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Don’t lose yourself just because you found someone else.

Unknown (via quotefeeling)

This may be my favorite quote of all time to be honest. It’s so easy to get emotionally attached and dependent on someone once you find someone that you want to be around 24/7. My article on “How I Overcame Emotional Dependency and Finally Gained Inner Happiness (How to cope with being alone) really goes in depth with this concept.

You can find the link to the article below. It’s long, but it’s truly worth it.

https://its-only-the-beginning.tumblr.com/post/646506725095227392/how-i-overcame-emotional-dependency-and-finally

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Ranting Time (3/25/21)

Fun fact: I accidently deleted my original essay that I was just finishing up. I was pretty frustrated but I’m glad I wrote this again. You guys should definitely read and like this because of my serious dedication :)

It’s finally spring break. I can just simply relax. I can now stay up and wake up as late as I want to. I’ve been looking forward to this break for a while now. I’ve been so tired and stressed out lately like I’m sure many of you guys can relate to. I’m now gonna be able to enjoy the things I love, without stressing about school or work. Finally.

A little bit ago I looked into the mirror. I love myself and the way that I look. I love my eyelashes and blue eyes. I especially love the almost perfect distance between them. I love my nearly dirty blonde hair and how I’m able to put it into a nice little ponytail. I also love my clear glasses and how they match my face so well. I love almost everything, besides my side profile.

I have an overbite. Not a severely bad one, like the ones you see on the internet. But a bad enough one for me to be pretty insecure about it. A couple years ago I first noticed it. My only thought was, “Oh.. that’s what I look like? I look pretty.” As you can see, I had a much more positive mindset back then than I do now. But about a year ago, I noticed just how bad it was. My first thought was an image of a walker with a jaw ripped open from The Walking Dead. When I look back at it, It’s pretty terrible for me to compare myself to such a thing. Coincidentally, I’m rewatching The Walking Dead right now. That’s probably what started tonight’s rant. It’s strange how one thing can lead to such specific thoughts. After thinking for a while, do you ever review your thoughts to see what lead you to your certain thought? It’s so funny how that all works. Anyways, here’s that picture of a walker for reference.

That’s the least terrifying one I could find haha. As you can see, I’m definitely being overdramatic.

Anyways, I’ve tried asking my dad for braces numerous times. However, he thinks I want braces like I would want a haircut, which makes no sense because who would want braces for fun? However, I don’t blame him for not understanding. It’s mainly my fault for not expressing just how insecure I am about my overbite. We’re not really a “talk about your feelings” type of family, which I’m sure many of you guys can also relate to. Additionally, I’m scared of starting an argument or hearing him say no. Maybe I should just tell him that no matter what, I’m getting braces and that getting them now, while I’m still on his insurance, would be a whole lot easier.

Anyhow, do you guys have any insecurities that either bother you now or have bothered you in the past? Have you fixed them or found a way to deal with them? Have any of you had any weird insecurities that you find yourself stupid now for ever having them? I remember when I was around 7 years old, I asked my mom if I could cut my eyelashes because they were “too long.” Yes, I really said that. That was my only issue back then. If only I could go back to simpler times.

But yeah, I hope you all have (or had) an amazing spring break! Comment or DM me if you have had any similar experiences. I’m truly interested.

Hope all is well. 

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So my choir teacher said something pretty important the other day.

My choir teacher is pretty amazing and usually stops class at times to tell us a random personal story, hoping to motivate us in someway. A few days ago, he told us a quick story that during college, he would take naps whenever he felt like he needed a break from the loads of work his professors would give him. He would take about a 2 hour nap, then feeling refreshed and better, continued his work and got it done.

This is something I find so important to understand. In today’s world, our professors/teachers push us to, or past our limit. Every human being is unique, so they each have a different limit. The education system does not quite recognize that. 

When I was only in 6th grade, I remember my Pre-Algebra teacher giving us loads of homework every night and I would stay up past midnight to complete them. This wore and stressed me out so much, and I was only in 6th grade.

You need to take breaks here and there for your mental wellbeing. Nobody should stress and have an emotional break-down just because of homework. Take care of yourself, and complete your homework to the best of your ability when your mind is ready to let you.

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Something so important to understand.

Ideals aren’t such a bad thing. They’re a way to remind you that YOU can change your life how YOU want to live it. Maybe not right now because you don't have the ability to (ex: living in a toxic household) but you will be able to move on one day. You may feel powerless and hopeless, but keep a positive mindset and work toward your goals. I promise you it will be all okay one day. Don't forget that and don't let anyone, including yourself, let you think anything less.

