eating-disorder-screwed-me-over

[eating-disorder-screwed-me-over]

ur not ugly, u have poor self-esteem

[eating-disorder-screwed-me-over]

This is so important - we can’t compare trauma experiences, it is all valid. Even two people who go through the same trauma can react differently.

[eating-disorder-screwed-me-over]

gentle reminder that the holidays can be a very difficult time of year for many people. you don’t have to put yourself in uncomfortable situations, you don’t have to see your family if you don’t want to. but it’s also ok to step out of your comfort zone, enjoy the holidays and the tasty food - because you deserve it. merry christmas! 🎅🎄

[eating-disorder-screwed-me-over]

Some things it is A-OK to say to your doctor:

No

Wait

Stop 

(These are full sentences! You do not need to say any more) 

I am not comfortable. 

I am not comfortable, I would like… 

you to wait a moment.

another person in the room. 

everyone else out of the room. 

a doctor/nurse of my same gender to preform this test/procedure. 

the person who came with me to this appointment in the room. 

you to explain everything before you begin. 

you to tell me what you are doing as you go. 

to do this another day. 

I want to get a second opinion before we proceed.

I don’t understand, please repeat that. 

I don’t understand, please explain more simply. 

Please say that slower/spell that, I want to do some research myself.

I would like to talk to [someone in my life, ie my parents to SO] before making this decision. 

No, I do not need to talk to [anyone] before making this decision, I am confidant on my own and am ready to proceed. 

What are the side effects of this medication/procedure? What are the potential complications? 

Why are you recommending/prescribing this specific thing? 

What other treatment options are there? Why are you choosing this?

Would your treatment plan be different if I were a man/woman older/younger had kids, etc? Why are you choosing this one then?

IS there anything I should know about this treatment you have not yet told me?  

I understand you say not to, but If I choose to do X, against medical advice, what risks am I running? (ie taking recreational drugs while on medication)

How much will this cost? 

Are there any less expensive options/tests we can run first? 

Is there a generic of this medication you can prescribe instead?

I think you are not understanding me, I said…

You are not listening to me, please let me finish describing my symptoms. 

You are not understanding how much pain I am in, let me clarify… 

I do not think it is anxiety/depression/my weight/etc, what else could it potentially be? 

I think by assuming it is anxiety/depression/my weight/etc you are ignoring some symptoms. Please listen again and let’s discuss what else it could be. 

Please write in my chart that you are not testing for X and why not. 

I am in enough pain/this is detrimental enough to my life that non-treatment is not an option. If you can not treat this/figure out what is wrong, to whom can you refer me?

Please write (or help me write) a summary of what we did today so I don’t forget 

What are our next steps? 

If [what you are recommending] is ineffective, what would my next steps be? What other doctor should I talk to? 

What is the best way to contact you if I have additional questions or issues? 

Remember, a doctor is a person YOU pay because they know a lot about bodies in general, to help you figure out whats best for YOUR body. It is still your body, not theirs! They know about medicine but you are the expert in your body. Don’t let them act like they own you. Don’t leave if you’ve still got questions, don’t stay if you’re uncomfortable, and feel free to insist on ANY information you want. 

[eating-disorder-screwed-me-over]

A little tip for parents with children in school (or for children in school to show their parents)

My mom gave me and my sister two days every semester that she called “mental health days.”

Those were days, that for ANY reason, and without having to tell my mom the reason, we could skip the day of school. We’d just tell her we were taking a mental health day and she’d call the school and let them know we were not coming in. 

#1 This helped keep our grades up by lowering our stress levels. I never got a C in any grade school class. The majority of my classes I received A’s. I also took 4 AP classes and they were not weighted. Trust me, it made a difference.

#2 I never felt the need to skip school. I knew if I ever wanted to or needed to my mom would help me. 

Your kids are young and need time to recover. They need some days where they can do nothing but stay in bed for no reason. They need their own space where their privacy is respected. It will make a huge difference.

[eating-disorder-screwed-me-over]

happy halloween to everyone with or recovering from eating disorders and with general body insecurities 🍭

I know how terrible it can be during this time of year, when all the cheap costumes are made for slim bodies, there are so many foods to treat yourself with and people may judge you for how you’ve dressed up; but whether you’re out in the most outrageous costume today, or staying home and playing it safe, know that you deserve to have this halloween for yourself

I’m sure there’s some cool witches out there putting curses or anyone, who could possibly ruin this time for you.

