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😉🤣😂 a lot of tears too 😭 and 🫂.

They are cute as a trio.

#in love with taiwanese horror comedy

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The Rookie

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"Why is it more tiring to be dead than alive?"

Dead Talents Society, 2024

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Dead Talent's Society is maybe my new favorite movie ever. It's hilarious, it's touching, I smiled until my face hurt. It's on Netflix, I cannot recommend it enough.

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BANANZA SPOILERS BELOW THE CUT

Okay so apparently when asked why Pauline is a child, the developers said they wanted players to "puzzle it out for themselves", which I have a worrisome feeling is code for "we didn't bother to come up with an answer, think whatever you want". (Would love to be wrong, though!)

SO

You know your boy's gotta get on that with his stupidly convoluted kudzu bullshit rather than just accept retcons or nonsense. So here's how I'm having it shake out (obviously not saying this was Nintendo's intention, this is how I'm making it fit into my own headcanons):

THE PAST

On Earth in New York City (I am a "Mario Bros. are from Brooklyn" truther until the day I die), 13 year old Pauline Verducci is a severely shy child with a secret love of singing and self-confidence problems. One night, while looking at the stars, she wishes that she had the courage to sing as much as she would like to. Suddenly, she disappears.

THE MORE RECENT PAST

The Mario Toy Company opens Super Mini Mario World, and Pauline is the guest of honor. She is kidnapped by Donkey Kong and Mario rescues her, but for some reason she can't place, she can't bring herself to stay mad at the ape.

THE PRESENT

13 year old Pauline appears in the present day, flung by the winds of fate into a time and place in her life where she is a famed singer filled with confidence and beloved by millions-- New Donk City on Boletus, roughly a decade in the future (although she mistakes it for New York).

Before she can see how beloved her future self is, however, she is abducted by the evil Void Company and taken to the planet's core. Through a series of adventures, she teams up with Donkey Kong (who does not recognize her younger form) and returns to the surface, defeating VoidCo and the evil King K. Rool. She has now learned to believe in herself, and so (after DK leaves) is magically returned to her home.

That same day, the adult Pauline suddenly finds her city in crisis as a pillar of gold bananas and an enormous crocodile burst from the ground. Ordinarily she would keep a level head in such a crisis, but something about this sends her into a sort of dissociative state. It's not until she sees Donkey Kong defeat the menace with a very familiar young girl that her memories come rushing back. She breaks down into tears-- whether of sadness or joy, she cannot tell.

THE PAST AGAIN

Pauline wakes up the next morning in her own time and world. She assumes she dreamed the whole thing, but cherishes and is inspired by it nonetheless, taking the people she met on as imaginary friends of sorts. Sadly, as dreams tend to do, the memory slowly fades, and by the time she reaches adulthood, only the dimmest gleamings will remain in the back of her mind.

Whew.

It’s Headcanon Time!

If you’re like me, you’re just constantly asking yourself “What the fuck is up with the timelines of Donkey Kong Country and the mainline Mario series? What the fuck is up with that? What is it?”

I had an idea about it. So, I’m going to share it, here goes.

Are you guys ready for CONVOLUTION?

- After the events of Donkey Kong ‘94, the original DK (AKA, Cranky Kong) and his son return to their home, the extremely isolated DK Isles.

- Things on the DK Isles are great, they’re really bustling. Cranky and Junior are sharing things they learned in the city with the other animals, teaching them about clothes and buildings, everything is swell. (Meanwhile, on Crocodile Isle, the Kremlings are discovering the wreckage of abandoned human factories and warships. It’s fine, though, it’s not like they’re gonna internalize the ideals of industry and conquest and develop an obsession with becoming human or anything. That would be ridiculous.)

- One day, while out exploring the isles, Cranky finds a cave or temple or something that contains six watches. Alongside the watches is an inscription, something about “capturing a moment”.

- Even back then, Cranky hates the idea of change and thinks everything should stay just as it is, so he winds the watches up. To his surprise, however, nothing happens.

- Angered by this development, Cranky takes the watches to the top of a mountain and uses his simian strength to throw them off in various directions, far enough that they land in the sea and he never has to see them again.

- Unbeknownst to old C. Kong, the way the watches landed in the water has made them form a wide ring around the island and its neighbors. This ring then forms a time bubble, leaving the outside world frozen in time, but the DK Isles untouched.

- Fast forward 36 years, and the watches have finally unwound (each of the six watches takes six years to unwind), ending the spell. During this time, the Kongs, Kremlings and other animals have developed society and Cranky has grown old, with an adult grandson (36 years is enough time for Modern DK to be an adult because Kongs age slightly faster than humans).

- However, during these 36 years, none of the inhabitants were at all aware of the time magic that was at play, because none of them ever left the isles.

- After the bubble pops, the outside world continues on without having aged a day, the events of Donkey Kong Country occur, the watches lose their time-stopping magic and eventually wash up on the shore of the nearby Northern Kremisphere (leaving them to fall into the Bears’ possession), and the isles at some point regain contact with the rest of the world, with Cranky presumably seeing Mario and going “What the fuck.”

