emmaleaurawrites

[emmaleaurawrites]

My kids are happy. My oldest is sick 🥺 and it breaks my heart. As long as I've been a mother, illness with your babies, no matter how old, is always a reminder that you can't search for a particular #outcome

Sometimes we just have to do the best with what we have across all four levels of ourselves... Mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

This makes me happy and sad. It's always a place that we describe as weird but if we think about it, it's a perfect #balance

It's when we recognize that there is a good and bad side to everything.. are we so used to chaos or not living at all, that we force ourselves to be in one space or another?

For me, the answer is yes...

Happiness, love, peace, abundance, and prosperity are the energies I want to be identified by. That's the aura I strive to be daily.

Today out me to that test. I guess I need to learn to do this without the pressure and I understand spirit when I'm told, until I'm happy here, I can't go to that level of #ascension I'm headed towards and be able to handle it properly.

Everything I do now is meant to bring me peace and happiness.

It's gotten better and I'm still focusing on the bad instead of the good.

The first energy I need to embody is the energy of gratitude.

Tomorrow, I'm going to do my best to embody that throughout my day.

I also gotta get back to my yoga practice like I've been telling myself.

TO DO:

My body goal- is to get moving through the flow and details of yoga.

My soul goal- is to practice gratitude.

My mind goal- is to stop negative thinking

My spiritual goal- is to shield myself from the negativity of others.

[emmaleaurawrites]

This week has been CRAZY HECTIC. I am back at work. I don't mind the job but being stuck in one spot all day really bothers my free spirited nature. My job is pretty easy though so I won't complain too much.

This week has been one of self reflection.. if you can't tell, I've been doing shadow work. I'm realizing that I'm now entering into the intermediate stage of my spiritual.journey and y'all... The shit ain't easy.

It's so disheartening at times to think about how almost EVERYTHING was taken away from us in the blink of an eye. I'm getting back to my craft as well and that's a blessing. I'm definitely gonna be doing so energy calling and hex removals bc this energy, some of it, has not been my energy and these blockages are not my karma. Who ever sent them shall receive them back plus their karma for touching me and my family.

I'm starting to see my true self day by day and my transformation as a Spiritualist. This has lasted way longer than I thought it would but that's ok because it is only gonna make me stronger than I ever was before.

I had to realize that money is truly an energy and it's such a simple yet complex thing to understand... Last night, I couldn't sleep because this kept coming in my head:

Money 👉🏾 currency 👉🏽 circulation as a medium of exchange 👉🏼current👉🏿movement of electrons through a wire👉🏼energy👉🏿power derived from the utilization of physical or chemical resources...

This is how I made sense of "money is an energy"... It has its power because we utilize it's physical form to go in the direction we want to go in life.

I won't say I cracked the matrix or nothing but it all makes sense to me now... So much so that it's hard for me to put it into words!

To make a long story short, we need to all work on becoming as self sufficient as we possibly can. The more we depend on the rich to supply to the not rich, the worse the economy is going to get. We live in a society (in the US) where we are truly ruled by fear! We vote for people who don't care about us. They have no real concept of the average American's struggle and yet we ONLY vote Democrat or Republican. For what?!

They can't help us if they don't understand us and they're not putting any effort into trying. They only show up here to get votes and even then, they only rub elbows with the wealthy and wave and sign meaningless, unhelpful things for the poor.

But our people are soooo brainwashed, it's sad. And I hate it.

Last night, I was watching a documentary (Yes I'm a True Crime junkie) and a very wealthy man was kidnapped... The standard procedure was tossed out the window. They called the police and the FBI was involved IMMEDIATELY because of this man's bank account size .. they put in So much effort, time, and money to try and get this man home... And I couldn't help but think what if they tried this hard when our kids, who aren't Caucasian, family, and friends go missing or have their lives cut short?

And these are the things that are important to me. Helping people who truly need help EQUALLY despite the number of commas in their bank accounts!

[emmaleaurawrites]

Absolutely Beautiful 😍 #dopeart

[emmaleaurawrites]

Journaoing online is something I can definitely get jiggy with... Though I miss my pen and paper. But that's not the issue. We will figure that out later. I have to focus on THIS, what I'm doing right now

This weekend was one where my mental health took a dive. A deep one. But I'm happy to say that I am okay today and it's honestly okay to not be ok. I understand my situation is hard, but I'm not required to #staypositive. It's okay for me to be hurt. It's ok for me to be angry. It's ok for me to be sad. It's ok for me to doubt. But what's important is I don't remain there.

