ghostinxgiaw

[ghostinxgiaw]

i tend to fall in love with the ones that don't love me back....

its happened again.

-O.

[ghostinxgiaw]

N CHERRY AVE.

"I've mistaken our memories as dreams or mere imagination

It's easy to do so when he doesn't know what he's done. I walk where we once stepped, passing the roads we once sped down, free. Does he roam these very streets as I do, with our whisper of history following around? Does he remember the way I do? Does it hurt you the way I hurt? Left in his old town,  his traces lingering everywhere.

shadows of who we once were, hand in hand escaping our worlds. talking of endless things

And how the rain enjoys its stay here, as i stand beneath.

  "It's    as    if    I've   always    known   you"

Searching for me through the teardrops, you wrapped me in you instantly

To be young and dance in our adoration

To have you next to me became my greatest addiction.

the years grow upon one another, as our branches separate ways

His Cherry eyes have begun to fade as his smile no longer burns in my mind

everyone stranger has begun to be glimpses of him

Time has never been kind to us, stealing all my last pieces of you

Running to every avenue in hopes of seeing you

Fearful that he's already forgotten about me

"Next   time,   you'll   be   the   one   to   take   me   around"

His last promise to me

the sun starts to set beyond the gray clouds and I carry the last of us with me. each embrace wrapped in the moment you parted from me. the first time, when you stood beside me and said hello. and the last, when you refused to look at me.

I hope you find someone to love

As I remember you, passing N Cherry Ave."

- signed, your old lover

[ghostinxgiaw]

╭─────────╮

  M A R C H

╰─────────╯

the earth slowly blooms a new spring , and I am still.

could I ever fall in love again? . . .

life is moving on and the wind from it is almost blowing against as I round my corner

locking away my past or trying to heal from it was last winter's war .

Ive chosen to live for today, hoping for a better tomorrow

as the rain starts to settle, I feel my heart skip over and over, confusion creeping over me

I ask again , could this be the one? . . .

how to admit the fear in your stomach from digging up old senses of love? deja vu whispers to me once more. what it was once like to first fall and feel like you're soaring.

would I be able to let myself bloom?

the sun starts to peak through the grey clouds, and feel its rays spread kisses over my skin

I've been thinking of someone new all day

if the waves were to crash against us, could we stand still? shore being the home of the world's dreams. how wonderful would it be if everyone was free, like we could be. . .

to be a human is to be hesitant

to be a woman is to build walls around your heart

to have pain is to never forget the hurt

but our dreams prevailed all

come and find me

I dream to see what happens next, as the trees rebirth our ground and the air becomes light

tonight, under the moon, dreams will be the safety. and maybe, someday, me and him can walk together

- Opal

[ghostinxgiaw]

midnight letter notes

‪· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

[ghostinxgiaw]

"The Scorpion's Love Story"

-O.

[ghostinxgiaw]

"Freedom Fantasy"

extra short by OpalxRoade

[ghostinxgiaw]

"Freedom Fantasy"

what if I went away?

and if I left all I knew at the doorstep of yesterday. And I took my first steps towards tomorrow?

the sun would rise a new day, the world will wake up and I would be part of it

Could I do such a grand action? Would I be loved or loathed for it?

Would God protect me? Or would I fend for myself?

I ask these questions watching as the world rose and started to pass me by

"no no I couldn't, it would not be possible..."

the single seed of an idea has been planted in my mind...

what if I could? and what if I did go away?

Just how far could I get?

before I heard my mother calling after me

before my heart changes and I turn back around

before I realize there is no escape or running away

before I accept that this is where I must stay, forever and beyond

and I will never be part of the world, but a bystander watching from the outskirts

and I am still pondering from my window sill, as the sun rises a new day and the world wakes up

what if I went away?

- O.

[ghostinxgiaw]

"When?"

my heart rate ran slow

my eyelids were heavy

nauseous, on my own two feet

as I stood in a pool of my own demise

I picked up the shears, cutting away at locks that once hung past my shoulders

with each snip, I anticipate that rush of relief

that never came

I layed down, holding my knees to my chest

inhale... remember to do that

exhale... do it again. I remind myself, fearing i'm starting to forget

i can't seem to remember much

i took a deep breath

inhale

hold

i let it run down my throat, into my lungs

exhale

i choke, the burn from the smoke killing against my throat, waiting to feel lighter

i fell deeper, i felt weaker

i scratched, my nails dug in my skin

a little bit harder, a little bit faster

until i break my skin, hoping to relieve the brewing itch

and i showered. longer than i did the day before

i scrubbed my skin with deeply soaped sponges

i scrubbed until my skin was raw and red

i let the water burn my skin

and i scrubbed

and i felt dirty

and then i closed my eyes

not to rest, not to dream

to escape, is what i desired

what was found was not the escape i longed for

i fell into my own hell

my mind playing cruel tricks on me

taunting me, as i chased for a true escape, freeing myself from torment

i saw glimpses, of one's memories

not of my own, but of another

not someone i recognize, she was from the other

i watched as she smiled, while i cried

as she strutted while i ran

her eyes wide

my own rolling back into my head

and hatred brewed

pure envy

intense feelings for someone i did not know

how much i'd kill to be you

so when?

