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“He gazed up at her like he was fire and she was fuel.”

Hannah F. Whitten, The Foxglove King

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Had an hour to kill so headed to the nearest Daunt

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If you breathe, and look at things for a long while. If you listen to each bird respond to one another, close your eyes and feel each stream of water touching different bits of you in the shower... it's like drugs and its like the aesthetic gifs in slow motion on tumblr. Its all so much more. It's mindfulness, and I'm trying to practice it.

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Audiobook review: Conviction by Denise Mina

December 10th, 2021

So far it has taken me until chapter 4 to actually like it, or 7% in, whatever makes more sense to you.

Whats winning me over is the well executed accents.

December 14th, finished!

Reading journey: Picked up 10 times, listened to for 5.1 hours, a 10 hour audiobook from my local library.

Narator: Cathleen McCarron is amazing, we got Dutch, French, Italian, English, Russian, Albanian, polish, Irish and other accents all portrayed so well by her! I was shook.

Rating: The writting was elite but obvi still easy to follow, the story was eventful, I'd give it a 4/5 tbh

Summary: Imo the book starts a bit slow, it follows a woman with a tragic hidden past and a tragic present as well. She and a friend with a kind of fucked up connection go on a long journey to find out the truth behind someone's death from a podcast. The podcast mystery, her personal connection to it and her past all dance around eachother throughout the book until the last moment where it all wraps up neatly. There is a surprising who done it moment but I feel maybe you could figure it out? But then again hindsight is 2020.

Also not me not knowing she was the one who did girl with the dragon tattoo omg

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Warm up to be good enough for the commissions I've been avoiding

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How many books can one digest in a year? Since I joined tumblr again my reading list has only grown longer :’)

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December 12th 2021

Christmas party,

Luxurious spreads

Twinkling lights strung above heads

Laughter swells

Over drowned out jingle bells

Pictures flashing

We all looked dashing

Awkward conversation

Big words, libations

Mingling and mulled wine

All of us waiting to dine

Vegan eggnog

A new age nod

Some things have changed

Some will not

Polyester sweaters

Memories made together

Christmas party dwindles

Now out into the weather

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27.06.2021 This is a cottagecore cat appreciation post.

Insta: @phdoingmydamnbest

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Such A Fun Age

A 10 hour long audiobook... sometimes listened to at 2x the speed.

My Experience

Platform: Libby, from my local library. Audiobook.

Reader: Nicole Lewis is a banging reader, and does all the voices so nicely, ranging from Black, white, men, women and children. It helps you believe in the characters and her voice is easy to listen to!

Where I listened: While packing orders at work, while riding the bus, walking home, sitting on my corner counter top eating ramen and drinking a shitty mixer. In the morning, having tea and a bagel while cleaning my room in a magical sunbeam.

Reading Journey: Picked up 8 times since Dec 8th, listened for 4 hours and 50 minutes ending on Dec 10th.

Rating:

4.6/5

The end was some straight bad bitchery,

the characters slowly show their true selves,

Well written and easy to get hooked,

Themes:

Babysitting, housewives, journalists, writers, priveledge, race, black and white relationships, children, 20 somethings, motherhood, family, mostly women, love and dating.

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If you haven’t ditched the Amazon-owned Goodreads in favor of the independent, Black-owned StoryGraph, what are you waiting for?

You can import your Goodreads data (so you won’t lose years of book tracking)!

You can get personal recommendations based on your current preferences!

It’s sleek af!

IT’S NOT OWNED BY AMAZON

Users can apply content warnings so you can avoid triggers before ever opening a specific book

The same applies for ‘mood’! Wanna read something sad? Find books tagged as ‘sad’, that’s literally it

IT’S NOT OWNED BY JEFF BEZOS

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Love is buying someone a book and writing a note to them on the first page

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I don't know if you've read the 4 tendencies but if you have, I am the rebel. Not in a cool way. In an 'everything I do HAS to become my personality' way... somehow I started drinking tea, reading a shit ton of books and wearing headbands within the last 3 months... wtf is going on.

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December 9th, 2021

An ode to the fresh snowfall, ones we rarely see.

My darling, your kisses gentle and cold

Softly melting the longer we hold

Seasonless roses blooming on cheeks

Temperatures causing life to retreat

Those who do venture

Become children again

Blankets of silver enveloping them

Spheres of your gifts

Fly through the air

Icicles form giving trees hair

New worlds created

Dusty white playdough

Most are elated

Some see only cold

I see the riches

Falling, flying and finally resting

Inviting more joy to unfold

- J

I don't know how punctuation works in poetry.

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Photo: https://triflingthings.ca/ (Thanks!)

