fibrotastic

[fibrotastic]

Tw suicidal ideation

So uh. My financial situation isn't good. Nobody is commissioning me. I'm getting no donations on my kofi. I have 18 dollars in my bank account and no job

I can't afford anything rn and it's making me really want to just give up and die of hopelessness. I just had an interview cancel on me and I don't know how long I can keep going for. I'm just done. I feel like crying.

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What's the deal with non borderlines immediately jumping to stereotypes when they talk with or about bpd like please don't

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Stim of the day:

Fortnite battle pass, I just shit out my ass

I wish this was a joke I cannot stop saying it even when I try to stop

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Something people never talk about is possible pain after having a melt down due to bunched up muscles during the meltdown getting sore. Especially if you haven't had one in awhile. And then headaches of course being the cherry on top :')

After my meltdown, I organized my plushies, talked to my dad, played splatoon for 4 hours, and now I'm going to bed

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Had a meltdown for the first time in a few years due to. A series of minor triggers causing everything to snowball.

I have to live with my father and step mother due to my physical health, inability to care for myself rn, and financial situation.

They do not like that I have a large collection to stuffed animals that I have a major attachment to. Without my knowledge they put all of them in three garbage backs and put them upstairs. Mostly this was orchestrated by my step-mom who I'm just. Always weary of her hating me. It genuinely feels like she's out to get me. I've become afraid of texting my dad because I'm afraid of her seeing it.

This could have been avoided if they left my stuffed animals alone. They don't hurt anyone and stay in my room. They're not a fire hazard or anything. They're completely safe where they are.

Anyways with that said, I feel like my step mother is out to get me. She told me I should be in a group home which hurt. It really drives home the feeling that she probably doesn't like me at all.

I wish I had the money to move out. I'm not in a very good situation. And living with my bio mother is off the tabl3 because she's extremely abusive in almost every way.

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You can now make anon asks sorry I forgot to turn that on

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So I guess ill also use this blog to... well blog!

This will be a bit of a vent too.

I'm really upset because my chronic pain severely limits my ability to spend time with my friends and going out. We had to cut our hang out short today because I started getting flare ups severe enough to make me tear up and cry out in pain. It's just. So bad.

My knees have red splotches on them, even though they haven't rubbed up against anything. I've been exercising to try and build up tolerance but when chronic pain wants to flare up none of that exercise seems to matter.

I had to come home crying and I'm in bed now writing this. I messaged my rheumatologist about the issues I've had with my pain getting in the way of my social life.

Hopefully something can be done to allow me to travel long distances with my legs without causing flare ups. Because it's getting worse even with work. I'm even going back to physical therapy for the 3rd time soon.

I honestly just wish my body was normal. This is a miserable way to live personally.

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How long did It take to get professional diagnoses? I know those can always take forever and cost a shit ton lmao

It honestly depends on the disorder. A few of them I was diagnosed with when I went to the psyche ward or in childhood.

But the gait disorder and fibro were much harder to get diagnoses for because you have to jump through so many hoops, go through so many different doctors, get so much testing done to rule out other stuff. It's ridiculous.

Overall, it's a mixed bag. Some were easier for doctors to figure out than others.

[fibrotastic]

Hello! You can call me Charlie for now!

My pronouns are he/him

This blog is an ask blog and awareness blog about the disabilities I suffer from, as well as a place to talk about my own insecurities around them and the struggles I face daily as a physically and mentally disabled person!

Just for the sake of the blogs theme, here's some but not all of my professional diagnosis. I'll only post what I deem relevant. As there are too many to list

Fibromyalgia

Functional Gait disorder

Conversion disorder / FND

Borderline Personality disorder

Autism

Adhd

Trichotillomania / ocd

Psychosis

Misc Chronic knee pain

These are what I'll be mainly focusing and answering asks for! Please, ask away to your hearts content and I'll happily answer whatever you want to know.

I also want to clear off the social stigma around these disorders, talk about common misconceptions, and talk about what to do if you suspect you have certain ones. Some of these, like audhd, can and should be self DXed! Others unfortunately can't be and medical professionals advise against it because doing research on certain disorders will make you believe you have them even more and you'll often start malingering and exaggerating symptoms without even realizing. It's known as medical student syndrome, but also can form as illness anxiety disorder or fictitious disorder! /info

I won't talk about faker discourse. I think that fakers are still extremely mentally ill and convinced they have the disorder. Some communities do have a reputation for grooming young people into believing they have certain complex disorders! And I've been a victim of this behavior.

I won't talk on what I don't have.

I won't answer asks that make me uncomfortable.

Please enjoy the blog ♡