deliriousgrl-writes

[deliriousgrl-writes]

READ MY FIC AND TELL ME YOU LOVE IT SO I CAN BE HAPPY

[deliriousgrl-writes]

felix catton x plus size reader headcanons

˖⋆࿐໋

(american/non british fem/afab reader sfw) cw: mentions of ed, fat shaming, reader gets sexualized/sexually harassed, fem anatomy//

felix was the bestest friend you’d ever known, he was always making sure you were happy or taking care of you. his thoughtful nature really came out when he was around you and from the moment you met, you felt safe with him.

he secretly introduced himself to you because farleigh had brought up the fact that the new exchange student was in fact a girl, with huge tits. admittedly, because felix is a guy, he wanted to see for himself.

felix definitely saw you standing out from the other girls at oxford. they were all on the eating disorder train of the 2000’s, thin and fragile with glitter eye shadow and short party dresses. you were different.

he was talking to a group of students who’d crowded around to talk to him like always, a couple familiar faces of course, but admirers nonetheless. he saw you across the courtyard, his eyes immediately catching your figure as farleigh nudged him, silently telling him it was you that he had told him about.

farleigh wasn’t kidding. felix found himself loosing his train of thought as he fought to keep entertaining his peers with some story about a crazy night in italy on holiday, his brown eyes darting over to you repeatedly.

he took in your thick lower half, raking in the way your shorts lifted a bit because of your thighs, your flesh looking so plush and inviting. your hips were wide and his gaze traveled up to your chest, your ample breasts making his mind wander. he quickly returned his attention to his ‘fans’, furrowing his brows as he tried to look interested. he couldn’t help himself, his eyes glancing back over to you and seeing you start to walk away from the courtyard so he excused himself from the group and started jogging over to you.

felix was hard to miss as he came running over to you, your eyes widening in confusion as his tall figure jogged over, a small smirk on his face and his shaggy dark hair bobbing a bit. “hi,” he greeted, taking a couple breaths because he had got to you maybe a bit too fast, “you’re new, i’m felix.”

when he extended a large hand your way, his face kind and his big brown eyes glistening with a shiny confidence, you found yourself flustered. of course you knew who felix was, there was no one on the whole oxford campus who didn’t. you looked down at his hand for a second, seeing a few stick and poke stars on his tan skin and a bunch of bracelets over his wrist. you were a little speechless, confused as to why he’d ran over to you and want to speak with you.

you hesitantly shook his hand, his large hand enveloping yours as you quietly said your name. you were shy, how could you not be shy around someone like felix? but pretty soon he’d invite you out and of course you went, it was felix.

you’re both inseparable from then on, you still not understanding what felix had seen in you.

it wasn’t long until he noticed how you felt awkward or out of place in a group of the thinner english girls on campus. sometimes when you’d lean against the wall at a party, watching him dance with one of them, her body all over his own, felix would notice.

he hoped you didn’t notice the way he would steal glances at you. he liked when you dressed up, tighter shirts and sweaters making your big breasts strain against the material and driving his thoughts wild. if you wore something a little more low cut than you usually did, his mouth would go dry and the lewd thoughts would set in from the sight of your cleavage.

when he notices you feeling out of place or pulling at the material of your clothes to adjust yourself-tugging down skirts, pulling up shirts to conceal cleavage, making sure your stomach didn’t show-he’d purposely distract you in the moment, not wanting your thoughts to drift into a sea of insecurities.

when you get closer in your friendship and you talk bad about yourself, he hates it. his deep english voice would quickly shut you down, not wanting to hear a word.

“i’m so bloated lately…or maybe i just need to lose some weight,” you’d say, sighing as you’d look in the mirror of your room, “i hate the way this shirt looks.”

“you definitely don’t need to lose weight,” he’d say matter-of-factly, “that’s a barmy idea.” he’d walk over to you from your bed, his tall figure coming up behind you in the mirror, stealing a glance at the way your bum looked in your jeans before he’d speak, “i’m actually fucking starved, i’m going to nip some ice cream from the dining hall. come with?”

after being friends for months, he can’t help but start to touch you a little more. once, after some rounds at the small pub he frequented, his hand reach for your thick thigh while he was talking. he always liked you close, never letting you out of his sight unless he was completely pissed and taking some girl back to his room on a night out.

you didn’t think anything of it at the time. felix was an affectionate kind of friend, barely any real boundaries in his relationships. you’d gotten used to it. felix, on the other hand, couldn’t help but notice how warm and inviting your thick thigh was under his large hand. it made him think for a moment to appreciate it in his mind, his fingers just barely moving to press into your skin. oh how he only wanted more.

once, you were both in the library and a group of girls walked by, whispering and talking about felix being seen with you. ‘she’s fucking fat, too’ ‘i know right? a bloody porker by his side.’ ‘guess felix does have a heart to be seen with such a heffa scholarship girl.’

felix noticed how you sunk into yourself, how your eyes got sadder and your shoulders slumped in your seat. he narrowed his eyes on the group of girls as they walked away, memorizing who’d he seen so he could embarrass them over something later in front of his friends.

“you know they’re just bloody jealous right,” he’d tell you, his brown orbs staring into yours tenderly, “cant believe m’friends with such a minx.”

you’d roll your eyes at him, holding back a smile and watching him smirk when he noticed. of course you didn’t actually think they were jealous, but felix always had a way of making you forget about harsh words and making you feel special.

he doesn’t let farleigh or his whole group say anything about the way you look. it surprises them when he speaks up about it, his tone serious and contrast to his usual carefree demeanor.

