honestlyghostlyfestival

[honestlyghostlyfestival]

Need an outside perspective

This probably isn't the place for this. But, just figured it's the one place I can just vent or release. Yet, I won't have to worry too much on any negativity. It just feels like everyone here just go one about their day. Post freely without worrying about offending anyone or hurting anyone.

Here goes my day or my load. I am stressing. I am atlas holding the world. I am the vessel that keeps my family afloat. Yet, I will also be the one that is ignored. I am invisible. I just wish the term invisible was literal. The stress, the weight, the burden, no one notices. My partner is my light. Yet, during my darkest hours, even the light can't shine bright enough to reach in the darkest pit of my soul to help me see the blessings of my life. My partner can't help with the burden due to health problems. So he is only here for moral support. He is the light of our house. The one that brings the happiness out of everyone.

I am drained. School is about to start. I have to make sure all is ready for them. All 5 of them. 4 will be attending high school. One is just starting school. My partner will be at home by himself. Doing what he can to maintain the work load at home so I can just relax when I get home. Honestly, it rarely happens that I get to relax. I currently have to make sure they get all their school supplies. Try and make sure they have clothes and shoes for school. Get all their schedules down. Make sure my boys got everything they need for football. Make sure I am available during the drop off and pick up times for practice. Make sure my Kindergartener will have all she needs on her first day.

Yes. Her first day. I intend to miss work to watch her transition smoothly. Yet, I am being informed that I may be going against my work contract if I miss my first 2 days of work. I work for a school. The first day back I will have to take one of my girls to her appointment. The 2nd day back is when my kindergartener will start school. Worst case, I might just go late to work on the first day.

My job: The one income we have to support our household. When they say working for the school sucks, it is true. Technically my income can't support my family of 7 each month. I have to sacrifice one bill in order to pay the other. Sometimes alternating bills. Sometimes reaching out to local resources to help with these bills or make ends meet. Yet, I stay at my job cause it is rewarding. The fact that I see I am making a difference in other childrens' lives. I just wish it was enough to support my family.

Why won't I get another job? I don't want to spend all my time working and missing out on my kids. I don't want to regret not being there for them. I want to be able to watch their games. I want to be there to cheer for them, shout their names and cheer for their teams. Something one of my girls appreciated the last school season. We have seen parents walk out on their child's game. Yell at their child and make them cry after a game. Whether it was their performance, or whatever reason, it left a lasting impression on us and our daughter. We never wanted to be those parents. We weren't. We never wanted our daughter to feel that way. She didn't. Instead, she was thankful for us showing our support. Staying till the very end. Waiting for her down by the bleachers till she was ready and walk out the gym with her. We were proud of her. She knew it too.

Those are the moments why I don't want to take a second job or work another job. I wanted to start a youtube channel. But I am camera shy. It is the one place where I felt that I could maybe make a supplemental income without making too much change to my lifestyle. I don't know. Just needed an outside perspective. Maybe there is something I can do that I am not thinking of at the moment.

There is more to my life and my story. Which I may post later. For now, I need to start dinner.

Thank you to those who have been reading and following. I appreciate you all. Please feel free to give me any ideas or suggestions.

[honestlyghostlyfestival]

Is There Ever A Good Time?

Is there ever a good time to drop all that you are doing and just live? Like be stress free no worries and go and enjoy life. Explore, being carefree without stressing over bils, a home and what you need to do but just live, breathe and be happy. Making the most of this life you only have one chance to enjoy. Is there ever a good time? Like screw all the judgements, negativities and just be free. Let your inner person show without any care in the world. Is there ever a good time?

[honestlyghostlyfestival]

[honestlyghostlyfestival]

Threats

Why do some people of this generation feel the need to threaten someone because they choose to move on with their life? C'MON. If someone finally realizes their worth. They see they have a better future without you in it. Accept it. Move on. It didn't get to that point for no reason. You either didn't do what you were supposed to. Or you were busy doing something that you shouldn't be doing. Either way. It is at that point. Just move on. Work on yourself while they do the same. Instead of throwing your life away over puppy love. That's what it is. You will survive. You will live. You will have a future. Don't ruin yours and someone else's life. Don't throw your life away. Don't catch a case and be another number added to the statistics of this nation.

Love yourself and do better. The future you will thank you. Your future family will thank you.

[honestlyghostlyfestival]

Just one of them days when you gotta bring out your ghetto hood side.

Let's go!

[honestlyghostlyfestival]

Any time you questioned yourself how you’ll manage to get through it, you did. Any obstacles, any fear you’ve had, it somehow turned out to be ok at the end. That you got through it, someway or another. You did it. And you can do it again.

k.b. // you can do it, and you did it

[honestlyghostlyfestival]

Eventually you get tired of asking people to do the bare minimum.

k.b. // @/shakirasoal84 (twitter)

[honestlyghostlyfestival]

go fund me

https://gofund.me/67832386

[honestlyghostlyfestival]

If you're telling all your friends how you don't need me, then why you tryna keep me?

k.b. // jordy - delete me

[honestlyghostlyfestival]

Haters be hating, so they try to regulate. What they need to do is check themselves, stop hating and start acting. Start making moves. Don't like they see, they need to do better. Instead of trying to kill someone else's game. Someone else's vibe. Like yo' check yourself. Go make your moves. Don't stand in another's way, stay in your lane and pave your way. Pave the way for your legacy instead of trying to take it from another. Victory isn't taking from another. Victory is claiming what is yours. Creating and paving the right path for yours. Victory will leave a sweet taste in everyone's mouth even after you are gone. Not some bitter salty juice because it was never yours to begin with. Make your way. Don't try and take away.

