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crystieladelasuiza · 1 year ago

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The Bucket List ~ *Manjiro Sano*

Summary: It's another late night without Mikey. It seems this keeps happening. After spending so many nights worrying, you finally decide to take action. All it takes is a notebook and a pen to try and fix your relationship.

Pairing: Manjiro Sano X G/N!Reader

Genre: Fluffyish Oneshot

Word Count: 2063

Warning: Mentions death, hurt to comfort

Masterlist

Taglist: @soulangel

It was another late night and you were sick with worry. Mikey said he would be home at a decent time, but just like the last couple times he made that promise, he lied. So here you are, sitting at the kitchen table, wondering where he was.

While you were panicking on the inside, you knew you needed to do something to take your mind off of things. That’s why you had a notebook and a pen before you. With a sigh, you picked up the pen and began to write. At first, your words were slow and unsure, but eventually you became more confident and sure with what you were writing. It was like the words were flowing out of you and you were determined to capture them all as quickly as they came into your head.

You were so absorbed in your little project that you didn’t hear the front door to your apartment open. You jumped when you felt Mikey gently put his hand on your shoulder. He gave you a small, yet sad smile. You returned the look before returning to your work.

He took the chair in front of you before softly saying, “I’m sorry.” When you didn’t answer, he spoke again. “How long have you been up?”

“I never went to sleep.”

“Oh, I see.” He mumbled, and you could sense him shifting in front of you as you worked. “What are you writing?”

With a sigh, you finally set the pen down, leaned back, and started to massage your hand that was beginning to ache. “I’m making a list, a bucket list to be exact.”

He looked at you suspiciously. “Can I ask why?”

“Well, I started thinking about the fact that you come home later and later each night.” You caught his wince at your words. “And as much as that bothers me, I know it’s who you are and I can’t ask you to give up your gang. So instead, I’m giving you an incentive to be careful and to always come home to me.”

Mikey’s eyebrows furrowed some more. “An incentive? What do you mean?”

You turned the list you were working on towards him. “These are all things I want to do with you before either of us die. I’ve already got a good start on the list, but I would love to hear your input as well.”

He took his time reading each item on the list. Occasionally he would ask clarifying questions, which you would answer, and he would return to reading. When he was done, he set the list down and stared at you for a long time. You weren’t uncomfortable under his gave. Instead of regarding you with contempt or sadness, he merely looked curious, almost as if he was thinking of what he would put on such a list. You gave him all the time he needed to make sure he had all of his thoughts in order.

“May I have the pen, please?” He asked quietly, holding out his hand to you.

You nodded and gave him the writing utensil. He stared at you again for a moment more before he began writing. You watched him write, unable to discern any of the words as he was hunched over the paper and it was upside down. Instead, you let out a slow, long breath from your nose and stood up.

This caught his attention and he gave an adorable, little pout. “Where are you going?”

“I’m going to make us some coffee. Is that alright?”

“Oh.” He gave a sheepish nod before returning to his writing.

A small smile escaped you. Quietly, you slipped into the kitchen and started the coffee pot. As you reached for two mismatched mugs, you sighed. This isn't how you expected this night to go at all. You thought you would be curled up against Mikey as the two of you dreamed the night away in your warm and comfy bed. It made your heart hurt. You thought that you would be able to find a guy who would do normal, domestic things, like sleeping in the same bed or drinking coffee in the morning together. Normal things that normal couples do when they’ve been together for almost three years.

But nothing was ever normal when it came to Mikey. You would never get to do normal, domestic things with him. You would never get to fall asleep together in the same bed. You would never get to enjoy a warm cup of coffee in the morning as you both sat in comfortable silence. He would always be away from home late, and come back with more wounds than you could count. You would always be terrified of whether or not he’d come back home alive, or if the police would finally arrest him.

As much as those thoughts scared you, you weren’t too upset with how tonight was going. Sure you didn’t think you’d be making a bucket list with your lover at the crack of dawn, but you were glad you were. With each item you put on the list, it was another reason for Mikey to come back to you, safe and sound. It was another day the two of you could be together, away from danger. And that made you feel a little better. At least you could try to work through this list together. Perhaps the more you completed, the more he’d want to spend time with you, away from his gang. Perhaps the two of you could be closer to what normal couples did.

