bluexhaze-blog

[bluexhaze-blog]

men beg me

to let my walls collapse at their feet

their words are so relentlessly warm wrapped around my waist

and I am their own personal mystery

until I give in

and they give up

and I am left rebuilding

                           — the cycle

[bluexhaze-blog]

some days are warm

like the sound of your voice reading me to sleep

and some days

       I swear

nostalgia caresses my skin

until my blood turns to ice in my veins

[bluexhaze-blog]

tell me, when did I become such a spineless waste of space, clinging to a mattress, as if it were a ventilator keeping my lungs inflated, as if getting out of bed would drain all the oxygen from my blood, tell me, how long will this fear glue my tongue to the roof of my mouth, tell me, have you seen small pieces of vertebrae just lying around because I seem to have lost mine

[bluexhaze-blog]

do not fall in love with the sadness and do not become blind to the ocean of space that lives between lonely and alone

[bluexhaze-blog]

where // as a woman // do I draw the line between what I deserve // and what I am simply not // entitled to // how much of a man’s time am I // authorized to possess // am I clingy // am I demanding // am I a living doormat in a pathetic attempt to keep someone // anyone // is someone really mine if I have to rent out their pieces // schedule their attention in time slots // is that now enough for me // just so I can say that // I am not // alone // teach me to keep my mouth shut // often enough to be desirable // but still thoughtful // still influential // still interesting // do I play the question or the answer // the sinner or the saint // tell me // which one are you in the mood for // which one will make you want me // make you need me // make you miss me // turn me into the perfect balance // of mysterious and vulnerable // just needy enough // to make you feel important // just independent enough // to make you feel free // just woman enough for men to finally see me as // enough