heartsick-wench

[heartsick-wench]

Goodbye, September 2024

I have started my weight loss journey. Sort of...

The first week of my clean(er) eating began seven days ago on Mon. Sept 23. The first two days felt great! then I started to feel drained. Could it possibly be because it also happened to be the week I randomly decided to declutter and deep clean my house? maybe - maybe it was the constant cleaning, scrubbing, and sorting of things that drained me, and here I am blaming it on my diet. That's not really fair to the food, I guess. Anyway, I ended up having one 'cheat' meal on Saturday the 28th -Pasta with Vegan Parmesan cheese - it was so good! At the end of the week, I lost 2lbs - which doesn't seem like a whole lot, but considering I haven't started working out just yet... not too shabby

Here's what an example of my meals were throughout the day:

Breakfast: Coffee, Whole Grain Cereal or Oatmeal with homemade almond milk (no additives) and a slice of sourdough toast on the side.

Lunch: Peanut Butter Sandwich with a side of dairy free yogurt

Dinner: Very big salad with dark leafy greens, vegan Cesar dressing and another slice of toast

Dessert: Protein shake with frozen fruit and a serving of dairy free yogurt blended in.

Monday (today) the 30th of September, I officially started my workout journey. It is a modified version of Briana Taylors Home Workout Program. It was fairly difficult, but I was able to push through it. The program is mostly weight training and cardio, but I'm skipping the cardio for now -I know, I know! Cardio is so helpful when it comes to losing weight.... but.... at the moment, I really want to just focus on exercises that I enjoy doing.

So, I'll be checking back at the end of October, wish me luck!

[heartsick-wench]

The Struggle...

Being in my ...officially late 30s...ugh... is making it difficult to lose weight. Just getting the motivation to move my body is ridiculously hard for some reason.

But today will be the day I start my new journey.

At my highest weight ever I weighed in at 183lbs this past March (2024) -I'm only 5ft3in, so that's technically considered obese.

What drove me to want to lose weight ? ...it wasn't because I wanted to look good or felt any pressure to do so. It was because I genuinely wasn't feeling comfortable in my own body. I'd never been this big before, and so felt uncomfortable just moving around with the extra weight.

I changed my eating habits and got down to 168lbs but just a week ago, I weighed myself and now I'm back up to 172lbs.

For most of my life, I've weighed between 135 and 150, so it is just difficult for me to understand wtf happened? how did I get here?

Welp, it doesn't really matter, because I'm ready to get back.

I am vegan, but have always been a 'junk food vegan' - so I'm finally deciding to switch back to whole foods -ugh, it's going to be hard. Do-able, but fucking hard.

Here are my stats:

CW: 172

Short term GW 1: 165

Next GW: 155

Long term GW: 140

I'm not entirely sure what the fuck I'm doing but I think at this point, any change will help!

Any advice would be helpful too, if anyone's willing to give it!

as well as some inspo

[heartsick-wench]

[heartsick-wench]

I'm not entirely sure what this blog is going to be about.

I guess, I just wanted a safe space where I can be honest and where I can spill my guts or vent... If I needed to.

So here's a bit about me:

I am 36 y/o, married to a wonderful man. We are childfree by choice, and so thankful and happy for that -wouldn't have it any other way

I am very much into Skyrim and ESO, while he's into other action adventure games such as little nightmares and all of the God of War games. I haven't had much experience with tabletop games, although I was a DM for a DnD group - even though I only got to DM for two sessions, it was loads of fun - I just don't have enough experience to continue on ...and also don't have many friends

My music style is ever changing and fluid. I've always preferred to listen to metal and goth music such as, Sisters of Mercy, Bauhaus, and Switchblade Symphony... Others I love are Korn and System of a Down and the Misfits. I also love musicals and listen to Broadway show soundtracks as well, as movie musical sountracks... disney and such. Every so often, I like to listen to some spanish music, but I very much prefer anything dark and depressing when I'm happy and anything bouncy and happy when I'm sad - is that weird?

I'm NOT a fan of: Beyonce, Taylor Swift or any other pop singer except maybe Lady Gaga -I love her weirdness - and she seems to be the only one that has a darkness to her

Movies... I love musicals, but also love dark stuff... gory stuff.. . the terrifier, evil dead... classic Vincent Price movies.... Elvira movies... Silent films like Nosferatu -more for the aesthetic, I'll admit, but still has a great story (it's basically Dracula) . I also love High fantasy stuff like Lord of the Rings.

Speaking of High Fantasy, that theme tends to overflow into my favorite Tv shows: Game of Thrones, House of Dragons, The Legend of Vox Machina, The Rings of Power... I also love some Comic-related shows like, animated Batman Caped Crusader, Harley Quinn, the new Penguin is also really good. I also love buffy the vampire slayer.... the office (the american one) and What we do in the Shadows

I'm very much also into witchy stuff. Self care and protection rituals that I love to do in correspondence with the phases of the moon

)O(

In terms of spirituality, I am not a believer of a specific god or tied to a specific religion. I believe that everyone should have their individual beliefs, therefore, it's very odd to think that a single book or scripture should be "for" everyone. It should be all about morals and experiencing life and love in your own way. I do not believe in heaven of hell... I believe that when we die. that's it. there's nothing. It's sad, but also true.... believing in heaven makes the acceptance of death a lot easier, but I'm not sure that that's what happens. Then again, no one is... right? In the end, we won't know until we get there, so I'll just wait and see.

I love creating things and doing things with my hands... whether it's junk journals, paintings, sculpting, or just sketching... crafting and creating things is what I've always been interested in since I was a child. My Problem is that I always jump from one thing to another, never fully focusing my creative energy into one medium - which would make it difficult for me to create a career out of anything of my talents. Here's a link to my youtube channel for an example of my junk journals: https://www.youtube.com/@VintageJournalJunkie

Currently my goal is to lose some weight. I am 36 y/o, 5ft 4in, and I weigh 172lbs, which is considered overweight. Ugh. My diet is vegan. But, I'm a junk-food vegan. I wish it were easy for me to be one of those healthy vegans who eat mostly vegetables and grains cooked at home daily.... but tbh, i don't know how to live without vegan pizza, cakes, sodas and fries. Why do I want to lose weight? I just don' t feel like myself in my body anymore. I feel like I'm not myself and so uncomfortable. Ten Years ago, I was working out 6 days a week, drinking lots of water and had actual abs that you could see! wtf happened? I've been eating badly, and sitting on the couch playing video games and snacking all day - that's what happened. As much as I love gaming, I need to change my lifestyle up a bit. I would love to be able to cosplay as some of the sexy characters in the games I play -that would be awesome!

Being in my mid-30s means a higher libido, so I've also really been into exploring things sexually with my husband, and making things fun is always worth while. We've known each other for about 20 years, have been dating for about 16, and married for almost 8. He's the best!

anyway, that's all about me and some of the possible themes I may be posting about in this blog