cyberhai

[cyberhai]

"Chat is there a label for someone who's still attracted to women, however despite the sheer volume of transphobia, chaserdom, invalidation, infantilization, sexual harassment/assault, and general psychic damage he's encountered at their hands since coming out, he could never date one unless they underwent a series of rigorous CIA level tests to prove their safety?" yeah it's called you are traumatized and it's exhibiting itself as misogyny. that's not a sexuality you are literally just passing judgements on women as a class and demonizing them due to the harm you've experienced. i don't mean this as hatemail i'm being very genuine when i say this is not a thing to microlabel this is something to tell a psychological expert

You're so right anon, it seems I was an incel all along. Thank you for helping me find my path. I'll be investing in crypto now.

[cyberhai]

Chat is there a label for someone who's still attracted to women, however despite the sheer volume of transphobia, chaserdom, invalidation, infantilization, sexual harassment/assault, and general psychic damage he's encountered at their hands since coming out, he could never date one unless they underwent a series of rigorous CIA level tests to prove their safety? Or should I start white-lying and telling people I'm gay?

[cyberhai]

MEDIC'S NAME IS FUCKING HERBERT?!?!

[cyberhai]

The final TF2 issue really got to me. Spoilers, but it’s the reveal that all of this suffering and murder and war over gravel and shitty land was for nothing but senseless, bottomless hatred. That the administrator can’t even remember where this revenge plot started as she flashes through different false memories of her parents’ deaths. There was never a tragic backstory or justification, only terrible people doing despicable things. And despite how crass and stupid and unserious TF2 is, the story subverts every expectation by showing the survivors and inheritors willingly breaking the cycle. Ms. Pauling lies to the administrator and chooses not to save her, and finally lets her die. (Hurts even more if you read into the subtext that Ms. Pauling is in love with the administrator.) She lets the final cache of Australium go and walks away from the burden and legacy of a century-old bloodfeud. Hale lets Gray’s daughter go and live her life freely. Spy is the first to arrive at Scout’s house and meet his big family, finally takes off his mask, and helps with the kids. Even Merasmus exhaustedly makes peace with himself and Soldier and chooses not to curse him or something. There’s nothing to finish, no promises to keep, and no one to avenge. The only thing to do is break the cycle and walk away.

It feels odd how happy and warm everything is, but it feels so right and earned. These bloodthirsty, awful, violent men were expendable cogs in a machine of endless violence, and they found a way out. It’s a genuinely great message about letting go the past that burdens you and finding the will and a way to hit the bricks, change, and be happy. Maybe they don’t technically deserve happiness, but they’ve got it nonetheless, and they’re not gonna let it go to waste. They’re still all crazy and violent, but on their own terms now and with people who love them! Smiles.

[cyberhai]

everyone say thank you hideo kojima

[cyberhai]

Edited myself into the TF2 Family Christmas just to feel something

[cyberhai]

VALVE THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU

IM GONNA RIP MY HAIR OUT WE FINALLY GOT CHAPTER 7

[cyberhai]

Wait am I about to cry over a silly shooter game waiitiauayhaueuhuuuuueheehghhh

[cyberhai]

TEARS IN MY CAUCASIAN EYES BRO

[cyberhai]

WAKE THE FUCK UP TF2

MERRY SMISSMAS FROM TF COMICS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[cyberhai]

[cyberhai]

Adding on to the first point of the bullet list - YALL GOTTA PLAY SOME PORTAL.

I was camping out in the campus library for most of October and November because Helene had knocked out my rental place's wifi so I would rent a computer mouse, get all cosy in my little study nook, and promptly get distracted playing video games.

HOWEVER!!! The video game I was getting distracted with was the beloved Portal. But it's slow paced and makes you stretch your memory and strategy muscles and not incredibly overstimulating.

I would play Portal for about thirty minutes or so and then find myself cranking out my discussion posts and Japanese worksheets in record time.

Thank you, GLaDOS, for helping me do my homework.

By the way, you can improve your executive function. You can literally build it like a muscle.

Yes, even if you're neurodivergent. I don't have ADHD, but it is allegedly a thing with ADHD as well. And I am autistic, and after a bunch of nerve damage (severe enough that I was basically housebound for 6 months), I had to completely rebuild my ability to get my brain to Do Things from what felt like nearly scratch.

This is specifically from ADDitude magazine, so written specifically for ADHD (and while focused in large part on kids, also definitely includes adults and adult activities):

Here's a link on this for autism (though as an editor wow did that title need an editor lol):

Resources on this aren't great because they're mainly aimed at neurotypical therapists or parents of neurdivergent children. There's worksheets you can do that help a lot too or thought work you can do to sort of build the neuro-infrastructure for tasks.

But a lot of the stuff is just like. fun. Pulling from both the first article and my own experience:

Play games or video games where you have to make a lot of decisions. Literally go make a ton of picrews or do online dress-up dolls if you like. It helped me.

Art, especially forms of art that require patience, planning ahead, or in contrast improvisation

Listening to longform storytelling without visuals, e.g. just listening regularly to audiobooks or narrative podcasts, etc.

Meditation

Martial arts

Sports in general

Board games like chess or Catan (I actually found a big list of what board games are good for building what executive functioning skills here)

Woodworking

Cooking

If you're bad at time management play games or video games with a bunch of timers

Things can be easier. You might always have a disability around this (I certainly always will), but it can be easier. You do not have to be this stuck forever.

[cyberhai]

I spent last night looking at Neocities sites and here are my takeaways:

There's a real push to keeping the internet weird, open and less corporate-driven -- info on bypassing paywalls, protecting your data, archiving web media and basic coding/tech literacy.

(I found one tutorial on how to make a pop up that detects whether someone has an ad blocker and suggests they install one if they don't! Love that.)

