fmdruan - Tumblr blog

[fmdruan]

hey yall im v sorry n i rly hate 2 b that person but (as i’m sure you’ve seen on the main) i’ve dropped all my characters. it’s been an absolute pleasure rping & chatting with you all and i’d love to stay in contact (d*scord is “ kel, resident tzuyu gremlin#9805 ″) but i’ve just been so anxious abt getting on the dash lately n i feel like that’s not a healthy spot to be in so i’m ! taking a FAT break ! pls feel free 2 yell at me abt whatever in my d*scord dms truly i would lov 2 hear abt ur muses or whatever else u got goin on :) 

ty all 4 putting up w me uwu i hope yall have a blast w ur characters !! 

[fmdruan]

🖤 ⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚ woah, please have my heart ˚୨୧⋆｡˚ ⋆ 🖤

[fmdruan]

[ ruan → ??? ] how would u describe my energy  [ ruan → ??? ] i keep seeing twitter memes n i need a real opinion

open !

[fmdruan]

fmdhyerin‌:

“the perks of living on my own is having no curfew and no manager on my ass about staying up late.” she doesn’t mention it’s far lonelier, emptier, without having someone to spoon her or cuddle with. rip yoko snuggle times after a long day of schedules she didn’t care for but was obligated to attend. debt to pay off and all that meant restrictions that chafed hyerin in a way that made her scowl. she’s never been good at obeying rules. a tried and true free spirit all the way. evident in the bottles of soju littering the table and the shot glass she reaches for. “we can do something?” she says after knocking it back straight. it goes down smooth. burns warm. “keep you awake for as long as possible, yeah?” hyerin’s not good with subtlety. at least not where ruan’s concerned. she thinks she should hate the way she fumbles every so often when her mouth runs faster than she can stop it. “we’ve got all night.”

"hey, i’ve moved out too.” the protest was half hearted, knowing the situation was a little different — she still got texts from her managers asking if she was asleep on time, was still expected to be reasonable in the hours she kept. it didn’t fully bother her, knowing at least her groupmates were getting similar, but she almost missed living in the dorm, seeing hina and micha and sooyeon every day, having others to roll her eyes with when their managers were acting ridiculous. she watched her friend take a full shot and went through the motions herself, pouring only half into the glass, taking her own much more gingerly as the slight bitterness hit the back of her throat, more than aware of her own tolerance. “like what?” the nature of hyerin’s words were lost on her, automatically writing off everything she said as simply friendly as she leaned in conspiratorially. “do you have cards? we can play poker.” her smile was dazed, the lightness of her head making her feel more cheerful than she normally would be this late. “if you can beat me, i’ll even give you a kiss.” 

[fmdruan]

“ does it hurt? tell the truth. ”

ignoring the sharp pain radiating from her ankle up her leg was easier said than done, if she were truthful. practicing wasn’t usually this bad, but she had twisted her ankle earlier in the week while learning the group’s newest choreo and it hadn’t quite been the same since. her movements were always so smooth, graceful, but now she just felt clunky and awkward, trying to avoid aggravating it while still keeping as much normality as she possibly could. sanghyun calling her on it was unnecessary and unwanted — ruan had to bite her tongue to keep from snapping at him over it, annoyed that it was so plain to see she wasn’t at her best, that she normally was better than this. “it’s fine,” she said through gritted teeth, pushing herself up from the training room floor. “just needs ice later, that’s all.” 

[fmdruan]

“ why? because i don’t want you to get hurt, that’s why. ” but from jeonghwa 😈

she couldn’t help the bitter laugh that broke out of her at her old friend’s words. it just was ironic, laughable even, that one of the people who had shown her it was a mistake to let people past her walls didn’t want her to get hurt. part of her knew who jeonghwa was — she wasn’t someone that ruan could expect to tone down what she wanted to say, not always. she had so much to carry on her own. the other girl’s heart was often in the right place, even if her words didn’t always reflect that, though she had a sneaking suspicion this time it was genuine. even still, a large part of her still wanted to yell and scream, throw a fit about how it was such bullshit but she knew better than that as she grit her teeth together, jaw tight with tension as she walked along the edge. “oh, so we’re making jokes again, then?” 

[fmdruan]

“ shh, it’s me, only me. ”

her hands shaking, her breathing uneven, thoughts racing — more startled from the appearance of the older girl, terrified it’d be someone she didn’t want to see, mortified that someone she admired so much was seeing her like this. tears pricked behind her eyes as she blinked furiously, trying to steady herself more. her tongue felt swollen in her mouth, choking her so she couldn’t speak easily, but the older girl’s soothing tone and gentle touch gave her something to focus on. “i’m sorry.” it was half whispered, barely there, but she managed it all the same before she found jiah’s hand and squeezed it, trying to ignore the pounding of her heart and the tingling in her fingers. a few moments of near silence passed, but with her fingernails digging into her own hand and her tight grip on the other girl’s, she began to calm down, her mind and breathing beginning to slow down again, and she mumbled a second, “i’m so sorry.”

