badoccultadvice
Bad Occult Advice
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Occult "knowledge," brought to you by @felixdawriter and @mysterious-dark-shadow. 🧙 Patreon * YouTube * Ko-fi 🦄
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badoccultadvice · 4 hours ago
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badoccultadvice · 13 hours ago
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Time Loop Help This Title Is Stuck In A | Bad Occult Podcast Ep 14
What happens when you leave your time travel job? How long does the NDA last? What do you mean the NDA is enforced by hypnosis? Join Shadow and Felix as Venom explains the in, outs, ends, beginnings, and paradoxes of employment in time travel.
twitch
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badoccultadvice · 24 hours ago
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i hate how quickly veggies go bad like not even just lettuce its like they love dying
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badoccultadvice · 1 day ago
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Worksheet for Time & Dimension Travelers Experiencing Disorientation After Landing In A New Reality
REMINDER: BREATHE. EAT. DRINK. REST. Time travel means no need to rush! Take care of your body!
Reality warps can be disorienting but are often easily adjusted to using this simple mental exercise to focus on your own identity amongst your many alternates. This short list of questions is to be answered in your own head. Do not leave written evidence of your answers where others, including your alternates, can find them.
Basic Orientation Info
Date & Time:
Address / Location:
Planet / Station:
Reality / Timeline:
REMINDER: Before ⇨ After. Cause ⇨ Effect. Past ⇨ Present ⇨ Future.
Identity Confirmation & Affirmation
I like [favorite food or other consumable].
I do not like [least favorite consumable].
My favorite [color or other preference] is:
What relationships am I in? With which people? In which timeline?
Something that's always the same about me no matter where I go:
Something that's always the same about me no matter who I am:
Something I've experienced before often:
Something I've never done:
When this is all over and I'm back where I'm from, I am looking forward to:
What am I expecting next?
REMINDER: I can always look back at the past. I can always face the present. I can always look forward to the future.
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badoccultadvice · 1 day ago
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Tarot Suit Meanings: Cups
Ace of Cups: This suit’s bartender is The Invisible Hand.
Two of Cups: Look forward to your FIRST or BEST gay date.
Three of Cups: Dance party with the Wine Moms.
Four of Cups: When you’re three drinks in and the bartender cuts you off on your fourth.
Five of Cups: It’s not time to move on yet. It’s time to go outside and yell at crockery.
Six of Cups: SHOTS!!! SHOTS!!! SHOTS!!!
Seven of Cups: The number of your options is directly proportional to the weight of your decision anxiety.
Eight of Cups: Time to pack your bags and move away.
Nine of Cups: You just got your wish, assuming your wish was a shopping spree at Pottery Barn.
Ten of Cups: When the Rapture comes, will the contents of YOUR china cabinet be Saved?
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badoccultadvice · 2 days ago
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Peacock Planet Chapter 2 Page 19
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"This is Zeta."
The payphone burrs in my ear, information shot through with static and sparse noise. Info lines don't repeat what they say, it's all an automated recording. I commit the addresses to memory as the tape plays and hope the static doesn't take out any vital parts of the message.
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badoccultadvice · 2 days ago
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Peacock Planet Chapter 2 Page 17
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// You know why you and I took the name, Zeta. //
Takes off his hat. Takes off his glasses. It's always so weird to look me in the face and see the guy that stares back at me. There's always that moment of terror when I realize that's him, he's me, I'm him. Sometimes in those moments I lose track of which of us I am.
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badoccultadvice · 2 days ago
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badoccultadvice · 2 days ago
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"Good night, son.
Good night, changeling who tried to kill and take my son's place before I stopped you and adopted you.
Good night, time-traveling assassin from the future who tried to stop my son fulfilling his destiny before I adopted you, too.
Good night, dark dimension counterpart of my son who comes out at night.
Good night, daughter."
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badoccultadvice · 2 days ago
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badoccultadvice · 3 days ago
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The most recent character to enter Felix's webcomic is a suitcase full of cocaine named Dusty Pearlman.
Peacock Planet Chapter 2 Page 15
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INCIDENT REPORT FORM
Telepath this form to: Cindy Shell 38 Almaaz ε Aurigae
Are there pre-existing conditions that may affect your injury?
I still have yet to receive a full unredacted memory download from my previous mission, which had temporary amnesia requirements. Amnesia is not a usual pre-existing condition but it is affecting my ability to access basic TIME CORPS employment resources. Isn't there an emergency line? There's got to be an emergency line. This can't be all you've got. look, i know the Organizational Consolidation Act axed a few budgets but the point of privatizing time travel was to make it more efficient, right?
