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The two of us

Trapped in wonderful

Wanderlust

The best of us

Caught in a love

So thunderous

Just because

Nothing could come between

Or above us

Even heaven is

Under us

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Slightly Erotic Fiction I Wrote For Grad School

So, I’m enrolled in an online grad school program. Since we don’t meet for class like you would at a traditional campus, we have to respond to a weekly writing prompt and post our response to a forum made for our class. After posting, we have to reply to at least three other students prompts with a substantive comment. Doing this is supposed to replicate the experience of being in class with other students, sharing your ideas and responding to theirs. In other words, it’s a participation assignment. If you’ve ever been to college, you know showing up to class isn’t enough. You have to participate in classroom discussions.

For one of my classes, we had to post about two concepts we learned about that week (discriminative stimuli and motivating operations). So, I decided to have some fun with it and write some slightly erotic fiction were I included an explanation of the concepts. Yes, I actually turned this in. And yes, my classmates and professor loved it. Of course they did. School can be so dry and boring that any time anyone tries to shake things up, even a little, it’s always greatly appreciated.

Anyway, I thought I’d share it here. Enjoy! And bonus points for anyone who actually knows anything about the concepts discussed below.

—

I thought tonight would be an ordinary night. Maybe studying or completing assignments for school. Or talking with friends in our group chat about whatever fleeting topic held our attention. Hell, maybe I would’ve went to bed at a reasonable time, for a change.

This is no ordinary night. Tonight, I am here. Caught in this moment. Enthralled with his presence…

“Here we are. 5th floor. Hope walking up the stairs in those heels wasn’t too tiring for you” he says, smiling gently as he looks toward me.

His name? Aiden Holland. We met a Freedom Park a few days ago. Chloe loves it when I take her for walks around the fountain trail for a walk. We happened to run into Aiden during a morning jog. He was pleasant to talk to with his friendly, charming, yet serious way of speaking. So, we agreed to meet up in the future. Pretty boy, through and through. Cleanly shaven, well-kept hair, fairly tall with a lean build. He definitely dedicates a few hours a week at the gym. The way his button-up clings tightly to his chest shows off his efforts.

“I’m fine!” I reply, attempting to mask my exhaustion with cheeriness. “Though, it would be nice to take a load off.”

“Of course. Please, come in. Make yourself comfortable.”

I don’t know what he does for a living, but it must be lucrative. His apartment is spacious, with furniture arranged beautifully, framed pictures and paintings lining the walls, and a variety of plants sitting outside on the balcony. His kitchen even has a mini-bar. Barstools and all.

“Would you like something to drink, Evelyn?” he calls out.

“Hmm…what do you have?”

“The way I see it, you have two options: water or something better than water.” He opens the cabinet above the bar, revealing an assortment of alcoholic beverages.

“I’ll take something better than water…”

The crimson liquid flows gracefully from the bottle to our glasses. Calera Pinot Noir. Much better than the Barefoot I have at home. He motions for me to join him at the bar.

“Evelyn,” he says as I make my way over. “I have a question for you…”

Before I can respond, he softly takes my hand in his. Almost instinctively, I gently squeeze, rubbing my thumb over the back of his hand. He pulls me in closer. I stumble forward, only managing to catch myself by pressing my other hand into his firm chest. Our gazes lock, the seriousness of his voice is only outmatched by the intensity in his eyes. He pulls me in closer. And closer. And closer…

He moves his face down, brushing past my hair, bringing his lips closer to my ear. A bead of sweat trickles down between my shoulder blades, almost reaching the small of my back before being absorbed by the red dress that drapes my quivering body. My pulse quickens. My breathing, sharp. His breath warms my ear and neck as he passionately whispers his question to me…

“Do you know what a discriminative stimulus is?”

His words sends chills down my spine and I stand there, motionless. Silent. I lean upwards, standing on the tips of my toes, bringing my lips to his ear.

“Enlighten me…” I utter, weakly, yet sweetly.

He releases me and begins pacing around the kitchen. “A discriminative stimulus is an antecedent stimulus that who’s presence evokes an operant behavior that has been reinforced in the past. Another way to think of it is the discriminative stimulus signals that reinforcement is available.”

“Kinda like seeing an opportunity and taking it?”

“Exactly, according to page 130 of a book published in 2016, written by a man named Miltenberger. Funny name, isn’t it?”

“Yeah,” I reply through my laughter. “a little silly.”

“Aiden? Could you demonstrate an example of a discriminative stimulus? For me…?”

He smiles coyly. “I’d love to. But, I’ve already demonstrated an example earlier.”

