eroguro-angel

[eroguro-angel]

The Unclean

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Am I the only one who goes through periods of being horny just to feel so deeply guilty, like shame seeping into my every bone? I just way to lay down in snow and disappear.

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Art by Martín Santos

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artist: konekocafe/larsheen on tt (⁠人⁠*⁠´⁠∀⁠｀⁠)⁠｡⁠*ﾟ⁠+

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I was just talking to Ahmed @90-ghost (alongside Av, who might be reading this, idk if they’d like to be part of this post tho). He has given me permission to write a post about our conversation.

This whole thing has gotten Ahmed to the point where he admits he’s started to hate tumblr after 12 years of being on here. He has over 3k messages in his inbox and can’t handle it right now, his brother and other family members are still in Gaza and he himself doesn’t have the money to help them out. I’ve noticed that donations have slowed among palestinian fundraisers in general, before this whole debacle that a few individuals on this site started. this is anecdotal, but I know Ahmed gets like $30-$50 per week in donations at this point, and that barely makes a dent in his and his family’s needs. Remember that people in Gaza need to pay massively inflated prices for what basic necessities are available right now. I think things are looking pretty dire to the people who would like to flee Gaza but don’t have the money. It already was dire that Egyptian government, working in lockstep with Israel and the west, charges $5k+ to Ghazzawis. Hala Agency, Ibrahim Al-Argani, and the other scumbags running the Egyptian state are all demons and they’ve lined their pockets throughout this genocide. But I digress—it was dire already and now the enthusiastic aid that helped people like Ahmed seems to have run dry.

All that is to say: Ahmed can’t continue to verify peoples’ documents or promote their fundraisers at this stage. He’s privately talked to hundreds of Ghazzawis and looked at their IDs, and he was the only person doing it for a while (a very small handful of other Palestinian users on here were doing it, but they’ve also gotten overwhelmed and stopped). When he was in Gaza, Ahmed was displaced multiple times, left sleeping in tents or on the streets while in active physical danger, starving, forced to drink unsafe water, and often sick. It’s not an exaggeration to say that his body and mind have been pushed to the limit. When he told me he’s depressed all day after doing this work while attracting a ton of negativity, I told him he’s allowed to stop for the sake of his own health, because frankly he needs to focus on his physical recovery. There’s nothing selfish about that, it’s not sustainable for him to be doing this, particularly not when he’s still under the immense stress of his brother and other relatives remaining in Gaza and relying on him for help.

Since I know people will ask: I currently don’t know of anyone on tumblr who still vets fundraisers. Everyone I know of who did has had to stop. I don’t know about the inner workings of Operation Olive Branch, but they seem to be one of a few collectives with enough members to distribute this work. It IS work, and those of us who have tried to do it have done so with a low failure rate (el-shab-hussein and nabulsi’s spreadsheet had over 200 entries and they misidentified a scam as legitimate ONCE). I hope everyone will be more considerate towards the people at collectives like OOB.

This has always been a matter of personal discretion. The vetting process some users tried to implement on here is meant to help people who want to help and accept the risk of offering aid to strangers. If you don’t trust bloggers who’ve been proudly Palestinian on this site for years, that’s up to you—genuinely, it’s fair to think “I don’t know this person and I don’t know what standards they’re operating on.” In the future, anyone who has such concerns should consider asking good-faith questions to the people involved and to converse with them like adults before jumping to accusations, conspiratorial posts, etc.

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I just want you to feel the way I do. Love me the same way. I wouldn’t be insane, then. You’d understand

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I have loved every person I’ve ever met, every dog I’ve ever pat and every bed I’ve ever slept more than they could know; but I’m sure if they did, they’d love me the same amount.

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Hikkomorii

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everything feels so empty. I am so alone. There is nothing poetic about it, there is no fancy words I can string together; I am just cold and alone.

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adding tags feels so shameless…. Always so nervous about adding tags…

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self. gouache watercolor 2020

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her her her her her her her her her her her her.

all i think about is her.

she's my meaning. my reason. my inspiration.

her. just her.

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controlling you makes me better!

︶︶ ꒱ ﹀↷♡ ꒱..°

call me angel or yuri. any pronouns [18+ DNI if

triggered] . . . rentry wip : i love my girlfriend

︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵

🕸️ : text — text posts. Most of my posts are

texts, so this will have most of my content.

🕸️ : images — this is for images! I’ll always

ry to credit the creator or artist.

🕸️ : venting — the venting tag is for any

posts that I made with strong negative

emotions to vent my frustrations.

🕸️ : my darling — posts about my girlfriend!

🕸️ : tw — a content warning tag if potentially triggering content.

🕸️ : reblog — used on any content I reblog

🕸️ : ramblings — just general stuff where I ramble . . .

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When I talk to others, the only thing that crosses my mind is how lonely I am. No matter what they say it is empty.

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I can’t believe you have friends. I hate it so much I wish you would only talk to me, do I really mean nothing to you? I thought you loved me too. I don’t get it.

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I tried so hard to be normal, I’m sure I have convinced you. I convinced myself, yet deep down I came back here. I am having these thoughts you wouldn’t be able to understand, which is why I can share them with you. But God, I wish I could. And I wish you would still love me anyway.