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Des :)

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dudayandherthoughts-blog · 8 years ago

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To my once upon a fairy tale..

It’s no less than a year when I had to let you go and up to this moment, I am still amazed on how the universe connived to keep us together in a short journey of love, happiness and pain. I say short because ours would be your shortest but probably one of the not so typical relationship I know I may never have again.

From the first day I laid my eyes on you and coincidentally was also be my first day on my first job, I know I’m screwed. I have crossed the line I thought I never would. I felt the world stop turning. Your eyes which I thought the most beautiful I’ve ever seen met mine and suddenly the spotlight was ours. I know it feels just like in the movies but no, it did happen. I was caught in that fairy tale moment and little did I know, that the “fairy tale/just like in the movies moment” would progress and emerge into a real deal.

It was not an easy road for us for the first few months. You were on a rocky relationship while I’m on my first job and I’m on your team. Lucky me, I had the chance to meet your girlfriend back then during our first team drinking session and even had a chat with her. Isn’t that amazing? You’re present and your future having a talk? But seriously, during that time, I felt that the limelight shifted to you and your girlfriend and something told me that that’s the end of us (we haven’t even started yet) but fate has ways of twisting and turning things to something we were not prepared of. We became close. Closer than it shouldn’t be. Our teammates asked, you told them you like me and I told them I feel the same but in that moment, we knew we can never be more than we thought we could be. We talked, you told me to wait then I agreed.

I can still remember the agitation I felt when you spent a 2-day holiday with her and the supposedly celebration of your 4th anniversary which turned out to be the time you called it quits. Honestly, during that span of time you were together and being a worry freak myself, I thought of things that kept me uneasy. I didn’t, of course, erase the thought that you could possibly talked about giving your relationship a chance until finally, after it feels like a lifetime, I received a call from you and all the things that’s been running on my mind slowly drifted away. From there I knew that the book has turned its page, to a new page, to a new chapter where not only my story continues but also the beginning of ours.

It may not have been easy as we were always on that roller coaster ride side of life but it didn’t show since we appear to be on top of all the struggles and difficulties. We turned those dramas into a lesson and never a hindrance to our growing love for each other. We were very happy just being together. Those little things that bring us up to a debate, almost to a fight, but most of which ends up to an unending laughter up to finding ourselves sitting on the couch side by side controlling our laugh because our stomach and jaw hurts. To every sinigang and adobo you cook just to make me feel better when I feel that the world has turned its back on me, to every pat on the back, that right on the spot encouragement and motivation for me to face the fears I didn’t know I would overcome, to becoming each others living diary, beastfriend, bestest friend, and lover. To every up and down, we were there backing and cheering each other up. All of these became spices to which I once thought a going strong relationship.

Then, one day, I need to leave work. At first, I’m very hesitant. I’m torn with staying with the job I learned to love and having more time with you or grabbing that opportunity knocking at my door. I chose to open the door, and getting hold of the opportunity not just because my parents told me so but because after I realized that this would benefit us in the long run. After a while, you too, have to balance school and work. Our demanding careers made us so busy that being together seems so impossible but we worked it out. Time has opened our eyes to the lesson that time is not a big deal as long as you cherish every moment you are together even in the shortest span of time you have.

Everything’s been working well. It seems that things fell into their right places. We’re happy. We’re in love. A bright future is ahead of us. I couldn’t ask for more. But, I know, you too, are well aware that all of these happened so fast. So fast that one day, we found ourselves not being able to cope up, seeing everything turning upside down, everything falling apart and then, I lost you.

Losing you means losing myself. You were my world, my everything. I have loved you from head to toe, front to back, left to right, from every muscle to every single cell of your body, from the whole to every bits of you. I have given you all I think that could make you happy up to the point where nothing has left of me. Then, just like that? I couldn’t help being angry, more of devastated. It feels like dying slowly of pain and yet, the love I feel for you overpowers the pain I feel inside. So amidst the pain, I put all my efforts to regain what we had, forgetting about myself. Surely, I got drowned into an ocean of emptiness. Waking up in the middle of the night, crying, asking myself what did I do wrong and doubting myself if I was ever good enough to someone, to you. Even so, I never left thinking that you will be coming back eventually.

Until one day, I woke up feeling exhausted and suffocated. I am left with nothing. I want to continue the battle but it will not make sense if I’m the only one fighting for the two of us. For every time I took a mile or two, you go two or three miles backward. I can see that I can never be a priority, that not even a second will you sacrifice just to be with me.There’s no inch of regret pushing myself to the limit and showing how much you mean to me but I’ve reached a point where exhaustion prevailed over the love I have for you. I tried picking up and fixing the broken pieces for the last time, I’m willing to bleed out if it’s the only way I could make this work but it just didn’t. You started a new chapter with someone else just like that and so, I decided to give up and walk away. I left not because I fell out of love, not because I couldn’t fight for the love I have for you but because while my world is drastically changing its orbit, I bled out. I got tired. I lost myself.

As I’m writing this, I’m still putting back the pieces of myself but I want you to know that I have forgiven you. Yes, I know you’re with someone else now and I just want you both to be happy. No hates, just love. Let’s put all the past behind but know that you will always have a special place in my heart. I know I will never meet someone you like you, so thank you for the roller coaster ride of love, pain and happiness. Thank you for showing that fairy tales do come true, but also letting me learn that not all them have a happily ever after. It might not have lasted longer than I’d wanted but the lessons I’ve learned will always be with me. I’m not yet totally healed but I know I will definitely get there.

All the best,

Des ❤

#justsharing loveblues movingon

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dudayandherthoughts-blog · 8 years ago

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Whoaaa!

24-Hour Bookstore Allows Bookworms to Read All Day Long Without Purchase

culturenlifestyle:

Night owls rejoice! There is a bookstore in Taiwan and Hong Kon which is opened 24 hours. The Eslite bookstore allows you to read for as long as you want without the pressure of buying anything!

Keep reading

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dudayandherthoughts-blog · 8 years ago

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I don’t hold on to anything anymore. Pain comes at me and I take it, chew it for a few minutes, and spit it back out. It’s just not my thing anymore.

Dave Eggers (via quotemadness)

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dudayandherthoughts-blog · 8 years ago

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There are two reasons why people don’t talk about things; either it doesn’t mean anything to them, or it means everything.

Luna Adriana (via wordsnquotes)

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