elxierelynx

[elxierelynx]

Memento mori

Memento mori: (Latin: "remember (that you have) to die”) The medieval Latin theory and practice of reflection on mortality, especially as a means of considering the vanity of earthly life and the transient nature of all earthly goods and pursuits.

Mono no aware (物の哀れ): (Japanese: “the sensitivity to ephemera”) The awareness of impermanence (無常 mujō), or transience of things, and both a transient gentle sadness (or wistfulness) at their passing as well as a longer, deeper gentle sadness about this state being the reality of life.

L’appel du vide: (French: “call of the void”) The psychological phenomenon in which people, with no desire to die, find themselves faced with a steep cliff and experience a strong desire to leap.

Amor fati: (Latin: “the love of one’s fate”) An attitude in which one sees everything that happens in one’s life, including suffering and loss, as good; or, at the very least, necessary.

[elxierelynx]

Living.... Failing in life.... "My Failure"

Whenever i feel emotionally stressed, anxious, depressed and feels like the world is ganging up on me to see me fail, i let it out using words.... I express my self in ways i know i can reach out to people who may be sharing a similar ordeal with me... This is my expression of sad, fear, pain, frustrations, anger, bitterness, and many more negative emotions i cannot openly express... I do not wish to bother people with my problems, that some may think of as petty and worthless, but to me it means a WHOLE LOT MORE!! It's hard to be in a place where your nearest and most valued emotional support is miles away and out of reach... And speaking up is never an option because no one cares or offers to listen... I feel that life is unfair, but there are good times too.... No matter how small, silly, insignificant and short-lived it is, a good memory is STILL a good time spent... I wish quitting in work and life is as easy as snapping a finger... TADA! But NO! So... I let my creativity, no matter how minute and microscopic it may be, serve as an outlet of these ill-thoughts and feelings... LIFE SUCK, but not always...!

[elxierelynx]

My Failure

I smile despite it all, Heart breaking and tears on free fall. I keep my poise and my stand, Even if you dont want to give me a helping hand.

I want to please you and make you smile, But all i do is to keep making you sigh. I want to be of help and be your strength, To be your angel heaven sent.

But i was nothing but a burden, Causing problems all of a sudden. Have i not done anything worth you’re praise? All my good efforts ignored and gone to waste.

All i wanted were for you to be proud of me, You beaming with pride is all i want to see. All I’ve received are your lectures, And be nothing but your life’s greatest failure…

10/31/15 8:35pm

[elxierelynx]

Poems Born on Elxiere’s Cellphone Series! #3 -Truth Behind Ilaeya's Quote-

-Broken Inside- 11/11/2012 7:51pm

We were friends for the longest time,

The situation was for the best, it was fine.

We would laugh and do things together,

While I silently pray for this to last forever.

---

In my heart you were my number one;

Yet I know my place in yours was close to none.

You were my best friend and my sun;

You light up my way, everyday was fun.

---

I know our time together would eventually come to an end,

And true enough, lesser and lesser our time together we spend.

Yet I could not give up; my feelings for you were too much.

I hope even just a bit your heart would be touched.

---

Truly, I might just be living in a dream,

More like a nightmare unfolding, so it would seem.

My heart has been crushed, I wanna scream.

Tears running down my cheeks, they shimmer and gleam.

---

You ended up together with my other friend.

Though i have to say i was partly at fault to my bitter end.

It was I who introduced you to one another,

Because I thought the three of us go great together.

---

I was foolish, I was naive;

And now I’m all alone left to grieve.

I have no right to be here anymore, so I’ll leave.

Now I see nothing but darkness, my morn turned to endless eve.

---

I though this friendship ‘ball’ we danced together,

Would not end, praying for it to go on ‘till forever.

It was wrong of me to assume yet again;

For this time you had left me in pain.

---

I finally stopped playing our song,

When i realized you were no longer dancing along.

It pains me but I have to say goodbye,

And deep inside me I know a piece of my heart did die.

[elxierelynx]

Welcome To Ilayea's World...