“don’t be such bloody snobs,” he’d say, his grin leaving his face, “you don’t know her or get to say those kind of things about her for christs sake.”

they were quiet for a moment, in shock from the tone of his voice and conviction in his words. it’s never brought up again.

felix regularly makes sure you eat. he can tell it makes you uncomfortable to eat in public or around him, and you’d confided in him about your past issues with food and eating properly which made his heart clench in his chest.

when you’re out and say you’re not hungry, he orders bigger meals just to try and get you to share with him.

“well i’m proper stuffed,” felix would say, still leaving some bit of food on his plate, “finish it for me? don’t want to seem wasteful do we?”

when you’re stressing about exams or your coursework, he makes sure to come over to your dorm and distract you for as long as he can. he likes to bring you his favorite takeaway and gossip about whatever’s going on in his life. you always listen to his every word, something that makes him enjoy spending time with you, knowing that you’d listen to him drone on for hours probably.

one night at a random party, felix is busy getting a drink and hears two other guys talking about the way some girl looks. it’s only when he’s palmed a bottle that he looks in the direction they are, seeing that they’re talking about you. you’d been a bit more daring that night, wearing a shorter dress (felix encouraged you to. “come on! i bet it’ll look gorgeous!”) as a means to fit in with the other university girls, the flashy black material only coming down mid thigh and your cleavage showing.

‘look at her fucking baps, mate. i’d love to just put my face in em’ ‘they say the bigger ones are good at givin proper skull’

felix wouldn’t say anything to them, no matter how much it made his fists clench and his heart pound with anger. he often felt like a coward in those moments. instead, he immediately walked over to you and kept you close the whole night. he’d even ignored when a girl he’d hooked up with lately from his philosophy course tried to get at him. he kept his long arm draped over your bare shoulders, not daring to let go. and if you wanted to move around at the function, well he was there to lead the way for you, grabbing your wrist tightly and dragging you along.

he hated when guys on campus would sexualize you because of your body. he’d come close to beating the bits out of more than a few when he’d overhear what they’d spout. some would shout at you as you walked between lectures, others would come up to you and say inappropriate phrases as a joke, their friends laughing only meters away.

when it got closer to the end of spring and beginning of summer, the taunting and over-sexualization got worse because you were wearing more weather appropriate things. despite felix’s own feelings about you and how absolutely breathtaking your body was in his eyes, he began doing what he could to shield you away from other men. felix knew his power on campus very well, his influence and reputation making him respected and not to be messed with. so whenever the taunting would start, he’d be by your side in a flash, wrapping an arm around you possessively and distracting you any way he could. always making sure that people saw not to bother you. making sure they knew you were his all along.

i asked if anyone wanted a felix x plus size reader thing and it got some likes so here we are! lol don’t worry, there will be a nsfw list IMMEDIATELY following LMAO i love writing for felix or i just love felix in general really, i have major brain rot for him cuz he’s just such a sunshine character :3

my masterlist // still working on my multi chapter nate jacobs fic too btw if u wanna check it out <3 it’s long and gunna be CRAZY

[deliriousgrl-writes]

JACOB ELORDI as Leo Oh, Canada · 2024

If you like the content, follow me on TWITTER as well <3

[deliriousgrl-writes]

how i want to be perceived

[deliriousgrl-writes]

four 𐙚⋆°.

nate was trying his hardest to make maddy believe him, to make her see what he was saying. though, he knew it wasn't the truth. he was warning her, trying to make her realize that this needed to end.

"please nate, i mean... after all this time. i've always been there for you," she pleaded, tears falling from her big brown eyes, "i've.. i've loved you."

nate looked down at the ground, his jaw clenched as he chose his words carefully. he kept his voice low, his brown eyes looked almost black in the darkness around them as he looked up at her, "cant you see i'm trying to protect you? that i do care about you enough to fucking warn you."

maddys thin brows pinched together with sadness, her face pulled into a look of desperation. "i can't stay away from you nate, we can't be apart. don't you see that?" she took a few steps forward, trying to get closer to him but nate put his large hand up, stopping her.

"i'm not someone you need in your life. cant you open your eyes and see what i've fucking done to you? you're broken. i've broken you, inside and out," he said, keeping his face cold. he needed her to hate him, to want to run away, "look in the fucking mirror for once and see the damage i've done."

nate heard a small sob leave her mouth, her slim shoulders shaking as she did so. her eyes were wide, seeming to be surprised by his words. before she could say anything else, nate spoke again, "you're a smart girl, mads. you know deep down that this-whatever we have- isn't right."

maddy blinked up at him, tears stinging her cheeks as they fell past her chin. she crossed her arms around herself, hugging herself. nate imagined how confused she must feel, how his words would feel like a punch to the gut, but he wanted them to. he wanted to hurt her beyond comprehension, to leave her in so much pain that she'd never want to face him again. he needed her to feel that way, or else she'd never leave him alone. and yet, he couldn't feel an ounce of guilt inside him. this was his plan, his life, his choice. and nate would always do what he could to get what he wanted.

"nate... please," maddy said, her voice slightly hoarse, "please don't do this. you can't do this to me."

nate shook his head, practically gritting his teeth. he was starting to feel angry, hating how pathetic maddy seemed in the moment. long ago, maddy used to be strong in his eyes. she was tough despite her small stature, always standing up for herself and never letting anyone talk down to her, even him. but now, she just looked desperate and scared, and nate needed to get her angrier if his plan would work. he swallowed before he let his deep voice out, trying to come up with something that would really get her to leave it all behind.

he suddenly walked up to her, quickly grabbing her shoulders again with force, practically shaking her as he spoke, "if you don't get out now, you're only going to suffer. i promise you. you know me, you know who i am. it's over. now stop crying and get the fuck out while you can."