[fmdruan]

“ you should be in bed. ”

“but i’m not.” her grin was tired, worn thin from the schedules that seemed to never end. even when they had a so called break, there was always something to be done. she pulled the too big for her sweatshirt down over her arms and sat with her legs pulled underneath her, across from the other girl. “i’m so wide awake it’s not even funny,” she swore, lifting her right hand as if that would convince hyerin that she was serious. it was plain as day that she needed to be in bed, get some rest while she had the chance, but she didn’t want to miss out on a chance to spend time with the other. “besides, if i’m supposed to be in bed, shouldn’t you be too?” 

[fmdruan]

[fmdruan]

aerifmd‌:

[ sent  @  0544  pm ]    ✉️   ruan  baby  💙    ➳     I  AM  NOT  DATING  HIM

[ sent  @  0544  pm ]    ✉️   ruan  baby  💙    ➳     i  can't  even  look  him  in  the  eyeball

[ sent  @  0545  pm ]    ✉️   ruan  baby  💙    ➳     how  do  u  know  ,,  do  u  have  streaks  on  sc  with  him  instead  of  me  :(

[ sent  @  0548  pm ]    ✉️   ruan  baby  💙    ➳     u  kno  none  of  this  would  have  happened  if  u  just  asked  me  out

[ sent  @  0545  pm ]    ✉️  baby  🍒♥️    ➳     r u sleeping w other people ? 

[ sent  @  0546  pm ]    ✉️  baby  🍒♥️    ➳     yes :( 

[ sent  @  0546  pm ]    ✉️  baby  🍒♥️    ➳     no fr tho limited experience but he’s not satan incarnate at least so 

[ sent  @  0548  pm ]    ✉️  baby  🍒♥️    ➳     look i Cannot ask someone out not even u sorry baby :((( u know i would if i had more top energy

[fmdruan]

concerned starters send a sentence, get a drabble.  

“ wait here. i’ll go see what the noise was. ”

“ does it hurt? tell the truth. ”

“ eat as much as you can. you need to build your strength back up. ”

“ let’s get you into a clean shirt. you’ve already sweat through that one.”

“ don’t try to push yourself. ”

“ get behind me. ”

“ stay on the phone. ”

“ were you able to keep that down? ”

“ shh, it’s me, only me. ”

“ you can hold onto me if you’re scared. ”

“ small sips. there you go. don’t want you getting sick. ”

“ you need to calm down before you make yourself sick again. ”  

“ i’m sure that’s too much for you to understand right now. but i’ll be here the next time you wake up, and i’ll tell you again. i’ll keep telling you. ”

“ i won’t let you fall. ”

“ why? because i don’t want you to get hurt, that’s why. ”

“ are you stuffy? you sound stuffy. ”

“ can you take one more sip for me? ”

“ i know you’re exhausted right now, but you need to take your medicine. ”

“ you can use my jacket for a blanket. ”

“ i told you to stay in bed. ”

“ breathe for me, that’s it. all the way in, there you go. now out, good. now again, nice and slow. you’re doing so well. ”

“ leave your bandages alone. ”

“ do you need to lie down? ”

“ put this on, we’re going to the hospital. don’t argue with me. ”

“ all you need to worry about is getting better. ”

“ i carried you. ”

“ you should be in bed. ”

“ i’ll be right here when you wake up. ”

“ i know you can’t talk, but i just want you to know that i’m not going anywhere. ”

“ that needs bandages. ”

“ let your stomach throw up if it wants to. kneel down here and i’ll hold you. ”

“ i didn’t want to wake you. it’s been a long day. ”

[fmdruan]

aerifmd‌:

[ sent  @  0538  pm ]    ✉️   ruan  baby  💙    ➳     im  making  a  mistake  pls  tell  me  i  am  :~(

[ sent  @  0539  pm ]    ✉️   ruan  baby  💙    ➳     im  not  cut  out  to  date  someone  ,  what  if  i  fuck  things  up  ?

[ sent  @  0540  pm ]    ✉️   ruan  baby  💙    ➳     it  shouldn’t  have  gotten  this  far  .__.