Mikey tapped your shoulder again, causing you to jump. “The coffee’s done.”

“Oh, okay.” Carefully, you poured two cups and fixed your coffee to how you liked it, while Mikey drank his black.

“Are you done writing your list?” You asked as you sipped your coffee.

He nodded. “I have one more thing to write and then I’m done.”

“Alright.”

You followed him back into the dining area where you saw a long list of words. You weren’t ready to read what he wrote yet. You watched him write the last thing he wanted on the list before sliding it slowly over to you.

“There.” He mumbled. “It’s up to you what you want to keep or what you want to get rid of. I don’t care. I just kind of let it all out. None of anything I’ve written needs to be set in stone. I don’t mind.”

You nodded and gently picked up the notebook to read what was written. Nothing he asked for was super big and extravagant. If anything, it made you smile. He had simple wishes. Easy requests that you’d be more than happy to grant. It was a shame it took this long to figure that out. If you had known, then maybe you could have gotten to work on this list a lot sooner. Still, you were glad you were learning all of this now.

At the very bottom of the list, the smile you held inside broke to the surface. He had asked for more mornings enjoying coffee together. A normal, domestic couple moment. A moment that you wanted more than anything else in the world. He wanted it too. It made you so happy.

“Is it good?” Though Mikey’s voice was quiet, you could hear the eagerness of a child in it. “Do you like what I wrote?”

Looking up at him, you smiled and nodded. “Yes. I like what you wrote. All of this, we can do. We can work through this list with ease. I’m not worried about missing a single thing.”

“Yeah? That’s good.” He smiled a little and sat back in his seat. He finished his coffee before frowning at you. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t…”

“No, I need to say this.” He sat up again and took one of your hands in his. “I’m sorry for everything I’ve put you through. You don’t deserve any of it. You have always been there for me when I needed you most. But when you needed me, I was nowhere to be found. You didn’t ask for this life. You wanted me to be the perfect boyfriend and I’ve tried. But along the way, I stopped trying because things got too hard. You are worth trying for and I want to try again. That’s why I want to work on this bucket list with you. I want to do everything written here before we die with you. I want to try and be that perfect boyfriend again for you.”

Tears welled in your eyes, but you refused to let them fall. “Mikey, don’t. I knew exactly what I was getting into when I first started dating you, so don’t act like I didn’t know. I knew how much the gang and the boys mean to you. I wasn’t going to get in the way of that. But you are right. One day, I don’t know when, it felt like you didn’t care anymore. But I still cared, I still love you. That’s why I put up with it all this time. I won’t lie and say what you did didn’t hurt. It’s going to take some time to rebuild that trust and get back to where we once were. But if you want to stay and you want to try again, I will be right beside you as we work through this, okay?”

He nodded, eagerness in his actions as he squeezed your hand tightly. “Yes, I want to try! I want to be with you forever. I promise I’ll do everything in my power to be the man you need, no matter what I have to do to achieve it.”

You smiled and rubbed your thumb over his knuckles. “Thank you for the apology, Mikey. I really appreciate it.”

“Are you sure it was enough? I don’t think-”

“It was enough.” You assure him. “It was enough for now. As we progress, your apology can be in the form of you trying, proving that you want to be with me. Then it will all be enough.”

He pressed a kiss to your knuckles. “Thank you. I can’t thank you enough. You’re too good for me. Sometimes I wonder if I’m even worth everything you’ve done for me.”

“Hey…” You whisper, taking his face in your unoccupied hand. “Hey don’t say that! Don’t even think that! You’re more than enough, my love. Yes, you’ve dropped the ball on numerous occasions, but that doesn’t mean I’ve stopped loving you. I will always love you, no matter what you put us through.”

He gave a small chuckle. “You make it sound like I’m a bad boyfriend.”

You smile. “You have your moments. But you’re not the worst boyfriend in the history of boyfriends. You just need a little help from time to time. And I’m more than happy to be of assistance. I do it because I love you.”