maddy blinked up at him, trembling as he shook her by the shoulders, his fingers gripping her smooth skin with force. her eyes were wide with fear, her plump lips parted as she felt her heart pound in her chest. she felt small, something nate always made sure to make her feel. all the pain she'd went through with him, never being strong enough to let him go, flashed before her eyes. she thought of all the times he'd screamed at her, the way his deep voice and chiseled face would turn into someone she didn't recognize. she thought of the times he'd put her hands on her, her neck, her wrists. he'd even pushed her against his bedroom wall before, making her sink to the floor in shock and pain. still, she'd told no one, continuing her loyalty to him because she knew he wanted her to. because she loved him.

she pulled away from him, shaking her head violently as she felt anger well up inside her. he watched as she took several steps away from him, an air of fury and sadness on her features. "you can't do this to me," maddy said, still shaking her head, "you can't fucking do this. i-i trusted you, i lied for you. i tore my life apart for you!"

nate took a deep breath, throwing his head back for a moment before looking over at her, watching her chest rise and fall, the diamond necklace he'd gotten her on their second anniversary still around her neck. he felt his body fill with anger, frustration that she just wasn't getting it. before he knew it, he was walking up to her, his steps quick and swift as he angrily pulled her arm. she was crying as he dragged her over to a nearby tree before slinging her against it. maddy was light, easy for nate to throw around if he wanted to, something he'd enjoy at the start of their relationship. but now... now he had to do it to make her truly hate him. even if she didn't want to.

she let out a cry of fear as her back hit the tree with force and then nate pressed his body to hers, closing any space between them. he looked down for a moment, his breaths coming out in quick pants, clearly frustrated.

finally, his cold eyes met hers, his handsome face etched with a violent rage. he pushed her hands by her side against the rough bark of the tree, a force enough to leave bruises before he finally spoke. "you're going to listen to me. really listen and keep your ears open, okay?"

she nodded fearfully, her eyes blinking up at him as her heart sank. sadly, she recognized this look on nate all too well, having seen it plenty of times. but it still scared her, she never knew how far he would take it each time it happened.

nate clenched his jaw, his nostrils flaring as he breathed, "you're not going to speak to me. you're not going to run after me. you're not going to come up to me at school or show up to my house anymore. you're not going to call me or fucking send me a bunch of desperate texts. you're not going to go near my parents or brother. you're not going to look in my fucking direction. do you understand?"

maddy swallowed, looking into his black eyes with pure terror. nate pressed against her thin arms harder against the tree, his broad chest against hers. she couldn't run, and she could barely speak, her words lost.

"do you fucking understand?" nate asked again, his deep voice holding a cold ferocity that made her shake. she couldn't speak so she just nodded, too stunned to even scream for help.

finally he released his grip on her, his body moving away to where he had just pinned her to the tree and took a few slow steps backwards. she stayed there, feeling the pounding of her beating heart throughout her petite form. nate put his hands in the pockets of his black hoodie, turning around and beginning to walk away before he stopped in his tracks, turning his head slightly so that she could hear his final words to her.

"oh and maddy," he began, glancing at her shivering form still pressed to the tree behind her, "your new friend, the new girl? don't go near her, or i'll fucking kill you."

———

as nate made his way into ap english the next day, he was happy. after that night, maddy hadn't even sent a text to him or sought him out in the school hallways. he'd even smiled to himself that morning before getting ready for school, feeling a weight finally lifted from his shoulders as he let the cold water from the shower run over his lean muscular body.

once he'd known that maddy was out of the picture and he spotted the shy girl in class, she wasn't just the timid new girl to him anymore, she was now you in his mind. and you meant everything.

he half listened as mrs. gonazales spoke to the class and began teaching, reading some passages from the novel they had been studying. nate had an idea, a way to finally start getting closer to you, so he quietly ripped out a page from his notebook. he took his pen and wrote a simple, 'CAN WE TALK?', before folding it in half and gently dropping it on your desk beside him while mrs. gonzales had her back turned. he didn't watch you open the note or see your reaction, he just kept his eyes on the board in front of him, keeping his expression nonchalant.

despite feeling excited about the fact that he could get closer to you now, he wondered if maddy had said anything to you or kat about the night before. you were friends with them, something he still didn't understand. you were nothing like maddy's usual type of friend. kat dressed loud and despised him, cassie was desperate and a slut, and BB was a no good stoner who annoyed nate with her stupidity. you... you were so much more than them. you had potential. you had a silent grace about you that he'd noticed, an innocence that only he felt worthy of. you didn't have to be loud like the other friends of maddy's to show the world who you were, you were just you. he hoped maddy didn't say anything, hoping his threat to her was enough to keep her quiet and away from you.

once the bell rang, nate was slow grabbing his things, testing if you would come up to him after he'd given you the note. students piled out of the classroom and mrs.gonzales was no where to be seen after he heard you take a few steps towards him. he slung his back pack over one of his shoulders and saw you standing in front of him, looking nervous as usual. nate could've screamed about how adorable you looked, holding the note between your small fingers as your doe eyes looked up at him.

"you-you wanted to talk?" he heard your soft voice say. he blinked at you and nodded, giving you a soft smile in an effort to make you feel less intimidated around him.

he leaned his body against a desk for support before he spoke. "yeah, uh. listen, i know you don't know me that well but you were really nice about helping me out before when i first transferred into this class. i'll be honest, i'm not much of a reader and it's hard to stay caught up between practice and my other classes," he lied, making sure to avoid eye contact with you so he'd look nervous, "i was just, uh, wondering if maybe you'd be down to study with me sometime after school. like if maybe you'd help me out?"

he finally looked at you once he finished his whole spiel, adding on another layer by scratching the back of his neck. you honestly looked surprised by his request, your soft features looking up at him with a bit of shock before you snapped out of it.

