fyredraka

[fyredraka]

Book Reviews of Jane Austen's book, Emma, for IB literature. The Fault in Our Stars, by John Green.

Dated 23/2/2012, re-edited 02/03/2024

Sorry if I haven't posted as often as I should, however, I have been swamped with multiple assignments. I had the great desire to launch a radio drama, however this was not achieved. I'm not sure if I will ever get around to doing radio dramas. Perhaps a podcast would be possible. Of what topic I am not sure.

As for creative projects. I wrote a monologue/soliloquy for Jane's Austen book, Emma, for IB Literature class. (I have no clue if this was every submitted) I disliked this book at the time but now I have learnt to appreciate it greatly. Trying to read this work was like trying to trudge through wet cement waist deep. To Jane Austen fans, I am sorry if this offends you. I just deeply dislike reading books that waffle on and on and on. These books that waffle on are not books that I enjoy spending time on, and this continues to be true to this day. I find romantic dramas dull, until I am very hormonal and want to elicit tears.

In comparison, I managed to finish John Green's book, The Fault in Our Stars in less that 18 hours (when I mean less than, what I intend is that I couldn't be bothered to calculate how much time it took for me to sleep or eat or attend classes, but what I do know is that I read it very quickly). It made me cry four times in thirty minutes, and I generally did not cry easily (now this is different). Only certain pieces of literature make me cry, such as the end of the Eragon cycle or if one of my favorite characters died in Harry Potter. I consume fantasy literature with a great voracity. I read and eat, I stay up until I no longer can and then sleep until noon or deal with the sleep deficit during the day. This continues until I am done with the book.

For this reason I have stopped reading books in general because my passions consume me, and I fear this. However now I have coping mechanisms. I write my thoughts, I write summaries, I reflect. I put time slots to organize myself. I have developed a great passion for food and cooking and having restful sleeps. I now prioritize my own sanity and well being over my passions. I hate cramming and pulling all-nighters. I need consistency and personal summaries, to think creatively and analytically. I do follow logical flows and can identify patterns, long before the majority of people become concerned. My traumas have left my senses hyper-keen. Multi-generational trauma and having to survive the Amazon has left me keen. I appreciate my hearing and attempt to protect it. I appreciate nature and all its values. We need to learn to live in harmony with nature, before we exhaust all our natural resources and destroy our own planet. By 2025 we will reach a tipping point. To return to the main topic at hand…

If I were to review the Fault in Our Stars, I would give it a 5/5 because it was EXCELLENT. It will bring laughter, tears, and hopefully you will want to read it again and again, because I have read this book multiple times and have watched the movie multiple times. I let one of my friends borrow the book, so I cannot read it again… until yet another friend of mine reads it… which probably means I will not be in the presence of this book until a month or so from now (sighs). That and yet another, third friend, wants to read it, a male friend… so I am not so sure how well he will appreciate the book.

And you (John Green) do have typos in the first chapter of The Fault in Our Stars… that or you actually meant to say "lo"…

[fyredraka]

The Best Thing

Dated 28/2/2012, re-published 02/03/2024.

If I were to say this is the best thing that has ever occurred, I'm not exactly reassured that this actually is. Because honestly I haven't lived that long, And yet it seems like I have been going strong, But all along I have been lost in the world. If I were to say that this was, well yes during this pause, it is indeed.

[fyredraka]

“You don’t need to be better than any one else you just need to be better than you used to be.”

— Wayne W. Dyer

[fyredraka]

Bystanders

Notes: A short story. Setting: random city that rains a lot in America. They're in highschool in Junior year (11th grade). I wonder if I'm missing anything else. Ah yes, the time frame isn't important and… I'm not an expert on diseases so I didn't mention anything in detail.

It's a heavy short story with cancer, suicidal intentions, and death. Loosely inspired by the Fault in Our Stars by John Green and Twilight. I had published it on tumblr in 2013 and thankfully someone reposted it (or rather copy-pasted it and tagged my handle into it). I have edited it briefly to fix some small things.

