beowulfxgrendel

[beowulfxgrendel]

Here now too the little TM/TS sketches I made because I don't really care anymore if they might see it or not (and if they do then it would be their own fault for being on tumblr)

[beowulfxgrendel]

Ok so I've been thinking about that for quite some time. And well. Because of everything that's going on right now (both there and in my own life) I left.

I might come back once everything is better, but right now I just don't feel comfortable being there.

I'm thinking about leaving a server of a fandom because they are nice and kind. I know that sounds illogical. So let me explain. They like the fanart and writing I did. I liked it all too. But because I've done quite some stuff that I'm proud of in quite a short period of time I'm scared of messing up or of not meeting expectations.

And because they seem so nice and kind it's kinda difficult to deal with moments when I'm confronted with the reality that they also are people and therefore have opinions that sometimes differ drastically from my own. For example there's quite some talking about hp and people that arent in this fandom are called muggles by most (there is another word, which im using because it feels just so wrong to use that word but still. Reading it so often is just frustrating). And for me as a trans person I am already not the most comfortable with that. And then people talked about how we shouldn't always separate the artist/author from their work and that if someone wants to consume media etc from certain people then pirating would be better because that doesn't support them. But then at the same day people talk about buying hp books and other merch. And I mean sure, I get it. These things meant quite a lot to me too. But still I think it's wrong to support such a transphobic women.

And I'm aware that's not my decision to make. They are their own people with their own choices.

Still I'm affected by it and sometimes almost cry when I see that that's a topic again, because I know that once more no one will say much negative stuff about it. And I can't just ignore these "arguments" because then I'm scared of missing something. But I don't know how much longer I can stay in that server without hp ruining it for me. And that sucks. Because I love the server and all the people there. They are all so nice and welcoming.

Maybe I'll have to leave for some time and then come back once I'm fine again. Don't know if I want to though, because I'd still feel like missing something.

[beowulfxgrendel]

Feeling this a bit too much right now (although it's more like 3 people and not here on tumblr. But still)

i hate when u post something with a target audience of 1 person and they don't interact ... like ok i thought what we had was real but thats fine 😔💔

[beowulfxgrendel]

Another thing to the new stakeout songs (or tbh about one specific):

I had very high expectations (that there might be some lyrics that could be interpreted as gay through subtext) that I was sure weren't going to be met.

So let me tell you how surprised I was when one of the songs was not only gay but a song about gay smut and murder.

And to be honest "Es Geschah in Ekstase" is now probably one of my favourite stakeout songs.

[beowulfxgrendel]

Ah yes having an existential crisis because of an English worksheet. How nice

[beowulfxgrendel]

Well my expectation where met. And I love the new old songs very much. Very nice. Very surprising too, that they just uploaded them without a warning or info. It all makes me very happy

(If only the other band that I'm waiting for would also release the new music)

Well well well. Stakeout (one of the few bands that I'm actually excited about concerning new releases) just teased that a few songs might be dropped soon. Do I trust them or will I learn from the hopes I had when The amazing devil teased they might release new music soon, which was over a year ago and we still don't have any news about?

(Yes I am aware Stakeout and The amazing devil have nothing whatsoever in common. But I don't care. I like both their music a lot)

[beowulfxgrendel]

Well well well. Stakeout (one of the few bands that I'm actually excited about concerning new releases) just teased that a few songs might be dropped soon. Do I trust them or will I learn from the hopes I had when The amazing devil teased they might release new music soon, which was over a year ago and we still don't have any news about?

(Yes I am aware Stakeout and The amazing devil have nothing whatsoever in common. But I don't care. I like both their music a lot)

[beowulfxgrendel]

reblog this if you are not only okay with booping spams but encourage it. blow up my notifications go buck wild we both get our big funny boop numbers

[beowulfxgrendel]

I'm thinking about leaving a server of a fandom because they are nice and kind. I know that sounds illogical. So let me explain. They like the fanart and writing I did. I liked it all too. But because I've done quite some stuff that I'm proud of in quite a short period of time I'm scared of messing up or of not meeting expectations.

And because they seem so nice and kind it's kinda difficult to deal with moments when I'm confronted with the reality that they also are people and therefore have opinions that sometimes differ drastically from my own. For example there's quite some talking about hp and people that arent in this fandom are called muggles by most (there is another word, which im using because it feels just so wrong to use that word but still. Reading it so often is just frustrating). And for me as a trans person I am already not the most comfortable with that. And then people talked about how we shouldn't always separate the artist/author from their work and that if someone wants to consume media etc from certain people then pirating would be better because that doesn't support them. But then at the same day people talk about buying hp books and other merch. And I mean sure, I get it. These things meant quite a lot to me too. But still I think it's wrong to support such a transphobic women.

And I'm aware that's not my decision to make. They are their own people with their own choices.

Still I'm affected by it and sometimes almost cry when I see that that's a topic again, because I know that once more no one will say much negative stuff about it. And I can't just ignore these "arguments" because then I'm scared of missing something. But I don't know how much longer I can stay in that server without hp ruining it for me. And that sucks. Because I love the server and all the people there. They are all so nice and welcoming.

Maybe I'll have to leave for some time and then come back once I'm fine again. Don't know if I want to though, because I'd still feel like missing something.

[beowulfxgrendel]

Ah yes being overstimulated (looking at you carbonated drink) and understimulated (looking at you comfort playlist) at the same time while trying to write stuff (looking at my "hurt-no comfort" stuff I'm writing for a fandom of literally 5 people) because I've had some time (3 hours of which I've wasted two already) and wanted to use it.

I've literally only been able to write about 200 words in two hours. I hate it.

[beowulfxgrendel]

Hier jetzt auch das zweite Ölbild von TM

[beowulfxgrendel]

the amazing devil fans are never normal about them. theyre not like yeah theyre a cool band i like their music. theyre like the picture of joey in a dress and madeleine in a suit was my bisexual awakening and farewell wanderlust is my gender. i relate to drinking song for the socially anxious on an unhealthy level and i cry to it every time i have to leave my house. i would sacrifice my firstborn to see the amazing devil perform live and im currently on my way to get an inkpot gods tattoo

[beowulfxgrendel]

On my way to Munich right now. Kinda excited. Very nervous.

(But I'll try my best to remember everything as well as I can)

(And I'll keep my eyes open for TM)

[beowulfxgrendel]

(Nothing to see here. Just a few little scenes I created in acnh because the TM/TS brainrot persists)

[beowulfxgrendel]

(Here now too the little TM gif that I created yesterday)

[beowulfxgrendel]

The urge to write because of ✨️inspiration✨️ and ✨️motivation✨️ while on the train and therefore not being able to do so

[beowulfxgrendel]

When the hyperfixation leaks into animal crossing I know it's severe.

On a completely unrelated note: I now created a second acnh account thingy that I called Thomas