I love you and wish you a wonderful day!🍬💞

[eating-disorder-screwed-me-over]

if you just watch the first half, Fight Club is a fucked up dark ass gay rom com and i live for it

[eating-disorder-screwed-me-over]

lorde really wrote an album about being the kid that stayed home when people went out and had to keep a reputation of being nice and modest and polite but secretly wanting to go crazy and dance wildly and go running and bounding and sobbing but feeling as though your whole life hinges on other people giving you the opportunity to do it and so you feel as though you’re wasting your youth

[eating-disorder-screwed-me-over]

so hi.

I debated against posting this, simply because people here have been immensely generous in the past, but the lady who’s organizing this for me and my brothers encouraged me to get the word out.

So, like. My mother passed away October 5th, leaving me with a 12 and 14 year old pair of brothers to take care of. I’m actively seeking custody to keep our family together, and doing whatever I can to do it.

A friend of the family set up a gofundme to help with funeral costs, but now her goal is to help me with keeping us in a house and bills paid. I do work, and am not about to leave work, but this is just to like...ease the way for my family, maybe help with filing/court costs, whatever.

Signal boosts are more than welcome, and would be greatly appreciated. And whatever is donated goes directly to bills, funeral expenses, and taking care of my little brothers.

[eating-disorder-screwed-me-over]

Don’t look at things you know will make you angry. Don’t read the comment sections. Don’t look at the blogs of people who add dumb comments to posts to confirm that they’re dumb all the time. Don’t read old conversations you had with people you don’t talk to anymore. Go look at pictures of kittens or something instead. Protect yourself from negativity in every way you can.

[eating-disorder-screwed-me-over]

off topic

@duskbg i did it

[eating-disorder-screwed-me-over]

always shocked that people are like “aah i have no one who wants to see this movie with me so i guess i’m not seeing it :/” like may i change your life with 3 simple steps: 1. go to the cinema 2. buy a ticket 3. see the movie

[eating-disorder-screwed-me-over]

Hand embroidered obstetrics/gynecology themed denim shirt, apparently no longer needed by Dr. Steve Gordon. Ofc i bought it.

[eating-disorder-screwed-me-over]

please give our pal @pony-boy21 some love, because they’re going through a hella of a lot of stuff and don’t get nearly the number of notes and positive comments that they deserve.

I try to say goodbye and I choke Try to walk away and I stumble Though I try to hide it, it's clear....

Wow! Can you say longest 8 weeks of my life, and I am trying to stay committed to keep doing this. The last few days have been so hard for me to the point I had plenty suicidal ideations. 

My body dysmorphia and dysphoria has kind of taken me to this crazy tipping point to be honest… 

The goals from the treatment teem for upcoming week:

>>Learning to “sit with” discomfort and continue to reach out to others when feeling depressed. 

>>Focus on following meal plan, no matter what, without supplementing. Elimination of alcohol use to numb feelings.

>>continue building relationships. Focus on helping another person (even if in a small way) to get out of “self”.

>>continue working on ED and Gender ID timelines. Make appointment with Engender therapist for additional support. 

>>write a letter to current body, express gratitude (3 things) for body daily

>>continue body gratitude. Journal about how seeing “body inspiration” photos impact you. 

>>comply with MD recommendations. continue to take MVI 

>>meet 90% of breakfast. Meet 90% of meal plan on the weekends

>>challenge eating carbs outside of program

>>continue with two 30 minute sessions of ballet weekly

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Thoughts: 

How am I going to meet my meal plan of 90% when I can’t even do 80%, and my dietitian upped my breakfast for the weekend so it is going to be such a challenge. 

sitting with discomfort will be the death of me >.<

Body dysphoria/dysmorphia I feel is the root of my eating disorder and its something I have been dreading having to deal with… 

I don’t feel like going to more therapy and I am stuck in this limbo of making an appointment and just saying fuck it that it’s not going to help. 