Social Masks... I know everyone of us have this. I am no exception to this notion, and i believe i have yet to meet someone who actually has "NO SUCH THING". This is a very handy tool in helping our selves escape realistic situations we are facing up-against. It is like our escape goat, our shield and armor, our thickest defense shell. In psychology this is called 'EGO DEFENSE MECHANISM', in my own understanding this is our 'SOCIAL MASK'.

Ilaeya has a bright and sunny personality. She is friendly, to no bounds; to the point where it frustrates me sometimes. She can't say "NO", and that's a bit of a problem, 'coz sometimes people around her tend to use this personality of her to their gain. But nonetheless, Ilae is a kind and good nurtured friend. Well... this is Ilae's social mask anyway...

Behind the scenes, beyond those thick theater curtains, deep deep inside the darkest cave, Ilaeya's smiles are also her tears. Her hearty laughs are her sorrowful sobs. And her enthusiasms are her grief. You could say that she is the epitome of the quote "The Happiest Person Are The Saddest" in 'MATTERS OF THE HEART'. But despite such eventful happenings in Ilaeya's field of love, she never let those memories bring her down.

This poem is especially dedicated for her, because of her favorite quote which i tried to include to the poem itself... I know times are hard for you right now besh! But I'm proud of you for standing up, despite every fall; stepping one foot at a time and moving on; embedding every single cause of your tears in your 'experience logbook', making you stronger; and smiling the day away, as if you are not hurting deep inside.

(I don't think I have the right to publish the whole reason for your quote here, and the whole story starring Y-O-U, but i hope this intro did justice to what you had in mind... PS. sorry for the late publish Ilae...)

[elxierelynx]

3rd poem for the series...

I'll start working on the third poem's introduction tomorrow... (it's 9:30pm here right now) the weather isn't really good and i'm in the province... if it rains, it pours... and if it pours, meaning there would be a 50% chance of a power outage... (it sucks.. i know)

*sigh*

anyway... the third poem/person entry for the series would probably be out after 2 more days :)

[elxierelynx]

Poems Born on Elxiere’s Cellphone Series! #2 -Dedicated to Alexine-

-My Own- (11/10/2012 10:55pm)

I looked up above the night sky, As i heaved a painful sigh. My sight is clouded with tears, The past haunts me -my fears.

Why can’t I seem to find happiness? This beating heart is only filled with emptiness. Yet I continue to live this life full of loneliness. Why can’t I escape this prison like darkness?

Am I destined to be alone forever? It frightens me; I want to say “Never!” Should I wait a little longer? I’m sure my future will be brighter!

I can’t do anything but hope and pray, As I pave my own path -my own way! A future I myself would surely one day build; My soon-to-be-life that I’d gladly lead, ‘til I feel fulfilled!

[elxierelynx]

Introducing 'My' Alexine...

Alexine or Xine (pronounced as Shin) and I actually interacted for the first time when both were in our fifth grade of elementary education. During those times, we were all very competitive because we are about to graduate the following year. I'm not really that into studies during those times, so I could say that I wasn't that aware of my classmates then. Actually, there isn't much to say in this section of our life; except for the fact that every afternoon, just before going home we would get the chance to play with one another.

High school was the turning point in our friendship. He became my seatmate when we were in our second year, and thus our story began. Just like most high schools, we were seated by our surnames in a boy-gir-boy-girl arrangement (Oh my...! I just revealed that I'm a girl...! *sigh* Anyway...). We were placed in an advanced class (Let's call it 'Special Star Class'), our English, Math and Science classes were one year ahead than the regular high school curriculum; though our school also offers the regular high school curriculum.