There's also resources on finding the kind of internet that isn't the default experience anymore - alternate search engines I hadn't even heard of, human-made link lists and webrings. (Webrings! Turns out they never went away!)

If any of that sounds interesting to you, by the way - sadgrl.online has a lot of it and is possibly the best thing on the internet????

The "90's web" aesthetic is really fun and nostalgic, but I particularly loved seeing some people bring the better parts of the "modern internet" into it. What if we had weird, eye-searing personal sites BUT with plaintext alternatives for accessibility purposes? CW for flashing lights and unreality triggers?

(Again sadgrl comes in with a lot of resources for making your website accessible.)

Most of all, I'm honestly emotional about all the sites I found that were like, "hi! I'm 14 and this is my website where I talk about stuff I like haha."

It's so good that so many kids and teens who never experienced the "old internet" are still finding stuff like this and making their own weird stuff! Not just because weird websites are more fun, but because these skills are being passed down.

Anyway it's great and who knows maybe I'll make my own site sometime to keep horror media recommendations or something.

[cyberhai]

Every now and then I start getting reccomended radfem shit and have to reblog several transandrophobia related posts as rent lowering gunshots. Which one of yall is putting this on my dash

[cyberhai]

Personally, we're really not bothered by the occasional quip of "men are trash" or "I hate men" or whatever. We recognize that they come from a place of trauma and genuine expression of frustration. We fully believe people are allowed to express their pain in imperfect ways.

What we take issue with is repeated patterns of behavior in which men are treated as inherently more dangerous or untrustworthy than any other gender. Keep in mind, that this is different than pointing out common behaviors of misogyny from men, that stems from being raised in a patriarchal society.

I'm talking specifically about the rhetoric that posits that men are innately and irrevocably more violent or bigoted. This is gender esssntialism. This is what we are talking about when we bring up people who treat men badly on the basis of their gender. Treating real human beings as if their gender is just some curse that poisons their entire being.

This phenomenon overlaps very strongly with other forms of bigotry. Black men being treated as dangerous thugs - yes, because they're Black, but also specifically because they're Black men. Their masculinity is seen as violent and unsafe, and gender essentialism is weaponized against them more violently because of how it overlaps with racism.

When trans men come out, and are told that taking testosterone will make us angry, aggressive, and most importantly - ugly and infertile. When we experience corrective rape, have our life saving medications taken away from us. This is gender essentialism, overlapping with transphobia and misogyny. It's not just that we're transitioning, it's specifically that our masculinity is treated as more unsafe, more untrustworthy, more vile, because we're trans men.

And this does absolutely start with the way we treat cis men. Dehumanizing cis men on the basis of their gender, will inevitably lead to you dehumanizing marginalized men. You will contribute to the marginalization of men of color and trans men. You will actively contribute to racism and transphobia, because the oppression that we experience is intertwined with that same gender essentialism.

This is what intersectionality is. You cannot perpetuate gender essentialism and expect it not to have broader impacts on other marginalized groups. Because these forms of oppression intersect! They can't be separated from each other. You can't seperate the harm that Black men experience from the idea that men are inherently dangerous. You can't seperate the harm that trans men experience from the idea that testosterone makes you violent. Your ideas about men do not exist in a vacuum.

[cyberhai]

OK, but will you love the insane woman who stabs people in the back and does toxic yuri to cope, when he transitions to a man? Hmm? Will you?

[cyberhai]

I never experienced what yall would call "female socialization" as I was generally isolated from other kids growing up in general - but what I DID notice was a distinct shift in how I was treated by feminists the more masculine and comfortable in my masculinity I became.

It's maddening being unable to talk about it. If people think I'm cis then I'm a whiny MRA who should stop trying to take attention away from women's issues because I created all my problems myself.

If people figure out I'm trans then I'm a cis bootlicker with internalized transphobia who will never be a real-I MEAN CIS!!!! man and should be glad I'm not a realIMEANCIS man because they're evil and biologically programmed to be violent sex offenders.

I wish I could beam this into the head of over half the women I've interacted with since coming out.

the transandrophobia discourse is poisoned by separatist feminist theory that terfs and radfems have been maliciously injecting into feminist conversations, so here's The Will To Change excerpts by bell hooks again.

libratory feminism sees no difference between men and women except those manufactured by patriarchy. misogyny is a symptom of patriarchy the system, not a structure by which to interpret patriarchy the system. replacing "sexism" with "misogyny" does not change the nature of the analysis, which is a weak one. patriarchy the system can induce the symptom of misogyny in any person subjected to that system. using sexism/misogyny/male chauvinism is not a useful lens of analysis when looking at patriarchy because women are misogynists too. let's not move backward on that. women are misogynists too and men are allies.

the recent "trans men are misogynists" allegations I've seen lodged against trans men are:

unprepared to be treated like a predator, may cry about it

asked that only trans men attend a trans mens' support group

discussed male loneliness instead of talking about violence against women

all of these are actually feminist discussions. so the backlash seems like angry feminist reactions to Men Having Feelings, which is not a new thing. in fact, hooks addresses it directly.

i see men being mocked for having their feelings hurt, men being mocked for wanting to discuss their feelings, and men being mocked because they're thinking about men and manhood in new and complex ways. exactly what the doctor ordered.

i am not seeing challenges to patriarchy here. I am seeing reinforcement of patriarchal expectations of masculinity on trans men who do not want to perform those expectations. i am seeing separatist radfem bullshit in the assumption that trans men have lost or never had a valuable perspective on misogyny or gender or sexism and cannot tell when the shape of discrimination they're facing has changed. i am seeing toxic separatist radfem bullshit shut down liberatory feminist discussion because one of the speakers is trans in the wrong direction.