous that something might go wrong, that it'll be postponed, or the surgeon doesn't take enough for me to be happy with the results. So much shit out of my control.

But more than anything, a dream I didn't think was possible will be coming true. And that just makes me want to cry from happiness.

[itsyaboyluce]

IT IS THE MONTH OF MY SURGERY

I've got my pre admission labs scheduled, the compression bras for recovery, and I don't know what else I need to do, but I am HELLA NERVOUS

But with EXCITEMENT

My long time dream is 15 days away from coming true. Just 9 business days away.

I'm not crying, I swear.

[itsyaboyluce]

The void demands cuddles.

[itsyaboyluce]

Gibbs is a big boy that loves to lay on me to sleep. He was starting to get cranky because I wasn't sleeping well for a few days because of severe tooth pain.

[itsyaboyluce]

Here's a wild thought experiment I've done on myself for therapeutic purposes:

Describe yourself as if you were a character to be written in a novel. Not as the main character, but as a side character, a friend of the protagonist. The protagonist genuinely loves their friend, platonic or otherwise. What do they love most about their friend?

It's much easier for me to see my good traits thinking about myself from an outside perspective. I think I'd make quite an interesting side character, too. As much as I'd like to think of myself as average, from an outside perspective, I am very far from average.

Just thought I'd share some of my own experiences with working through my own mental health.

[itsyaboyluce]

Feeling better this morning. Still bummed. At the very least, I got out my computer to play a game instead of moping around.

Reached out to TT. Not sure how they'll take my message, if they'll read it or block me out right. But at the very least, it's a win against my anxiety and paranoia.

Here's to hoping I can reconnect with one of the few positive friendships of my late teens and early twenties.

[itsyaboyluce]

The running joke in my family is that my great grandmother on my mom's side was a Disney princess. She would literally have animals coming up to her all happy to see her, nesting in her hair, just wanting to be around her. Apparently quite the sight to see.

This comes up because I'm telling my mom my woes of animals not liking me and running away because I get too excited seeing them.

"I would've thought you would have inherited the Disney princess gene." She says to me.

I FUCKING WISH

THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN SO COOL

but no, I just have the excited toddler, animals run away gene.

[itsyaboyluce]

This is how the cat distribution system is supposed to work

[itsyaboyluce]

Well, at the very least, they responded to me. They don't want to reconnect and I honestly do understand. I'm bummed about it, ofc, but I'm gonna respect their wishes.

Time to let myself feel emotions.

Reached out to TT. Not sure how they'll take my message, if they'll read it or block me out right. But at the very least, it's a win against my anxiety and paranoia.

Here's to hoping I can reconnect with one of the few positive friendships of my late teens and early twenties.

[itsyaboyluce]

Reached out to TT. Not sure how they'll take my message, if they'll read it or block me out right. But at the very least, it's a win against my anxiety and paranoia.

Here's to hoping I can reconnect with one of the few positive friendships of my late teens and early twenties.

[itsyaboyluce]

Once upon a time, the posters over my bed were a bunch of anime, jpop, and jrock posters. Now it's Van Gogh at quite possibly his happiest, and skeletons, and evil eye protections. Oh how the turns have tabled. 🤣