Well, how is this psychic hypno-form more efficient than a living, breathing telepath who tells me how to defend myself from future jumper cable attacks?
Hey, the memory stuff. I'm getting old final protocols from previous jobs. Is this a buggy install? Can I get the old ones taken out? The manual is a little ambiguous and tried to outright hypnotize me when I looked it up.
In the future, are there ways that a similar injury can be prevented?
Hey so, I know this is crazy but in the future, don't send me in to sell cocaine to the CIA if they intend to kidnap me instead of make a purchase. Is there even a clear reason to be selling cocaine to the CIA? Aren't we funded by the government? Do they even need more cocaine at this point? It just seems like "hooked up to a car battery" is a pretty easily preventable condition. I don't want any more CIA jobs.
What resources are you looking for to aid in your recovery?
I was thinking a gun would be nice. A new gun. A nice gun.
Are you in need of grief counseling or psychological care?
Can someone explain to me what you do what a telekinetic focuses the full force of their abilities on your whole body at once? I keep dropping into torpor. I wasn't told there would be brute-force-cabale psychics in the field for this mission. I would have brought completely different gear instead of just a suitcase full of cocaine. Which, by the way, they didn't pay for. It's not coming out of my check!
ZETA Employee Name (print)
Z Employee Signature
-- PAGE 02 --
Photo: Cassiopeia, credit NASA/JPL
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badoccultadvice · 3 days ago
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captain afab is honestly a very relatable character because whomst among us does not have some great beast that has eluded us all our lives. mine, for instance, is a decent night's sleep.
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badoccultadvice · 3 days ago
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"The Final Stroke"
Art for The Elder Scrolls: Online
Art by Lucas Slominski
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badoccultadvice · 4 days ago
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In space, no one can hear you drown in paperwork.
Peacock Planet Chapter 2 Page 14
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November 18 1987 C.E. (West) 10:09 A.M. G.M.T. Guantanamo, Cuba Earth, Helios System Milky Way
TIME CORPS Central Branch Office Fort Arc Echo East 7447201TR
Telepath this form to: Cindy Shell 38 Chronopostal Code: Almaaz ε Aurigae
INCIDENT REPORT FORM
☑ On the job ☐ In transit ☐ On premises ☐ Remote
Describe what you were doing at the time of the incident. Include any job duties done immediately before or during the incident or interrupted by it.
Hello, is anyone monitoring this form real-time? Please? Even an A.I. I would love to talk to an A.I. right now. I would love to talk to anyone right now. No one live? Okay. As soon as you read this, send help to my coordinates, okay? Just send help. Okay, Zeta, you are walking down a tunnel. You're down at the middle. You're close to the end. Okay, Zeta, at the end of the tunnel you're going to stop feeling panic, and not feel so much pain it distracts you. You're going to file the report. You're doing a really good job, Zeta. You're at the end of the tunnel now.
Zeta reporting in-field injury gained during interrogation. Would usually file at end of mission but factors are adverse for mission success. Have been hooked up to car battery cables, to jumper cables, to a car battery, there's jumper cables there's a car battery there's trouble with memory of the exact event but if you check my vitals in the previous hour or two there should be an idea of the voltage I've received. My chest is experiencing pain, not cardiac arrest, dull muscle ache, pulled muscle. Can't move. Can't convince body to move. Can't finish mission.
Earlier injury acquired before capture is preventing escape. Rubber bullet impact wound to small of back, on spine. Difficulty moving. Possible blunt force head injury. Memory loss. Retrieval request. Retrieval request. Retrieval request. Retrieval request. I have no working equipment and have been electrocuted through the spine by a car battery the CIA owns.
Describe the accommodations you are seeking as a result of this incident.
I'm a little concerned with how nothing seems real, and heat keeps coming in waves up my back. If I close my eyes, I feel the universe moving, and it makes me nauseous. Before the battery, they had a telekinetic come in and hit me with stuff I couldn't even see. He was way over my level. I don't know who they think I am but they hit me with everything. Have we been compromised?
White you are recovering from your injury, what work duties can you perform?
While I am unconscious in a cell at a CIA black site I am fully capable of sending telepathic reports and checking my field inbox. I am not in a condition that allows access to radio signals or coding equipment. I am opting out of this week's office pot luck.
-- PAGE 01 --
Photo: Cassiopeia, credit NASA/JPL
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badoccultadvice · 4 days ago
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badoccultadvice · 4 days ago
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badoccultadvice · 5 days ago
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Comics by Rose Anne Prevec.
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