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ELIZA HAS MOVED to @dsrtrose !
things to note:
i’m making this move for my own comfort - i’m going to refollow folks that i’d like to keep interacting with. i really want to treat this as a clean slate. i might take time refollowing some people, and if i don’t refollow you, please don’t take it personally - this is a move for my mental health + i’m keeping my capacity/outreach small. thank you 🤍
most drafts / a few asks are coming with me - i’m taking for granted that y’all will want to continue all established threads (it’s fine if not, too!). if you could just do me the favor of tagging my new blog in your replies/answered asks/etc, that would be lovely! thank you.
i’ve literally been on this blog for over a decade, so this is kinda emo. i’m not always the smartest, the brightest, or the wisest person around, but y’all chose to be here. thanks for being here for any of the ride, and i seriously love y’all so much. (love you, mean it.)
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okay, going dark + archiving this blog - def don't follow the new one (even if you find it) unless you wanna have an insufferable dash spam. i'll post an official moving notice + note when they're all ready tomorrow or wednesday 🤍
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I SEE MY RDR / YEEHAW BABEYS RETURNING. i’m gonna try to get to more things here this week, but feel free to like this for plotting in the meantime. or just for me to send u my love. 🤍 🤠
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every day, i am haunted knowing that we don’t have every single fact on how the blackwater massacre actually went down.
#* OOC.#i have so many thoughts about it please do not even get me started#like i know we KNOW . but i wanna know EVERYTHING#EVERY PERSPECTIVE .#EVERY . SINGLE . THING .
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bulletb1te : HOSEA.
the snow that covers the once grassy ground is thick, blanketing everything around it. every living thing that once was, is now covered in white. they had been, well, trapped in this shit-storm for two days now, with no sign of the weather letting up. this wasn’t good for hosea’s mental state, and he assumed it was the same for dutch. but in truth, his worry laid with the two youngins that tagged along with their little band of misfits. the van der linde gang, which wasn’t so much a gang as it was two men with two ratty kids. even then, hosea is a worrier at heart, and eliza’s words do no comfort.
@dsrtrose said: ❝ 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚜𝚝𝚘𝚛𝚖 ��𝚜 𝚐𝚎𝚝𝚝𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚠𝚘𝚛𝚜𝚎. ❞
the cowboy sighs, blue eyes inspecting each inch of that thick sliver of snow outside, hands shoved deep into his pockets to hide the trembling from the cold. last thing anyone needed was to see that hosea, the brains behind the brawn, was shivering damn near to the bone. ❝ dammit, i can barely see what i’m lookin’ at out here. you may be right, 'liza… shit, how are we ever gonna get to the city.. ❞ his frustration is just the outward tantrum of the entire group, and he glances towards dutch sitting in the corner, then back to eliza. ❝ least if it wasn’t snowin’ so hard, you and arthur could go out there and make your little sculptures or whatever you like t'do. ❞
for the sake of everyone involved, eliza does her best to stifle her own suffering (in every sense) for the time being - but ... she can’t lie, it’s really fucking cold. her teeth are chattering as hosea speaks up, answering her unhelpful anecdote with a similar level of enthusiasm.
“t’be fair, i don’t think there’d be much to do in the city right about now,” she elbows hosea gently, finding it within her to smile through the cold, “much less have any room t’build snowmen.” a subtle correction of ‘little sculptures’. trembling hands are kept deep in the pockets of her jacket, and she moves closer to hosea, taking the blanket over her shoulders and wrapping it over his, as well. “i’ll take bitter cold plains over dirty, city streets any day.”
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katzengesicht : OCELOT.