Also don’t forget that even when you reach your goals, you're never going to be 100% happy, it’s how life is. Once you get something you want, you crave for something else/more. But you can try to be as happy as you can be by living in the moment when you are at your highest in life, and creating ideals when you are at your lowest. Even though It’s healthy to have ideals, don’t get frustrated and give up when you don’t exactly reach them. Keep trying.

You got this.

Reach for ideals, but never expect that you’re going to get there.

You’ll never be 100% happy, 100% fit, 100% having the perfect job or partner. You’ll never be 100% healthy or eat 100% healthy. You’ll never have your ideal life because ideals don’t exist... they’re ideals.

i·de·al

/īˈdē(ə)l/

adjective

satisfying one's conception of what is perfect

It’s frustrating. It’s disappointing. To never be able to have exactly what we want to have. To think we can’t really be happy or fulfilled until we do.

You know what we can do?

We can edge closer to those ideals.

We can

be happier. Calmer.

be healthier. Fitter.

find a better job or work on better handling our current one.

work on making our relationships better or cutting out those that no longer serve us.

be satisfied with and enjoy what we have now while we work towards something more.

Idealistic perfection isn’t ever achievable. Realistic goals and expectations are.

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How I Overcame Emotional Dependency and Finally Gained Inner Happiness (How to cope with being alone)

Emotional dependency is the needing to rely on relationships, platonic or not, for your happiness. It is a very common thing to have emotional dependency. After all, we spend our whole childhood depending on our parents to feed us, bathe us, and keep us alive. So, it is not any surprise that as we grow into adults we depend on others for our own emotional needs. Humans do need human interaction and relations to have a decent life, however when they depend on their friends or partners to just simply enjoy their life, it becomes an issue. When I was an early adolescent and moved into town, I gained a few close friends. Through one of these friends, I met my first boyfriend. Like any other 12-year-old, getting my first boyfriend ever was a very major event, so I took this new relationship seriously. We would text for hours many nights, and when he didn’t text me or when I didn’t see a text from him in the morning, I would get pretty upset. I would constantly check my phone to see if he messaged me and I got very hurt when he would text our mutual friend a lot more than me. One day, I asked him if he still liked me, because it had been days since we last talked, and he said some things about our mutual friend that proved that he did in fact like her. However, I overlooked this because I didn’t want to leave him and be alone. For nearly three years, we had an on-again and off-again relationship.

This toxicity of me going back to him and him coming back to me worsened my unhealthy attachment to him. Throughout our breakups, I dated three other guys, with all of them only lasting less than a month, with two of them being me breaking up with them. Both of these times I went back to them because I just didn’t want to be alone. When I wasn’t dating someone, I would spend a major portion of time with my friends. Whenever we randomly stopped talking, I again would get pretty upset. Being alone was dreadful to me because I didn’t have much of that those past few years. However, the truth is I wasn’t alone. I had God, my family, my pets, myself, and many other sources of entertainment and happiness. I was just young and I couldn’t quite realize that.  

These experiences give me a reason to believe why teenagers today take breakups so roughly. We see it so much in today’s world, with adolescents becoming depressed during break-ups and creating life-long bad habits because they were young and too emotionally dependent on their partner. Adolescence is a time of finding yourself and what makes you happy. Relationships can either guide you through this process, or it can make you lose sight of what is really important, which is growing and maintaining your mental health. Emotional dependency during adolescence also may be the cause of people staying in toxic relationships during their adulthood. They love their partner too much and do not want to handle being alone, so they overlook red flags. As I’ve noticed, having an unhealthy relationship as an adolescent decreased my ability to maintain relationships for a while there, which could also show that early emotional dependency could be a reason why certain people have many short-term relationships throughout their life.

It has been about 15 months since my first boyfriend and I broke up for the last time. During quarantine, I spent a lot of time alone and I eventually stopped depending on boyfriends or friends for happiness. I started finding myself and I have stopped constantly talking to friends. A lot of the time I only talk to them when they talk to me. I have finally gained inner happiness and I enjoy my time by myself watching Netflix, listening to music, working on school work, writing, and spending time with my family. I’ve also given myself time to find my true passions, which are writing and learning about the field of psychology. If I stuck to the way things were, I may have never found my true passions and instead of maintaining my mental health, I would’ve maintained creating such unhealthy habits. Now, whenever I feel myself getting too attached to my friends, I try my best to ease off. I love my friends very much, but it is important to always step back and maintain my mental health, which is something every person, whatever age, should always try to do. I still make mistakes here and there, but after becoming reliant on myself for happiness, my mental health and mindset has undoubtedly strengthened and matured.

And I’ve realised it’s only the beginning. I have so much more to learn.