fractal-patterns

[fractal-patterns]

When you want the results faster

I was never trained in painting, but I love painting. I just hate that they always turn bland or straight up ugly. But I never studied how to paint. I just like the thought that whenever I paint (which is only twice a year) it should turn out good, and when they don't, my mood turn sour.

Somehow I got myself a huge board canvas and cut it into tiny pieces. My goal is to make a beautiful canvas photo album. I started with a reference photo of a fabric. I was frustrated the entire time doing it because I don't know color theories, or blending techniques, or the fact that acrylic dries too fast so it uses a layering technique. And worse, the reference photo has two different colored light sources. It was hard.

I was mad, angry at myself, complaining all the time. Yet I persist. It was just a mere 15x7cm canvas anyway. I should be able to finish it within an hour.

After three hours, I was done with the painting. It didn't turn out exactly like the photo (also because my linearting sucks haha) but it is finished! The silhouette is there, the colors look nice, it's not the best of the generation but it's the best of myself. I'm proud of it.

In theee hours of frustration and messy whining, I learned the basics of color theory (I was searching as I do the project), layering of colors, techniques to not waste the fast-drying acrylics on the palette, and I even developed an efficient workspace organization to make it easier for me to work. I learned the names of colors, too! Like ultramarine blue, phthalo blue and green, burnt sienna, burnt umber, titanium white, etc.

Funny how doing one realistic photo reference forced me to learn as much as I can for 3 hours. The thing is, I did something and I learned something, while suffering the entire time, but I went through it. Now I am braver to suffer through to a process, because I know I will learn more. In the next page after that, I was still struggling, but much lesser than before. I used my learnings from the past to acquire new learnings in the present.

In our journey to self-improvement, there are moments in which we think finishing a book will improve us drastically already, so we slow down and not read the book at all. We think we can get results by watching life guru videos and sharing these findings to others as if we have lived the lifestyle our entire lives, or worse, let it shower our ego to the point that we think we are already better than others so we don't need much work at all. Sometimes, I even think the term "self-improvement" has become capitalized so much that life gurus want us to hate ourselves so we can purchase their expensive 'online courses' and books. For years I have bought these books, only to learn more from a novel and its plethora of fanfictions. We like shortcuts from materials, but we do not know that a long journey is the best material.

Expose yourself to a learning process, and BE AWARE that it is a learning process, and not a final output. You are allowed to make mistakes, and in every mistake, take out the lesson, not the dread. Do not be afraid to repeat the same learning experience over again, heck maybe it could be a lifestyle, who knows. But go on a journey. Just go. Some would have a literal journey, like going to another country and learning the trade of tourism and absorbing other cultures. Some would go on a spiritual journey by enrolling in a monastery or entering seclusion. Some would wish to learn compassion, so it's better to practice it by volunteering and meeting more people to share your compassion with than staying at home reading the bible. Some would start small by having a weekend off in another island/state. The thing is, go on a journey. Your emotions will be exposed, your patience will be tested, your talents will be used, and your skills will be developed.

Just go on a journey.

Be patient on how long you need to do this journey.

Don't rush improvement while only sitting. Don't expect to always do it perfectly the first time.

[fractal-patterns]

The thing about "I Am" affirmations is that it feels uncomfortable because I do not want to have an ego identity and consciousness. I just want to melt into nothingness. Existence is Pain.

[fractal-patterns]

I'm Allowed To Rest My Heart

Oh many, many, tell me

That life is meant to be lived with others and for others

To destroy for love and be destroyed for love

To use and be used

To suffer and cause suffering

"Nobody can protect you from that, and living alone won't either, for solitude will also break you with its yearning"

It's part of being human

To be in constant storm in the middle of the sea and be bruised inside the ship and also bruise the ship.

This does not feel aligned with my soul at all.

Oh many, many, tell me

That solitude is unrealistic and sad

That I will give in, for the human heart is fickle

"Be impulsive like the rest of us!"

I know how it feels to slide down the cliff, now I float above the clouds.

"Come out and feel emotions!"

I have long chased happiness in the streets, now I live in peace

"Be free!"