“Oh yeah?” I strut slowly toward him, stopping a few feet away, leaning on one of the walls of the dining area. “You expect me to believe you’re that smooth?

“Well, think about it. When I asked you if you wanted a drink, that was an antecedent stimulus that indicated your behavior may yield reinforcement. In this case, your behavior was answering my question and the reinforcement was receiving a drink.”

Damn, he is that smooth. I’m actually studying a similar topic in my class.

“So, do you know what motivating operations are, Aiden?”

He turns to face me and leans forward. “Enlighten me…”

Cheeky bastard. “According to authors Cooper, Heron, and Heward’s book published in 2020, motivating operations are conditions that impact how…desirable…a particular reinforcer may be. Motivating operations can be broken down into two types, establishing operations, which makes the reinforcer more appealing, and abolishing operations, which does the opposite. Page 373.“

“As intelligent as you beautiful” he remarks. “But, make sure you don’t confuse the two concepts. Both discriminative stimuli and motivating operations come in the form of antecedents and have a relationship with reinforcing consequences.”

“Of course, Aiden. But discriminative stimuli only signal the opportunity for reinforcement while motivating operations alter how powerful a reinforcer is. But, you’re right, it’s important to have a strong grasp of these concepts. A professional could use this knowledge to understand why people engage in certain behaviors or use them to teach new ones.”

“Well said, Evelyn.”

“Thanks. But, now I want you to give an example of a motivating operation.”

“I have the perfect example for you. Coming up five flights of stairs, especially in those shoes, is exhausting, no?”

“Obviously.” I retort as I begin to slowly take them off. His eyes track every motion, watching silently as I undress. He’s been calm and cool this entire time, but now, he’s getting excited…

“You were saying?” I say, attempting to shift his focus back to the conversation.

“So, being fatigued would encourage you to seek rest or something to help you rest.

“In other words, walking up the stairs made the wine even more enticing? I see…”

He falls silent again. He watching, almost waiting. What discriminative stimuli is he picking up on? What are his motivating operations? A girl can only wonder.

“Now that we’re done talking about how badly I want wine, maybe we should finally enjoy the glasses you poured earlier.”

He chuckles. “Agreed. And then what?”

“Well, I suppose that depends on what we’re both motivated for…”

References

Cooper, J. O., Heron, T. E., & Heward, W. L. (2020). Applied behavior analysis (3rd ed.). Pearson.

Miltenberger, R. G. (2016). Behavior modification: Principles and procedures (6th ed.). Cengage Learning.

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VA-11 Hall-A Fan Fiction: Bedtime Story

Some #va11halla fan fiction I wrote a while back. Don’t know what to do with it, so I’ll post it here. Hope you enjoy!

#va11halla

#va11halla

#va11halla

After re-establishing their sisterly bond, Jill and Gaby have been spending a lot of time together. They both wish to support each other through the grieving process and, in the long term, play a larger role in each other’s lives. Jill thought it would be great for Gaby to meet some of her friends and invited Alma and Dorothy to hang out them at her apartment. Alma was excited at the idea of hanging out with Jill and meeting Gaby for a second time and arrived early. The three are chatting the night away when the doorbell rings. Jill answers the door…

???: “And the crowd goes WILD!!! AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!”

???: “And she haven't even taken off her shoes yet!!”

J: Oh, hey Dorothy. Glad you could make it.

J: You can leave you shoes at the door, with the others.

A: Dorothy! Hey girl!

D: Party’s here!!! Hey honey, hey Alma! Hey, uh, umm…

G: …

J: Right, you two haven’t met before. Gaby, this is Dorothy. She a regular at Valhalla and-

D: A REGULAR!?!? JUST A REGULAR!?!? 

J: Relax. Anyway, Dorothy’s a regular and a really good friend of mine.

A&D: Aww, Jill!!

J: S-shut up. Dorothy, this is Gaby. She's my ex’s little sister…and kinda like my little sister too.

G: ...nice to meet you.

D: Hey, Gaby! Nice to meet you, too!

D: Oh, and I'm sorry for you loss. Jill and Dana told me about your sister a few week ago.

G: …it's okay.

G: I mean, it's not okay. I'm doing the best I can, but it's been hard. It goes without saying but…I miss Lenore.

G: Reconnecting with Jill has been really great for processing my sister's passing.

J: …

J: …yeah, same for me.

A: Wow, you were right, Jill. She is really smart, especially for someone so young.

J: Yep. Always has been. She got it from her sister.

A: Don't you mean sisters? 

J: … *blush*

D: Well, I'm glad both of you guys are starting to feel better! Gaby, let me know if I can do anything for you! I'll be more than happy to help!