Thank you for your time.

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Is there a popular stereotype that you’re never beating the allegations of?

(For example I’m a woman and a horrible driver 😬)

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Breakdowns of How I Characterize the Koopalings

Ludwig:

“Classy”, grandiose and insufferably smug. Unlike Larry, you cannot convince Ludwig he isn’t hot shit, no matter what you do. After Iggy, Ludwig is the best at plotting and since Iggy keeps his schemes to himself more often than not, Ludwig usually plays the mastermind in the Koopalings plans. (Ironically, Iggy is the one whose plots are generally built on self-interest. Ludwig is more likely to scheme for the goals of the Koopalings and Koopa Kingdom as a whole— just as long as everyone is clear it was HIS brilliant idea.)

Ludwig loves the classical arts, the sciences and anything else that will reinforce his belief of being smarter and more cultured than the other Koopalings. He sees himself as their leader and essentially he is— not because they respect him more, but because he is the one most interested in actual conquest and warfare, so when Bowser gives them an assignment Ludwig is usually the one who takes the initiative to make a plan and assign all the others different tasks. Ludwig can often be found sequestered away somewhere playing music, painting, tending to his Piranha Plant garden or otherwise looking pretentious and unbothered.

Lemmy:

Silly and fun-loving, not particularly evil. Pretty content to go along with whatever the objective of his family is. Of the Koopalings, he’s the most likely to be friendly with the Mario Brothers/not DIRECTLY injure them/defect from Bowser. However, this isn’t necessarily because he believes in the cause of GOOD, but just because he’s more concerned with his own entertainment than any particular ideology or group (not in like a “mwahaha you are all my toys” way, but in a way where he kinda treats everything like a fun little game and just doesn’t seem super concerned with the consequences of anything). Lemmy surrounds himself with games, toys and amusements. He’s something of a G-rated hedonist. Like his best friend Iggy, Lemmy's actions and motives are somewhat unpredictable, but he does not seem to possess Iggy's guile, sadism or blatant unnerving nature.

Roy:

Stereotypical bully. Gets a kick from violence, thinks he’s really cool, always seems to be in that bully mood where they’re wearing a mean smile because they’re at the top of the food chain but they also seem really angry.

Though he has the capacity to be high energy and DOES like beating people up, Roy’s also kinda lazy, preferring to intimidate others into doing the hard work for him while he kicks his feet up (unless his pride is on the line). He will not charge into battle like Morton or desperately try to prove himself like Larry. Forcibly enrolled in night school by Kamek to try and whip him into shape (but he’ll act like it was his own idea when it makes him look good).

Iggy:

Manic, sadistic, always giggling with the kind of laugh that makes it seem like he knows (or thinks he knows) something you don’t. Like something bad is going to happen, and you could avoid it if you knew about it, but Iggy is deliberately keeping it to himself. Very cunning, probably plotting at any given moment, but no one ever knows for sure (Lemmy is the only one who generally is party to Iggy’s plans, but he doesn’t tell anyone because it’s fun to watch the fallout after).

He and Ludwig both have a passion for mechanical engineering. Iggy is actually a more innovative inventor than Ludwig, but (being generally more secretive and enigmatic) he’s not as much of a show-off about it, so Ludwig (whose creations, while less revolutionary and outside-the-box, tend to be more reliable and polished) usually ends up presenting himself with a more blatant “technology” motif. Iggy’s stuff often has more of a “scavenged” or “cobbled-together” look than Ludwig’s. Iggy has a natural talent for animal taming.

Iggy’s also just kinda weird. He wanted a “cheese hotel”.

Wendy:

Greedy. Also a bit vain, which partly contributes to the greed— she wants baubles and pretty, shiny things. Wendy has a taste for glitz, glamour, and secret hordes of gold and jewels. Her aesthetic ostentatiousness is similar to Ludwig’s, but Wendy usually goes for a more flashy, white-marble-sculptures, “art deco” or “fancy hotel/casino” vibe, while Ludwig leans towards “sprawling Gothic manor/castle”.

Wendy is just generally a pretty unpleasant person to be around. She is acerbic, snarky, bossy, and arrogant. Her default setting when interacting with other living beings is "annoyed by their very existence". (This especially is the case with her brothers, whom she describes as idiots. They irritate her more than anything and she seems to want to avoid being associated with them as much as possible.)

Morton:

Like Roy, Morton is kind of a brute. The difference is that Morton is more brash and temperamental/doesn’t “play it cool” as much as Roy. Roy always seems angry, but there’s also a hint of smugness. Like he’s not TOO concerned, because he already knows he’s better than you. Morton definitely comes off as a lot more invested in his battles/genuinely fully INFURIATED by his foes— Roy is violent because it’s fun, Morton is violent because he’s easily angered to the point of violence. He’s also more likely to charge into battle without thinking (it’s not exactly that Roy is more tactical, just more lazy). Not a big smiler or joker.