THERE ARE TEARS SWIMMING IN ELIZA’S EYES, as she pushes closer to him, right into his space and almost reflexively, ocelot retreats. he doesn’t let go of her wrist. but in that moment, his eyes widen the smallest amount, and he takes half a step back, his usual determination dimmed. does he leave? avoid the confrontation with whatever’s going on in her mind? it’d be valuable information. or, at the very least, a way to strengthen their bond, a way for her to owe him sometime down the line.
he can’t leave her like this. she’s going to get herself hurt. so, what does he do instead?
the grasp around her wrist tightens some more, to the point that he’s vaguely aware it would bruise, if he doesn’t relent. he yanks her closer, bridging the step he’d taken backwards, examines her wounded fingers. eliza is desperate, and she’s not trying to hide it. lies, ocelot can handle. charades, schemes, the type of smile that you don’t mean. exactly the kind of surface relationships he’s built with some of dutch’s people. but right now, eliza is honest in her pain, and ocelot is at a loss. a disadvantage, he thinks through gritted teeth.
‘ no. ‘ with his other hand, he reaches for her collar, pulls roughly. ‘ you think you’re gonna get any money like this? emotional, wound up? not thinking clearly? ‘ like this, almost nose to nose, ocelot can see the bags under her eyes, the signs of exhaustion that caused him to stop her in the first place. ‘ aren’t you smarter than that, kardel? ‘
kardel, her last name. eliza, her first. ocelot loosens his hold on her collar, presses out a breath to calm both himself and the tension between them. ‘ you’ll do more harm than good, eliza. sit down. ‘
it’s a bitter, toxic mess of shame & overwhelmed responsibility on the tip of her tongue - he’s retreating from all her humanity, on gory display in hopes of making him uncomfortable. (earning her freedom back out of pure spite.) it’s only then that she realizes the severity of which he’s holding her gaze - oce takes her wrist even tighter into his hand, the muted sound of a withheld whimper making her feel like nothing more than the vermin she is - needy, strung out & desperate. she doesn’t have time for this - she doesn’t have fucking time for this.
eliza’s ready to persist in her resistance until he yanks her closer, unceremoniously sending a shock of pain through her forearm - distracted only by the force with which he pulls her closer by her collar. there isn’t a single fault in what he says - she knows that. she isn’t mad at him, she’s mad at herself - mad at the situation, mad about everything. she sees red when he comes closer, the snarl & twitching of silent lips proving him right. (she is smarter than that, but she doesn’t feel like it.) this close, eliza can see the humanity in ocelot’s eyes.
if he is the head, she is the heart - massacred and bleeding, in need of a blessed revival. he hisses out her name, and eliza relents - she exhales a shallow puff of air, swallowing her emotion & placating anger with irritated obedience. she strains to sit against a nearby boulder, propping herself up against the surface and diverting her gaze from ocelot. only when she regains the desire to speak again does eliza mumble, “i already did enough harm,” with little further clarification offered; bruised & scraped fingers grazing over the bruises on her cheek, “i don’t wanna do anymore.”
#katzengesicht#* ARC III.#* WRITING.#once again i need to tell you that i am#so obsessed with these 2 it's physically unhealthy <3
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red dead redemption 2 starters