J: I don't think she'll be needing your kind of help.

D: Hey!

G: What’s that supposed to mean?

A: …really, Jill?

D: I wouldn't offer that kind of help to a minor anyway!

J: Gaby, forget I said anything.

G: Umm, what kind of help?

D: The kind that…makes lonely people feel a little less lonely!

J: Just forget about it, Gaby.

G: …

G: So, you're a prostitute?

J: …dammit.

A: Like you said, smart girl.

D: W-well, yeah. But I wasn't offering those services to you! Really!!

D: I just wanted you to know that I'm here to support you!

G: …thanks. I'll keep that in mind.

A: Jill!! Time for you to offer drinks!

J: We’re not at the bar.

A: But we are guests in your home. Soooooo…

D: I'll take a beer!

J: …fine.

A: Same, since that's all you have around here.

G: Umm…I'll have some water, or…?

J: We're all having water since there's an underaged person hanging out with us.

J: (That was a one-time thing, Gaby.)

G: (Oh, okay…)

J: Four bottles of water, coming right up.

G: Thanks Jill!

D: Thanks, honey!

A: Yeah, thanks Juli-

J: Finish that sentence and I'll make you wear that water.

D: Booby hacker…dripping wet…

???: (Yeah, throw it on her. Maybe she'll take her top off. Don't you want to see her body in all its curvy glory?)

J: (…is that…?)

D: Yes, I'd love to…

J: Huh!?

A: Haha okay, okay, Ms. Stingray. I would tell you to calm down, but I know my presence, my aura, is flustering.

J: You wish. More like frustrating.

D: Honey, I've never seen you get so bothered before! You're always so calm and cool.

G: She was the same way with Lenore. Nobody could get under Jill’s skin the same way Lenore could.

A: Do I remind you of your ex? Does that mean…

J: Alright, enough…

A: Oh, sorry…thanks for the water Jill…

J: My pleasure.

A: …hug?

J: I’m okay. You’re fine, Alma.

D: Group hug on Jill! Sandwich her with love!

J: No, really. I'm fine. Next subject.

G: What do you want to talk about?

D: OH, I KNOW!!!

D: So, I have an INCREDIBLY story to tell you all!

J: Is it a story from work?

D: Yes!

A: A different type of bedtime story, huh?

J: Pfffft.

G: …

D: There's lots of rope involved too!

J: Well, tell us after Gaby goes to sleep.

G: No need to wait, I'll excuse myself. I don't think I want to hear that kind of story anyway.

J: No, don't leave. We want you to hang out, too.

G: It's fine. I'll just go to your room with Fore for the next 30 or so minutes.

“F”: But I want to hear the story too!

G: …

A: ...

D: …

J: …

“F”: …

G: …we’ll be back soon.

J: …

A: Soooo…about that rope story…

D: *ahem*

D: Saturday, January 7th.

D: A lone woman leaves a bar to meet with a peculiar client. 

D: It was a blistering cold walk through the streets of downtown Glitch City. The flickering lights of overdue MegaChristmas decorations and the hum of the neon signs were the woman's only companions.

D: She receives a call. It's the client.

D: “Hey! I'm heading towar-”

D: The client interrupts the woman before she could even finish her sentence. So rude!

???: “Be discreet. I don't want anyone seeing us meet.”

A: Oooooh, meeting with a big shot?

J: Can you get to the point?

D: But I wanted to add some drama and flair to the story!

A: Jill isn't the type to enjoy foreplay.

J: Nonsense. I play with Fore all the time.

A: And you talk for him too, apparently.

J: …

A: Sorry, Jill! As long as we're friends, you'll never live that down!

D: ANYWAY, BACK TO MY STORY!

D: Skipping ahead a bit, we arrive at his place. It's quite fancy. Maybe a bit gaudy too. Huge bottles of alcohol, giant television screens, massive Texas king-sized bed.

J: Texas? I thought king-sized was the biggest.

D: I did too until I saw his bed. But that's not the most interesting part. He had ropes and harnesses fastened to these giant frames.

A: Listen, I've had my fair share of experiences with shady guys in shady places. But this is severe red flag territory. Weren't you scared? I would've got THE FUCK outta there.

D: I was a little tense, but considering who he was made me feel a little more relaxed. Plus, finger guns.

A: Right…who was he?

D: I don't kiss and tell!

A: Jill, you ask her. Maybe she'll tell you.

J: I already know who it is, I think.

A: Ugh, fine.

D: Back to the story. I was like…

D: “Umm…what are the ropes and stuff for?”

???: “For you, of course. Rope bondage. And you're the bunny.”

