darknessisconsumingme - Tumblr blog

[darknessisconsumingme]

Lmao when you mean less than friends

[darknessisconsumingme]

Fuck you

Honestly. Promises mean nothing to you?? It's like you don't even try.

[darknessisconsumingme]

Everything is crushing me. It's getting harder to bare. I wish that hurting me was not in your vocabulary. I wish that you wouldn't do it on purpose and I wish you wouldn't lie.

[darknessisconsumingme]

It shouldn't matter that he checks out other girls whether I'm around or not. They don't get him. It doesn't matter if he finds other girls attractive that are not me. It's not his fault that I feel sick to my stomach every time it happens, wondering what about them is better than me. I need to just let it go and try to not let it bother me that he flirts with girls that are not me.

[darknessisconsumingme]

I wish it didn't hit so late and when I'm alone. All I can think about is our arms around my waist. Your fingertips across my back, down my spine. I just want you next to me.

[darknessisconsumingme]

It's been crazy for the last week and I just haven't had time to calm down and actually let this all sink it. I'm really waiting for the day that I break down completely. Weird that it hasn't happened yet.

[darknessisconsumingme]

I just want someone who won’t get annoyed when I text them six times or in all caps. Someone I can go on long drives with and can sing along to the radio with. Someone I can eat pizza with at 2am and kiss at 6pm. Someone who chooses me everyday and never thinks twice about it.

(via jessielou24)

[darknessisconsumingme]

I hate myself for being so insecure.

[darknessisconsumingme]

[darknessisconsumingme]

Lol. Things are so hard rn.

[darknessisconsumingme]

Why am I so fucking forgettable?

[darknessisconsumingme]

Things are hard. I can't handle being alone. But I also don't like being around a lot of people. I constantly feel like I'm being judged, even when I'm with other people, I still feel like I'm the only one that's being looked at. It's getting harder to handle normal social situations. My stomach automatically clenches and it becomes harder to breathe. But I am getting better at faking that I'm ok when I get like that. However, my boyfriend knows when I'm not ok. 

[darknessisconsumingme]

I survive on the breath you are finished with.

John Mayer | Come Back To Bed

[darknessisconsumingme]

Why am I so fucking forgettable?

[darknessisconsumingme]

I don't know why I overthink things too much and why I hurt so easily. I wish that I could detach from my emotions and be normal for once in my life. I'd like to not be able to feel absolutely everything and not be so goddamn emotional.

[darknessisconsumingme]

Waiting...

I haven't been writing in a while, on here or anywhere else for that matter. I think I'm just afraid of writing everything down and seeing what I'm actually afraid of, what's actually bothering me and knowing that it's probably all my fault. 

I'm going nowhere. I'm stuck. In the same position I was 5 months ago. I have no job, very, very little money, not many friends and not many people believing in me. I constantly feel that people think that I'm not actually applying for the jobs that I am applying for because I'm not getting anywhere with any of them. It feels like people think I'm just lying about it to make myself sound good and that it's the worlds problem. But I am applying for jobs. I am applying for so many and I'm not hearing anything back from them. It's ridiculous. Annoying. Self esteem ruining. 

I wish that I could at least get an interview. Or have a phone call regarding a job I applied for. Temp work? Anything. Some sort of sign to know that I'm not the worthless person I'm beginning to believe that I am. 

There have been so many times over the last few months where I've wanted to cut again. I've been so anxious that I can't calm myself down and I just curl myself into a ball and hold myself so tight until everything drifts away. I want to talk about it with someone but I don't know what to say or how to even begin. I can't articulate my feelings in the slightest. I mean, I'm doing it right now but it's SO much easier to do it on a blog that only I can see rather than telling someone who knows me in real life. 

[darknessisconsumingme]

My anxiety is through the roof these days. Crying over being jokingly scared is just ridiculous.