Although he is deeply devoted to his family (and NO ONE else), Morton is not SPINELESS. Matter of fact, he is incredibly stubborn and no stranger to arguments with his siblings (mostly Roy). Morton never backs down from anything— he may move slowly, but once he starts, he can’t be stopped.

Not exactly STUPID, but not really very smart either. Morton is "simple" not in the sense that he's an idiot but that he's straightforward. He generally says exactly what he means or else doesn't say anything at all. He's not a schemer or a backstabber, he's not much for strategy, Morton just gets in there and GOES. Though not a strategist, he is very dedicated and has the most battle experience of any Koopaling, spending a lot of his free time training on his own.

(Morton is secretly a bit insecure about seeming dim-witted, and sometimes sits in on Roy’s night classes. He’s still only really of average intelligence and lets his temper lead him into situations without giving them as much thought as he perhaps ought to, but he CAN recite long passages of the textbooks and lectures from memory at breakneck speed. Roy uses it to cheat on tests and essays.)

Larry:

Like a snarky, annoying 90s protagonist who thinks he’s hot shit (very easily angered by the implication that he is not hot shit— he’s got something to prove). Into sports. Larry is deeply envious of anyone in the Koopa Troop who gets more respect or recognition than him, intensely desires Bowser’s approval and tries to scheme against his siblings to get it about as often as he schemes against the Mario Brothers. His siblings tolerate it because his machinations are always excruciatingly obvious and unsuccessful. Despite his rank-climbing ambitions, though, Larry is not a suck-up. He has JUST enough dignity to avoid that. Claims he is the leader of the Koopalings. All the rest either say Ludwig is or that they don’t have one. (Wendy says she SHOULD be the leader, but not that she IS.)

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Great Mouse Detective version of Dracula happening simultaneously as the events of Dracula, so there’s just five mice in Victorian clothes unnoticed by the human cast desperately trying to kill a bat.

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Evil AIMS Team Be Like

POACHER

CENT

JUNEBERRY

GEOFF

WALLY

TAME BILL

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Imagine going into AAOL thinking this is what it's about

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Happy Stitch Day, everyone donate to the NICWA out of apology that we let the reboot gain any kind of traction

The National Indian Child Welfare Association is an organization working to protect indigenous children and families through education and advocacy on child welfare and kinship rights. Nobody gets left behind.

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was anybody else who likes horror now as an adult a total comically sensitive scaredy cat who was afraid of everything as a child. i feel like it's sort of common

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Jeep Jeep!

Eugene the Jeep gets the live-action treatment! I used references from all sorts of animals- dog, small-eared dog, Tasmanian tiger, hyena…

And then I added him into a poster for the Popeye movie because he was originally going to be in it, they just didn’t know how to bring him to life.

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It's on Netflix!!

Even aside from the Joanna Wang music, Dead Talents Society just looks really fucking cool and fun, I hope it gets a western release.

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Hurricane Loolilalu

KINGER: So, your highness, what do you think of the kingdom that love built?

Cut to the Fudge rampaging and devouring everyone.

PRINCESS: Calm down, Loo... They did their best... Have to be nice... AW GEE WHILLIKERS GOSH GOLLY SHOOT! Can't you morons do ANYTHING right?

The assembled citizens gasp at her obscene profanities.

GANGLE: I- I'm sorry... We all meant well and tried our best...

PRINCESS: Well my people can't live in good intentions, Gangle! Oh, you and your friends are all out of control, but we can't blame you because you have good intentions!

JAX: Yeah, Gangle. You oughta be ashamed of yourself.

PRINCESS: Oh, ha ha, Mr. Fan Favorite! As long as we get to see funny things happen to people, right? Here's a joke for you: Your LIFE!

JAX: ...I am shocked and appalled.

RAGATHA: Hey, I agree that what Jax did was awful, but that's no reason to lower yourself to his level!

PRINCESS: Hark! Do I hear the sound of butting in? It must be Little Miss Ragatha, the Circus's answer to a question NO ONE ASKED!

BUBBLE: Ha ha!

PRINCESS: Oh, and what do we have here? The soapy, slobbering future of AI? The only one and zero you've got are your IQ!

POMNI: Well, that was a little funny...

PRINCESS: Ah yes, the jester! The only one of you buffoons who DOESN'T make me laugh! And you! I don't know who you are, but I'm sure you're a jerk!

ZOOBLE: What? I just got here, what's going on?

PRINCESS: You insecure, self-absorbed man...

CAINE: Hey, I may be insecure and self-absorbed, but... what was the third thing you said?

PRINCESS: And Kinger... you are the most unreliable, incompetent person I have ever met.

KINGER: ...Hey, I got off pretty easy!

https://youtu.be/qL_5EksSDIU?si=nE2pOcX4WgVKRt5y