[ sent  @  0538  pm ]    ✉️  baby  🍒♥️   ➳     i mean ur dating a m*n so there’s always a chance [ sent  @  0538  pm ]    ✉️  baby  🍒♥️   ➳     but tbh he seems ?? normal and nice i don’t think i can in good conscience u know [ sent  @  0538  pm ]    ✉️  baby  🍒♥️   ➳     UR not gonna mess thins up n ik that much for a fact ty 

[fmdruan]

fmdbenji‌:

benji snorted. “only a right cock muncher would rat you out.” he didn’t much keep up with other groups –barely kept up with knight, but what he did know was that wish had too much of a ‘lovely’ image. the girls must have their own vices, even if it was only to deal with the pressure of that image. benji leaned to the side, shoulder against the door, keeping it closed in case anyone else tried to join them. he shoved a hand in his pocket and… fuck. he must have left his own pack in the dressing room. his tongue ran over a canine, then he looked back up at her. “how about i won’t tell anyone, if you let me bum one?” he held out his hands in front of him, cupped, with a purposefully awkward smile, like a little kid. the dramatics dropped, a second later. “though, i doubt they’d believe me anyway. be calling me the boy who cried wolf, or whatever.” he shifted his weight to cross one foot over the other, toe of his shoe on the ground. “which, technically, is their fault. they’re the ones who made us,” he howled, “ah-woo for years.”

she offered a small shrug in return, past experiences telling her there were enough assholes at these ordeals for it to be of concern. “company dancers aren’t always loyal, apparently.” the tension hadn’t completely left her shoulders, always just a little on guard with the knight members. though they were once one of her favorite groups, it wasn’t always easy to tell where she stood with them. though she wasn’t exactly worried about being caught, she didn’t want a lecture either. however, when she realized he was keeping the door shut, she relaxed more, put at ease by the small gesture, pulling out one of her other cigs for him. “i guess that’s a fair trade, even if you could just ask.” she passed it, and a lighter, his way, tucking one of her hands back in her pocket. a tentative smile peaked through at his remarks about one of knight’s earlier releases, finding some amusement in it. “though you really didn’t have to remind me of that verse, it’ll be stuck in my head for days.” 

[fmdruan]

hinafmd‌:

𝐇𝐈𝐍𝐀𝐓𝐀 𝐂𝐎𝐔𝐋𝐃𝐍'𝐓 𝐖𝐀𝐈𝐓 𝐅𝐎𝐑 𝐇𝐄𝐑 𝐇𝐀𝐈𝐑 𝐓𝐎 𝐅𝐔𝐋𝐋𝐘 𝐆𝐑𝐎𝐖 𝐎𝐔𝐓 — the extensions she had to wear over the last few promotional cycles were more of a nuisance than anything else. back in japan, she relied so heavily on wigs that her natural hair was untouched, and extremely healthy, but now, due to her occupation, her once virgin strands no longer had their same elasticity and sheen. her cosmetologist recently made the bold choice to try out a mane of golden blonde on her, and while she adored how it looked, she loathed how it felt — resembling that of straw instead of silk. so, even though she approved of her ensemble, her makeup, and her locks in the mirror, she couldn’t help but curse herself for ever allowing her gorgeous tresses to be bleached. either way — once she was dolled up and waiting for her call, she searched around for her best friend, ruan. the other had finished her aesthetic preparations right before her, so she was hoping they could have some time to chat, and catch up, and love on one another until showtime. after all, now that they weren’t living in the dorms any longer, the pair of them didn’t see each other nearly as often as before, and that hurt hina’s heart.

after wandering about for a few moments, she managed to locate her, and when she noticed what she was doing, the older shook her head. “ how did i know you’d be somewhere outside even when it’s so, so, so damn cold ? ” she shivered at the breeze that trickled by, closing the door behind her so that they weren’t caught. “ you already know i’m not going to say anything. how many times have you covered for me when i’d fail at dieting ? i’m pretty sure i’ll owe you for the rest of our lives for that. ” a sweet smile decorated her countenance, manicured fingers reaching upwards to comb through her hair ; trying her best to be gentle to not loosen her clip-ins. “ you doing okay ? you haven’t really been talking much today. ”

as soon as hina fully stepped outside, she had crushed the cig under her heel, tucking the remainder into her pocket to toss out later. though the older girl was used to her bad habits by now, that didn’t mean ruan would subject her to them. “the cold keeps me focused, you know that.” she produced a hand warmer from one of her pockets, tucking it into hina’s hands smoothly, smiling at her tentatively. she was ruan’s closest friend in wish, thick as thieves since even before debut. she was an older sister, always looking out for the younger, even when she was more worried about hina. “please, you never needed to diet to begin with.” with a wave of her hand, waving away the light comment with some appreciation. she could always count on hina, she knew that. 

reaching out to smooth her friend’s extensions gently, she offered a bright smile, not completely disingenuous. “just a little loud for me to think, that’s all.” it came out chirpy and bright, but ruan wasn’t even sure herself if it was true or not, or if she had just wanted to escape for a moment. nine girls, plus their staff, plus event staff equaled a lot of stress at times. even when she mostly just missed the others, now that they didn’t live together. “really, you should be inside, you’re shivering.” it wasn’t worry exactly that she felt, because she knew hina was okay, but she felt the need to look out for her all the same. they had lived in the same room for so long, it was much more difficult to do now. 

