flourishing-over-time

[flourishing-over-time]

doing it again and wondering why i ever wanted to stop!!

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i’m lying in bed crying because i feel so alone in the world sometimes.

most people will never love me the way i love them. Love means that i get to carry a piece of you with me forever - no matter what happens or if we still talk i’ll think of you, something - anything - will grab my minds attention because it reminds me of you, and i will be filled with the warmth that you and i shared once again.

I use the word Love sparingly

what i say “i Love you” i mean it in the deepest way that the words can be said. If I love you, you are now a part of me. Your mannerisms, catchphrases, jokes that I don’t even get, the way you dress or what scent you regularly wear, they all get stored together in my minds memory box and if i Love you, that box is opened frequently and rummaged through.

but people just don’t feel the same intensity for me.

i feel like i am always the “take it or leave it” friend of the group, the “you can come if you want” friend. I feel like I am always the plus one, never the one who gets invited.

how i yearn to be the friend who gets invited, i wish and i pray that one day i will be the “i want you to come with me” friend. the one who is in on the jokes, the one that everyone likes to be around.

but i never am.

is there something wrong with me? there must be at this point, it happens so often and has happened for so long - i feel like in some ways i have always been the afterthought, the one who gets back-burnered time and time again for the presence of others.

maybe i should just stop trying.

[flourishing-over-time]

we are worth saving!! so many of us are good!! so many people wake up every single day and drag themselves through their difficult lives, and still make room for kindness and compassion!!!

last week i worked 80 hours, and i couldn’t get an assignment done for school, and my prof gave me a 6 day extension and told me to get some rest - that is how i know people are still good.

because of the hurricane, so many people lost everything, but the first question i have been getting from so many people is “if i file a claim, that won’t stop someone else from getting help will it? if someone has more damage than me i want them to be helped first” that is how i know people are still good!!! that is compassion and that is empathy all for a stranger who might be having a worse time than you!!

because of the hurricane, i have heard dozens of stories of entire neighborhoods being flooded, homes all destroyed and unlivable, only for the next neighborhood over to come it with trucks, food and supplies, and just help the strangers in need. THAT IS HOW I KNOW PEOPLE ARE STILL GOOD AND THAT IS HOW I KNOW PEOPLE ARE WORTH SAVING.

i am reminded EVERY SINGLE DAY of the goodness that so many people cherish in their hearts, and share with their friends, families, neighbors, coworkers, and STRANGERS IN THEIR LIVES.

i am so grateful that i am alive at the same time as all of this goodness.

[flourishing-over-time]

everything is so hard - but when i feel the sadness begin to break the dam i have so lovingly built around it, i remind myself

i am here because i chose to be, i am here because God and earth could not break me

even when i felt as though i was being crushed under the weight of it all, i always found the strength to push through and live another day

i hear my husband in the other room, talking to our puppy in a silly voice - and i remember.

i am here because i chose to be, and i am so grateful that i made that choice every day that i wake up in their arms

every day that i feel their soft kisses against my skin

every day that i hear their laugh echoing through our apartment

every fight we have

every meaningless argument

i am so grateful that i chose to stay alive because had i not i would never have had the chance to know what

true love

feels like.

[flourishing-over-time]

sometimes it feels like i’m still a little girl, crying in the corner of my room after my dad yelled at me.

i’m so angry all of the time, but when i think about it, i start to wonder if maybe i am just afraid.

i turn 20 in 13 days, but in my head i feel like i am still 15. like one day i just got stuck and stopped growing.

my mom told me that i was driving away my husband the other day in the car, when i got home i screamed and cried - i am so afraid.

i am so afraid.

[flourishing-over-time]

i know this will pass, but it is weighing on my heart.

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y’all i need advice i’m baked and having a crisis

i turn 20 next month, im a junior in college working towards a degree in psychology- my dream career is to be a family counselor.

but my social life is dead. i work full time for an insurance company taking claims

i am feeling just spiritually unfulfilled in every way. i have all but abandoned my practice. i feel less connected with my higher self every day. someone please help.

[flourishing-over-time]

Watching the sun rise changes the trajectory of your whole day.

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We are worth saving.

I know that there is good in this world, because I am good. When people tell me people aren’t good, I look at them and say, “I am good, you are good, there is good in this world and we are worth saving.”

We will save the world.

Everyone that wakes up and tries everyday to be good, we will save us because we are worth it.

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A gentle path in the marsh

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u will always be my home~

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southwest study

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hello gang, it’s 4:41AM, and exactly 10 mins ago i got an A on the last final exam of the first semester of my BA!

So excited to see where the fall semester takes me.

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This blog is now a recovery and self love blog, it will be filled with art and culture and things that make me feel good, if that’s not your thing please unfollow!!

we are being healthy and taking care of ourselves here.

[flourishing-over-time]

gymspo