itsyaboyluce - Tumblr blog

[itsyaboyluce]

Sometimes I wonder whatever happened to this old ex friend of mine, TT. We had been good friends in high school, or at least I'd thought so at the time. She was emotionally abusive toward me, and retaliated if I ever dared to mention I was upset by something. She blew up at me when I brought up I was questioning my gender, which was followed by our falling out. She eventually made an apology video, I think it's probably fallen off YouTube by now, but I never really forgave her.

And yet still I wonder what happened to her. The last I've been able to find out was from 2019, pre covid. I wonder if she was one of the many who had passed away during the pandemic. I can't confirm either way, so I remain ignorant of her fate.

Would I reconcile with her, if she's still around and amenable to it? I'm not sure, honestly. I had been in love with her at one point. But just because I'd been in love with her doesn't mean I'll ever forgive her for abusing me, taking advantage of me. She could tell I was different, and she used that to keep me isolated from others. Whenever I would join her for anime conventions, I would inevitably wind up crying in the shower on Saturday night because I was overwhelmed by loneliness and overstimulation.

Maybe one day I'll find out what happened to her.

[itsyaboyluce]

Y'all, my emotions have been out of whack since I got the insurance pre-authorization approval for my breast reduction surgery. I legitimately started crying in happiness when I saw the approval, then ran around telling my closest loved ones.

My surgery is scheduled for mid November and I just can't believe it's been scheduled. It feels like an absolute dream. For so long, I was dismissed, told that I needed to do so many other things before insurance would even CONSIDER approving me. Lose weight, change diet, exercise, physical therapy, wear better bras, etc. Even when I did, I was still dismissed.

I have to keep reminding myself to stay calm because I feel seconds away from crying from relief, from happiness, from the sheer amount of positive emotions.

How am I supposed to last a month and a half like thiiiisssss

[itsyaboyluce]

A 2pm appointment can take all day when you're autistic

[itsyaboyluce]

I need people to understand that sometimes autism is just this

[itsyaboyluce]

Shit! I forgot to mention I also got lasik! No more glasses for your gal!

Still need to figure out how to fix the dark circles though

[itsyaboyluce]

Been a hot minute, y'all. A real long and volcanic minute. I think last I was on here, I nuked my socials and ducked everyone because I was paranoid as fuck. Majorly not fun.

Anyway, long story short, I'm now on some strong anxiety meds, been confirmed to be autistic, have a steady job and car, have two wonderful cats, and just recently got approved for breast reduction surgery with insurance covering it.

I think that's about it.

More random thoughts to come.