ir0npvrker

[ir0npvrker]

tony: i love the phrase “with all due respect” because it doesn’t specify how much respect is due. could be none. bitch

[ir0npvrker]

peter: costumes are wasted on halloween. i wanna sit down for christmas dinner dressed like a giant bug

[ir0npvrker]

peter: i have a complicated relationship with zombies. they’re dangerous, but i love their swagger

[ir0npvrker]

wade: you’re so mean >:c

logan: if you weren’t so fucking stupid, i wouldn’t have to be so fucking mean. change starts with you

wade:

logan: i’m sorry

[ir0npvrker]

steve: fine, i’m afraid of clowns, there i said it

sam: then why the fuck do you hang out with bucky so much

[ir0npvrker]

peter on his first avengers mission: what’s the signal when something goes wrong?

tony: we yell “oh shit”

peter:

peter: yeah, that will work

[ir0npvrker]

yelena: i would take a bullet for mac & cheese

kate: who the fuck would shoot a bowl of mac & cheese

[ir0npvrker]

bucky: stop correcting me

sam: stop being wrong

[ir0npvrker]

tony: how long do you think it will take you to do this?

peter: i don’t know, probably three or four

tony: …three or four what? days? weeks? months?

peter: yeah, maybe five

tony: FIVE WHAT?

[ir0npvrker]

peter: when you're trying to have a lit summer but only have three friends

ned:

ned: one friend

ned: i’m that one friend

[ir0npvrker]

pepper: has anyone ever told you they loved you?

tony: does my father count?

pepper: yeah

tony: then no

[ir0npvrker]

villain: is this the part where you tell me that if i hurt him you’ll kill me?

bucky: no. sam is perfectly capable of killing you himself. but i’ll happily watch

[ir0npvrker]

peter: here’s my award for the most rules broken

ned: that’s not an award, it’s an angry letter from mr. stark

peter, hanging it on his wall: well, it has the word “most” in it so i’m calling it an award!

[ir0npvrker]

steve: it would help if you two showed up looking like a loving, supportive team

sam: for how long?

steve: ten minutes, tops

sam:

bucky:

bucky: can you get it down to five?

[ir0npvrker]

peggy: wow, you’re so brave! you didn’t even hesitate to throw yourself into danger!

steve: that's because i have no regard for my own personal safety. you can ask bucky

bucky: i have never been more stressed in my life

[ir0npvrker]

peter: i made a marshmallow mr stark. see? his arms are crossed because he's mad at marshmallow peter for annoying him. you like it?

tony, choked-up: it’s fine

[ir0npvrker]

tony: i wanna sleep for 50 hours

rhodey: you know that’s called a coma, right?

tony:

tony: that sounds so refreshing, i could go for a light coma right now