when will i be free?

free me of this hell, this torment

these thoughts hurt more than a hundred blades could

this day feels heavier than the last

this night succumbs me more and more

when?

my skin bled as my lungs burned, my eyes sore and my head hung low

a thousand pounds of weight stood tall on my shoulders

the weaker my heart grew

will there be a when?

the day i remember to breathe

when relief is brought to me as my eyes were wide

or do i wait? for the sweet song death has played blissfully in my ears?

a sorrowful tune, anticipating it's grand orchestra?

will that be when?

when i no longer tell myself to breathe?

when it's not needed

no scratching, bathing, or smoking could fix

when the shears cut just a little bit more than my dark dead locks

is that when?

death stands on the doorstep

silently and patiently

with an open hand, drapped in the fortnight's shadow

peacefully ready to fulfill the plan

to take me to the next land

so when?

do i sign on the dotted line

my life and soul away

my body withers and falls, finally

and I've reached the truest escape of all

when shall that be?

do i wait or take the leap to my own victory?

the girl laughed

i wailed

time makes its own run, while i think

do i stay? and wait for my turn? when my days become of what it was, as it was?

or do i make my final goodbye

of what's left

when?

when will i decide?

when do i go?

when will it all come back to me?

when can i become her?

when will my torment end?

when can i finally escape?

and so i ran

to the ends of the earth

over and over again

to find myself back to the start

when? when does it end?

- O.

[ghostinxgiaw]

"Mi Vida, Mi Vida, Mi Vida"

Under his gaze, I unfold

My hidden treasures and secrets, my undenying addictive aura

wanted each taste of him too

Given the chance, there is much I could do

Law and Nature forbade any form of a rendezvous

Nonetheless, he desperately wants to paint me over with black and blue

Under my spell, I could have him

Kissing my cheeks softly was no longer enough

Our high walls grew so slim

Closer, and closer, he inched and crawled

His heart was now in my hostage and cuffs

I wanted his love all over me

I built our dreams, my fantasies overtaking my sanity

In roses we' d lay, hiding from the forbidden world, rolling in our euphoria and embrace

In a room full of venomous men, he stood tall, coming to to hold my hand

No mind was ever paid to me, yet his very eyes persisted to search for my essence

And my time became more impatient

"Mi vida, Mi Vida, Mi Vida" he wailed, tears overflowing

How tortured he felt, forced to go about the world without my love and lust

My old man, sweet and kind, only wish to bless me with tenderness..

how could he have known I had none of my own?

A man, he truly is

He walked with respect and manners, he saw me for who I was

The first to touch me delicately, and spoke the love language of my spirit

Standing so close, my stinger will strike him knowing he desperately wished so

He'd call me "pretty" finally, begging to toss it from his tongue

And we'd hide in the forsaken shadows, away

from the temple and the father's eyes, pouring into one another

Until tomorrow and ever, I sit quietly

Rocking my graced feet back and forth ever so

skillfully

Flowers embellishing my hair, my fruitful disguise

Wanting me became something he could not hide

Under me, I'd have all of him

And he'll take each part of me

He was too sweet for his own self.

How could he have known, I was destined to ruin him?

- O.

[ghostinxgiaw]

"Rosaline's Son"

I can feel you next to me

Violating my soft soul and twisting your special aura with mine

I know you hear my thoughts and play dance in my mind

As I do you

And now my question is, were any of those words true?

I let myself wonder if he was meant to break me...

Time was never our easy companion, two years sent us oceans apart. He doesn't recognize me and I don't recognize him. I sat next to him, pondering in our forsaken silence.

What went wrong?

How can love quickly change to hatred? How can I convince myself so deeply to believe I hate this love of you?

How can I unlock your hidden thoughts? How can I make you look at me?

I think he wanted to hurt me.

His sweetness was bitter

Pouring his affections into others, feeling his coldness and cruelty. How can he hold her and forget when he held me? I know he's thinking of me in the end.

"Can't you see

Hear me when I say I still stand here before you and after, waiting and hoping, praying you'd walk back in, kissing the ground with each step

Instead you hold the suspense hostage, never meeting my eye and convincing us we are strangers. You could not lie to the moon, she knew all the secrets. And the very blazing star shined into each cracks, no darkness reached. You know we are not strangers, found in some point of distant history, our souls were ours. We met in the middle, at a single split in time, where my life aligned yours, too brief than these eyes blinked. A quick and simple love blossomed, wisking away while time began to move again, stepping farther from us. You felt it too. Do not pretend you don't feel me, do not pretend that deep in the mellows of your mind and soul

It is me you want

It is me you set your wishes to. Knowing those eyes is reciting a told Bible verse, I knew it more than the back of my hand.

