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[casualvconstellation-blog]

PUPPY LOVE

Perspective Imagination

Like two sides to every story

Born of the same blood or innocent affection

Competition

Compassion

Watching raindrops race across window panes

and cause rippled waves on ponds

Careful tip-toeing around nightcrawlers

and woodland fairy homes made of moss and overgrown roots

Skipping stones

Climbing to the tops of the trees regardless of fear about heights

Howling at the moon

Leaving muddy tracks on flatbed rocks

Wading in water to swim with the frogs

Campfire owls fly from the flame and illuminated eagles peak into starlight

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Biology

Contemplating shapes and sizes

A geometric game

Playing with puzzles

Shape-shifting through lifetimes

Attached to strings

Like marionettes

Overlapping circles

These cellular masses

Called human beings

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Tug of War

Second hand soldier

Who wipes the blood from your scraped elbows?

You can keep telling me, no

The timing, oh the timing’s to blame, but it’ll go around and around like you’ve got something to hide or feel shameful about the title you were so eager to place

On behalf of mild insecurities and the comfort of keeping your enemies closer

It’s not the worst, it could be worse

Reiterating a misguided mantra

A backwards message

An upside down map

I’m starting to suspect you intend to self sabotage as an easy escape

Simple game when there’s no fault

Points for participation

[casualvconstellation-blog]

F50

Starvation settles in the shallow depths of acid and bile

Straining muscles weakly contract

Forcing motions of hollow digest

Tension grasps its way around my neck

Signaling down my shoulders

Down my spine

Until I’m paralyzed

Shock sets in and I hold my breath

I am fearful as I stand silent

Clasping at what’s left

[casualvconstellation-blog]

Prompt: I am...

Vile

Another cluster of cancerous cells

Another tumor on the tree of life

An innate desire for fight or flight

Another collection of sensory endings

Another bushel of self-pitying brains

A forceful smile like a masquerade

A work of art on a tattered canvas

Spiraling down another vicious cycle

A rabbit hole with a new name

Looking for a new direction

A selfish coward chasing material gain

Tangible objects form a ring of protection

Woven by lies of false determination

Trying to find a perfect ending

[casualvconstellation-blog]

rEVOLution

We live in these fantasy worlds full of pretend and make-believe.

Can you make-believe this isn't happening?

We lie to ourselves and everyone else,

because our souls alone don't make us whole enough.

So we go about this world in a million and one wrong ways.

Pretending this suffering is justified by a means to an end.

But it doesn't stop there.

It couldn't stop if it wanted to stop.

There are consequences for everything.

We all lose when we take sides.

So why are we taking sides?

We're spreading misery and documenting the outcome like it’s been a science experiment the whole time.

And our lives are just part of the trials and tribulations.

Were we any good?

[casualvconstellation-blog]

White Noise

If you listen to the silence long enough,

you can hear the static humming of the sounds we thought we lost.

The gentle vibrations of energy,

resonating from the world,

up to my room,

to fill me with all the possibilities of the sound of mystery.

Crickets sing in sync,

their melodic unison a gentle lullaby.

It puts the rest to sleep while I write.

They are the background of creation and production.

They fill the missing phrases and blank spaces.

Everything is a little more difficult to understand without the white noise.

The world wakes to the invisible silence of crickets.

They are distracted by fast moving objects,

vibrant colors allowing the city's song to play on repeat.

But the crickets haven't gone to bed.

They stay up to write their songs,

sweet poems of life and observation.

But still, you can't hear the song you long for in the morning.

[casualvconstellation-blog]

Lunar Lunacy

Foolish self-fulfillment,

finding comfort in gentle fingertips against fine follicles.

Like the way we wrapped limbs was some lock and key combination.

We laid side by side as if fate determined our coordinates.

Docile dispositions left for sentimental contact,

because smiles disguise the utmost malicious intent.

But I won't be fooled this time.

That airy aura of certainty lured me in whimsically.

I'm left longing for eternal embraces,

and when I lick my lips I can still taste you.

But I get the feeling you never sleep alone.

[casualvconstellation-blog]

Proposed Confession

Ever since I met you I’ve been constantly contradicting myself.

You’re starting to pick up on it too,

And point your finger like I’m not your preferred nomenclature;

But it’s you who’s making me this way,

And I can’t argue I don’t enjoy it.

I’m experiencing sensations that were unimaginable until now,

But that brings out uncomfortable queues

That may not necessarily be congruent to you.

Because someday I’ll make up my mind.

Put the pieces together like lock and key.

I’m floating free through this empty space,

Shape-shifting through days,

And it would be enjoyable if you accompanied me.

It’s not the most appealing,

I’ll be the first to admit.

I’m trying and abrasive at best.

I can’t acquit this will work to any advantage,

But I’m loving the way solidarity tastes.

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Night Walk Chronicles

Another year of anxiety.

You could have told me you love me.

Spoiled again,

like an upper class brat.

I rather curdle like milk;

decay and rot than deal with that situation.

Finding myself at the bottom of a hole,

hiding from your pressure.

You're just another one of them,

trying to convert my thoughts for your own pleasure.

Just leave me be,

because you'll never see how difficult they are to corrupt.

These thoughts of mine have been etched in my mind.

There's no forgetting.

They are permanent.

So you've given into frustration.

I forgive you of your pretenses and manipulation.

But this has got to be over now.

[casualvconstellation-blog]

Too Soon For Nostalgia

Ready to run.

My roots are extending themselves at an alarming pace.

Timing movements for permanent grounding.

