heavenshrdepartment

[heavenshrdepartment]

We are not "bitchez."

You are simply jealous that we have working central air conditioning and heating systems, and Hell doesn't.

soo if theres an lower management on tumblr, is there an upper management? Just curious

Not precizely.

The clozezt there might be iz @heavenshrdepartment, but they're bitchez.

[heavenshrdepartment]

It was confiscated after he accidentally shot himself.

Why do you think we instituted the no weapons rule?

Bozs, Heaven'z HR iz evicting every demon in Heaven. Do I tell everyone to pack up? Do we juzt fuck off?

-@lower-management

*storming down the hallway to @heavenshrdepartment with My katana drawn*

EXCUSE ME!!! I DID NOT AUTHORIZE THIS!!!

[heavenshrdepartment]

Weapons are not permitted in Heaven. We will have to confiscate your katana, Jesus.

Bozs, Heaven'z HR iz evicting every demon in Heaven. Do I tell everyone to pack up? Do we juzt fuck off?

-@lower-management

*storming down the hallway to @heavenshrdepartment with My katana drawn*

EXCUSE ME!!! I DID NOT AUTHORIZE THIS!!!

[heavenshrdepartment]

How have things been since the demons moved up?

Not ideal. The demons refused to participate in our team building exercises, contaminated the water supply with gross matter (fish), and made @sandalphonsgoldteeth cry.

They have overstayed their welcome (not that they were ever welcome in the first place). It's time for them to go.

@lower-management, @ask-eric-the-disposable-demon, @fishyfiles, @the-demon-team, and all other demons currently occupying Heaven. Please accept this as official notice to vacate the premises immediately!

[heavenshrdepartment]

You are a fisher, Jesus. And you were the one who invited the demons here in the first place. You handle this.

Hi, uhm, lesser angel here. So sorry if this is not good news but there's fish in the water(?) I'm not entirely sure how it got here, but it's not really ideal.

The fish have been rerouted to the accommodations for our demon guests.

[heavenshrdepartment]

Hi, uhm, lesser angel here. So sorry if this is not good news but there's fish in the water(?) I'm not entirely sure how it got here, but it's not really ideal.

The fish have been rerouted to the accommodations for our demon guests.

[heavenshrdepartment]

the metatron keeps dating elderly human men

@the-metatron may do as he pleases. He is the Voice of God, and answers to no one but @the-almighty-god Herself.

[heavenshrdepartment]

If the demons do not wish to abide by the office code of conduct that we have in place here, they are free to return to Hell.

Our Heaven, our rules.

When is the next team building initiative and will it involve paintballs? Asking for a friend.

The term 'paint balls' is unfamiliar. Please explain.

Currently, Heaven is being occupied by demons because Hell's heating is broken. Therefore, the next team building must unfortunately include the demons.

The exercise will be karaoke duet. Angels will be paired off with demons at random, and they will have to sing a song from the Sound of Music that is selected for them, also at random.

For example, @lower-management will be singing Sixteen Going On Seventeen with their karaoke partner, @sandalphonsgoldteeth.

[heavenshrdepartment]

Your staff are hot.

- @dukedagonetohell

🐟

Yes. Unlike Hell, our central heating system is working.

[heavenshrdepartment]

All weapons, including knives, are prohibited in Heaven. If you are seen with weapons, they will be confiscated and you will sent back to the cells.

When is the next team building initiative and will it involve paintballs? Asking for a friend.

The term 'paint balls' is unfamiliar. Please explain.

Currently, Heaven is being occupied by demons because Hell's heating is broken. Therefore, the next team building must unfortunately include the demons.

The exercise will be karaoke duet. Angels will be paired off with demons at random, and they will have to sing a song from the Sound of Music that is selected for them, also at random.

For example, @lower-management will be singing Sixteen Going On Seventeen with their karaoke partner, @sandalphonsgoldteeth.

[heavenshrdepartment]

When is the next team building initiative and will it involve paintballs? Asking for a friend.

The term 'paint balls' is unfamiliar. Please explain.

Currently, Heaven is being occupied by demons because Hell's heating is broken. Therefore, the next team building must unfortunately include the demons.

The exercise will be karaoke duet. Angels will be paired off with demons at random, and they will have to sing a song from the Sound of Music that is selected for them, also at random.

For example, @lower-management will be singing Sixteen Going On Seventeen with their karaoke partner, @sandalphonsgoldteeth.

[heavenshrdepartment]

Jokez on you, ya tried to cram us but you actually gave us already more space than we uset to have.

Alzso, beware that if I spot any angelzs bugging my demonzs they will be terminated. Little to no questionzs asked.

- @lower-management

We have made room your demons, but if they fail to behave according to the code of conduct while they are visitors in our space, then they will be terminated. No questions asked.

[heavenshrdepartment]

Hey, just a heads up, if any angels are seen in Hell, Dagon will kill them on sight.

Hey, just a head's up, if any demons are seen in Heaven, Sandalphon will kill them on sight.

[heavenshrdepartment]

just a heads up all demon bureaucrats are currently relocating to Heaven with special permission from Jesus Christ Himself due to Hell's heating being broken.

- @fishyfiles

We are aware. We have set up special accommodations for them.

[heavenshrdepartment]

Fuck you, stay away from me.

- @urielwiththegoodhair

Your resignation from Heaven has been accepted.

10/12/2023 

Dear @urielwiththegoodhair, 

This letter is to formally notify you that your employment with Heaven has been terminated effective immediately due to the following reasons:  

Fraternization with the human @janeway-lover, 

Establishing a home with a human in the form of a cottage on earth,  

Communication with demons including @lower-management,  

Disrespecting @the-metatron, 

Using swear words

And more.  

Note that this decision is final and irreversible. Please contact @heavenshrdepartment if you have any questions about your salary, benefits or insurance.  

Sincerely,  @heavenshrdepartment 

[heavenshrdepartment]

uriel has a house. on earth. with a human.

Please provide the address so that we may send a housewarming present.

[heavenshrdepartment]

I feel that Archangels engaging in diplomatic relations with demons should be encouraged and even, it could be argued, is beneficial to Heaven's overall image.

- @fishyfiles

Please submit the names of all angels who have engaged in diplomatic relations with demons, so that we may reward them for their efforts.