blurring-poetry-and-idiocy
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blurring-poetry-and-idiocy · 6 months ago
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the ache of missing someone i knew for what seems was just a moment
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blurring-poetry-and-idiocy · 6 months ago
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Dear S
You make the world more than liveable, but joyful. the world pales next you, riches are nothing when you are here. i would give up warmth, food, and light, all that you would need to keep you here; two halves sitting under the sun and the moon, understood. I wonder how you understand me. I understand you, and i think you know that. I love you as the ocean loves the moon, longing and reaching forever, never tiring. I love you as the moon loves the ocean, pulling and reaching, forever and ever. I love you as flowers love dirt, taking root and giving beauty from humble beginnings; withering and ending only to give back its nutrients to the ground as it ends. I don’t need words, i don’t need explanation, i need you here. Laying next to me, gentle, loving, silent and asleep. When you leave, and i am all alone it’ll all be gray. The most vibrant of blues will become the flower and wither. The richest of reds will fall like angels, like you. I will be gone, I will be gray and gone. I will be the shell left behind as you fade, as a cicada ventures without its past. It will be a life not worth living
Love, Z
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blurring-poetry-and-idiocy · 6 months ago
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i can turn off the music close my eyes and dance inside my own head
I can live a life full of joy and let my thoughts become water, flowing out and away
i let them turn into hard stone and i sit with crossed legs staring and observing the boulder is crushing me I can’t breathe, cant see a difference between my body and the rock i take my knife and carve stone i slash until there is air i cut until it has become dust
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blurring-poetry-and-idiocy · 6 months ago
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i perceive other people like i’m staring at them like one does in an aquarium or a zoo. I feel like i’m always on spectator mode, watching, perceiving, thinking, rarely saying
when i look at all the people around me they seem like puzzles. still putting themself together, putting the pieces in the wrong places sometimes, but most of them figuring it out eventually. All of them look whole to me.
I feel like an outsider in this respect. When i was younger i had my puzzle, i had the box at least. i was even sorting out a few pieces. Things went wrong along the way. i lost my puzzle pieces, i felt like i was losing them for a long time and only noticed when i looked at the table i was putting it together on and it was empty. the wood of the table was rotting and the chairs were broken and the box was gone. just a gaping hole in reality.
i thought i could just buy new ones. I could fix it. but it was never enough pieces. i was filling the holes with anything i could latch onto. i was filling what was left of me with whatever reminded me of what i once was, what i wanted to be. i tried so hard, but the pieces never fit to me. there was always something wrong. like a jpg image too heavily pixelated to see what the image was. bright where there should be dark, red where there should be blue. I am just a puzzle full of pieces that don’t match with no corners or edges. there are holes in me still, that i fill with art and fear and love but it all ends up with the same distortions and off feelings. but it looks like me if you squint, i promise. i promise its me.
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blurring-poetry-and-idiocy · 6 months ago
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i stare at the ocean, in awe at her majestic waves crashing down and splashing, water droplets reaching for the sun. She is beautiful and she will hold you close and tight. She kisses me with salty lips and leaves me with traces of her when i leave.
she is cruel and unforgiving. she will suffocate you as she holds you. she will fill your lungs with love and kisses as you choke. She claws and scratches and stings with her sand and rock ands creatures. She loves like a thunderstorm, like a hurricane. She loves you till murder.
Her riptides and sharks and jellyfish ruin you. The ocean does not care if you die. She will have your body forever then. Her purest love is your ruin. Her purest love is your downfall, your pain, your screams. She is beautiful and terrible as the sun to a desert.
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blurring-poetry-and-idiocy · 6 months ago
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i’ll run away be the frightened cat If you call for me i’ll hiss and scratch i hold your love close to me in the dark and lonesome your tender warmth feels like fire with you i feel burned
im nothing in your eyes im dirt and rocks and mud you walk on me, i am your ground i am nothing when you’re here
but if i kiss you softly enough and hold you close enough i’ll become the shiny crystals that catch your eye on the forest floor
then you’ll love me then.
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blurring-poetry-and-idiocy · 6 months ago
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i long for softness to be gentle i dream of being a feather pillow i need you to lay your head on me and feel safe i beg god to shape me into something loveable into big brown eyes
i was little and alone and content jaded and carved into kindness into masqueraded love
i fear looking grotesque now that i am not a child my nature is sin
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blurring-poetry-and-idiocy · 6 months ago
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"you dont hate anyone. its strong dislike"
averse, distasteful, hostile, disapprove; it does not touch how i feel. It is not that I want you to be far from me, I cannot allow your presence to reach me. I cannot let your eyes see me. I cannot let your hands touch me. I cannot let your words penetrate me. You are the gaping wound inside my chest, the gash that healed without stiching the hole back together. It stays hollow. You are the gasps for air that only catch water in the ocean, the suffocation of panicking from stagnation. You are more than The Big Black Nothing, you are a black whole that continues to take and steal and ravage. You are nothing to me; nothing that feels like everything in my chest.
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blurring-poetry-and-idiocy · 6 months ago
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people will ask for forgiveness for the small things, things they and usually others would deem unimportant when someone has committed something truly horrible and egregious, they try to tell themself it isn’t real. They won’t beg your pardon, they’ll run into the dark and tell themself it never happened. After all, if you have to atone, that would guarantee to you it was a sin, and everybody would rather be a saint than a fuck up.
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blurring-poetry-and-idiocy · 6 months ago
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i have a necklace with a lock on it. my grandmother pointed it out and asked where the key was, where the key to my heart was; i realized there was no key. i will let you into the depths of my mind. I will talk and i will tell you who i am. i will act as the tour guide and take you to all the places you want to go. But please don’t go behind the big steel door. The big steel door is not for you to look at. i will love you in words, i will love you in my mind, behind the door. You may see all i am; naked in the light but the shadows remain. i cannot tell you more. i cannot tell you of your beauty while you lay in my arms. Love gets caught in the back of my throat, locked up and left behind. Love leaves my eyes, nervous glances remain as i fear imaginary retribution. i have a necklace with a lock on it, and a key has not been made. you are not molten metal, you are not an anvil and fire and molds and smoke and air pumps. You are my love and i can’t say a word.
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blurring-poetry-and-idiocy · 6 months ago
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i’ll love anyone who will have me
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blurring-poetry-and-idiocy · 6 months ago
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𝕴𝖓𝖙𝖗𝖔
« this is merely a diary for my more poetic thoughts. It might be actual poetry or it might just be a vague thought. i write music so some of it might read like a song »
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