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The sunlight burned. I wondered why it had to be today of all the days for it to be sunny in the rainiest city in the world. It is today that my… friend is to be locked away into the earth. Or rather, less melodramatically, buried.

Yes, there is a funeral procession and a whole bleak circus of relatives and friends. If only he could see us now. 

When I met him at age seventeen it was probably the sunniest day this city had seen in years. Of course, when you're allergic to the sun that is probably one of the worst days to be seen. I doubt you'd want to be seen with a blistering rash all over your face as if you were born with some horrible deformity.

It's not that I particularly looked horrid that day that really matters though. What matters is Daniel.

 We first caught a glimpse at each other at the hospital. I had gotten a deliciously crispy rash that was killing me and Daniel was leaving the hospital. We were in the same room for about 30 seconds, we didn’t know the other existed and it was perhaps the most unmemorable experience. Yet when we met again at school he had this sense of déjà vu.

 I was sitting under the shade; the sun had decided to appear momentarily enough for the first lesson of P.E. of our junior year to be held outside. I thought I was the only one sitting on the damp grass under this massive oak tree, but I heard a sigh. I peeked my head from around the tree and there he was.

“I know you.” He said.

“What?”

“We’ve met before somewhere… I can’t remember”

I remember thinking to myself, God what a cheesy pickup line. What does he want?

“Ummmm…”

“Ah, just forget it.”

“…Well hopefully you don’t pick up girls with that line otherwise they would avoid you like the plague.”

He looked at me with a pained look and attempted to smile.

 “Too close to home?” I asked.

“No no, it’s quite alright. I may as well have the plague, it’s pretty much the same anyways.”

“What’s pretty much the same?”

“Cancer.”

“Oh… well I don’t believe a person should be characterized by their bodies’ failures. I’m Nikki by the way.”

“Daniel.”

 We sat there for a few minutes in silence.

“You’re not doing P.E. because…?” Daniel asked.

“I’m allergic to the sun.” I looked up towards the sky, cursing at it silently.

“How are you not dead?”

“How aren't you?”

Again silence.

Finally admitting defeat he sighed out, “Touché”.

I smiled, he smiled and we sat back again in a more comfortable silence.

I guess as friends typically do we became closer and talked more. His friends, with their long lives, lead him to internally agonize over his early expiry date. He kept them at an arms length with his jokes and snide remarks. I, however, was an exception. How on earth did possessing a crackling rash caused by the sun become such a good thing? I have no idea.

Sometimes after school we would meet up at an old record shop affectionately called Tim’s to take shelter from the rain. Daniel always visited the shop after school since his girlfriend, Anna, worked there. I wasn’t quite sure why she had a job in the first place. For pocket money? For something else? Regardless, it seemed like a relatively relaxed place.

It was strange seeing them together. Anna was always bright and cheery whenever Daniel appeared and she reveled in his attention. Daniel on the other hand would look around, slightly bored, and would amuse her occasionally. It took me a while to ask Daniel why he put up such a charade, but when I finally did he sighed and asked me, “Is it really that obvious?”

“Yes. It looks like you’re just leading her on.”

“So what if I am?”

I started to glare at him.

“Okay, okay”, he said, “I just can’t break up with her.”

“And why is that?”

“Because I saved her life.”

I stared at him quizzically.

“We were childhood friends and at the age of 7 she and I were being driven to the pool and…”

“And…?”

He mournfully looked at me and replied softly, “A drunk driver swerved into us and killed her parents. The car was about to explode and she wouldn’t get out of the car. I promised her that if she got out of the car that I would always be there for her. She got out and we ran as far away as we could. The car exploded, and ambulances and some police cars came soon afterword.”

“Jesus.”

“Yea… she lives with relatives, but they’re not on the best of terms and she’s working so she can have enough money to enroll into college somewhere.”

“I’m sorry.”

He smiled sadly, “That’s just how the world works sometimes.”