No amount of your continous deception and cruelty can take away from God's written will that your heart belongs to me. Our lives, now and past, have crossed. "

Blinded by my emotions, I could not yet see my words did no misery to him. And what I thought I witnessed...

He took a small chance to me...

I took mine to him...

He cowardly fell back into his ways, leaving me empty handed at his window sil. Walking away, reminding me I am not his first choice.

I knew he wanted to hurt me.

And I let him.

He denies his impossible desire

Shutting out all the world's possibilities, my mind reads to me.

"Can't you take and receive

The passion I have drained my well for you

Lend me a samaritan's hand and give me one last pity dance

Humor my soul and pumping heart once more

Save your deceives for some filler distraction. This will be my final call. But know this, by God's will and the universe's story, our lives have crossed, this life and the next, a tale as old as time. Know that the knot will be tied tightly in this one and in the next, despite your efforts. You are not the love of my life. I am yours, it was written to me by the Suns. I let you go rosaline's son. This will be our final ending to a silent love's destruction. May I find warmth in someone else's hands for this frigid heart."

Pouring me out for him, he stood untouched and tall before my near breaking body. I stared back, grasping at any chances left of my spirit and strength. I could not show him that he's broken me.

And I left straight away, my lover left lonely in the past pages

- O.

[ghostinxgiaw]

"Stay with Me"

I wish he was the same as he is in my dreams

The look in his eyes, there was absolutely no deny, you couldn't even lie to the skies

He'd look to me with curiosity, carefulness, and love

I meet him every night, feeling like seconds to me

Flying across my mind with him by my side

"Stay with me."

I beg to hand his words back to him

He loves to break my heart, over and over again

Love me as you did when we were kids, true and kind.

Awake, he loves to hurt me, not by his hands but by his cruel heart

Refusing to look me in my eyes

Turning a cold blue shoulder to me

Forgetting all the things we once were.

Stay with me, don't go...

Give me a twisted piece of your affection

The very least I ask is to never forget me

Don't loathe me, even if you don't love me.

I'll sleep forever if it is him waiting for me in my dreams

I'll reside by him if I have to

I'll walk away forever if it means I can walk with his memory untainted

I'll die happily if he lays me down gently, even if I was slain by him.

Don't forget me. Stay with Me.

Opal

[ghostinxgiaw]

"absolute love language"

The act of love, the choice to love deeply, to lead with love, to give love, to receive it.

It is the look of two souls, drawing to one another

Friends and so, hand intertwining with the other

A lovely distant memory close to the heart

A smile from a stranger

It is the love bite left on a shoulder

The Sun's first kiss to the clouds of the morning skies

The Moon joining the stars in fortnight.

How can dear Love do this, shining her bright light?

To what do we do owe her prescence, the greatest gift from above?

He told me he's never met anyone like me, his words understood the language of my heart

First love of our youths, our smiles reflecting well

Absolute divine love from God and to him, and to his son, and to his children

Mother said to be careful with my love, but I am overtaken and infatuated with you.

So this is love?

Is it always true?

It is not painful, it is not mean, it gives and nurtures, it is truthful, it is the greatest challenge of a gift.

She yelled to me, her life has been blessed with me

How do I enunciate my glee?

My arms wrapped her straight up, this must be

Love.

It is the churchbells after sunday service

It is the first slice of a dessert

It is the final rest before tomorrow

It is the paint strumming across our canvases

It is the memories and dreams dancing in my mind

Mother singing me to my slumber.

Love Love Love, special to thee

Does she know just how special she can be?

- opal

[ghostinxgiaw]

"Impala Dream Rd."

She was Midnight Blue, through and through

Soaring with her felt like a speed breeze from heaven's angel wings

There was nothing she couldn't do.

Took us to where our wildest dreams lied

She kept revving, she couldn't stop, not even if she tried.

We smiled at her, thanking her for our ride

A kiss, she returned, promising to always abide.

Singing together, we laughed, knowing she'd crash us blissfully into our adolescence

Endless late nights calling our names

She couldn't wait to take to the stage.

On Dream Rd. , here we all go!

Far far and far away, no one knows.

Young and Free

We can always be, with she

Express away to the High way, we felt taller than the sky

Never let this moment die

Laughing as she drove us to above and beyond

This memories will always live on.

My dearest sweet, drive me all the way home

I'll lock up on my way out, no harm done

Until tomorrow, this night has just begun.

Free, we shall always be

Young, we hope to stay

Take me to my desired path, we're ready to glide on by today.