"o-oh, yeah. um... i-i don't mind," you answered quietly, still fidgeting with the note he'd given you earlier.

nate smiled and bit his lip, biting back a smirk at your approval. "cool. i mean, you don't have to if you don't want to. i'm sure you have other classes and stuff you have to worry about. i get it," he said, making sure to look you in the eye then. he knew you were too sweet to say no, he could tell you couldn't dismiss someone who'd ask for your help. you were kind like that, and nate could definitely take advantage of that kindness in the future. you shook your head before gracing him with a polite smile.

"i-i don't mind at all," you smiled, making nate's heart feel warmer than before.

"cool," nate said, "well uh, can i have your number?" you seemed surprised by his request again, your pretty eyes going all wide as you looked at him. he liked that. in fact, he loved that look. he let out a soft chuckle, trying to put your nerves at ease, "so we can text about getting together after school sometime."

nate's heart almost melted as he watched you understand what he was asking for, the causal intentions behind it. though, he did have other intentions. he wanted to text you, wanting your number instead of having to dm you on instagram like all the other random creeps from the school probably did. nate saw it as an intimacy thing, knowing he'd feel pride in having your personal number.

he watched as you awkwardly fished your phone from your bag, noticing that your case had small pink flowers all over it. it suited you, all tiny and feminine. he got his own phone from his pocket and handed it to you causally before you handed him yours with shaky fingers. he smiled as he held your phone in his large hands, his thumb typing in his own number with ease. he liked that you didn't just tell him your number, that you'd rather exchange them so that he could be a new contact in your phone. he typed his name in before handing it back to you and you awkwardly handed him his phone back in return. "cool," he said, "i'll text you."

he wished he didn't have to walk away in that moment and just stay, enjoy your presence for a little longer. but he had to take things slow, seem causal but friendly. as nate made his way to his next class he felt on top of the world, his tall figure looking down on the students that past him in the hall and feeling like he'd just won. he knew drama with maddy might swirl around his back, that his football buddies would be asking about her or he'd hear whispers in the halls, but at that moment he didn't care. he was one step closer in having you by his side.

he didn't talk to you the rest of the day, though he watched you at your locker from the corner of his eye between classes. he liked what you were wearing, a tight white blouse that fit nice around your body with a modest denim skirt around your hips. he wished he'd told you how pretty you looked when he had talked to you after class but he couldn't yet. he'd save his compliments about how soft and beautiful you were when you were finally at ease with his presence.

after school, nate sat in his truck and waited for you exit the building. he'd already seen your fathers red car waiting at the entrance. once he saw you get in it, he couldn't help himself, pulling out of the parking lot right after it. he followed behind, making sure to keep a good distance as to not draw attention, keeping his dark eyes on the silhouette of the back of your head from the back windshield. he wondered if you had a good relationship with your father, if he were any better than his own. but nate quickly reminded himself that anyone was probably better than cal.

nate was slightly surprised when the red car didn't take the right turn to your neighborhood, instead going straight and staying on the highway. nate pressed the gas a little harder to keep up, but still let two cars get in between, wanting to make sure your father wouldn't realize he was following. it was only a few moments later when he realized where your father was taking you, his truck three cars behind as your father pulled into a shopping center. nate drove past as he saw you and your father get out in front of an older pizza place tucked into the shopping center. he drove a couple circles through the crowded parking lot when he knew you were both inside before finally pulling in a few parking spaces behind the red car.

he let his eyes scan inside the dimly lit building, noticing that a server had put you and your father right beside the tall front window in a booth. his day was only getting better, first he had your number and now he could keep a good eye on you after school and watch as you enjoyed some dinner with your father. nate leaned back in his seat some, getting comfortable as he watched you laugh and smile as you spoke to the older man sat across from you. the way you seemed comfortable, at ease with your dad, was something foreign to nate.

maybe at some point he'd been that way in his life, but now all he could remember is living in his fathers shadow. his mother, marsha, still tried to reach him sometimes, still tried to break through the cold barrier he had put up but it was futile. nate had began hating marsha long ago, when he realized how weak she was to put up with his dad. his father was a con, a fake in his eyes, a despicable man who did things behind closed doors that would make the comfortable castle they lived in fall down if anyone found out. as much as nate hated his father, he protected the man. his secrets. and sometimes he didn't know why and it would keep him up at night trying to figure it out.

nate watched you and your father eat and talk with an eager fascination. he could tell you were close to him, that you probably trusted your father and loved him. despite the normalcy of that, nate couldn't help but feel his chest tinge with jealousy. he wondered what your father might say or do once he found out you belonged to nate in the future. it didn't really matter though, nate would do anything he could to keep you. even if it meant going through your own father.

nate didn’t follow the red car right away after you and your fathered had finished eating. he was still sat in his truck a while after, scrolling through the the texts on his phone. it was mostly his team’s group chat, his buddies sending the usual nonsense like new nudes on the slut pages or funny memes. he was content that maddy hadn’t texted him, believing that what he’d said at the park finally got through to her. he gave it some time before he drove to your house to keep watch, the evening sun beginning to set and your quiet neighborhood settling over in darkness. he saw that the upstairs light was on again in the window, knowing you were probably not in bed yet.

he bit his lip as he clicked on the contact you’d made in his phone earlier that day, his thumbs twitching to text you. he knew he should be patient, maybe let you text him first, but he figured you were too shy. that’s why his heart started to race once his phone buzzed with a text from you.

it surprised nate, he wasn’t expecting you to text him first. he’d figure he’d have to initiate all your interactions in the future for his plan, but that didn’t stop him from being a little excited that you were thinking of him just now, at night. his dark eyes glanced up to the light in the upstairs window, knowing you were somewhere up there thinking of him enough to text him. it was more perfect than he’d imagined.