D: “I-I don’t think I’d make a good ‘bunny.’ I'm not into overly submissive types of play.”

???: “Don't worry about it. We’re not fucking, if that makes you feel better.”

D: My heart was really starting to race at this point. I’ve never shot anyone before, but there’s a first time for everything.

D: “…then, what are we doing?”

???: *sigh* “Everybody has a price. Here's my offer.”

???: “I’ll explain everything I want and I’ll give you an extra 25% on top of your normal rate. Willing to hear me out?”

D: “Sure…”

???: “Smart choice. Ever heard of shibari?”

D: “No…what's that?”

J: Shibari? Interesting, I've seen it before. It's the Japanese art of rope bondage. The rope is beautifully wrapped around a person's body and-

D: Jill! This is my story!

A: Neeeeeerd!

J: …please continue, Dorothy.

???: “I want to use these ropes and harnesses to bound you, pose you, and suspend you in midair. I want to take pictures too.”

???: “Here are some photos of my other work.”

D: “Wow, this is beautiful!”

???: “You can do that, can’t ya? We can get some really good shots with those extra flexible Lilim limbs. So, you in or out?”

D: “In!”

D: At first, I was terrified. I was completely naked and submitting myself entirely to a stranger.

D: But he was shockingly good at applying bondage so, my fears melted away pretty quickly. It didn't hurt at all!

A: Did you get some good photos out of it?

D: Yes! We did four different poses and got dozens of good shots. I'll show you if you don't mind seeing me naked.

A: Ehh, I don't mind. That was an interesting story, Dorothy!

D: Thanks!

J: Yeah, I was half expecting the story to be “this guy had a really weird dick.”

D: Well, that's not interesting at all! That's just my average Tuesday.

D: But yeah! That's my story! The end!

A: *clap*

J: Okay, Gaby, you can come back now!

G: Okay!

G: Shibari sounds really cool.

J, A, & D: YOU WERE LISTENING!?

G: …

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living life with gratitude in my attitude

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random thought of the day: why can't we get "good sick?" Like, how come there isn't a bacteria or virus that gets inside our body and makes us feel better than optimal?

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Just My Luck

“What’s that there?

With spiky hair

And claws and fangs

That rip and tear.”

“Just my luck.”

Said good ol’ Puck.

“And he’s coming this way.”

Exclaims the duck.

“Oh yay! Oh yay!

My lucky day!

Big Grizz is eating

Some duck today!”

Grizz is unaware

That Puck doesn’t care

When he draws closer

Puck shouts “Woah there, bear!”

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No Luck Duck

There was a duck

His name was Puck

He has no luck

But he didn’t give a…crap

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0 - The Fool

"May I trouble you, sir?

You just have to see.

It's a wonderful thing.

Please, take it from me.

It's a giant hole, you see!?

Huh? How deep does it go?

Well, that's the fun part

Because nobody knows

I have an idea

You'll love it, no doubt!

Wanna know it’s depth?

You figure it out!

Don't look down

Just take the leap

First, take a breath

And take it deep

Need some courage?

Some extra love?

Sure, I can help

With a gentle shove."

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Negative Tendency of the Creative Spirit

Ever wonder why your artistic expression often leans towards negativity?

Well, maybe I shouldn’t project…

I wonder why my artistic expression ALWAYS leans towards negativity. By that, I mean the things I create always taps into one of the sadder emotions. At least on the surface level (y, my writing tends to have theme of suic*de, r*pe, loneliness, hopelessness, etc., even the stuff I haven’t post here.

It’s weird because I’m not a sad person. Genuinely, I’m not. I would describe myself as a happy person either. I have a more calm and content disposition. A soothingly still ocean with tides and gently wash upon the soars before returning to rest in the sparking mixture of blues, pinks, and oranges.

I don’t think it’s anything of concern, though. Just an amusing thought. This seems to be the case with other artists as well. Or maybe I’m biased to it. Maybe algorithms have learned that I engage with sad stuff more than other types of art? Ehh, who knows.

Maybe it’s the very nature of the English language. Did you know there are hundred or more words that effectively mean “sad” than there are for “happy?” I heard that somewhere once. Don’t quote me on that. Or do, I don’t care lol.

Anyway, what’s the point of this? Well, there isn’t one. If I had to give a purpose to this ramble, it will be to make my next creation a more uplifting and positive in theming. Boom, there we go.

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“Like this?” I ask

“Like this.” they sass

“I can’t!” I plead

“You will.” they need

“It hurts!” I say

“Keep going.” they crave.

