darkmindesc

[darkmindesc]

I want to destroy everything. I want to ruin my life, smash glass bottles agaisnt walls, run away into the night and get in trouble, scream and yell at the top of my lungs, get into fist fights, and stand up for myself. I want to be so so angry and loud about how awful I feel that everyone realizes that I was never okay, and I was never going to be okay, and that they left me behind to suffer. But I'm too tired. I'm too tired to move, to think. I just want to lay in bed all day and ignore the world. I just slap on a neutral face and do as I'm told. I wish I could be so angry about how sick I've become, but instead I keep quietly to myself, and live another miserable tired day.

[darkmindesc]

people will be like "im here for you" but only to give out unsolicited advice. no one wants to listen. no one wants to hear you talk. there's not a single person in my life that i could tell any of this to and it's sucky.

[darkmindesc]

I told him I was drowning

He didnt try to help

I dont blame him

Id rather not have to deal with me too

[darkmindesc]

✨Thinspo✨

Some motivation to lose all the damn weight.

- smaller sizes

- new cute clothes

- compliments from family/friends or gf/bf

- so anyone can pick me up easily

- no one will ever call me fat again

- smaller boobs

- thigh gap

- collar bones

- a flat stomach

- small, long fingers

- so i can show my sh scars without showing my fat arms and legs

- cute bikinis

- i want to be a dainty gf

- to eat infront of others without feeling uncomfortable

- to see the number on the scale drop

- wear dresses without my legs rubbing against each other

[darkmindesc]

After I finished my 48 hrs fast i took a Break ( i fasted 48 hrs and ate the next 24 hrs 400 cals 2 times since Last week). Today and yesterday i only ate lunch my mom cooked, i thougt it would be a good idea because she won‘t ask questions because i don’t eat but now i just feel guilty and fat. I‘m going to fast another 48 hrs ( the Last time i ate was 6 pm today) But I count from 12 pm today so it‘s going to be a few more hrs. I lost 18 lbs in nine days😬

The good thing is that i work as a car mechanic so im walking the whole Day until i‘m home at 5.30pm. I Walk 10000 to 15000 steps a day .I don’t feel very hungry all day long because i‘m distracted but i am very bored when i get Home, i just take a shower and then i go to bed 🤷🏻‍♀️

[darkmindesc]

I broke my fast on saturday at 10:30 am with a few slices of a cucumber After 48 hrs. I ate a total of 400 cals because my dad celebratet his birthday and i wanted to eat something in front of my whole fam so They won‘t notice🤗 Anyways, I‘m going to fast antother 48 hrs ( today is sunday). I got monday off because I had to work spontaneously on Saturday and I think I‘m going to Break my fast on tuesday in the evening.

It so good to feel the fat burn I‘ll be at my First gw soon! My boyfriend Texted me that he‘s missing me and that he wanted to hug me🥺 He‘s coming home on 09/03 I wonder how much weight I‘ll lose until then. I really hope I‘m not going to binge so i‘m going to write a list with things to instead of eating. Stay Safe 💖

[darkmindesc]

I’m already 24 hrs into my fast.

Still 24 hrs to go, but i‘m really looking forward to it! I don‘t feel hungry and i have so much energy😁 Today I have to work till 5 pm and it‘ll be a good distraction. I already lost 11 pounds the Last few days but since my boyfriends been on vacation now for two weeks he won‘t worry abt me. I‘ll lose as much weight as I can and when he‘s back home he‘ll be like „Wow you lost so much weight“. I really wan‘t him to notice the weight loss but he shouldn‘t be worried.

I wan‘t to be a skinny dainty gf for him 🤍 It‘s such a great motivation to keep going!

[darkmindesc]

i dont talk anymore. i dont want to. i have nothing to say. i have nothing to contribute to a conversation. words escape me and i dont care that they do. i can go entire days without muttering a word. i just want to be left alone, now. 

[darkmindesc]

The saddest moment is going to self harm and realising you have to look for clean skin to cut…

[darkmindesc]

looking at my wrists, wanting to tear them open again.

[darkmindesc]

“Wenn meine Welt aus Glas wär’, glaube mir, würd’ ich mit Steinen werfen.. nur, um zu sehen, wie sie zerbricht zu ‘nem Haufen Scherben.”

- Casper - verflossene Liebe (@xmeinewelt)

[darkmindesc]

“Ich fühl mich wie ich fühle, weil ich nichts mehr fühl.”

— Casper - Keine Angst

[darkmindesc]

“Hoff’ so sehr, dass du nicht gehst, wenn ich fall.”

— Casper

[darkmindesc]

“Weiß, es ist schwer, doch hoffe so sehr, dass du bleibst.”

— Casper

[darkmindesc]

[darkmindesc]

how u suck uncut dick but won’t eat the crust on ur pizza lmao

[darkmindesc]

I don’t see a way out anymore