dar1ing-d0ve

[dar1ing-d0ve]

Reblog if it's okay to befriend you, ask questions, ask for advice, rant, vent, let something off your chest, or just have a nice chat.

[dar1ing-d0ve]

So it's been a while,

Tldr, I tried recovery, and honestly it was worth it while it lasted. I truly was happy, shared my struggles with my friends, and felt better.

Until i realized I was just tricking myself. My favourite pair of jeans were too small on me, and now I just look so hideous in all the clothing i once loved.

I'm starting over, bringing myself back down to focus all over again. I'm restricting for these two weeks, bringing my limit down slowly before keeping it to omad once September starts up. I'm also going to get a gym membership again, and starting taking my long walks again to burn as many cals as possible.

I wish it worked, I wish recovery worked, and I'm so disappointed in myself for not keeping with it, but I just can't anymore. I can't pretend I like how I look, can't pretend that I deserve to eat all the food I do and drive up the food bill. I'm going to get back in control and fix myself again.

[dar1ing-d0ve]

V annoyed that I couldn't track my cals or weight the past few days :///weighed in this morning and I haven't gained thankfully but I've been paranoid the past 3 dayyyyyys

[dar1ing-d0ve]

Day 3 <33333

Weigh in this morning: 186lbs

750 Cal Limit

Green tea - 0 cals (1 zero cal sweetener)

Iced coffee cold brew - 0 cals (black)

8 fries - 40 cals (5 cals/fry)

Ramen with kimchi, cheese, 2 medium boiled eggs - 565 cals (380/noodles + seasoning, 1 tsp kimchi/5cals, sliced cheese/50cals, boiled eggs/130 cals)

Total - 605 cals!

Cals burned - 2,179 total

Net cals - -1,574

Didn't want to have the ramen, but I knew it was better to eat smth now since I have a concert tmrw! Fasting from now until at least 12 tmrw before I have something light and small, gonna try and be as active as I can

[dar1ing-d0ve]

making a deal with myself If im between my 3rd/4th gw by my birthday (december) ill get my belly button pierced and my first tattoo :33 anything to stay motivated

[dar1ing-d0ve]

Can't read and thought today's limit was 750 so I did in fact go over </3

Day 2 - 600 cals

2 mini mozzarella quesedilla - 172 cals (82cals/1 quesedilla, 5cals/ olive oil spray)

Spicy tantan ramen - 440 cals

Intake - 612 cals

Did an extra long walk to make up for it but at least I didn't go over it to much!! Still gonna have less tmrw anyway to make up for it djfntb (I need to stop being blind and not able to read)

[dar1ing-d0ve]

hi, just wanted to share this account i found with y'all

low cal recipes ✨

[dar1ing-d0ve]

Morning routine with ED

[dar1ing-d0ve]

starting this today <3333 was kinda fucked up for my last few weeks of june due to exams but im getting back into it :33

Day 1; 500 cals

2 mini light mozzarella quesadillas - 164 cals (82 cals each)

8 mini perogies + olive oil spray - 300 cals (35 cals/perogy, 5 cals/ 1.5 sec olive oil spray) honestly i could've cut down on the perogies cause even 4 were super filling <3333 also my low cal corn quesadillas are so tasty and filling i could literally eat them forever <3

[dar1ing-d0ve]

Liquid fasting from today until my final exam on friday! a little nervous as it's been a while since ive done more than a 2 day fast so i'm allowing myself liquids in the hopes of stopping a binge <33 no point in eating when i could be studying and doing pissed work anyway

[dar1ing-d0ve]

i hate having no one to talk to beacuse all of my friends think im fine, im sitting here crying in my bedroom because I genuinely might not graduate and I have no idea what i'm even supposed to do if I don't. I'm already a disappointment to my mom and I know if i talk to her about this she's just going to be even more pissed at me :((( why couldn't I have just been born a normal person instead of someone who can barely function with their depression

[dar1ing-d0ve]

Finally found a place near me that sells konjac jelly I'm so happy

[dar1ing-d0ve]

REBLOG IF YOU'RE AN ACTIVE ÃNÅ ACCOUNT THIS MONTH I NEED MORE ACTIVE MUTUALS!!

[dar1ing-d0ve]

making bracelets instead of eating because why would i fill my body with disgusting stuff when i can just decorate it with pretty beads <3

[dar1ing-d0ve]

I got a concussion last Wednesday so I haven't been restitricting as much to help with my recovery and it's so frustrating watching the weight I lost slowly come back :((( slowly working back down to my 300 cal limit but starting at 850 today.

Also does not help that I can't work out for a while because of my concussion :((( there's only so much I can do when my mom is watching me to make sure I get better

[dar1ing-d0ve]

on a good note tho i got my nails done for prom and they make my hand look so much slimmer. lowkey being my own thinspo rn

[dar1ing-d0ve]

ive been dropping weight daily but i just got my period so food cravings are at an all time high :(( literally left school early cause of bad cramps so i can't go out and skip dinner without my mom being suspicious