Today I was able to give myself the love and grace I've been needing.

. Milly and I had a rough weekend and I got to be honest with him about my feelings. It felt good to get it off my chest.

It was good for us to talk about it and gain an understanding.

I'm happy, healthy, and Divine.

This one was #shortandsweet but it was what I needed to end an amazing day of #selfcare..

This is your reminder to focus on the moment you have now and be patient with yourself.

#opendiary #onlinejournaling #secrets #whoami #ghostwriter #spirituality

[emmaleaurawrites]

It's Friday and I've written three times this week 🥂. For me, giving myself grace is clutch right now. The perfectionists in me wants to commit to writing three times next week. I refuse to do that. I just need to make sure I write. No matter if it's once or every day. Writing is something I love. I need to make time for it and I'm going to!!

I also love reading tarot and I need to make time for it too. That's my next goal. Right now, I'm building.

I'm constantly reminded lately that what you see in others, you see in yourself.

Today... I need to give husband a name... Milly...

So, almost Everyday, Milly gets me coffee and or a fountain drink... Today, I randomly wanted Dr. Pepper. Today, the fountain for Dr. Pepper was out. He once worked at the store we get our fountains and coffee from... So y'all .. this man asked the Team Member if there was some in the back. She hesitantly said yes but she was too short to change it. He said "That's ok. I'll change it. My baby gotta have what she asked for".

Today that reminded me that I take him for granted. Nobody I've dated has ever done the small stuff for me and went above and beyond. Most people will every now and again but he's consistently doing these things and maybe I've been a bit selfish. I also know he makes these choices to please me and gets upset bc he knows he should tell me no. I recognize this but change is hard... It's sooo hard... But to better myself, I have to face my truth and the truth is, I could be a better wife because I don't do those things for him and I should... Or show him his love language often too. I get so caught up in me, that I don't see him sometimes and that's wrong. Now I need to apologize to him bc energy should be exchanged. I love him so much and I want to show him and our family. I always feel like I don't do enough and doing enough for so many people is exhausting. I need to have time to pour into myself too...

That's why I'm doing what Im doing here .. now .. Not only sharing my raw thoughts, but also being completely vulnerable so that others know that we all can relate to someone and those magical connections are PURELY spiritual. The more you connect with those people, the more you understand who you are, what you're meant to do, and where you're going. Not because you follow their wishes, but how much they respect yours. They take time to get to know you and they stick beside you no matter the length of time you've talked. They give you space, grace, and understanding. They're Honest with you. They hear you.

This is the person I am becoming. I love helping others bc of the feeling I get when helping me!! I think people should feel that often. The way they speak love as well as the way the giver wants to give. Balance is everything.

It's almost time to chill a bit

Things are getting brighter and clearer.

[emmaleaurawrites]

So it's the New Moon and I've realized a few things today...

1. I've been manifesting greater for some time now and ever since this situation has taken place in our lives, I've been going against the flow of life.

I'm not in a place to give other than what I'm doing now and that also means I'm in a place to receive and have complete faith.

That feeling of love I talked about the other day is really showing itself.

I'm grateful for that.

2. My cycle has aligned itself with The New Moon but with that has come great disdain towards my husband. I love him but often times, I feel like I'm not in love with him. I feel like he's an energy vampire and a very negative person.

I've tried leaving, he doesn't want to let me go. Yet he feels what I'm feeling. We just aren't in alignment and he's never honest about his true feelings. I speak on them, he knows it's obvious how he truly feels and he denies it to the fullest.

3. I REALLY gotta get back to ME and I'm headed there but sometimes I just wanna be free to do what I want to do.

It's frustrating because he definitely doesn't want what I want but he agrees to it and his actions and words show that he doesn't agree..

I am polyamorous. He agrees to being polyamorous but always telling me that I wanted to cheat and that's why I want to be polyamorous... That's not true. I chose this because I enjoy meaningful connections with others and I want to be able to act on those feelings authentically. I also know that I desire a lot of loves. My love is multifaceted. My heart is big. I don't feel like we as human beings should have to settle.