I am. I am not restricting myself. I just went out of the real cage made by ego.

I feel that I have lived many lives restless just to feel human, to know humanity, to contribute to civilization.

Now, in my last life cycle, I am allowed to rest my heart, to live in solitude, to give myself joy only I could produce. I am permitted to leave quietly, like I have never been here. Without legacy, without marks, good or bad. I am just the wind that passed by.

God says I am allowed to rest my heart.

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"Oh, language has become so different! They call our nightcore as sped up tiktok, how infuriating." Language naturally evolves, and older generations naturally lament this. What am I supposed to do? Be upset about it? I have so many worries in my list already, I shall not to add pop-culture in it. I live on a farm, my crops are being monitored by a giant eyeball that could laser it any time. The sky is always daylight albeit the absent sun. Faceless children dance in circles endlessly in the next field. Pop culture is the least of my worries I tell you.

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But wasn't it obvious to God what I wanted? Would God actually need a sophisticated ritual just to hear a simple prayer? If I need a ritual to be heard, then I guess God is not all-powerful and all-knowing.

Or perhaps, it is not God we are praying to?

[fractal-patterns]

Nothing beats the confidence of a person who holds no meaning in life

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[fractal-patterns]

Why knowing your future could be bad?

So let's say you're dealing with a real future-reader. That reader will scan the universe of the futures that is tied to your energy signature then see what's going on there.

The catch is, you have the same energy signature in every universe. Those futures she had seen has not yet been linked to their respective presents, and she just made a random scan and caught the first match of energy signature to you.

So she tells you this future. Whether you believe it or not, the universe this future came from will be YOUR UNIVERSE, because it had came to your mind and you have attracted all possibilities that will lead to that future all because YOU KNEW. Law of attraction going on there. The more you defy it, the more you think about it, and the more you attract it.

Why is that bad? Well, because there's always a possibility of that future YOU KNEW being bad. Whereas if you never knew, you could have attracted all positive possibilities and lived YOUR PERFECT UNIVERSE if you live your life well enough.

Long story short,

-> you are not tied to any future yet

-> future-reader will tie your future in random selection -which we are not sure if it is the good or bad future

-> then that future she told you will be tied to you.

Lesson. It's better if you just live your life doing right actions.

[fractal-patterns]

@ano-po Is one of my sideblogs and to explain a hypothesis on this phenomenon, i think I should use this blog.

It's simply placebo effect.

When you feel hot and only see the implications of the heat, you think only of heat. Whistling is just a cultural method of relief from the heat, so you think the wind came after you had whistled because you expected the wind to come. The wind has been around this whole time, you just made your mind notice it, thus lessening your thoughts about the heat.

Reblog if you call the wind by whistling.

I had the habit of whistling the call of birds when the wind is saturated. It's not like I believe in it, but oftentimes, I suddenly feel the wind coming after one set of call. I learned it from the elders, and I'm still seeing some youth do it.

One time, I was with a non-local friend (he's Filipino, just very westernized) and we were walking under the harsh sun with no wind. I whistled, and a gush of wind came. He asked why did I do that, to which I answered while the wind brushed my hair, "I'm calling the wind." with such a serious voice I might be a diety. Later on I realized he doesn't know about our force of habit, and since I didn't want to be seen as crazy, I said, "FORGET ABOUT THAT! IT WAS A FORCE OF HABIT AROUND HERE."

So yeah, we whistle for the wind. The only being in the universe you can whistle for.

[fractal-patterns]

Why Latin?

(Or any dead language) for reciting spells and rituals?

Well, let's say that someone who writes spells is called a spell master, and people who use them are spell casters. Spell masters, if not of latin origin, would of course write their spells in their own language first to empower it's connection. Maybe a spell would say, "Strenghten my mind, and from air, let me produce fire!" and after feeling strongly for that sentence, the spell master would create fire! But what if it's just my everyday life and I need to use this same exact sentence to piss off my neighbor for internal joke's sake? What if I accidentally felt strongly to the sentence and put him on fire? Human mind is tricky afterall, and words are the strongest connections to thoughts.