“What’ll happen though…”

“When I die? Ah, hopefully she’ll be fine. Find someone else.”

“What about you though?”

“What about me?”

“Don’t you ever wish that…”

“I wasn’t dating her?”

I nodded.

“Sometimes, but hey, it doesn’t matter really. I’ll die way before I have a chance of having a serious relationship.”

I stared at him.

“What?”

“What about living life the way it should have been, as if you didn't have cancer?”

“For her, I’ll sacrifice anything.”

The days went by pretty quickly after that. Hours turned into days and days turned into a few months. Daniel and I would hang out more and more with his friends. As a result I eventually noticed that he had stopped visiting the music store. We were walking past it in the rain, just the two of us one day and I decided to bring it up.

“Why don’t you visit Anna anymore?”

He glanced at me and paused. “I took into consideration what you said the other day. I thought about it for the longest time, and you’re right, I’m going to die. I should be living by my own words. Anyways, it’s more convenient this way, it’ll be less hard on Anna if I do this instead of just dying.”

“Makes sense, but you said you would sacrifice anything for her. Your upcoming death has never changed anything. You still go to school; you’re not going off to explore the world and do bucket-lists. So what really changed your mind?”

“Maybe it has something to do with –“ Daniel stopped suddenly. Anna was looking at us. Her face looked all puffed up as if she had been crying for hours. Her eyes were red.

“So this is why!” The whole street was staring at her. Daniel went up to her and they conversed for a few seconds and she ran off.

“Anna!” He yelled as chased after her, his feet pattering on the soaked concrete. I followed in hot pursuit, sloshing through puddles to gain lost ground.

She had run all the way to the open platform metro station by the time we caught up with her. The train was quickly approaching and I could clearly see what she was to attempt. Suicide.

The train was whistling in warning, the rain was roaring, the people were chattering and suddenly all I could hear was the blood rushing in my ears. What I could see though was crystalline. Daniel had managed to grab Anna’s arm, but she was moving too quickly. He took upon him her momentum and pulled her backwards, slipping on the slick pavement in the process. He had managed to turn to face our direction and I swear I heard him say, “I love you” underneath the sound of rushing blood.

There were dozens of people surrounding, they could have stopped him or helped him. Instead they stood around as bystanders, shocked. I didn’t know what to do. I stood there, not being able to mentally comprehend what I just witnessed. Anna was on the floor, sobbing. By the time the paramedics came they were redundant. He was dead. There was nothing to do. Anna was a mess still and I was not processing the scene in front of me. Of course denial is the first step of the five steps to grief, but I never really made it past that step. Then again, from the beginning I knew that he was going to die.

[fyredraka]

About me bonus

I had a blog post here under the same handle, but deleted it about 5 years ago. I regret deleting it, but one must move forward.

I will repost whatever I had from the time slowly.

[fyredraka]

A little history about me

For some context for future posts:

I'm in my early 30's. I have travelled a lot in my life, I am legit the description of Sagittarius but with a lot of chaotic good/neutral energy shoved in. The occult and zodiacs are all fun and games until it starts fitting so perfectly. I prefer not to take those things so seriously.

I'm a mix between a stoic, hedonist, and a realist. I greatly appreciate romanticism. My favorite works are fantastical realism that take the mysteries of the world and tries to anchor them into reality. I am a walking contradiction, and I like it that way. People are imperfect and variable, so am I.

I have been through a lot of shit in my life, if you're rude, you're getting blocked. If you're a needy pest, you'll be blocked. I am generally chill and kind but I will verbally smack you to the ground if you start testing me... or just block you. My wrath is something fierce and I like to keep it under lock and key.

I am a native in English (I prefer using US), and I can communicate in Italian at an intermediate high level (but this varies from day to day). I am interested in learning rudimentary Portuguese (BR), French, German, Chinese, and Hungarian. As much as I like Spanish, I almost failed it in high school.

I am very interested in sociology, anthropology, and animal behavior.

[fyredraka]

(by yapan12)