Inspo Quote: “I Don’t Want You To Stop”

A Long Awaited Date

I rode up on my bike, a perfectly planned two-minute late arrival. I wore my striped blouse, the one with the pre-rolled sleeves just barely showing a bit of shoulder. My arms were nice and I thought I should try to inspire something in you. The way you had in me. I take off my helmet hoping my hair isn't too flat, since I cut it short I feel the need to try anything to avoid looking like Justin Bieber. I pull out my chain and start locking up my trusty transport. I glance inside and see your long blonde hair. I think about last month, when you gave me your number. You were wearing so much glitter, the music was so loud and I can’t help but think you were a few drinks deep. I didn’t assume anything, until that last text. Your words slipped between my ears and floated into my chest.

Coming back to the could metal in my palms I realize my heart is pounding and I can’t seem to find my breath. All of a sudden this is the most difficult bike lock anyone has ever had to use. Fumbling, I feel my armpits start to get sweaty.  

Jesus Christ Jessie, get it together!

I stand up, dust off my dress pants, they’re dressy but not like, too dressy. I just wanted to show you I care, that I can dress way better than any of those dicks always fighting for your attention. That my features stand out in more than just the shady lights of a dingy club.

I open the door, take a deep breath in and choke on a fucking gnat. Yeah a gnat! I honestly want to die right now. Nobody seems to give a fuck so I do a 180 and dip out, hoping the windows are thick enough to drown out my second near death experience.

I finally enter, now about seven minutes late, I walk over to your table, suave as hell and pull out the chair. You look gorgeous, you always do. I always admired your emerald eyes when I’d see you at the store, we’d talk about pet health and how Lucky is doing. You were always so nice, giving him treats whenever we would come to pickup a new toy or some food. I won’t lie I definitely used the treat giving moments to survey your nails, were you straight or just single maybe? They seemed ordinary, unlike the rest of you. Even now you sit across from me, hair perfectly curled to frame your face, small bouquets of pink, orange and yellow flowers dripped from your ears. Your dress, god that dress, truly testing my ability to remain respectful. It’s bright hue reflecting up to your soft chin, I stare at your lips, as I realize you’re saying something.

….haunted because I swore I could hear this, like, rumbling noise almost like a shitty leaf blower you know?

I caught the end of the words leaving your mouth. Realizing you caught my cough attack.

“Oh yeah, ghosts are notorious for mishandling lawn equipment”

You try not to laugh, your lips purse into a bit of a side smile.

We order some tea, you get a pastry. We laugh and talk and the conversation flows so easily.

“This was an absolute mistake”

You say as the pastry crumbled from your fingertips and crispy bits hang on to you lips. I can’t blame them, I would to.

“Honestly I’m surprised I don’t look like that right now, ahaha”

“You made the right choice in fasting, I must look like an idiot, I swear I’m usually smoother than this!”

“...No I mean the pastry”

You shift your eyebrows at me as you wipe your face.

“You know, falling apart when you touch me.”

You realize our hands have drifted together on one side of the table, thumbs gently resting in each other. Was that too bold? It's just been so long and I finally get to see you, like this, like you could be mine. Like we wouldn’t have to pretend anymore. You suck your bottom lips, looking at me, then back to our hands, you intertwine our fingers so delicately. The world slows and the planets pause in their orbit just to watch the magical scene unfolding, here, at some random coffee shop a town away from ours.

When you’re in the bathroom I pay the bill, like a lady.

You find me outside, You took the train here, you explain as I lean against the bike rack, golden hour spreading its glow across your cheek. I say I’ll walk you.

“Can I be honest”

Your voice is sweet, I wait for the honesty.

“ I haven’t ever like... been, with.....Agirlbefore?”

I can tell your nervous. you look at me sideways awaiting my response.

“That’s okay”

I say, calming your nerves. We walk down the street as the sun sets, our steps echoing through the alleys. I bring my hand close to you and dance my fingers into yours. I feel you pulse in the warmness of your palm.  

“No but I mean like, I haven’t even done this, or kissed or anything before.”

You pause,  

“You’ve kissed someone before though right?”

“Well, yeah”

“It’s the same thing, well, hopefully a bit better, come here I can show you”

I pull you into my arms in the alley behind the theatre, cupping the side of your face I kiss you intensely, then soften. When I open my eyes your beautiful green jewels are shining, cheeks the colour of your dress. I try to take my hand away from the back of your neck and realize my ring is caught in those golden locks of yours.

“Oh my god I’m so sorry”

“It’s fine!”

We both struggle to untangle the knot, of course the hottest moment of my life would be ruined by my damn lesbian rings. I start mentally beating myself up, retreat!

“I’m sorry, I, I feel like im being hella forward and I-”

Both hands slap my cheeks and pull my mouth into yours, kissing me, pulling at me, barely containing your passion, it’s like you’ve been drowning and I’m your only source of air. My heart goes into my throat and I wonder if you can taste it on my tongue, a month of texting, Instagram messages, hidden innuendos, flirty comments....then, My watch goes off. The last train leaves soon. I try to remind you but-

“I don’t want you to stop, I’ve been waiting so long”

I feel relief flood my body with the comfort of knowing you were waiting too. I was always the only one, pining, yearning, but you were too. That brick wall became a sacred space that day.