❝ in these books life seems so simple, but in reality… i can’t make head nor tail of it. ❞ ❝ listen to me. when the times comes, you gotta run and don’t look back. ❞ ❝ i ain’t afraid of dying. ❞ ❝ i’m still standing, which is an improvement on the last time you saw me. ❞ ❝ i still think about you. that was…that was quite a time. ❞ ❝ people don’t forget. nothing gets forgiven. ❞ ❝ your father would rather you did not do anything so foolish. ❞ ❝ forgiveness, well…it’s just an easy way of saying ‘i don’t care no more’. ❞ ❝ i know you like to hide behind the angry moron act, but it’s a thin enough veneer. ❞ ❝ when somebody doesn’t lie in this world and you don’t lie to them, then together you can achieve great things and destroy great powers. ❞ ❝ i remain a fool, and i’m sure i shall die a fool, but i’m trying very hard to be something like the man you deserve. ❞ ❝ i am always honest, maybe not always good, but i’m always honest. ❞ ❝ why you got that guilty look on your face? ❞ ❝ i trust i will not make a god awful fool of myself once more– but somehow i imagine i shall. ❞ ❝ please don’t go to any trouble on my account. ❞ ❝ you ain’t gonna die. not yet. ❞ ❝ feels like things have changed…the whole world has changed. ❞ ❝ i feel like we haven’t spoken for days. ❞ ❝ we’re thieves in a world that don’t want us no more. ❞ ❝ we can’t change what’s done. we can only move on. ❞ ❝ just do one thing or the other. don’t try to be two people at once. ❞ ❝ we’re more ghosts than people. ❞ ❝ how can romance ever be silly? it’s all we have. ❞ ❝ vengeance is an idiot’s game. ❞ ❝ i don’t think we can go much further on the horses. ❞ ❝ i’m surprised we escaped at all. ❞ ❝ you’re…i was gonna say you’re like a son/daughter to me. ❞ ❝ you’re…i was gonna say you’re like a son/daughter to me…but you’re more than that. ❞ ❝ this is a new low, even by your standards. ❞ ❝ i do my utmost to avoid you. ❞ ❝ i thought the whole point was that this had nothing to do with you? ❞ ❝ i’m sorry to complain. it’s just so… ❞ ❝ i need you now…more than ever. ❞ ❝ face me to the west so i can watch the setting sun and remember all the fine times we had that way. ❞ ❝ do you ever miss home? must be hard, being so far away. ❞ ❝ you know, we’re gonna need to come up with a better story for that scar. ❞ ❝ there’s a good man within you…but he is wrestling a giant. ❞ ❝ you saved my life. you’re a good man. ❞ ❝ there’s only one of me. i don’t intend for them to know i’m coming. ❞ ❝ i thought you were trying to make me feel better. ❞ ❝ be loyal to what matters. ❞ ❝ you know, i don’t think i’ve ever seen you squeal before. ❞ ❝ i’m miserable. been a tough few days. ❞ ❝ i trust your judgement. always have. ❞ ❝ i’m just gonna…have a little sit down and…feel sorry for myself. ❞ ❝ i tried. in the end. i did. ❞ ❝ one day, folk will take orders from me…and trust me, it won’t be no laughing matter. ❞ ❝ here, take a drink of this. ❞ ❝ seems like there ain’t much else in this world except bastards, victims of bastards and the bastards who want to put the bastards in the ground. ❞ ❝ we’ll get off this mountain soon enough. ❞ ❝ i haven’t slept in three days. ❞ ❝ just thought you might’ve moved on by now. ❞ ❝ thanks for coming for me. ❞ ❝ you got sad eyes…like you’ve seen sad things. ❞ ❝ you always said revenge is a luxury we can’t afford. ❞ ❝ you don’t hire a saint to catch a sinner. ❞ ❝ you’re alive! oh, you’re alive! ❞ ❝ go. now. i’ll hold them off. ❞ ❝ are you okay? i mean you no harm. ❞ ❝ i’m nobody. ❞ ❝ what about you? you doubting me too? ❞ ❝ it’s enough to make a man drink. or worse. ❞ ❝ i knew not to trust, yet i had no choice. ❞ ❝ there ain’t no more time to talk. go. ❞ ❝ thank you, for your strength. it means a lot to me. ❞ ❝ firstly, we ain’t friends. don’t make no mistake on that subject. ❞ ❝ i’m so bored i’d rather be shot. ❞ ❝ it’ll mean a lot to me…please. ❞ ❝ you’re gonna sleep with your chest open if you ain’t careful. ❞ ❝ the bond we share, it’s the most real thing to me. i would kill for it, i would happily die for it… ❞ ❝ life is full of pain. but there is also love, and beauty. ❞ ❝ my pa used to say you stare into the fire long enough you can see the whole world pass by. ❞ ❝ whenever we happen to meet, you’re