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[ithinktoomuchiguess]

[ithinktoomuchiguess]

Why can't I be loved? Why am I incapable of being loved? Am I really that bad? I know that I'm not perfect, believe me, I'm way more than aware of that, but honestly, I cannot be that bad right? I know I'm not beautiful, but I am sometimes pretty, I know I'm not the smartest, but I have my moments, I know I'm not funny, but I can make a joke, I know I'm not interesting but I can talk about interesting things, I know I don't always shut up when I should but I can listen. So tell me, why am I not good enough? Why am I not good enough for you to love me?

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I feel like my friends don't actually like me. No. They are actually hating me. I don't really know why, everything was great for the past few months, I mean, they were kind of bullying me but it was a 'joke' so I thought they weren't actually thinking that. But now when I think about it, they did, they still do. I really don't know what I did wrong again. Do I talk too much? Do I talk too little? Are my grades too good or am I too stupid? Is it because I was in a 'situationship' or whatever it was? Is it because I'm not as pretty as them? Is it because I'm not as brave and don't always want to do illegal stuff? Is it because I get wasted easily? Is it because I'm just annoying? I think it might be that.

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Me with Remus tbh

(He doesn’t exist)

❀ Not mine creds to: odeneest on Pinterest!! ❀

[ithinktoomuchiguess]

This song makes me sob every single time. Why did I make the mistake of thinking about him while listening to this, why did I make the mistake of listening to it while he was texting me, calling me, walking me home? Tbh I'm going to lose all of my fav songs because of him and this one is way too specific lol.

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He was giving me signs for the whooole month. He asked me out on valentine's day, he was walking me home and making sure I'm home safe every single day of February, he was hugging me, taking my hand, carrying me on his hands and making me feel loved. And his words, oh, the "magic of his words"... It's killing me. It's killing me because he thinks of me as a friend, best friend. Best friend.

Is that all I can ever be? Come on. It can't be true. It can not be true that he never felt anything to me, right? And I'm not the type to fall in love easily, really, I never was. He is the first person that I felt for. And I knew. I knew it's gonna end like that, but when he looked at me like that and when he called me all those pretty things I just felt for it. It's stupid. I'm stupid.

I'm stupid and that's why I end up like this. The worst part is that I can't even let him go. I care too much for him to just cut it off when I got rejected. I care too much to do myself a favour and not see him every other day and text him all the time like I used to for the last month or so. I care too much so I'll just stay and let him hurt him if it'll make him get better, if it'll make him feel safer. I know it's stupid but I'm stupid. I'm stupid for caring. I should stop.

I should stop caring for anyone. But I just can't.

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Girlhood.

[ithinktoomuchiguess]

Never had that problem 🥰

[ithinktoomuchiguess]

Okay, is it just me or does everyone just sometimes wish they'd have a Remus Lupin in their pockets?? Like you could keep him safe and loved and just let him be happy like he should be 😭😭😭