‘hi, sorry to bother u but did u want to set up a time for us to study soon?’

god, even your texts were cute. he smirked as he glanced from the upstairs of your house and back to his phone, clicking on the message to show he’d read it. he let his mind wander a bit, picturing you sitting on your bed in your pajamas, with your precious heart racing as you waited for his reply. the thought alone made his pants tighten. he quickly typed back, not letting you wait for long.

‘yeah. wht works best for u? i have practice tuesdays and thursdays. games on fridays evry 2 wks.’

he kept it straight to the point, letting you believe that his only intentions were for you to be a serious study partner. anyone could tell by how you acted in class that you were a good student and nate wondered if you’d tutored before. he saw that you’d read his message and his eyes darted back to the upstairs window, his stomach flipping as he imagined you surprised by his quick text back. he pictured your sweet face focused, trying to come up with the perfect, polite response. wanting to be professional but also knowing that you were nervous. he wondered what you thought of him, if you only saw him as maddy’s boyfriend, as a popular jock archetype that many people saw him as. he wondered if you were compassionate enough to try and see through that, if you were interested in trying to figure the ‘real’ him. it made him smile deviously at the thought, like he wasn’t purposely trying to appeal to you in any way he could. you were just too naive and kind to resist.

‘i’m free pretty much everyday after school. i study alone anyway so it wouldn’t be any different for u to be there. where would u like to meet up?’

nate felt himself grinning as he read your response. how perfect, he thought to himself, there’d be no conflicting problems in your schedule to study with him. it was almost too good to be true. almost.

[deliriousgrl-writes]

[deliriousgrl-writes]

Writing Description Notes:

Updated 9th September 2024 More writing tips, review tips & writing description notes

Facial Expressions

Masking Emotions

Smiles/Smirks/Grins

Eye Contact/Eye Movements

Blushing

Voice/Tone

Body Language/Idle Movement

Thoughts/Thinking/Focusing/Distracted

Silence

Memories

Happy/Content/Comforted

Love/Romance

Sadness/Crying/Hurt

Confidence/Determination/Hopeful

Surprised/Shocked

Guilt/Regret

Disgusted/Jealous

Uncertain/Doubtful/Worried

Anger/Rage

Laughter

Confused

Speechless/Tongue Tied

Fear/Terrified

Mental Pain

Physical Pain

Tired/Drowsy/Exhausted

Eating

Drinking

Warm/Hot

[deliriousgrl-writes]

-ˏˋ Jacob Elordi (1997) ˊˎ

crédit: kidd

[deliriousgrl-writes]

[deliriousgrl-writes]

I stand on the edge

In the snow

a bouquet of blush pink roses

in hand

farewell to my love.

A kiss on the forehead

and I fly away

melt into the white

as a dove.

The roses drop to your feet,

you pick them up

and they dry

instead of melting into the snow

You keep them in the

back of your closet,

after I decided not

to carry you in my locket.

We left to no longer

hold each other as close

and when you let go

of my hand something

in me was reborn.

First I died.

I became a winters day,

but the snow soon

melts and washes everything away.

A light shines upon

something new and

the familiar road

in the woods leads me

down a different path.

As I walk away

from you, my dear,

collecting my things

from your house, leaving

traces in some corners.

I walk and I do not

look back, knowing that

you will have me as

a shade of pink,

and the roses in the

back of your closet.

-The smile of your ex lover

[deliriousgrl-writes]

content warning// this chapter contains explicit sexual themes

three 𐙚⋆°.

"what do you think you're doing, jacobs?" called his coach on the field, he blew his whistle as nate stood above the scrawny teammate he had just tackled. nate stood there, sighing to himself before throwing his helmet to the bright green grass beneath him, his hair a sweaty mess. he thought the kids name was craig, or michael maybe?

"where's your head?" his coach asked as he made his way over, exchanging a hand down to the wounded teammate on the ground. the guy got up with a groan, throwing his own helmet off in frustration.

nate let out a breath, his hands on his hips as he watched his couch walk away with the down teammate, eyes of the other teammates on the field watching the scene unfold.

practice was almost over and nate was distracted, something he hated to be in front of his teammates and coach. his mind was elsewhere, thinking of the many texts maddy had sent him before practice.

maddy: where tf are u?

maddy: ur being weird lately and i don't know how to talk 2 u

maddy: is this abt yesterday?

maddy: call me

maddy: forget it. k.

nate had tried to his best to shake the thoughts of stress away but he was struggling. he hadn't meant to tackle his teammate so roughly, the kind of hit that would leave a person in the hospital. luckily, the kid seemed fine. his coach on the other hand, was not happy. nate spit on the ground and saw a couple of his teammates walk over. he reluctantly met their gazes, not wanting this kind of interaction right now.

"you trying to kill people out here or what?" asked carter. nate didn't like carter much, hated his constant joking and incessant need to run around the locker rooms naked without a care. carter was stocky and strong, with red hair and freckles that scattered his nose and cheeks.

"shut it," nate replied, grabbing his helmet from the ground, "maybe that kid should learn how to block."

another boy beside carter, jace, spoke up, his dark skin and features eyeing nate up carefully. jace had his reservations about nate, never joking with him and sensing nate's ability to fly off the handle. "what's up man?" jace asked, a hint of sincerity in his tone. nate chuckled dryly, not wanting to look weak in front of his fellow teammates.

"i'm fine," nate said, starting to walk over to the refreshments table. carter and jace followed behind, leaving nate annoyed but he knew he had to keep up appearances.