The best solution is to rewrite and restudy the spells in a different language. Now, you won't accidentally cast a spell. But how about the future spell casters who would study your book? It has to be a language that people of any walks of life don't use casually. Enter: Latin, Welsh, etc.

And that's why Spell Masters usually use Latin.

[fractal-patterns]

"I'm not a female engineer. I'm an engineer!"

Has the same energy as...

"I'm not a witch boy. I'm a witch!"

[fractal-patterns]

Local News: Nature Gods debate the existence of "God of the Universe"

What if nature gods are real, not anthropomorphic and exists in a higher plane than us. They have higher logic than us, of course, so they would understand the universe more than we do.

But! But in their own structure of academe, they would still have a debate whether the Universe would be considered "Nature", and therefore, there would be a God embodying it. Or maybe it is just a location filled with Gods and other creatures. Or maybe...

... the God of the Universe has a higher form of logic, The highest form of logic, that they, the beings 100,000,000x more logical than us, cannot even comprehend.

Nonetheless, that Being would not need us petty humans to make a religion out of it. If it is sentient, it would cringe on the things we do and the things we say it says.

[fractal-patterns]

Demons are not real

As far as nature is concerned

Christiany is adamant of calling Nature Phenomenon of the Dark as Demons for colonization reasons. These nature phenomenon of the dark would be things such as nature miracles that happens during the night which I would explain someday.

As far as I'm concerned, a fanboy named Sebastian Michaelis in the 16th century (??) made a blog about the Occult and Demon Classifications and gained a fair amount of followers, with his main rebloggers as the Church.

Maybe he just wanted to make his own Pokemon Deck or something.

Nonetheless, his fanboying works had strengthen the Catholic belief that Demons are beings, even going as far as calling the Gods of other religions as Demons, which is a bit disrespectful and unproductive.

Deeper and smarter Theology would suggest that Demon is a state of humanity, and Heaven and Hell are States of Mind. This thought is more productive for our spirituality.

I'll go with Theology, thank you very much.

[fractal-patterns]

Are Ghosts Human Souls?

No!

Heck no! Souls are more complicated than that. Each human's soul is a part of a big interconnected network that build the soul of the universe. I don't know what scientists calls it, like an energy that keeps the universe together like glue (maybe dark energy) but Christiany lowkey calls it the Holy Spirit of some sort.

Ghosts are left over energies from the human consciousness. Like you thought of Pizza intensely and the energy you spent thinking of pizza gets recorded by the nature. Some people (or the First Witness, as I've blogged before) will go unto the place and feel the sudden crave of pizza or see an outline of you eating pizza (if you have strong sense of physical body awareness that you know what you look like when eating a pizza). That, my dear friends, is what call a ghost.

Thinking of pizza is not so intense, and the usual thoughts that get recorded by the nature are the thoughts before you DIE. Because of The Last Pulse of electrical energy your brain gives, it gets recorded by the place. That's why most of the time, only dead people leaves a ghost.

But yeah, living people can leave ghosts if the thoughts are too intense. (Depressed people do this a lot, they accumulate too much negative energy to one place that's why walking around open space can help depression.)

And yes, you can create a ghost of you eating pizza if you are dedicated enough.

[fractal-patterns]

The First Witness Theory

Of course old establishments are haunted! There are long accumulation of energies that that nature recorded from human energies! Humans give off radiation for god's sake, and most of the times intense radiation (like thoughts of a person about to die) gets recorded by nature, either by the very floor where they died, or that wood, or that closet... Whatever is near and absorbent of radiation.

These radiation's pattern don't make sense, and only the human consciousness can interpret it. (Animals get confused by it so they just stare at it or growl at it.)

However! However, when the first witness sees that recorded radiation pattern, it has been interpreted, it has been tapped, and therefore, it is either destroyed or reorganized. When they pull another witness to see it, it is gone, and forever will be.

Sometimes, when the first witness felt immense fright, they themselves give off radiation based on what they saw, and thus the nature will record a new set of patterns.

Almost the same as the original pattern.

But Scarier.