Growth spurts have my knees throbbing and trembling toes seeking soil under nails pining for a stable foundation.

I’m not dissatisfied.

I’m not completely content.

I am a small child.

Rubbing my soiled hands on luxurious fabrics.

Leaving fingerprints on fine china and Corning glass.

I am not avoiding eye contact.

I am protecting the windows to my soul.

Fearful yearning flutters in my chest.

Stomach aches were my childhood weakness.

The pressure in my rib cage induced anxious laughter.

Along with biting my tongue.

The taste of blood making me sick.

Dehydrated hands

Must have aged me a decade.

Flesh smoothly folded into wrinkles.

As my cells flake away from the shallowest depths of the soul.

Windy days almost blew me over.

The saddest laugh of defeat overcame my being.

Skin that used to smell sweet,

Like fallen leaves.

Overindulgence serenely disguised decay.

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Countdown to D-Day

A long list of reasons.

A checklist for completion.

Appeasing directions for the sake of simplicity and solemnly peace of quiet mind,

Like stacking boxes up to the ceiling;

Side by side like a game of Tetris in real life.

Compacted accumulation.

Preserved moments of space and timelessness,

Like frames in a museum.

Canceling checking accounts,

And signatures that change every time.

No invested stock or accredited assets worth taxing.

Mostly just a multitude of debt contrary to paying it forward.

Staying up under the same moonlight.

My mania seems to occupy my time.

Sleep in last past the sound of my alarm clock.

I wake with jaundice and lock jaw.

Beliefs becoming infinity.

Believing lies as naturally automatic as breathing.

[casualvconstellation-blog]

Lessons for a Lifetime

For the first time I’ve been scolded for my affection.

My wrists are aching and there’s a laundry list of actions to take to make it right,

Except this time I’m not getting paid for chores;

Yet here I am, dressed to do the custodial work.

Genuine fortitude,

Disguised ever so clever.

Sheepskin for a fox.

Covering tracks like you’ve been trapped before.

Unwarranted admiration.

If I had any wits I’d take my bag and leave,

But I’ve perfected digging holes and choking bottles by their necks.

I was too distracted by red lipsticks and leather jackets;

Too oblivious for your tactics.

Blinders tied too tight.

Nostalgic for haze and bones,

Over-sized dresses, and shirt sizes too big for being full-grown.

Preparing for the worst was my best look.

Worn romanticized demise.

Does my body offend you?

Bone bruised skin,

And splitting flesh between blades.

Timeline consisting of drunken ramblings,

And angst filled rants.

Silently scribbling anger.

Tell me how does that make you feel?

I’ve dreamt of the devil.

He told me his name.

A fear overcame me.

In his face I could tell we were the same.

How long can we keep guzzling the same sin expecting a different outcome?

Frustration fueled intent turned to motivation,

Because I’m the only one I can justify any actions to.

[casualvconstellation-blog]

138

It was the start of a new year

Opposing all directions

Monkey minds

Trying to find satisfaction

Careless intent

Passionless crimes

Restoring faith in frustration

Time flies by

Faster than you leave

Now syncing up with the seasons

Drop off the key

You tell me to go and give a million reasons

Flashbacks to nights spent in disbelief

Heartbreaking, certainly

But my other half felt relief

Never loved me?

Possibly

The way you tell it makes it seem

As if I’m throwing it all away for a life unknown

Suiting for my stone cold heart

And I hate to see you like this

[casualvconstellation-blog]

Fake Smiles

We’ve joked of days long passed and adventurous plans

To see the dates have faded and you haven’t accomplished shit.

We laugh now because we were naive and had impulsive tendencies.

We wanted to rule the world and galaxies,

But the truth was we burnt bridges we knew we could never rebuild

For temporary satisfaction;

To prove a point;

For a thrill.

Fuck it all!

You’ll stand your ground-

For now...

As days progress to years you remember

It’s still not clear

Why you torched the entire structure,

Warmed yourself with the kinetic heat,

And blazed yourself right after.

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Dreamscapes

Late night dreams of you.

How’d you creep into my room?

Softly slipping your name in my ear.

Impossible realms creep in at the peak of the hour,

Displaying minuscule images representing a significant amount of meaning.

Pulsations running back and forth along neural pathways not built to completion.

A back and forth battle of a different kind,

With two sets of eyes.

Surreptitiously skulking,

Like I’m some sort of pheasant to prey on,

But this time in my tempestuous night’s sleep there was a waking suspicion proposed to me.

Questions out of character for knowledge ancillary.

Months moved around the sun,

Since you managed to manipulate your way back into my mind.

Sporadic slumber of morbid dreams taking scalpels to my knuckles to profusely bleed.

An elated sense of relief as your face came across the screen of my nightly-mare movie reel.

Acting as a precursor to events unknowingly unfolding so another opportunity to see a performance by yours truly:

A chance to sing.

Heavy breathing wakes me.

Eyes open to a racing heart and a wet face.

[casualvconstellation-blog]

Drives

I was driving when I started to swerve off the road.

Today has been too much emotion

Days like this make me question so many things

Like why did I wake up this morning?

And why am I still breathing?

Did my voice indicate enough inflection to have any meaning?

I wish you’d just fucking kill me

And why are you leaving early?

Did I say something offensive that makes you void of feeling?

I’m kneeling

And I’m pleading

I’m showing parts of me I thought you’d never see

I’m real and I bleed

Like a spark caught wild fires on trees

Miserable morning drives,

crossing highway lines.

Slight jerks to calm my nerves.

I could have made a scene the color of the leaves.