always helping people and smiling. ❞ ❝ do as you’re goddamn told. and shoot well. ❞ ❝ i guess he never outgrew his anger. kind of like you. ❞ ❝ some trees flourish, others die. some cattle grow strong, others are taken by wolves. some men are born rich enough and dumb enough to enjoy their lives. ain’t nothing fair. you know that. ❞ ❝ you’re driven by powerful forces i scarcely understand. ❞ ❝ oh you fool. you sad, deluded fool. torn in two by different ideas of who you were, and it turns out you weren’t neither of them. ❞ ❝ well, i think you’re as slippery as an eel in an oil slick, but still a man/woman. ❞ ❝ with you watching over me, i’d walk into hell itself. ❞ ❝ lack of something to feel important about is almost the greatest tragedy a man may have. ❞ ❝ when i was your age, i fought. i saw death. i have killed. ❞ ❝ i wish things were different. but it weren’t us who changed. ❞ ❝ nobody’s taking anything from me ever again. ❞ ❝ some jobs aren’t for saving and some legacies are for pissing on. ❞ ❝ you’re my favorite parasite… no, wait, ringworm’s my favorite parasite, you’re my second-favorite parasite… i lied. ringworm, then, rats with the plague, then you. ❞ ❝ just leave it to me. i can talk a dog off a meat wagon. ❞ ❝ forgive me if i slip and stab you in the face. ❞ ❝ this place, ain’t no such thing as civilized. it’s man so in love with greed, that he has forgotten himself and found only appetites. ❞ ❝ shut up…you know, you’re not very nice to me. ❞ ❝ the amount of hell we’ve raised, we’re owed some back. ❞ ❝ i haven’t done anything wrong aside of not playing the games to your rules. ❞ ❝ don’t let yourself get killed…for pride. i’ve seen it kill too many folk. ❞ ❝ when you fall, there’ll be a party. ❞ ❝ every day i didn’t kill you, is a day i saved your life. ❞ ❝ i can’t kill them all silently so, when they chase me, you go the other way. ❞ ❝ does this seem like a good time for sarcasm to you? ❞ ❝ usually i’m worse than the wolves. ❞ ❝ i don’t have to be careful. i have you as a friend. ❞ ❝ i wish i had acquired wisdom at less of a price. ❞ ❝ they’re chasing us hard, because we represent everything they fear. ❞ ❝ you know all that mattered to me was loyalty? it was all i ever believed in. ❞ ❝ never thought i’d say this but…it’s good to see you. ❞ ❝ we’ve all lived bad lives. we all sin…but i know you. ❞ ❝ i kill people. and maybe i should’ve killed you. ❞ ❝ ain’t you a sorry sight? ❞ ❝ your job’s starting the fights, it ain’t winning them. ❞ ❝ some big, loud mouthed bastard tried to rob me when i was out riding so i… well, you know how it is. ❞ ❝ there ain’t no shame in looking for a better world. ❞ ❝ i can hunt, carry a knife, and use a gun. ❞ ❝ …is it too late for us? ❞ ❝ if the purpose of life was to be liked…it would be very boring indeed. ❞ ❝ i’ve been running for as long as i can remember. ❞ ❝ they turned me into a monster. ❞ ❝ i always wondered if i was unlucky…but maybe i’m just not very good. ❞ ❝ don’t kill yourself over pride. i’ve seen it kill too many folks. ❞ ❝ sorry if i seem a little desperate. i am a little desperate. ❞ ❝ if anyone gets close to me, they’re wanted too. and i can’t have you wrapped up in that. ❞ ❝ there’s all kinds of nasty people who want to speak to you. ❞ ❝ they won’t hear anything about you from me. ❞ ❝ tell me about you, darling and armed to the teeth like that. ❞ ❝ i also…found out some unsettling news about you. ❞ ❝ i don’t know how to say it…thank you. ❞ ❝ you…don’t like me much, do you? ❞ ❝ i can’t lie to you. i’m a wanted man. ❞ ❝ that’s quite a scratch you got there. ❞ ❝ take a gamble that love exists, and do a loving act. ❞ ❝ i’m seeing things a lot more clearly now. ❞ ❝ where are you? can you hear me? ❞ ❝ i think someone saw some wolves, not far away. you should watch out. ❞ ❝ guess all i got now is doubt. doubts and scars. ❞ ❝ it wasn’t me who went and shot him. ❞ ❝ will you dance with me? ❞ ❝ i like