“And I love you too.” He kissed the palm of the hand on his cheek.

You sighed before standing up and withdrawing your hands. “It’s late. We should go to bed. I’ll clean the mugs.”

“Just leave them in the sink, I’ll clean them in the morning.” Mikey took your hand gently. “Come to bed with me.”

You nodded and followed him into the bedroom. He changed into comfy clothes and you pulled back the covers for him to slide into bed. As soon as he was in bed, he wrapped his arms around you and cuddled you close. It had been so long since the two of you cuddled like this. Tears again appeared in your eyes and you blinked them away. You wouldn’t cry about how much you missed this. If you did, you would break his heart. Instead, you smiled and melted into his embrace. You wished that you could have more soft nights like this.

“What should we work on tomorrow?” Mikey mumbled, his voice thick with sleepiness.

“What?”

“On the list. What should be the first thing we do tomorrow?”

You couldn’t help but chuckle before shifting so you could kiss his nose. “How about I make coffee in the morning?”

“Sounds perfect to me.”

“Don’t worry, we have the rest of our lives to finish this list together.”

He sighed and pulled you even closer. “That sounds absolutely wonderful.”

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crystieladelasuiza · 2 years ago

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A Stupidly Long Oikawa Analysis

The main issue with Oikawa is that he's not naturally gifted, which is emphasized a lot in the show. For example, the last episode of the season one match of Karasuno vs Seijoh was named "Oikawa Tooru is not a Genius". Despite that, he's still the best player on Seijoh, and is highly respected by his teammates as a setter and their captain. Due to not having any natural skill or technique, Oikawa resorted to compensating with his own tactics. He knew that, no matter how hard he tried, he would never have the same technical skill as a genius like Kageyama. Instead, he used his own skills in analysis and communication to bring out the best in his spikers.

This is why, despite being called Grand King, Oikawa is depicted as a mighty general. He leads his soldiers, and in return, they trust him with their lives and fight with him. The amazing thing about Oikawa's leadership is that his teammates trust him because they know he can lead them. They understand that Oikawa has honed their skills and improved them all as players. He's helped them all, and when a game comes, they understand that all he asks of them is to keep trusting him. Trust that he'll send them a good toss, trust the strategies he'll formulate, trust his leadership.

At the end of the day, Oikawa knows he doesn't have the technical skill of a genius, so he dedicates his focus to improving his whole team. The origin of this focus would probably come from the episode where he almost backhands Kageyama in middle school. Iwaizumi intervenes and literally knocks some sense into him. They fight and yell, but then Iwaizumi tells Oikawa, "There are six people on court! The team with the best six players is the best!" Oikawa seems to have an epiphany then. He seems to realize exactly what his best friend is saying. It seems very straightforward at first, but it clearly not all that simple. Oikawa thought that he had to improve himself as a setter so he could carry his team to victory. He was trying to be a king. Luckily, he had Iwaizumi to cut off that train of thought very early on.

I loved how the show compared what Iwaizumi said to multiplication and addition. Oikawa thought that he had to improve himself because he thought you just mushed together the strengths of each player. That's wrong. He learned that you multiply the strengths of each player instead. It took me a bit to understand that one too. The way I look at that, it means that each player will affect one another when in a team. They can't just play as individuals that happen to be on the same side of the court. By trying to add the powers of your team, you just stack them on top of each other. By multiplying, you take what you already have and make it greater by merging it with something else.

If you like visuals, think of oil and water vs baking soda and vinegar. Adding oil to water increases the overall volume of liquid, but they never combine. If there is a cup of water and a cup of oil, you get two cups of liquid. Baking soda and vinegar doesn't just stack; it explodes. If you have a cup of vinegar and a cup of baking soda, they'll make way more than two cups when they combine. The players get stronger when together.