-opal

[ghostinxgiaw]

"Candy Love!"

He was so so sweet

He smelled like the fresh ocean sea and vanilla cream

Talking to him felt permitted and almost wrong, in every right way.

Close to him was always miles away

But he was mine, always mine, only mine

"Don't worry, baby" sang like it was speaking to something inside us.

Now he stands at the end, his back to me, his hands no longer holding mine

He said forever, he promised me, with his sugar candy lips.

Sweet and Sour sour sour

His heart had completely devoured

My love was thrown to him and he has it, now and ever

With him gone, it felt so right, that it was wrong.

He spins me around and around in my dreams

Eating candy treats and ice cream with me, reminding me he's mine

Together forever, he said, only in here I said.

Cherry eyes and his honey soul

I begged and begged for more

He smiles

I awoke, and I cried.

Our love is sweet and sour sour sour

It had died

He wasn't so sweet when he was here

But in my deep mind and heart, he was ever.

My candy love slips and spins, snatches and rewards.

I love it. And I love you.

Until death do us part? Never.

[ghostinxgiaw]

"My Special Stranger"

standing before me is something I can not recognize

this being, this aura, this space, all unfamiliar

what i once knew so well became a distant memory

and who are you, standing before me?

staring straight through me

unspoken and empty, as if you have nothing to give.

feeling as if I am at fault, I retreated

running back to the hills

hiding in my small comfort place

where our dreams and souls soared

time standing still

as I smile at what once was true, for me and you.

in these beating moments I saw so much and so little

i've felt as if I've been spat on

stared at in deep disgust

more than that, I am the nuisance.

it tore shamelessly and brutally in half, my heart, all over again

breaking into a thousand and one pieces.

you've taken my love, you've taken my compassion, I have nothing left to give.

so who are you? not like I once knew, you are someone new

my sweet love has long since been dead

devastation washing over me

there is nothing left.

slamming away into my shadows

you went and so did I.

my once intertwining soul, and now my sweet stranger

who are you?

what has happened to you?

-Opal

[ghostinxgiaw]

"More."

she had hoped for more.

it was late, the lights beamed from all around, and the noise boomed in her ears

everything she had wanted

she had heard the sounds of joy, saw the embraces all around her, heard the laughter

everything you could expect from a night like this

yet the laughter felt sinister, and she felt ashamed

and the embraces were some she could only wish for, those sounds of euphoria felt dreadful on her end

'burden' is the word that came to her mind

the lights hurt her eyes, the noise was too much, it was late and she was suffocating

and she ran, ran, ran to where ever she found safety and quiet

only there is when she drowned, drowned in the sea of sirens and her own hatred

she felt envious, she felt little

'pretty' is the word that came to her mind

not in the reflection of her own but from what her dull eyes could see

what floated over her was something she hadn't felt in what felt like dreams ago, something she thought was dead and buried

and she wished nothing more to escape

there was no where to go but to endure the pain until it was over

she prayed to the lord above that it would be over soon

let it be over soon.

and as it all unraveled, coming to what seemed of an end, she stood still

the noise fell quiet, her blood stopped rushing, she could feel her eyes wonder off and her heartbeat slowly pump

a few moments of quiet before the true ending

it came, rushing out, and she fell

fell deep back into what she thought was gone

she trembled as it ripped out of her, over and over again, sobbing into the thin air, wishing this sick feeling would leave her heart

but it didn't.

the tears became permanent to her skin, and she laid there through the night waiting for it to end

her eyes were blurred and her mind scrambled with slurred memories of what occurred

and for what she desired the night was going to take her, she had hoped for more

maybe some other time.

- opal

"beauty is in the eye of the beholder"

[ghostinxgiaw]

"eyes, only yours, never mine"

if i could draw your eyes, i would draw them a thousand times

they're indescribable, infectious, i wish everyone could see what i see

only your eyes could be so true

if i could write pages about them, i'd write books, never ending ones

i have never once in my life seen ones like yours, delicate, soft, wide and bright

they never fail to make me falter

i wish i could see them again

i loved the way they looked when you were off gazing to the side

or the way they lit up when you spoke about your passions

i've never seen them sad, but i'm sure they'd still find a way to stay beautiful through the tears

and they were the best in the sun

even on gloomy days, they still found a way to be bright

they never failed to stay beautiful

if i could keep your eyes in my life, i would

i'd find a way through the blocks in between us

the way your eyes would look at mine made me nervous, but now i'd give anything to look in mine again

just once

and the way i want them to

only your eyes are my favorite

i know what you thought of mine, you've never said but i can see through yours

they did you no trouble

i pray they find mine again, even if its not the way i want them to

if i could find the words to describe your eyes, i'd never stop speaking of them

so special, God if you just knew

your eyes are like no other

may they stay beautiful

[ opal ]

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