you. you’ve got a kind face. ❞ ❝ i’m not a good man. not usually. ❞ ❝ there’s a lot i should’ve done and even more i shouldn’t have done. ❞ ❝ you are a compulsive liar. ❞ ❝ next time, i’ll slit your throat myself. ❞ ❝ as long as we get paid or you get shot, i’m happy. ❞ ❝ i’m not designed for this snow. ❞ ❝ you don’t get to live a bad life and have good things happen to you. ❞ ❝ shut up you silly man and kiss me. ❞ ❝ who made you the messiah of these poor souls you’ve led so horribly astray? ❞ ❝ maybe it’s a sign. try to do the good thing. ❞ ❝ how many times do i gotta bury you? ❞ ❝ you are the only feller who could get half of their brain eaten by wolves and end up more intelligent. ❞ ❝ five thousand dollars? for me? can i turn myself in? ❞ ❝ if you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is to stop digging. ❞ ❝ we ain’t both gonna make it. ❞ ❝ i gave you all i had. i did. ❞ ❝ if we have to fight, we fight. If we have to run, we’ll run. if we must die, we’ll die. but…we’ll stay free. ❞ ❝ people call me lazy. i’m not lazy, just don’t like working. there’s a difference. ❞ ❝ i guess…i’m afraid. ❞ ❝ oh, i didn’t know i was talking to a lady. ❞ ❝ i don’t feel too good. ❞ ❝ you have finally lost your mind. ❞
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consider: holding eliza’s hands to keep her warm in the yeehaw winters.
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@sunbentsky said: breathe - muse a holds muse b closely to help them wind down after a stressful day/event (Saskia <3) / MEME.
as much as eliza likes to think otherwise, she doesn’t hide her stress well. the ill will changes her entire demeanor; from the way she stands, the manner with which she carries herself to the lilt of her voice. even the poise with which a gentle gaze is usually held is harder - more defined by the turmoil behind it.
the stench of st. denis is what finally pushes her over the edge, and saskia knows that - as eliza stands on the brink of frustration pushed to tears, she feels familiar arms encircle her torso. it’s only as she times the other woman’s heartbeat against her own that eliza realizes how quick her pulse had heightened; it isn’t one particular thing that induces this anxious, irritable attitude - it’s the illustrious wealth, the poverty, and the hangings turned to sport. she feels like society is encroaching upon her - but in saskia’s arms, she melts willingly into vulnerability & allows hot tears to retreat stagnant against her waterline. “angel - ...” her forearms wrap tightly around the woman’s waist, holding her in place as she regains her composure; “... i don’t like’t here.”
#sunbentsky#arc tbd /#* WRITING.#your posts today got me hardcore in my saskia feels 🥳#ALSO i went for sas holding eliza bc i didn't want to assume what#miss saskia would be stressed about#BUT ELIZA WILL ALSO HOLD HER ANY DAY TYSM!!
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Send ‘Bathing in Nature’ For the sending muse to catch the receiving muse bathing in a river or lake.
Remember to specify muse for multi-muse blogs!
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katzengesicht : OCELOT.
OCELOT’S INSTINCTS TELL HIM TO PUSH. he questions it almost immediately— what good will that do him, figuring out what’s wrong with her? what would he do beyond that? it’s questions he doesn’t find an answer to in time, because as she passes him, ocelot reaches out to grab her by the wrist that’s held up, covering her face.
pulling, then, he makes sure he gets to look at her properly. ‘ y’clearly haven’t been doing a lot of talkin’, yeah. ‘ he’s not sure how he sounds, or how he’s intending to sound. pissed off, maybe. it’s what he does best. when people get angry, they tend to be honest. there’s nothing truer than a genuine expression of violence. so maybe that’s the goal, looking her up and down, the grip around her wrist tightening, leathered gloves squeezing.
