forgottendreamsss

[forgottendreamsss]

[forgottendreamsss]

Divide and Conquer

That’s what the history books will say led to the success of the fascist American empire.

The American people were so busy fighting each other. Liberal vs. Conservative. Black vs. White. Rich vs. Poor. Able vs. Disabled. Christians vs. Atheists. Straight vs. Queer. Born Citizens vs. Immigrants.

These titles we’ve imposed upon ourselves are just lines they’ve drawn to trick us into thinking that we’re different. That were enemies. That there is a wrong and right within the American people, but the only thing wrong with this country is the people in charge. Our so called leaders profiting off the victimization of their own people.

“The land of the free” but the only ones actually free to do as they wish are the same ones promoting that propaganda. Most modern empires survive for a few hundred years before a revolution wipes the slate clean and those left get to try again, try to do better. America is long overdue for some change, this country has passed its expiration date. But the government has such a solid grip on its people, a grip that threatens more and more each day to snatch our final breaths right from our throats, that we can’t even imagine a world in which our voice matters. But it does, it’s the only thing that does, they have power because we let them, but it’s supposed to be an equal transaction, and yet most of us can barely afford to live while they spend our money on supporting genocide and senseless war.

And I’m sick of it. I’m so tired of feeling so useless, so voiceless, so small, when I know that our government would be nothing without us. They poison our air, our water, our food, our minds, all to keep us fat, sick, and dumb. But they forget that they would be nothing without us. They forget that the second we’re done with them and their ideals and rules, that it’s all over.

The American people need to wake up.

The American people need to take back their voice. The American people need to shout and get loud and say “No More.”

The American people need to take back their country, before it’s too late. Before there are no American people left. ✊🏾

[forgottendreamsss]

the phases come and go, and so does the pain

[forgottendreamsss]

Round and Round

I don't know what I'm doing with my life

I float in a matterless existence

Nothing to pull me forward, nothing to push me back

The days run past and I can't find a reason to hold on

I sit in a fugue state and I can't escape

[forgottendreamsss]

We don't talk like we used to I held the blueprint to your heart in the palm of my hand, and now I don't even know how you spend your days You've become a stranger, and my heart has gone with you We spoke the same language, rode the same wave length And now you play games with my mind and my time Texting me first then waiting days to respond, ignoring my questions in favor of your own agenda, refusing to meet me halfway or at all Yet I still sing to your tune when you reach for me

I kept my feelings to myself because I didn't want to lose you But it happened anyway, you made sure of that I thought I was respecting your heart, saving you from further pain But you didn't treat mine with the same care I want to give up on you, on us But you just won't let me go You slow you responses, giving less and less each time But I'd rather you just deleted me from your memory all together, maybe then this would all hurt less

[forgottendreamsss]

Don’t touch me, I’m too close to falling apart.

{Marya Hornbacher from Wasted: A Memoir of Anorexia and Bulimia//stay away but come closer via Altusboy on Tumblr}

[forgottendreamsss]

[forgottendreamsss]

— Trista Mateer ,“I Still Forget We’re Not Even Friends”

[forgottendreamsss]

3am

I kept my heart caged because I knew it’d end in disaster. That didn’t stop you from ruining my very being. I write about you late at night when I can’t sleep, but I fear I’m becoming an insomniac. I rub my tired eyes, memories of you lull me to bed, but even in dreamland I can’t outrun the burning stake you thrust through my heart. I wish I knew what to do with all this love turned pain I have for you. I can’t help but wonder if you hurt too. Or if I imagined it all in my delirium. Dark, misty clouds of exhaustion bite at my heels, but I can’t seem to pull away from the page. Away from you. I wonder what you’d think if you read this. What would you say? Would you come crawling back? Or have my delusions finally taken control? Finally swallowed me whole.

[forgottendreamsss]

That's Where I Am

You never held me, but I felt you everywhere. Your clammy hands and matter of fact reasoning. Your brilliant, passionate mind. Your likes. Your dislikes. Your taste. Your strong sense of being, yet complete lack of control. How you looked into my eyes, like you could see every secret I was dying to tell you but could never muster the courage to. How I had to look away. Your fascination with my world. My infatuation with your pure heart. The way I cried… the way I cry for all we’ll never be. I hope you’re happy. All I ever wanted was for you to be happy. So, this is where I leave you. I miss you every day. That's Where I Am.

[forgottendreamsss]

Autumn Leaves

You smell like fall leaves. All red and golden and brown, drifting down the busy streets below. Smoke flows from your lips and I can’t help but stare. The roaring winds whip this and that way around us, as we huddle close searching for a light. I inhale deeply. You smell like fall. And October shadows beat down on us, threatening our bright star. Ripping us apart relentlessly, and soundlessly I cry for all that could’ve been. I release a breath for all that was. I try not to look too hard because I’m one giggle away from falling through the cracks, and I can’t afford to lose anymore friends. But you never seemed to care about that. Our lips touch, through glass and paper. The foggy haze of infatuation keeps me from leaning in closer. We only exist in quiet glances and tightly held hands. Winter winds come to freeze our timid love out. And so goes my mind. I can’t blame you for everything that happened, but I’m so tired of shouldering the guilt myself. We destroyed each other and in turn destroyed ourselves. I never felt more myself than when I was with you. I never felt more at drift than when I was under your gaze. Now autumn comes and goes, and you don’t pick up my calls. I’m afraid of who I am without you, but I never want to go back to last year. The end of everything I’ve ever known. Ever loved. The beginning of…

[forgottendreamsss]

Let Me Go

I wish we’d never met. ‘Cause maybe then I wouldn’t see your face every time I dreamt. I wish we’d never met. ‘Cause maybe then I wouldn’t still hear your voice in my ear. I wish we’d never met. ‘Cause maybe then I wouldn’t see your smile every time I closed my eyes. I wish we’d never met. ‘Cause maybe then it all wouldn’t hurt so much. All the hours we don’t talk anymore. All the long nights we shared whispering in my room. All the songs you showed me on your record player. All the books I begged you to read, but you never did. And you never will. ‘Cause I’m a part of your past now, just like them. I deluded myself into thinking we would make it out, that we could somehow be more, but we were never meant to be. I can see that now. I can see that when you don’t respond to my texts, even though you texted me first. I can see in the way you dropped me, the moment I stopped serving you. You found someone you could eat whole, and I was left alone. I can see now that we always wanted different things, even if we wanted each other. Yes, my independence is important to me, but it was always more than that. You want another half to make you feel whole, but I’ve always been whole. I never needed anyone else, nevertheless I wanted you, and only you. I wish we’d never met. That I could return to my blissful ignorance and never wonder what it would be like to love you wholeheartedly. ‘Cause I lost a part of myself when I accepted my fate to always love you, and that’s never how it’s meant to be. I lost a part of myself when I finally realized I was ready to tell you how I felt, but you’d already decided that it was too late for us. I wish we’d never met, because maybe then I’d stop loving you. Maybe then you could let me go.

[forgottendreamsss]

The End

The chapter closes and I'm on fire My chest a mess, with a strain in my voice and shaky hands The end is near and I'm scared I can't see the finish line 'cause I'm stuck with my head in a screen, the bright lights sting my eyes Shadows of what once was fade in and out as I squint into the sun The finale calls my name and I'm lost What came before? What comes next? Does it matter? When the world is crumbling before my very eyes... The end of everything, the beginning of nothing The end of surviving, the beginning of living