So, Oikawa stops trying to become a king. He obviously does keep trying to improve as a player, but he starts to focus more on his spikers. He realizes that he can compensate for his lack of natural technical skill by using his own natural skill of reading people and adjusting his responses adequately. Oikawa is a versatile player, and a very flexible setter. He gives his energy to improve his team, and they respond by giving their energy to get better and win. I found it interesting how loyal his teammates were to him. It brings me back to Oikawa being a general and not a king. Kageyama is high, untouchable, and barks out orders as the king, while Oikawa is the brave general who leads the soldiers. Oikawa fights alongside his soldiers. Kageyama stays in his palace, highly revered, but alone. The difference between them is that people are forced to follow Kageyama because of his unparalleled power. People follow Oikawa because they trust him with their life.

It's actually one of my favorite pieces of symbolism in Haikyuu. Kageyama was a genius from the beginning. His skill was something he was born with, and now he's king. When the eldest prince is born they have the birthright to become king. Kageyama got his title simply because he was lucky (

I love Kageyama, and I know he worked very hard, but he was mainly able to get there because he's a natural born genius. Generals have to rise through the ranks and work for their position. Some soldiers in history were actually more loyal to their general than to their king. Generals risk their lives with their soldiers. The king commands from the palace. The analogy doesn't really work for their relationship, but it's great for their individual characters.

As for Oikawa's relationship with Kageyama? It's complicated, as most things with Oikawa are. Oikawa is Kageyama's upperclassman, and It's evident that Kageyama once looked up to him. At first, I never understood why Oikawa hated Kageyama so much. It was fairly obvious that his underclassman basically worshipped him, and I thought it would do wonders for his ego. However, it seems so much more obvious after a bit of rewatching. Middle school Kageyama was a natural from the start, and middle school Oikawa was just a mess of overworking, burning out, and crippling insecurity masked by egoism.

Oikawa hated that he worked himself to death to make the cut, then some random bright eyed prodigy first year just comes in and steals the show. Maybe it wasn't reasonable to hate him so much, but middle schoolers aren't reasonable. Some people say Oikawa was supposed act more mature and responsible, an that he should have had more self control with his feelings. They seem to forget he was a CHILD. He was a literal child; he just entered adolescence, and he was still learning. He shouldn't be expected to handle things like an adult when he isn't one. Oikawa was just SCARED. He loved volleyball and didn't want to be replaced by Kageyama. He overworked himself so he wouldn't be dispensable. I agree that he should not have tried to hit Kageyama. However, you can't say that it makes him a bad person or character.

Oikawa wasn't really in his right mind at the time. It was clear that he was in the middle of an adrenaline rush of sorts from overworking himself. He was visibly agitated and overwhelmed, but, Kageyama approached him. This isn't Kageyama's fault either. While I do think he should have been able to tell it was a bad time to ask, Kageyama was an even younger child. He was never good at reading people either, so Kageyama can't be held accountable. Imagine, though, how Oikawa felt. He was in the middle of training so he wouldn't be replaced, and who decides to interrupt? The person he's trying not to be replaced by. Again, not Kageyama's fault, but you must understand that Oikawa was afraid. He was stuck in this swarm of negative thinking, and the very source of so much of his fear and insecurity was suddenly right in front of him. It wasn't right of him to do that, but you can understand why he did it.

That's another very interesting part of Oikawa. It was his worst fear come to life when he was subbed out for Kageyama in one of their games. It was too much for him, and he just finally snapped. Thankfully, Iwaizumi's lecture struck a chord in him, and he made an apparent effort to remember it. However, I don't think it made his fear go away. In fact, I think his fear of being replaced originated much before middle school. Obviously, I have no idea when exactly, but I would have to guess it started around the middle of elementary school at the latest. This is mainly because I believe Oikawa's obnoxious personality is a sort of defense mechanism used against this fear. Oikawa is objectively very good-looking, flamboyant and charming; he's also very popular among girls.

I found it very interesting that he was portrayed to be a heartthrob by the media, but was seen to be very immature and honestly quite annoying. Around his friends he acts very childish, but switches again to his charming persona when around fans or other classmates. It was fairly clear that something wasn't right. I wanted to believe it was just inconsistent writing, but one of Furudate's greatest strengths is building characters; I also saw no clear consistency problems with other characters. I believe that Oikawa switches personas depending on what reputation he's trying to uphold. We know Oikawa is insecure at heart, and we see him trying to play it off by being prideful.