‘ what’s wrong with you, kardel? ‘ and ocelot’s expression turns into something incredulous, something baffled, something annoyed, as he waits for an answer.
the moment he grabs her by the wrist, eliza’s body seizes - it isn’t panic, but there is some surprise at the action. she didn’t expect it from him; some foolish, antagonistic comment, maybe, but she definitely wasn’t acting out for attention. she was honest in her intention to pass him by and continue on a path down a road she may not be able to come back from - eliza kardel isn’t looking to be saved. she’s using every fiber & heartstring to fight for the people she loves - if she could cut her beating heart from her chest & give it to her family, she would. that’d be easier than the fate she now knows as reality.
in a futile effort, she attempts to yank her arm back to herself, frustration boiling over as ocelot presses her for more information. she’s exhausted - the people she loves are either dying or killing each other, and she can’t get them what feels like the only thing they need in order to stop the madness. (money, money, money.) only now does eliza realize the weight of the world she’s placed on her own shoulders; there’s a lump that rises in her throat that she desperately tries to swallow. she hates this type of vulnerability - there isn’t time for it. there isn’t fucking time for the glazed tears that threaten her waterline; ocelot’s stronger than she is, and she just wants him to let go of her. “i need fucking money -” she starts, each syllable enunciated with a newfound hatred for the thing; she leans in closer to ocelot, pulling into his personal space, “- an’ i’m runnin’ out of ways t’get it.” he wanted the truth? that’s the truth.
eliza’s angry - absolutely livid at herself & the world surrounding them, and it shows in her furrowed brow, sharpened gaze & toughened upper lip. “... let go of me.”
#katzengesicht#* ARC III.#* WRITING.#eliza's whole existence is just a ploy to get him to error.exe#have i ever mentioned how much. i LOVE THESE TWO#AA A A A AAA AAA
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let's ... build dynamics. 🥺 👉👈
#rdr rpc don't die on me now .#(jk please live your lives and be Free)#* OOC.#brotherly sisterly platonic or romantic or antagonistic ...#etc etc !#I CAN BUILD PIN BOARD AND WE CAN WORDBUILD#AND IT'LL BE BEAUTIFUL !!
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“She was extraordinarily lovely, with something of both satin and velvet in her. Her eyes were dark and moist, her mouth glowed, her skin reflected the light.”
— Anaïs Nin, from “Delta Of Venus,” originally published c. August 1977
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There’s a little flame between us. It’s always burning. And I’ve come to believe that tending a fire like that is purpose enough for any life. Emma Corrin as Lady Chatterley & Jack O’Connell as Oliver Mellors in Lady Chatterley’s Lover (2022) dir. Laure de Clermont-Tonnerre
#* eliza & patrick / khirurg.#long post /#suggestive /#YESSSSSS THE CONTENT WE NEED#THE CONTENT WE DESERVE#THE CONTENT WE CRAVE !#hello i love them so much i just. 🥹
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i will literally never be over the symbolism / literal personification of eliza as love incarnate . the living, breathing heartbeat and morality of any setting - who can be twisted & can be lost & can be broken but still continues to persevere regardless . :")
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*rings bell* where are my chapter 4 threads? my st denis interactions? must i BEG?
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@wovirk said: [ guide ] y'know jack's the type to grab them by the back of the neck. / MEME.
in truth, it’s not a fair battle - there isn’t much too her. not a physicality to be romanticized in lacking any kind of conscious care - waifish, yes. even scrappier because of it? absolutely.
there’s an involuntary wince when she feels a hand at the back of her neck, guiding her through a volatile, intoxicated crowd - and while she doesn’t completely refute the aid, eliza is combative in compliance. only when they reach his desired point does she swat at jack’s hand, quickly turning on her heel & exhibiting the composure of a woman scorned; “i’m not th’runt of the litter -” she hisses, smacking at his hand once again, “- y’don’t gotta treat me like one.”
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