I want to experience love on the largest scale and give love on the largest scale. He doesn't attempt to understand that. He constantly talks shxt about it and throws hissy fits when I go out.

It's annoying AF.

4. New Moon energy is heavy and I've been SO TIRED and excited. Sunday, I'm going to the river to cleanse and ground in nature.

I just wanna be happy and live my best life and I want to be rid of those who keep me from that. Like I'm learning to love myself and I'm tired of constantly settling and waiting.

[emmaleaurawrites]

Ok so... Transparency is a major part of my journey... And I started this page before I was ready to be fully transparent with the world, so that when I was ready, There'd be no excuses or "I'll do it tomorrow"...

Now, I'm ready ..... So instead of writing in my journal each night, I'm gonna write here 😅

* Insert deep axx breath bc a betch is

NEEEER👏🏼VOUS!👏🏼

But, like I always advise... Imma do it scared.

My fear comes from the thought of being judged.. Along my journey, I realized that I, and many others, suffer from people pleasing and the need to be accepted. I also have this fear because of abandonment issues and a strong axx need to feel loved.

And it goes deeper... I struggle to form deeper connections with people.. I have a problem with detachment..

You see, I grew up without either of my parents. That always made me wonder 'why?'... Why was I not worthy of having them?

I've grown to understand that this happened for a greater reason than I could understand at that time... And now I'm grateful for it... But the people pleasing, need to be accepted, and detachment issues, are the residual energies of those feelings.

I'm trying to work through that and it's a WHOLE struggle!!

But, as you see, I'm working on it....

So anyways... Today was a chill day, as it should have been.

Bae let me sleep in and it was MUCH NEEDED!! He even ran some errands and took the kids out for a bit.

I cleaned our home and had some me time. It was electric ⚡😏🥂🦄🥳 It is always an easy way to release stress and manifest easily.. it's so much beautiful, organic energy behind a big fat O! NEVER underestimate that power.

After that, we visited our favorite friend couple and made plans for tomorrow ❤️ We also decided to attend an adult prom.

I really hope we go bc I have been wanting a formal night out and we always have a great time with them!!

I'm looking at the clock now, realizing we ain't got much time before we have to get up in the morning so imma try to get the rest of this in within the next four minutes!!

So we made it home, bae and I had a tiny disagreement about the kids listening to certain things with curse words. He said absolutely no cursing. I said we listen to music with it all the time so I don't see a problem with them listening to what they're exposed to. I just don't want them on YouTube watching kids and cartoons cursing.

It really grinds my gears that he is so passive aggressive. He gets in his feelings and SAY he ain't mad, but that energy, the way he acts, and the look on his face says different.

I swear he gets on my nerves but he's a great guy. He always grows for the better but he attempts at trying to avoid conflict, literally leads to conflict.. I have a part to blame in it too though... Bc I don't let it go when a mfer try to act funny with me... So yeah imma lil petty... Sometimes a lot petty. It's my toxic trait and I'm not ready to work on it. I know, I know... But this about BEING REAL #BE100 and imma do that.

He can act funny all he want to long as I get some 🪵 tonight, IDGAF. 🤷🏾‍♀️ #BIGMOOD

#mydiary #ghostwriter #ELWrites #vunerability #issasecret #canyoukeepit #busttheghost #NEVA #ILOVEWRITING #mythoughts #getyourteacup #spillingmyowntea #theworldmayneverknow #andilovedis💩

[emmaleaurawrites]

👇🏾I felt poetic on this Self Care Sunday sooo 👇🏾

THE VALUE OF SELF WORTH

I'm not a prize 🥇, nor a trophy 🏆...

Baby, I'm ART 🎨...

A timeless masterpiece created by the Divine!

Meant to be admired as my value appreciates over time.

You see, you'll admire me today because I made you smile.

Tomorrow you'll look at me and probably wonder for a while.

The essence of the beauty that flows from within, and you'll likely see something different if, tomorrow, you look again.

My worth is invaluable because it's strictly determined by me.

There's no price to be paid because material thing don't woo me.

Just have admiration, appreciation, and dedication when you have your opportunity.

And these things must be provided consistently.

If they are not, that's perfectly swell.

My value appreciates so, soon someone will.

And if, by chance, this doesn't take place,

I'll never lose my value bc it doesn't depreciate.