If we go back to his fear of being replaced, I find reasonable to believe that Oikawa acts the way he does so that people don't get bored of him. He wants a reputation, because that means people will know about him. Something that is consistent about his personas is that he's very sociable in both. He's childish, loud, and constantly wants attention, or he's always laughing, flirting, and joking. It's almost as if he believes that everybody will find someone new if he doesn't remind them he's still there. He thinks people will get bored of him, so he constantly tries to make sure people stay interested. A lot of people say that Oikawa is too annoying and narcissistic, but he does it because he's afraid people will get rid of him if he doesn't keep their attention.

That also leads to another major part of Oikawa's character. I actually believe this may be the biggest part of his overall character. There's something that sets Oikawa apart from every other character. Regardless of if you like him or not, you can't deny that there's an energy about him that's just different. He's the closest you'll get to an antagonist in Haikyuu, but you also get to see his soft sides. We see the love he has for volleyball and for his teammates. It's strange to see so many different sides of a character. It's also interesting how Ushijima wanted Oikawa join Shiratorizawa. It's understandable, considering Kageyama still hadn't developed and Oikawa was the best setter in the prefecture.

So, the question I always wanted to answer: Why didn't Oikawa go to Shiratorizawa? Yes, the fandom exaggerates it and loves to joke about it, but it was a real question for me at first. Oikawa wanted to go to Nationals, and joining Shiratorizawa would have guaranteed it. Best ace and best setter in the entire prefecture on one team? They would blow the competition away. It would have been much easier if Oikawa had indeed swallowed his pride and joined Shiratorizawa. However, it seems that it wasn't necessarily about all about "worthless pride". Of course it was a factor, but Oikawa wouldn't let his pride get in the way of his dreams; he's smarter than that.

It was then that I started to notice a recurring pattern with Oikawa. He's a direct opposition to the main characters. He refused to join a powerhouse team for an easy ticket to Nationals. He uses his personal strengths to improve instead of being upset over what he doesn't have. Oikawa is an incredibly unique character because of his sheer will to do things the way he wants. Oikawa is a setter; he's a control freak, but in a less direct way than Kageyama. He doesn't force everyone to adapt to him, yelling, "You better follow me!" Rather, he goes his own way and says, "Follow me if you dare."

He carves his own path, regardless of what others say. Seijoh was destined to lose from the beginning. Furudate loves symbolism in Haikyuu. Notice how every national level school is represented by an animal? The mighty eagle of Shiratorizawa, the wild crow of Karasuno, the clever cat of Nekoma, the soaring owl of Fukurodani? What does Aoba Johsai have? A castle. Aoba Johsai translates to Blue Castle. While the other teams fight, jump, and soar, Aoba Johsai is beautiful, strong, and reliable, but they will never fly. It was almost as if Oikawa went to Aoba Johsai simply to prove he didn't need Ushijima to go to Nationals. Looking at it like that, it indeed makes it look like Oikawa refuses to go to Shiratorizawa out of pride. However, I like to see it as more than that.

First of all, Oikawa's greatest wish was to defeat Shiratorizawa in order to go to Nationals. OIKAWA DOES NOT SETTLE. He refuses to settle for only half his dream. Maybe it's too prideful, but it would invalidate the years of hell he put himself through trying to accomplish it. It was like Ushijima was telling him, "Hey, you tried your best, didn't you? You can't beat me, and all your years of work are for nothing. Just join us and give it up." It was insulting to him. Oikawa's sheer perseverance was what got him where he was. He took everything the world threw at him and threw it right back. Suddenly, it all stops and he's offered an olive branch of sorts. The world doesn't offer everything he wants, but it's something. Just enough to get him to stop fighting back.

Oikawa wants all or nothing when it comes to his passions. It's risky, maybe not a very smart decision, but that's just who he is.He doesn't want the olive branch; he wants the whole damn tree. Oikawa wants to look at Ushijima, to scream from the top of the world, and tell everybody who didn't think he could make it, "I DON'T NEED YOU." He wants to show people they were wrong. No, he's not a genius, but he doesn't need to be one. He wants to follow his dreams his own way or he doesn't want it at all.