"maddy seemed pissed yesterday," carter said with a laugh, grabbing a bottle of gatorade from the wide table, "i think she wants to chop your balls off or something."

nate rolled his eyes once more, taking a sip of water from the small red cup in his hands, "she's nothing i can't handle." carter nodded, sensing nate's dismissal of the subject of maddy.

nate's coach walked over to the boys, the whistle hanging from his chest swaying as he walked. "keep pulling this shit, jacobs, and i'll bench your ass for rest of the season," he said, pointing his finger in nate's face.

if there was one thing nate hated it was someone who acted like they knew better than him. sure, nate had tackled the kid a bit roughly but he was fine. nate was a good player, the best linebacker east high had ever saw, a small scrimmage incident during practice wouldn't change that. he looked to the ground for a moment, choosing his words carefully, "got it, coach. it won't happen again."

at the end of practice, nate was in the locker room changing in a stall, something he always did that stood out amongst the other guys. he heard carter and jace's voices echoing in the room, lockers shutting between words.

"he better get his head on straight if he wants to keep acting like he's the best on the team," he heard carter say. nate listened for a moment, pulling his shirt over his head as he heard jace's response.

"he's been weird lately," jace said, his voice booming and loud against the concrete walls of the locker room, "he didn't even go to mckays last saturday. maddy must have him on a short leash these days."

"she's a bitch," carter replied, "what do you expect?"

nate decided to exit the stall in that moment, carter and jace's eyes meeting his in surprise. "you think i'm stupid? that i don't have my shit together?" nate asked darkly, his eyes narrowing on the two boys. a menacing smirk was on his face, his tall height causing him to tower over the two boys.

carter let out a nervous laugh, shaking his head. "no man, we know you got it," carter said, his shirt still in his hands. jace nodded, wary of nate's next actions.

nate was loved and feared on the team. he always showed up for games, winning them more times than the team could count, but he had a reputation. nate could be a team player or a nightmare depending on what side you were on, he planned to keep it that way. instead of intimidating the boys further, nate had other plans. he slipped out of the locker room and into the almost empty parking lot by the field, his hand holding his still vibrating phone, knowing it was maddy texting him.

he put the key in the ignition and let his engine roar to life, his body slumping in his seat a bit as he checked his phone.

maddy: i'm not going to wait forever.

maddy: ur being ridiculous

maddy: fuck u, i'm done

maddy: why can't u just call me????

nate sighed to himself, the bright lights that illuminated the field shutting off and encompassing him in darkness. he decided to just turn his phone off before he pulled out of the school parking lot, heading onto the road, the headlights of his tall truck illuminating the road ahead brightly. he drove for awhile, trying his best to clear his head. thoughts of the day before entered his mind, the way his shy prize had spoke to him softly about the book from class, how her tiny hands had fiddled with the heart shaped locket that was usually nestled to her chest. he zoned out as he drove, picturing the differences between her and maddy.

the shy girl was so much more to him, the potential he saw in her far greater than maddys. he had loved maddy once, more than anyone he had loved before, but things changed. they fought more, she was more possessive than ever. sure they had broken up ten million times at this point, even fucking different people to make the other jealous, but now, nate wanted something different. he wanted something easy, something more perfect than he could ever imagined. the shy girl seemed more worthy of his attention than maddy now.

as he drove through the quiet neighborhood, his eyes scanned the houses once more, making sure to note any small changes. they were still the same, the same abandoned ones as well as the small family homes scattered about. he reach the white house, the chipped blue shudders and rose bush still by the entrance. the red car was parked in front, all the lights in the modest house appeared to be off except one, the upstairs. his eyes darted around for a moment, the darkness around him making him narrow his brown eyes up at the dim light coming from the upstairs window. nate reach over into the passenger seat beside him, his fingers wrapping around the handle of his handgun tightly. he couldn't help himself, his mind had wondered earlier that day, imagining how unsafe she may be if he wasn't around to protect her. he had watched her in english class earlier, her eyes never meeting his as the class studied and reviewed the giver. she paid attention, writing notes in her pink butterfly notebook and doodling drawings of clouds and moons on the pages.

nate had thought about all the horrible possibilities of his shy girl being hurt. how an older man would take a liking to her soft beauty, watching her until it was time for him to grab her and push her into his car, tying her up in his basement to have his way with her. or some college guy taking advantage of her, the power imbalance forcing her to look up to him, give herself to him and get hurt in the end. nate couldn't stand the thought; another man snatching her up and not being worthy of the pure and innocent ways in which she operated. she wasn't like the other girls at school, never wanting attention and preferring to stay in the background. nate didn't even know why maddy had became friends with her in the first place, maybe seeing her as a project. he didn't want the shy girl to change at all, maybe just her assumption of him. maybe just her feelings once she realized how much she needed someone like nate to take care of her, protect her.

he watched for an hour or two, his eyes focused on the upstairs light, the only one on in the small home. when he watched her silhouette arrive behind the dimly lit curtain to turn the light out, he held his breath, his handgun still clutched in his hand. how could he possibly leave now? she would be asleep, curled up in her bed, not knowing how much of a target she could be. she was more vulnerable asleep, never knowing who could just break in, someone breaking the screen door on her porch and breaking in through the front door. how'd she be so unaware if someone were to make their way up the steps to her, pulling the covers off her and covering her mouth as she was assaulted. he swallowed at the thought, clenching his jaw as he made sure to study the street around him once more, silently wandering to himself if he was the only one watching. hoping he was.

nate left four hours later, knowing he had to be able to get up for school the next day. after all he had to appear normal, had to keep his head on straight to not fuck things up. he was reluctant to leave the dark quiet neighborhood, his eyes glancing up at the upstairs window once more before he drove away.

he texted maddy back once he made it inside his large home, the extravagant decor a complete contrast to the people who inhabited the space. nate's eyes scanned the family portraits on the walls as he made his way up the stairs, internally cringing at how fake it all was. his father, cal, was very influential in the community. he had built many businesses and housing units in town, earning quite the living in the perfect suburbia he called home. though he held a dark secret, which nate knew about. that was his power over his dad. nate knew. he couldn't unsee it once he had, just a boy watching his father do despicable things to strangers on color coded tapes. nate wondered if maybe that was the moment something switched in him, but deep down he knew he was destined to be who he was from the start, sharing his fathers dna and all. as if on cue his father walked up the staircase, a glass of bourbon in his hand as he greeted his son.