The 'Special Star Class' was the high light of our public high school, yet despite that fact our population remains scanty compared to our neighboring schools. Our class wasn't an exception, it was also sparse and our regular classes weren't in any better position. Our class started off with 21 students, with the stated number, we were arranged to have 4 students per table and every row had 2 tables. Our whole class only needed a total of six tables. But when we turned 2nd years, our class decreased its number to 19 students. The second to the last table at the back remained to have 4 students, while the tables in front were re-arranged. Instead of having the 4 person boy-girl-boy-girl seat plan, tables 1,2,3,4 and 6 had the boy-girl-boy formation. Because of the change in our seat map, we finally became seat mates until our 4th year in high school.

During those 3 years of being seatmates we became friends, chat-mates/gossip-mates, study buddies and of course enemies (at some point). We were young, with raging hormones and puberty; it didn't really help much with how we would handle even the simplest of things. There were times were in our temperaments would clash, and moods collide. We would wage an all out war with one another, but as we grew older our methods (of fighting with each other) also matured. Instead of the usual back talking, we actually learned to utilize the thing they called 'Cold War'. Funny though, our squabbles would only last for a few days; somehow we'd both find ways to make up to one another, on our own (without any of those 'set-ups' other friends would organize for you). Could I be thinking too much of things? I feel that somehow this could be called the 'Mark of True Friendship'.

If we're talking of the 'studies' segment of high school, I could only say one word -HELL! It's not because of the homework or pop quizzes, nor the projects and studying per se; more like the fact that there was still favoritism, which I may add is quite childish and immature of some of our teachers; not forgetting about being cheated and betrayed by our very own Sensei! (This matter is too sensitive, that would open up quite a painful past wound so I refuse to dig deeper into the matter) Though our memories were somewhat good, certain events still tarnish our lovely painted picture. It’s sad to say, but we can never go back in time and make it right. And as they say “The damage is done” living us dubious and aloof to our high school alma mater and professors.

During our college years, Xine was actually one of those few high school friends that kept in touch with me (I’m somewhat passive, and after certain events I chose not to let my real emotions show anymore). He would text me whenever he can, and we would sometimes chat whenever we open a social networking site we both use. Though it wasn’t like how we were in high school, I could say that we both value that bond and is determined to not let it be severed. I don’t really have a deeper understanding of how Xine faired in love and in life during these times. All I could generate was that, some of the situations he had faced have left deep scars in his heart. Xine was hurt and is still hurting even now; and at times, it haunts him leaving him broken.

Xine is one of my best friends, and because of his many love escapades I often asks him for advice (hehe my love guru). I would often burst out my pent-up emotions to him through calls, and texts, because in truth, he’s the only person I could open to ‘vocally and verbally’ first hand. After telling him these, I could share it to my other friends in a less hostile and summarized version (unless Xine isn’t available, yes Xine to me is also an extremely rare and in-demand commodity :P) *prays that Xine won’t get angry when he reads these*. He would sometimes share what’s on his mind to me. I also know that the things he shares to me are deep wounds that I probably would have no knowledge of healing it, but nonetheless I would listen anytime, anywhere, and give my piece of advice if he wants to hear it.

I know how grave the things he went through, and right now he’s still struggling for his up-hill battle. At times he would trip or fall, even to the point of giving up, but I look up to him; because even if he’s actually broken and hurting inside he would still stand tall and smile. I’m lucky, because I’m probably one of those few he had informed when he had too much, and all he could do right then was cry; and that he trusts me to the point he would share his reasons why; to be relied on to whenever he could no longer carry on. But most of all, I’m the luckiest because he said he would be my friend, my best friend!

Xine, this poem I dedicated to you because I know right then you were at the brick of giving up. You probably thought that it was already too much, and you wanted to say “Enough!” but you held on, and I know right now you are trying to move on. Live your life how you want it too (just remember to always follow what’s right though), and never let those people ruin your pretty picture. Do remember that I will always be behind you, cheering for you!

[elxierelynx]

Poems Born on Elxiere's Cellphone Series! #1 -Jnazribeth's Request-

-Proposal- (11/05/2012 2:00pm)

I sigh, as I look in your eyes like stars in the sky;

My heartaches, as I saw your tender loving smile. 

Tears unceasingly stop at both sides of my cheeks;

This feeling overwhelms me I can’t seem to speak.