Feelings:

overwhelmed

frustrated

disassociating 

lost 

scatterbrained 

slightly numb

Body sensations:

None!!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Things that happened this week:

Rowan’s 1 year birthday party. It was amazing, turned out better than expected. I was having a rough time with body image, and so staying present was very challenging. I ended up lapsing and binging and purging on half the cake :( the guilt was never ending it seemed like. In the end I wouldn’t change anything about the day. Oh yeah, we went bowling with Grandma and Gigi we left with many laughs and good memories along with the shedding of some tears. 

Rowan has been standing up on his own with less assistance from us as well as making more pronounced sounds. Its so amazing to see them grow, learning new things daily, seeing them respond with different emotions. The ability to make me laugh even though I have been having major depressive episodes. Thank you little cashew <3

PS:  if anyone wants chat anonymous or not I am here for you :)

[eating-disorder-screwed-me-over]

saying that restricting and starving yourself is a sign of strength is the same as saying that killing yourself is brave

[eating-disorder-screwed-me-over]

this is the most relatable thing, but you know what? I’m proud of all of you, because I understand, how hard it is to start and follow through with recovery. you are amazing peeps and I’m absolutely mesmerized by your strength every other second ❤️

Me, in the early stages of recovery

[eating-disorder-screwed-me-over]

Recovery From an Eating Disorder When You Can't Afford to Buy Much Food

I found myself in the position where I had finally decided I wanted to recover and...I couldn't afford the food I needed. This is my perspective of living in Florida, USA on a 'poverty' income, so my resorces might be different than yours, but I wanted to share how I figured it out so you can maybe take another look at your options. Also, canned or dried beans make me terribly ill, so this is a 'bean-free list!!'

Things I wish I'd done differently:

1) Applied for SNAP benefits sooner. ED brain is like, 'You don't deserve that.' Guess what, I did deserve help!! I waited until I was recovering from a serious illness and could not physically work to apply and found out that I had been qualified for at least some help all along

2) Used the ibotta app. 'I'm too avant-garde to use a coupon app!' was also my ED lying it's ass off to keep me from recovering. I've earned about $50 in 5 months just buying SNAP food

3) Bought food from the Dollar stores. 'You can't buy food at the Dollar Tree!' is my internalized classism and ED giggling at me while they hug. When you get money in little bursts of $5 and $10, Dollar stores can literally help you survive. I went in there with a notebook and creepered down each isle, writing down possible options. I find it helpful to compare weights and amounts in packages with notes from the bigger stores

Things I was right about:

1) Beans are evil. I have digestive issues, and if I try to eat canned black beans I will be in horrible pain for hours. I knew what meal suggestions do not apply to me, either because that type of food is what led me down the path of restrictive eating in the first place, or my body reacts to it with shock and horror

2) Restaurants aren't bad. McDonald's kept me alive when I was recovering from food posioning and everything I tried to make nauseated me. I have no shame there! But buying food made by other people has become tactical. Tacos from the food truck cost less than I could make them for at home, and give me variety once a week. The Peruvian place has a lunch special that fills me up. I use 50% coupons for pizza and make it last by pairing it with veggies

3) Eating the same thing every day will suck the joy from your life. I recommend having 3 go-to dishes for each meal. 2 is just not enough. It takes the ED brain out of the meal-planning equation and gives you a comforting routine

How I make grocery lists:

I have sticky notes in colors coordinating with stores (i.e. blue for Mal*Wart) which live in a magnetic basket on my fridge, so I can write things as they occur to me. I start with check boxes for 'flyer,' 'ibotta' and 'coupons' so I stop to look at all of those things before I shop. I'll put another check box with 'coupon' under an item to remind me I have a digital or physical coupon for it. If I need something that I'll only buy when it's on sale, I'll write 'os' next to it so I know I'm not buying it unless it's the right time. If I can only afford some of the items that day, I put a star next to the essentials. I peel off the notes for whichever stores I'm going to and stick them on my wallet. I cross off the things I buy and circle the things I need to transfer to the next sticky

Where I shop:

I'm incredibly lucky to have a farmer's market in my city, which has food that's fresher and less expensive than produce from the grocery store. I do the majority of my shopping there, and supplement it with eggs, meat, frozen veggies and dairy from Wally World. I have a list of essentials that I purchase from Dollar Tree, like bread. I keep an eye on the Publix and Dinn ✔ Wixie flyers for BOGOs

It took me literally years to figure out a system. It's a system that keeps things as automated as possible so there's less chance of my ED paying a visit. Hope this helps somebody!