"nathaniel," cal called, walking up to stand beside the tall boy, his arm reaching up to pat his tense shoulder, "where you been?"

nate wanted to scream at him, tell him he didn't need an explanation and to just keep his mouth shut, but he didn't. instead he replied back to his father in a hushed tone, his words icy. "doesn't matter. i'm going to bed."

cal let out a deep laugh, the sound making nate's fists clench at his sides. "that maddy.. she's a handful, i can see it. a distraction that you can not afford, son. straighten up. i heard about practice earlier tonight. how do you expect to make it on a team if you're trying to kill people?"

nate found it almost humorous how his father could talk about what he had done but never admit to what he was still doing. instead of protesting, nate just wanted to the conversation to be over. he looked at the older man at his side, his fathers aged face looking back at him with cold eyes. his father always seemed to be taunting him, searching for a reaction in nate that he wasn't willing to give. "i already told coach it won't happen again."

cal patted his sons shoulder again, his glass still in the other hand. "good. stay focused, nathaniel. if you do you'll do great things, i can see it. i've know it since you were born. you're a fighter, and some people, others, they don't like that. they'll try to distract you, want you to fail. but you're my son, you're much more than them."

his words seemed more melancholy than supportive, maybe even distant. nate just nodded before walking over to his bedroom door, leaving his father out in the hall and shutting the door behind him softly. nate despised his father.

nate: we need to talk. i'll drive u home after school.

maddy: ok?

nate shed his clothes and dropped his duffel bag to the floor of his room, his body tense and his mind still far away. his father was right about one thing; maddy was a distraction, a distraction from what he really wanted. who he really wanted.

he pictured the girl in his mind as he tried to sleep. he imagined her in bed with him, wearing nothing but a white lacy teddy, her soft skin pressed against his own, her wide eyes looking up at him with need. he let his mind wonder, the way her gold heart shaped locket would look, the rest of her bare as she'd pant beneath him, his hands running up her thighs, his fingers gripping the skin. he stroked himself beneath his duvet, his hand gripping himself as he let the images unfold in his mind. he could see it all so clearly, her on her knees before him, his fingers gripping her chin as her doe eyes stared up into his. he panted to himself at the image, how beautiful the sounds she would make would be. her soft voice whining as he took her nice and slow, dipping his cock deep inside her tight virgin walls, how her tiny fingers would grip his shoulders. how out of breath she would be from how full she would feel from him. he felt himself come undone, the hot liquid shooting up onto his stomach and between his fingers as he stroked himself to near overstimulation. he liked how it was almost painful, the sensation and thoughts in his head fueling his indescribable lust. his jaw clenched as he pulled himself up from his bed and into his bathroom, washing himself off and scrubbing himself clean. his thick cock was still hard and throbbing beneath his tight boxers as he looked himself in the eyes in the mirror. he let himself revel in the almost animalistic way his chest rose and fell rapidly, his eyes dilated until they were nearly black, the brown of his eyes gone. he had to have her, it wasn't a question or fantasy, he had to have her.

———

nate woke up only a few hours later so that he could work out before school. nate was strict about his daily regimen, work out until failure, take a shower, brush his teeth, fix his hair, the whole works. he liked being organized, making sure people saw him as someone put together.

he pushed himself hard that morning, laying on his bench press and groaning as he lifted the heavy weight. he liked pushing himself, stopping once all the muscles in his body were throbbing. being seen as strong was important to him, keeping his body in perfect shape and eating the right diet, it was easy for him to maintain routines, though he had been distracted lately. so, he pushed himself past his limits, his hands sore and rough once he was done.

after he popped into a cold shower, scrubbing himself with some expensive men's body wash and some conditioning shampoo, he did the rest of his routine and headed to school. he skipped breakfast, not wanting to be around his father that morning, not wanting to hear the sound of his voice.

once nate parked his truck into a free parking space by the school, his eyes scanned the cars dropping students off and spotting her. it was the same red car he knew of, her small body jumping out of the passenger seat and waving goodbye. she was wearing something nate had never seen before, a black tennis skirt that came down to the middle of her thighs and a matching tucked in black sweater. nate couldn't lie, the sight of her in such dark colors made desire stir in his jeans. and once she walked away from the car he could see cream ruffled socks above her white tennis shoes, making his head spin. he did much prefer her in bright, softer colors, but she was still perfect in his eyes. her hands held the straps of her back pack, her small form walking into the schools entrance, it was then that nate finally decided to step out of his truck.

his eyes scanned the hallways, his own backpack perched on his shoulder as his tall body walked past the other students. he stopped himself from stopping by her locker, wishing more than anything that he could see her, speak to her. but he was surprised when he saw her there already, maddy and kat by her side, talking. he backed away, going to his own locker and peaking out of the corner of his eye at the three girls as he pretended to rearrange the textbooks in his locker. maddy was wearing another revealing outfit as always, with bright pink leggings and a matching cropped tank top that showed off a bit too much to be considered school appropriate. he silently wondered if maddy and kat were to blame for the shy girls sudden change in appearance, now being able to make out a hint of makeup on her soft features, a sharp black eyeliner framing her doe eyes. his chest thumped with annoyance, not wanting her to try and fit in with the likes of maddy and kat. she was too special for that and much too innocent.