“Do you love me?” they pry

“…of course” I lie

I gave you the key to Eden

You took it, you knew it’s meaning

Forbidden fruit was well in season

One bite, you became demon

This purgatory knows no bounds

Timeless and formless, it’s surrounds

Deeply submerged until I drown

A lost soul, never to be found

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If You Ever Can’t Find Me

If you ever can’t find me, then don’t come looking.

These days have been long

Devoid of life and empty

No feeling at all

Except this lingering misery

I envy the birds

Soaring oh so freely

But I’m a beached whale

Hoping a tide will release me

I lie here, bound to this metaphorical hell

Trapped in this emotional jail

While I kick, scream, and yell

“Someone please, PLEASE, pay the bail!”

But, to no avail…

The ship has sailed

I’d swim miles and miles if it meant I’d be free

But the vast and placid ocean is all I can see

So, if you ever can’t find me, then don’t come looking

As it means I’ve made it to the shore on the other side,

About to take to the skies

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Learning the Ropes! (#3)

It feels weird getting back into social media. Now, I’m no stranger to social media…for the most part. I mean, I used Facebook waaaaaay back in the day and I practically lived on Twitter for a year when I was in college.

Though, Twitter was a much different place back then. You followed people you knew in real life and people would tweet things like “heading to the library to study if anyone wants to join” or would actually have conversations about relevant stuff on campus with friends. Now, Twitter (or X, I should say 😒), just feels like a place to advertise, cancel people, or engage in thoughtful and productive conversations concerning politics and culture at large.

Twitter tirade aside, it’s been interesting trying to use social media again. Posting (though I haven’t posted much at the time or writing this), scrolling, getting inspired, getting annoyed, and so on. It’s been fun!

BY FAR, the most interesting part is starting this blog. As I said in my very first post, I love to write and I know I have a lot to say. But I didn’t know I had SO MUCH to say (again, pretty ironic since I haven’t said much yet).

The biggest decision I’ve yet to make to is whether I want to actively attract readers. Going into this, I just wanted to write down my thoughts for myself. If people found it and kept reading, cool. If not, also cool. But maybe it would be even cooler to connect with people through my blog. Hmm…

I don’t know the first thing to building any sort of social media presence. I mean, all you do is post stuff and people flock to you, right!?

Literally me lol

Anyway, like I also said in the first post, I’m not going to sweat about anything. Just going to keep posting when I feel like it! And figure out how to make my page look more appealing. That is a thing we can do on Tumblr, right?

God, I hope so.

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Words to live by, whether you’re an established artist, a beginner, or a hobbyist!

this quote from hbomberguy’s plagiarism video really resonated with me:

“creative people have trouble recognising their skills as skills, because eventually they feel like second nature. […] this stuff really is valuable. if it wasn’t, people wouldn’t be stealing it. creativity doesn’t feel special or unique until you realise people have to plagiarise it”

your craft is and always will be valuable, please never let anyone make you doubt that

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XII - The Hanged Man

A thread of faith

Loosely dangles

Tug and unravel

Follow it through

Before the fear consumes

This isn’t your last night

Not your last fight

So hold tight

Keep your grip

Don’t slip

You want out, right?

When you finally take the time

And measure the distance

Between Hell and Earth

Realize you’re only inches away

From devastation

Praying for a last minute

Course correction

Pure desperation

But the angels

Too beautiful to look at

Or maybe you’re afraid to cast your gaze

And see they were demons all along

The wait

The weight

Keep faith

You’re okay

Okay?

Okay…

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We All Start Somewhere! (#0)

Hello, there!

I’ve always wanted to start a blog. Well, not really. I love writing and always have thoughts or ideas I want to write about, but never did it. And now, I’m finally doing it. Yay!

Why did it take me so long to do this? Well, it partially (maybe even mostly) was due to anxiety, specifically of the fear variety. A lack of confidence is sprinkled in there, too. But yeah, fear. What was I afraid of?

Everything.

What if I don’t know what to write about? What if I lose motivation and can’t keep this up? What if nobody reads my posts? If someone does read, what if they don’t like it? What if my writing skills are good enough? What if…what if…what if…

What if I stop worrying and start writing anyway?

Like I said, I enjoy writing. So, I’m not going to let myself worry about a bunch of nonsense that doesn’t exist. Just live in the present and have fun posting here! All those things I was worried about? Don’t care!

I love thinking and talking about just about anything. From topics as simple as what I did that day to complex ideas like morality and philosophy. So, I’m thinking this blog will be a page where I post literally whatever I feel like posting. Rambly posts like this one, short stories, poetry, discussions on a particular topic. Anything goes!

I’m having fun already! To anyone who reads this, thank you so much!