bowtiedhillbilly

[bowtiedhillbilly]

POV: me trying to sleep with this banger playing in my head.

If you check it out, watch out for some NSFW lyrics, and absolute amazing vocals.

[bowtiedhillbilly]

People complaining that modern literature is too raunchy clearly never read enough Shakespeare.

Sweet MERCY these sonnets are something else. And they had us read them in middle school?! I'm glad I was too dumb to pick up on innuendo, this might have legitimately scarred me.

[bowtiedhillbilly]

Lord, give me the power of a fictional character wearing only one glove

[bowtiedhillbilly]

The image of me yelling "I am such a good wizard! You will obey my will!" at my math homework is a lot more fun than any reason I could give for why it's happening.

[bowtiedhillbilly]

You know those mornings when you wake up from an extended dream of being a dragon rider and have to face the incredible disappointment that is reality?

[bowtiedhillbilly]

Me thinking why a whale (big) would eat krill (small) and then I remembered rice (yum)

[bowtiedhillbilly]

I am tired of wearing shorts and T-shirts. Thus, I have elected to start dressing like it's already autumn and SUFFER until I gaslight nature into obeying my whims.

[bowtiedhillbilly]

I am deeply upset at my body's need to constantly consume sustenance. I ate a plain tortilla seven hours ago and now you have the AUDACITY-

[bowtiedhillbilly]

My literary history professor: Yeah, I actually teach a course that’ll teach you to read Old English texts.

Me (physically vibrating): Oh yeah cool cool I totally feel a normal amount of emotions about this prospect.

[bowtiedhillbilly]

I just watched a video where a mathematician said “It’s pretty simple, actually. All you need to do is associate the code with coloring the vertices of a 4-dimensional cube” and I hope I can be that disconnected from reality someday.

[bowtiedhillbilly]

"Dear God, I was dramatic when I was a kid."

-Me reading my journal entry from 8 days ago

[bowtiedhillbilly]

My fellow Americans,

I would like to propose a plan that would truly propel this nation to greatness.

You are all familiar with the British landmark Big Ben, yes? I've seen it with my own eyes, it's quite the sight. So tall! 316 feet tall, to be exact! So here's what we need to do.

We must convince the French to build their own clock tower. It must be 317 feet tall, and they must name it Le Bigger Ben.

At this juncture, you may be wondering, "Gee, that sounds like we just helped the French one-up the Brits? What are we doing here?" You see, this is insurance, for this must happen to stop the French from doing to us what we are about to do to them.

As Britain and France begin their petty rivalry, we will shock the world into silence and awe. We will unveil our own clock tower, 317 feet tall. We will present to the world...

BIGGEST BEN

[bowtiedhillbilly]

What do you call a skinny poem?

A slimerick.

[bowtiedhillbilly]

Pronouncing "Calendar" like an Elvish name in Lord of the Rings.

[bowtiedhillbilly]

-Be me -Order nachos -Receive nachos -Observe cup full of jalapeños for nachos -Think "I'm a big boy, no amount of jalapeños can defeat me" -Pour ALL jalapeños on the nachos -Find particularly large slice of jalapeño -Think "this jalapeño is too big for the nachos" -Eat jalapeño on its own -Be proud at having defeated jalapeño -Wait 30 seconds -Succumb to the most vicious hiccup attack of my life -Roll on the ground, tears streaming, unable to breathe

-Learn nothing and repeat for the rest of the nachos -Profit?

[bowtiedhillbilly]

I feel like it would suck to work for the census because then you wouldn't get say cool things like, "I don't get paid to ask questions."

[bowtiedhillbilly]

Well... here I am. I've heard tales of the chaos, the art, the horrors, the unusability of this website. And it seems I was not misinformed.

Hello Tumblr. Let's begin.