[fmdruan]

fmdjeongsan‌:

jeongsan simply needed to get away from all the noise. although he’d grown used to it throughout his time as an idol and it usually didn’t bother him, it could still become overwhelming from time to time; especially when he could hear fellow idols from far-off rooms belting out their songs while getting ready. or when his own members seemed to want to talk just a little too much, and he wasn’t in the mood. or when staff members became too nit-picky, too perfectionistic, and he wanted to cut their hands off if they s— …

yeah, it could be overwhelming.

that was why he had slipped outside. one quick glance around allowed him to see ruan and the cigarette smoke floating nearby. “ruan.” her name left his lips in a short, surprised statement; he wasn’t used to seeing her smoke, especially not in a place so risky. but he saw it as an opportunity. “i mean… you don’t have to put it out. you got any left? if you’re willing to spare one, i won’t tell.” it wasn’t entirely true – he wouldn’t tell regardless of if she gave him a cigarette or not. he had too many bad habits of his own to justify ratting someone else out, but he had to try, at least. in hopes of being a little more persuasive, he offered his trademark shark-grin, sharp teeth and dimples making a cameo in please give me a smoke, starring son jeongsan and zhang yanan.

the surprise in his voice cause a spike of annoyance in her, lifting an eyebrow at him in challenge as she took a pointed drag, exhaling the smoke slowly away from the building. “jeongsan.” the acknowledgment short, offering a small, polite smile. it was asking for a scandal, she knew that, but she couldn’t stay inside longer than she already had — though she loved her members, if she heard one of them sing again, she thought she’d scream. the alternative was better, by far, even with the threat of the older man spilling her secret. 

a surprised snort escaped her at the proposal, though she was quick to recover, balancing her own cig in between her teeth as she dug through her jacket pockets in search of her mint tin. she shook out one more to offer along with a quizzical look, flicking her lighter for him as well. “you really have to bum smokes still? i thought mars had a good year.” 

she tapped some of the ash off the end, a quiet exhale of relief leaving her as she began to feel more calm with her ritual, the comfort coming in a wave over her. “what’re you doing out here, anyways?” she glanced in his direction, trying to hide the curiosity. clearly he hadn’t come out to smoke himself, he was simply taking advantage of the situation. “shouldn’t you be getting ready?” 

[fmdruan]

👀what would a home have to be like for you to feel welcome there? 👀are you satisfied with your solo career at this point in time? why? 👀"where do you take that fucking saintly patience for me from? what do you get from it?"

👀 what would a home have to be like for you to feel welcome there? 

“if i don’t know and like the owner extremely well, i don’t think i could feel one hundred percent welcome. i like being able to control my surroundings.” 

👀 are you satisfied with your solo career at this point in time? why? 

“what solo career?”

👀 “where do you take that fucking saintly patience for me from? what do you get from it?”

“i think it’s just that you need a friend sometimes, even when you’re cruel. maybe especially then and, i know you probably don’t agree but, i can handle being pushed away. sometimes i’m not sure it’s worth it, truthfully, but i think you can be loyal — if push came to shove and i needed help, i’m sure i could count on you to be there and that’s what matters to me.”

[fmdruan]

👀 how has being a foreigner made things more difficult for you in this industry, beyond the language differences? 👀 how do you feel about the slight shift in sound for wish? 👀 do you feel you're an integral part of your group?

👀 how has being a foreigner made things more difficult for you in this industry, beyond the language differences?

“i think the cultural differences are the main ones, outside of even language. it was a huge adjustment to have to make small shifts to my thinking and learn what was appropriate and what wasn’t appropriate in different scenarios and even then, i still feel like i slip up a lot.” 

👀 how do you feel about the slight shift in sound for wish? 

“i’m actually a lot happier than i thought i’d be with it. i was worried that it wouldn’t sound like us and the public would be critical of the switch, like we were just changing images for the hell of it, but it just sounds like a more mature version — which just makes sense to me, now. sooyeon’s grown up, it was time.” 

👀 do you feel you're an integral part of your group?

“sometimes, yes. other times, i’m pretty sure i was just added for my appearance and to add a little difference for people who don’t necessarily gravitate towards the 4d members.”