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[REDACTED]: God, give me patience.

Schmitty: I think you mean 'give me strength'.

[REDACTED]: If God gave me strength, you'd be dead.

^ Patience is a virtue, after all!

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Mayonnaise: "Can you not do impulsive crap for two seconds, and listen to me?!"

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“No where in Humpty Dumpty does it say anything about him being an egg. Think of it, go over it in your head. Doesn’t say anything about it, just a guy who fell. A human being, extensively, one would imagine. Yeah, it’s f*cking horrifying! It’s just the macabre tale of a kingdom of horses attempting to reassemble a dead man. Mother Goose, whoever you are, the f*ck?”

-Nate Shapiro on Truth Talk 23/7, probably

(Source: Will Wood)

^ Nate, you've been hanging around [REDACTED] too much.

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Things you must try on an elevator

[Redacted]: Stand silent and motionless in the corner facing the wall without getting off

Glargan: Greet everyone with a warm handshake and ask them to call you admiral

Mayonnaise: Meow occasionally

Nate: Stare at another passenger for a while. Then announce in horror, “You’re one of them!” and back away slowly

M.O.T.H.E.R.: Say DING at each floor

Greg: Make explosion noises when someone presses a button

Dot: Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce that this is your personal space

M. Bubz: When there’s only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder, then pretend it wasn’t you

Cookie: Drop a pen and wait until someone reaches to help pick it up then scream, “That’s mine!”

Guy: Call out a group hug, then enforce it

^

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Jester, peeking out from under a table: I was gonna play a trick and scare you!

[Redacted]: Ok well I’m playing a trick on you now so-

Jester: How’d you reverse my trick?!

[Redacted]: With a KNIFE!

(Source: StephenVlog)

^

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“I’m a triple threat— I can sing, I can dance, and I just found a gun”

-Narrator, probably

^

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Lord Tippet: Why does one of the detectives have a knife!?

Narrator: He felt unsafe so I gave him one

Lord Tippet: Well, now I feel unsafe!

Narrator: Would you like a knife?

Lord Tippet: NO!

^

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Guy: *puts down a card* Ace of Spades

Schmitty: *puts down an Uno card* draw 4, blue

Nate: *puts down a Pokémon card* Jolteon, I choose you!

Cookie: *puts down a Cards Against Humanity card* Grave robbing

Buzz, throwing his cards in the air: WHAT GAME ARE WE PLAYING?!

^ I've always wanted to play a card game like this. Just a bunch of different cards from a bunch of different decks.

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Felicia: You guys will never guess what just happened

Dandelion: What’s up, Felicia?

Felicia: So Glargan and I were crossing the street and this dude drove by and honked at us

Mayonnaise: Oh God what did Glargan do?

Felicia: He chased this guy to the next red light, reached through his window, and-

Glargan: Who wants a steering wheel~~!

^ GLARGAN, NO!!!

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Jerri: MM, what are you doing?

Master Mentalist: Making chocolate pudding

Jerri: It’s 4 o’clock in the morning! Why on earth are you making chocolate pudding?

Master Mentalist: Because I’ve lost control of my life

(Source: Rugrats)

^ I feel like we've done this quote before, but what the hey! Let's use it again!

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The Secretary: Where’s the Mayor?

Schmitty: Old Man? He’s… around

The Secretary: Around? You don’t have any idea, do you?

Old Man, falling through the ceiling tiles: Did you know there’s a crawl space above the ceiling?!

^ Old Man, that's the attic! Be careful, there are ghosts up there!

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Felicia: You know, it’s so lovely to be wanted

* distant police sirens *

[Redacted], hiding under a table with a shotgun: NOT BY THE FBI!

^ Just another day at Jackbox~

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I just came up with Jackbox Games ship names and i have nowhere else to post them, and since you liked my ship name for the TMP Killer & The Keeper, Deathinition, i have decided to awaken from my Tumblr hibernation to share the fruits of my mind.

Fated Fortunes (TWOEP X Cookie)

Thoughts and Prayers (Mentalist X TWOEP)

Cake by the Ocean (Jack C. X Capt. Chuck)

Stadium Dome (Champ'd Up Host X Glargan)

Tipped Scales (Lord Tippet X Tournament Master)

Internet Cookies (Todd X Cookie)

Time Keeper (Jerri X The Keeper)

Branded Biscuits (Creepy Voice X Cookie)

Low-Poly Specs (DODE X Gene)

Bubbly Laughter (M. Bubz X Capt. Chuck)

Trashy Television (Nikolas X Rue)

Sharp Tongue (Nate X Elizbeth)

Suction Talks (Octoputtz X Talking Points Hostess)

Mothernaise (Mayonnaise X Mother [as in the one from msm, not the Earwax host, that would be M.O.T.H.E.R.N.A.I.S.E.])

DODElion (DODE X Dandelion)

Guyman (Guy X Buzz)

F.BID.I. (Guesspionage Host X Bidiots Host)

Monkey Business (Prof. Nanners [i know she's an ape] X M. Bubz)

HellLiar (Demon Relocation Specialist X Cookie)

Potato Chips (Word Spud Host X Cookie)

Pen Pals (Drawful Hostess X Todd)

Technical Mastercest (Cookie X Masterson, C.)

Lies and Flies (Cookie X Lars)

Buzzsaw (Buzz X TMP Killer)

Bombshell (Greg X Conche)

Money Hungry (Predatory Loans X binjpipe [the companies themselves, the spokespeople would be Corporate Loans]

Jackcule (The YDKJ hosts X each other)

Packcule (Hosts from the same pack X each other [ex: Packcule 9])

Startercule (TMP Killer X Tournament Master X Schmitty)

Naughtycule (take a wild guess)

I will be returning to Tumblr hibernation now, sorry, this site's graphical updates makes my eyes sting too much to use it actively.

^ That's a LOT of ships!

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M.Bubz: Hey Master Mentalist, have you seen my waste basket?

Master Mentalist, who has a waste basket over his face: Ask me that again and look into my eyes

Source: Sesame Street

^ The duality of Jackbox Hosts.

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Talking Points Hostess: Do you guys take constructive criticism?

Toby and Lena: No, we only take cash or credit

^

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Officer Jones: You’re under arrest for attempting to fit 4 people on a single motorcycle

Guy: Well damn

Schmitty: Wait, did you say four?

Officer Jones: Yes, four

Nate: …Oh my God

Cookie: Buzz fell off the motorcycle!

^

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OOOOOOoooooo, this is COOL!!!

I always had the idea of making some cards for Trivia Murder Party, because I really like the game despite me being bad at trivia. And today I finally made them an actual physical thing(for a Christmas gift to my brother). This is the Unofficial Trivia Murder Party Mutilations and Mutations Card Pack. (Possibly Volume 1, Idk)

Basically the idea is that before the game starts your group got to shuffle and deal out the cards randomly and you got to play Trivial Murder Party with whatever the card, that you received, gives you(like for blind you got to play without seeing the tv[or whatever the main part of the game is being shown on], or for Human Bank you got to go for the most money in the mini games and only awnser with money in the non-money mini games).

Might share the pages I made the cards out of somewhere, like Maybe my Ko-fi(but idk about my Kofi because I don't want to possibly get sued even though the cards don't mention Trivia Murder Party in them)