the rest of the school day was boring, nate kept his appearances though by chatting with his friends, the typical asshole football players from his team. he kept up his cruel and sarcastic attitude with them, not letting them think something was up with him. he had to make himself the leader still, had to make sure they knew who was in charge despite his recent m.i.a behavior. he laughed along with their jokes and stupid antics, pretending to be who he always was. once classes ended for the day he knew it was time, maddy hadn’t spoke to him all day or sought him out, but he knew he was expected to drive her home and would need to execute his plan.

he was standing by his truck in the crowded parking lot, his eyes on the ground as he leaned against the silver metal. “hey,” he heard her say, her tone a bit aggressive. he knew she had every right to be mad at him, he had been avoiding her after all. but it annoyed him nonetheless.

he looked down at her as she stood in front of him, her hands by her side and her expression perplexed. he wondered if she saw what was coming. “hey,” he replied, keeping his voice especially soft for maddy, “let’s go for a drive.”

she nodded and walked over to the passenger seat, nate following behind her and helping her up the steep step up. once he had jumped into the drivers side, he put the key in the ignition and they were off. maddy was quiet for a moment and nate could feel her eyes on him as he focused on the road. the sun was already setting, the clouds and sky a bright orange as he drove down the busy streets.

“i thought you were just going to drive me home,” maddy said, her big brown eyes narrowing on him.

“i thought we could go somewhere and talk,” nate replied carefully, one hand on the steering wheel and then other rested against the window, his knuckles resting against his cheek as he tried to keep himself in check. he had already thought this through, how to play this situation. nate needed to find somewhere private to talk knowing that maddy would make a scene in public, so he drove to a nearby park right by the lake. maddy was silent in her seat and he could see her gears turning in her pretty head, already suspicious of the situation.

they arrived, his truck parked and the two of them jumping out and walking over to stand by the lake. “you really upset me,” maddy said, her voice sincere as they walked by the body of water, the orange from the sky reflecting on the surface, “i mean… you’re supposed to want to talk to me. you know you can talk to me.”

a normal person would feel a bit of guilt at her words, maybe even debating on wether breaking up with her was the right idea if she loved them so much. but nate wasn’t normal and he had his sights set on someone else. maddy would have to live with it, and the hundreds of other things he’d put her through.

“maddy,” nate said, making sure his voice came out a bit erratic. he turned to face her, stopping her in her tracks and leaving a small gap between them. “i just.. i have to tell you something.”

“what is it?” she asked, her eyes concerned. she blinked up at him, her hand reaching out to touch his shoulder. nate backed away before she could, putting on a show and running his hand through his hair to appear to be distressed.

“maddy.. i-i’m struggling. i’m having a hard time. which isn’t your fault.. it’s not your fault i’m so fucked up,” he bit his lower lip, his jaw tensing. she looked up at him with worry and surprise at his words, her hands reaching out again.

“what-what do you mean? what’s going on, nate? you can trust me,” she soothed, her hand landing on his arm. her small fingers rested there and nate could feel the slight tremble they held.

“no,” he uttered taking a step back from her. this time he put his hands on her shoulders, his grip on her tight, displaying a sense of urgency in his eyes, “you don’t get it. you don’t. i’m sorry you’ve gotten mixed up with someone like me, i’m not some normal fucking guy, maddy. i don’t deserve you… i never have.”

she looked confused, her thin brows pressing together as she took in his words and was held in his grip. he removed his hands from her shoulders, his fingers moving up to his face to press against the space between his eyebrows. this had to work, he had to make this all believable for her, she had to understand.

when she tried to speak, nate interrupted her harshly, his words stern. “i need you to walk away from this. from me. you need to keep yourself away from someone as fucked up as me. you need to save yourself from me before i hurt you. because i will. i have already.”

she crossed her arms, licking her lips before she spoke, “what do you mean? i mean… i love you, nate. please tell me what’s going on, i-i can help.”

nate turned around and began walking away from her, the orange that the sky held finally gone dark as clouds covered the setting sun. you could already see the moon casting a small light on the water and against their bodies. maddy hurriedly caught up to him, her voice filled up empathy. “nate please! i want to understand. i’m perfectly capable of fucking understanding! i care about you, whatever you’re going through, i care!”

nate kept his shoulders tense as he walked, breathing out a bit to stifle a sigh. he was trying to make this easy for her, as easy as he could but she loved him too much.

₊˚ ‿︵‿︵‿︵୨୧ · · ♡ · · ୨୧‿︵‿︵‿︵ ˚₊

this is a long one, i hope the filler stuff wasn’t too hard to read! and yes, this interaction with maddy will be continued into the next part and FINALLY some stuff will start happening between nate and reader<3 i hate for it to be slow pace but i enjoy a slow burn, i think it pays off way more hehe sorry abt it xx i’m planning a felix catton from saltburn fic atm as well if u like him at all hehe i can’t help it, jacob elordi is my muse at this point.

read part one and two here xx

[deliriousgrl-writes]

alright who wants a felix x plus size reader fic???? tell me

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behind the scenes of priscilla directed by sofia coppola (2023)

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need

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[deliriousgrl-writes]

Call for Writers Who Want Fic Requests

Fanfiction writers, if you're taking requests and want to receive more of them, please reblog or comment with the characters you write, whether you write smut, whether you write dark, and a link to your rules if you have them. Any fandom!

Why? To connect potential fic requesters with you. 🖤

No hidden motive - I get inquiries about requests and idk where to refer them when mine are closed. I'll send them here and I'll also link this post on my pinned one.

Adults only, please.

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edit: I unblazed this in case the blaze caused an issue with comments showing up 😐 sorry if yours didn't show up, please try a reblog. hellsite smh