chaosvanquished

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asexual galahad not understanding what's so hard about keeping a vow of chastity

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This is the first time I really need a reality check for how I feel and what I should do. I'm autistic and really overwhelmed by this.

My best friend of 18 years has finally found a girl that is into him. Afaik they're not in a relationship yet but she expressed interest (I think ?) and visited him at home (which is remarkable). On one hand I'm very happy for him because I know that he suffers from lack of physical and emotional contact and want to know everything about her but on the other hand I'm a bit upset that I will most likely be replaced as the person he spends his time with.

This in itself is not a problem I guess but I feel awful because I haven't met him all that often in person or answered texts quickly when my mental health took a nosedive late last summer and I couldn't even leave the house. So I feel like I really really have no reason to complain that he'll have less time for me. He's the only irl friend I have left but that's truly not his problem or responsibility. I always had very few friends and I lost them all after they got a partner. I went from seeing my then best friend every week for movie night to seeing her once per year if I'm lucky. That's my backstory and it's really unfair to put this on him, I'm just so afraid of never having a friendship again, especially not one that trusting.

Additionally I don't know how to act from now on ? I actually wanted to tell im that I missed him and was hoping to see him more often and get closer again when he told me he met someone. Now I can't tell him that anymore or that I want to meet up despite the gf because it feels manipulative and as if I'm trying to break up his budding relationship. Worst thing: I was looking forward to spending Valentine's Day with him because we have a history of going on little "dates".

Before anyone says: "why didn't you date him then ?" - I'm aroace and he knows.

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the fact that torchwood even worked is kind of fascinating. like. it’s a gory sexy r rated spinoff of a kids show with one character in common. it barely even ties into the show it’s based on. and everyone is gay. and people were like yeah. let’s do it. in 2006

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Duality of the man

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I know it's useless to ruminate, but I've been thinking about the way I was raised, and the indirect ways I was taught that the rules and standards are different for me and for other people.

I was taught to never judge anyone, but also that I should not embarrass my family by acting or appearing any way that people would judge. I was taught that it was rude of me to talk on and on about things that are boring, but also that it was rude of me to not listen attentively when someone else was talking on and on about things that bore me. That people were allowed to take their anger out on me, but that I was not allowed to be angry at anyone or anything. That everyone's feelings are vaild and their actions are understandable, except for mine of course.

If they ever heard me say this, my family would argue "nobody ever explicitly said that to you, word-for-word, at your face, so therefore none of this is true", but they did, indirectly and inadvertently, teach me that I must always be nice, patient, polite, understanding, and good to people, but that it's preposterous of me to expect anyone else to treat me as nicely as I'm expected to treat them.

I was taught what is, and what is not, the appropriate way to treat other people, and to unconsciously understand that I don't really count as "people".

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big day today

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being a robotfucker and working with robots is an absolute power move

yeah. that one is erotic. unambiguously.

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well well well, if it isn't the sequences of my conc

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"youd do numbers on tumblr" girl i am on tumblr and the numbers? 4

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Sherilyn Fenn, David Duchovny & Kyle MacLachlan | Twin Peaks

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going to work, choosing my corpcore outfit for today. coming back home, change into my lazycore wear. it's time for bed, gotta get into my tiredcore pajamas.

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What are you always on about, I went to school in Europe and the US, I took the normal classes everyone else took in one of the "better" public schools, and I never had so much free time as when I did junior/senior courses. I had considerably less subjects in the US (at home I had 16 subjects per year) and was usually home by 4. Not to mention that I finished homework in less time than I needed back home 😭

why r some american tumblr users like the us education system didnt teach me that i have five toes on each foot so i didn’t learn it until my twenties 😞

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Merlin fandom, are we all doing okay?? Because this is the third time THIS WEEK that THIS has happened:

I feel like I've missed something here. What the hell is happening?! Or have we all just collectively awakened and decided like the hive mind that we are to take over tumblr again?

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my phone isn’t charging even though i plugged her innnnn dramatic ass bitch. YOUR PUSSY IS FILLED! WHAT MORE COULD YOU WANT

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Sometimes when I take off my makeup I remember how, back when I lived in a shared house with several people, one of the guys saw me applying lipstick.

There I was, in the entrance hall, about to leave, putting on lipstick in the mirror.

He yelled: "Aha, I caught you !"

I think you can imagine my confusion. Caught me doing what ? So I HAD to ask. "Caught me doing what ?"

"You use lipstick. That's not your natural color !"

He was so proud to have finally gotten evidence for that, too. I was baffled - I had never claimed not to wear makeup. Actually, I'm pretty sure that I had several chats with the girls in the common room to give them tips on how to wear bold lip color. Now everyone, this man had also seen me for weeks, even months, get up in the morning, go to bed in the evening, trudge to and from the bathroom, without a dab of any makeup. Ok, maybe he hadn't paid attention.

But, ladies, theydies, and gentlies, now imagine furthermore that my look at the time was the most quintessential western vintage. My daily makeup was a classic eyeliner flick with pinup or victory red lipstick. This man, after months of living with me, had finally gotten evidence that my lips were not naturally a bright matte hooker red. Congratulations 🎉