Second of all, Oikawa wanted to go to Nationals with Iwaizumi. Oikawa and Iwaizumi were together their entire lives. They played, they laughed, they cried, they won, they lost, but they were always together. Oikawa needs Iwaizumi specifically because he trusts that he'll never be dispensable to his best friend. Iwaizumi is his support, the way he grounds himself when things are too much. Oikawa and Iwaizumi want to go to Nationals together. It's not some fantasy they conjured up; it's their childhood dream. Oikawa wouldn't be willing to let go of that. Again, Oikawa refuses to settle. He wants to lead a team to Nationals with his partner, or he doesn't want it at all.

Oikawa was willing to risk everything. He wanted to go all in. Maybe it was wrong, and maybe it was just worthless pride. Regardless, it shows us his unparalleled passion for the sport. He deserved so much better than what he got, but life isn't fair. Haikyuu shows us that. It's almost discouraging to see Oikawa lose. If you look at it, between Oikawa and Kageyama, Oikawa is actually the underdog. Kageyama is the genius player and Oikawa just tries his best. Haikyuu is an underdog story, but sometimes the roles are not as we think.

(⚠️!!SPOILERS FOR THE LAST CHAPTER!!⚠️)

When Oikawa is seen as the "final boss" as the official setter of Argentina's Olympic team, it's the cherry on top to confirm what type of character he is. THIS MAN WAS SO DAMN PETTY AND DETERMINED TO FOLLOW HIS DREAMS THAT HE IMMIGRATED TO A DIFFERENT HEMISPHERE. He was so determined to make his own path that he made a name for himself on the other side of the world. He was virtually unknown, and had to start from scratch all again. What happened? He actually did it, and now he's the main focus of his team. I have such a ridiculous amount of respect for Oikawa. The determination that man has is unparalleled.

I believe Furidate also uses Oikawa as a model to teach us that, yes, it's discouraging to be surrounded by people better than you, and failure is inevitable. However, it you can use those failures as a lesson to improve yourself, and if you stick to your goals until the very end, the world will get tired and it'll work out in the end. Oikawa tells us that it's okay to be bold; he tells us to understand that it takes time to succeed, and you will succeed. He tells us to treasure those who support us, because the trust they have in you is more than you could ever know. In the end, Oikawa really accomplishes his dreams. Maybe Iwaizumi isn't with him, but Oikawa has learned by then how to live without him and vice versa. Instead, he gets to fulfill his promise of defeating him when they face each other.

Oikawa never got to go Nationals, but now he's at Internationals. Now he finally gets to beat Ushijima, Kageyama, and Iwaizumi all in one spot. We don't even get to see the result of the match, which is actually something I love. Oikawa is the only one we know in Argentina; it would be unrealistic to try to decide a winner between the two teams if we don't know the strengths and weaknesses of each player. Regardless, we finally get to see Oikawa get what he deserves. Maybe it will work out for him, and maybe it won't. Something amazing about leaving an open ending is that we get to analyze the characters as we please, and we get to imagine what happens ourselves. It's actually one of Furudate's best pieces of symbolism in the whole series.

Their stories are not over yet. Maybe Oikawa loses again, but he keeps going. Maybe he finally throws the towel. Who knows? Characters are ever changing, but I believe Oikawa will stick to it. Then again, maybe his knee injury will force him to quit. Life is unpredictable, but Oikawa's determination has been constant throughout the whole show. The way he grew as a person, a player, and leader, just enraptured me to no end. Oikawa is one of the most fascinating characters I've ever come across. I don't like picking favorite characters, but I genuinely believe Oikawa is the most well written and complex.

That concludes my 3,000+ word rant/essay about the wonderful anomaly that is Tooru Oikawa. Honestly, there's definitely more that I forgot to incorporate or have not thought of, but this is what I have!! Thank you for reading through all that?? Also, I'm not going to go through that and edit it, so feel free to comment if anything makes no sense :)

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