  I heaved and I pant, trying to catch my breath;

I locked my Gaze into yours, I saw pure distress.

As you kept your pose –kneeling on my feet,

Anxiety evident in your eyes, I slowly caressed your cheek.

  I look at your sweet loving orbs, now full of determination;

I heaved another sigh, your agony I will no longer prolong.

My lips drew the sweetest smile I could muster,

As I held my breath, I voiced out “Yes… I will walk down the altar.”

[elxierelynx]

Virgo is a very independent sign and like most who fall under it, you're reliable, helpful and observant which makes it easier for you to accomplish things. You're also extremely precise.

http://lolzparade.com/quizzes/misc/are-you-a-true-virgo

[elxierelynx]

People who understand sarcasm well are often good at reading people’s minds. They understand the other person has something else in mind!

Source

[elxierelynx]

[elxierelynx]

Meet my friend Jnazribeth...

It all started with a simple random request from my dear friend, well call her Jnazribeth. She's a friends I've met during my Prep years... We were classmates. Though I was a year younger, i was placed in their class. We didn't really interact that much, probably because all that's in our mind was play, play and more play! We graduated and parted ways. Call it "Fate" or "Destiny", we met again during high school days. Along with other friends (11 of us), we started hanging out. Laughing the day away, gossiping like crazy (hey what can i say we were in HS) and cramming our studies as if our life depended on it! Four years of fun, boring, happy, sad, etc. memories! College came. As i was busy with my thesis during my 3rd year in BSN, i just wind up with some news... It's half.... Okey fine, it was a highly disturbing news... Jnaz is pregnant, stopped her studies, and was thinking of settling down... It was not my business to meddle with, so i let her be. But i made sure to tell her that I would be there whenever she'd need me, along with all our other friends. Both her and the boy stopped studying, because of reasons I have no knowledge off. Their beautiful daughter (my Godchild), is a little over a few months when a tragedy struck their family (literally). Her husband (they were not married though), was struck by lightning when he was working at the seaside, trying to earn a living. Devastated, was an understatement of the desolate feelings my friend had and probably still have; for herself, for their  few months old daughter... And all i could do was sympathize and empathize.

  The poem I wrote to her was truly at first made because of her request... but at the same time, I wrote this wishing she could've experienced this as well...

[elxierelynx]

meet the blogger

Name: Elxiere Lynx

Height: 5'4"

Birthday: Sept. 12

Favourite color: Blue, Black, White

Best school subject(s): English, Math, Science

Mac or PC: PC

Current shirt color: Grey

Gamer?: YES

Day or night: Both

Celebrity crush: M.L. ;)

Favorite Quote: " Sometimes we've got to get through a lot just to learn. But we mustn't miss the chances that life has to offer. For we might miss the most important things in life-people making our life worth living..."

[elxierelynx]

WHAT MAKES YOU FEEL BETTER WHEN YOU ARE IN A BAD MOOD?

Writing my thoughts in my "notebook" or typing it in my PC

[elxierelynx]

Poems Born on Elxiere's Cellphone Series! -Intro-

A collection of poems I, Elxiere Lynx, made for my friends. It originally started on my "cellphone" upon the request of a friend (Nov. 5, 2012)... but it became official last night (Nov. 10, 2012) when I made another poem dedicated for another friend. It started off on a whim... but now it'll continue as my way of supporting my friends through the literary pieces I could create for my them! I may be thinking too highly of my self, but nonetheless this is my own (unique if I may add) way of expressing words I can't say out loud. I'm passive and sometimes not so expressive, probably because of my strict upbringing, but i found out that through written words i could technically express what i want to say... somehow... :P I'm not a genius in writing, i just write because i want too (on a whim). I get stumped at times, experience writer's block, or feel uninspired. I can't just suddenly write out of the blue, nor can I write for people I haven't met or interacted (in reality) before (or I've just met). I need a certain amount of inspiration, or you need to strike me with what you do.. then maybe I can write something about you too!