[honestlyghostlyfestival]

I said what I said

304 be changing their men more than they change their underwear

man 304 be changing their tricks more than they clean their d!cks

YEAH, I SAID IT!

[honestlyghostlyfestival]

50 posts!

[honestlyghostlyfestival]

Oh How Time Has Changed

Along with passing time, goes the changes of each generation. As things gets more advanced, you notice how value, time and energy has shifted as well. I remember the days when you can trust your child being out in the neighborhood. You didn't have to worry cause your child was safe at a neighbor's house. How we would show respect to our elders because we didn't want our family to look bad. How sex was an intimate act saved for marriage. It wasn't something casual that you had in every relationship you are in starting from middle school. The violence from the young generation as well. Parents were able to discipline without backlash as this was how they kept their kids in line. Now, everything is quite opposite. Kids are willing to have sex like it is a normal part of everyday life. Then they wonder why there is a lot of teen pregnancy and young underage single mothers. Kids committing crime or acts of violence. Disrespecting their elders. The community pointing fingers to the parents that they are not doing their job. How can they be parents if the government locks them up for discipline. How can they be parents when they are now forced to be a single parent household cause one parent is locked up? They wonder why their kids are no longer safe. Well look at this so called change for the better? It is not for the better. It is making it worse. Criminals have more rights than law abiding citizens. Disrespectful and unruly children have more rights than their parents. The system is pushing this world in the direction it is going. It is not for the better. Maybe for the rich it is. But not for the rest of the community. The government need to do better. Quit raising prices. Forcing parents to work to be able to provide every day necessity. That is what is causing these kids to not have that parental care at home. Who is going to be parenting when they are busy providing so that they don't end up in the streets? C'mon now. The government can do better. The communities can do better. It is time for all to work together if we intend to have a better future for our kids. Cause from the looks of it, when we are gone. They will be left in a warzone. Do better.

[honestlyghostlyfestival]

“Wait for someone who love you differently. One who can see the fire in your soul, and the child in your laugh, and the ocean in your heart.”

— Unknown

[honestlyghostlyfestival]

The past is history. It is supposed to stay in the past. Do not bring it to the present and allow it to ruin your future.

[honestlyghostlyfestival]

a ruck march... that is what life feels like when you carry baggage from your past. you do a 12 miler and instead of finishing in the 3 hour mark and drop the ruck sack, you continue going with it. you don't realize you can stop right there and set yourself free from that misery. you see so many versions of you making it to the end and actually dropping that damn sack at the finish line, but your actual self cannot seem to do it. you are so hung up on all the possibilities of how it could have been, should have been, that it has blinded your senses and you stopped feeling the heaviness you keep carrying. drop. the. ruck sack. leave it with your past self. time is up. look back with fondness on the person you used to be. the memories you made. keep the good and let go of the bad. every moment, every person who crossed paths with you, shaped you into who you are today. cherish that part of you who gave it all for the ones you loved even if it broke you. take that same energy you were willing to give to others and pour it in yourself. keep rucking, but this time do it with new experiences. a new and happy kind of baggage. and continue your journey. you got this.

- nick <3

[honestlyghostlyfestival]

Bittersweet Moment

It's sad to think that you have to have a conversation with your kids that you never want to have. Discussing your final dying wish. You have older ones, who have their own lives and families. You're having this discussion with your teens. Ones who just started high school and who are about to finish middle school. They're looking at you. With sadness and pain in their eyes. Wondering if there is a possibility of being able to have you in their life a lot longer that what the books say you have. Wondering if there is a way they can keep you here. The hurt they feel because they know your days are numbered. They know there is a possibility that you may not see them graduate or get married. Important milestones in their soon to be adult life. They are faced with that possibility. Knowing no matter what happens, it is bound to happen whether they are ready or not. It wasn't a conversation I was ready for. But it had to be done. How do I go on, living my life without my other half. One I have been with for half of my life. Literally. Half of my life on earth has been with my significant others. Yet, we are discussing the reality that we will be without him. Weighing in what is best for his health. What is best for him. This is one journey our family isn't ready for. One thing is for sure. We will make the most of our time together. We will make sure that our youngest, our 4 year old will have the best memory of her time with her dad. We want to make the most of our time together as a family. This way, when that day comes, we won't have any regrets. We will have memories to cherish forever and wonderful stories to pass on about what a wonderful man he is. What makes him, him.

*Make the most of your time with those you love. You will never know if it is your last.