bartholomeow

[bartholomeow]

samurai vs vampire (epic fight)

now this is something i want to see. i think the samurais would win (am i biased? of course i am). here are my arguments. 

depending on which ‘type of vampire’ you’re based on, they can be sun-sensitive crybabies allergic to silver, garlic, horcrux no what’s the word 

crucifix 

crucifix-intolerant dudes and the samurais just have to cut off their head to kill them, which is a good thing because samurais usually do that 

and then stab them in the heart and buy them next to a crossroad

but they can also be immortal (not fair) but for the sake of the fight they will not (because is not fair)

most vampires are probably pretty eager to die (i believe in emo/gothic vampires wearing eyeliner, skinny tee-shirts, checkered belts and listening to tokio hotel) 

samurais are trained, vampires may not be. i mean we always see vampires that kick everyone’s asses, but vampires are supposed to be stronger than the average person, not ninjas + they didn’t train, they’re just naturally stronger and i kind of think that technic > strength (especially if they didn’t do anything they would just be… clumsy… strong and clumsy…) 

vampires would go crazy as soon as someone is bleeding a little, maybe that would make them win, maybe it would be their loss

vampires are blood-thirsty (literally) crybabies, samurais are blood-thirsty angry men who are more likely to have a sword with them, vampires may have their little carved dagger for the aesthetic but i think sword > dagger + samurais are trained 

i prefer samurais over vampires, i had my vampire phase, now i’m in my samurai phase, let a couple years water it down and i’ll be back with new arguments

voilà

[bartholomeow]

slbp but make it ghibli and i only have 2 characters

i don’t know once i was trying to sleep and then i thought ooooooooh masamune looks a great deal like haku……… so i have this for you today 

slbp characters as ghibli characters

masamune: is clearly haku 

(at least one) green eye(s) 

greenish hair 

 can and will cook for you (things that make you cry cf. masa’s tales of passion: first gift) 

terrible reputation but absolute sweetheart  

(literally) a dragon

is veeeeery cold (a freezer) when you don’t know him   

knows a woman you don’t want to mess with 

kenshin: is hauru 

blond hair that makes him look like a surfer or some shit

blue eyes

lives in a dump (hauru’s house is just kenshin’s house if kanetsugu wasn’t there) 

mass killer reputation but looks like gentleness itself

hot *jacob sartorius-like downward look & lip-bite*

huge drama queen

that’s it because i only have 2 characters feel free to tell me if you have other ideas anyway here’s a photo of my cat

[bartholomeow]

i am upset (once again)

jean’s route spoilers (once again) 

no……… they wouldn’t…………

no…………

……oh my god 

OH MY GOD

NO 

me after mc’s 6494040th kidnapping 

you know what, gilles no i’m going to stay here man i’m sick of this *takes out uno cards from her pocket* come on you start 

also 

nice *puts back uno cards in her pocket* 

[bartholomeow]

i am absolutely outraged

i am angry. i am mad. i am furious. i am absolutely outraged. 

spoilers for about all ikevamp eng routes below (jean arthur napoléon isaac theo (maybe? idk i didn’t play his route) mozart euh everyone but vincent and leonardo) 

I SWEAR. I SWEAR WHAT THE FUCK AM I PLAYING JUST WHO DO YOU THINK I AM, GAME ? i said nothing for napoléon’s route. nothing for mozart’s. i started wincing at isaac’s. i was a bit angry in theo’s (about what i read at least). i started being really angry in arthur’s. i. am. mad. absolutely. revolted. for just how long. are they. going. to. keep. bringing back. their past rivals. how. long. and who brings them back? shakespeare  (im sorry i meant like they are brought back by vlad (i think?? idk im just like a dead fish in a human body i dont get anything) for an obsucre reason related to will but i wouldn’t know bc tbh i don't get anything this man says). every. single. time. 

am i william biased? absolutely. do i love william? you bet i do, take my money and my kidneys (both) will, i don’t care. but. please. please i am begging. william. can’t. be. the. bad guy. in every single story. william can’t be the bad guy in every single story because 1) it gets really really repetitive really really fast 2) i think his motive is terrible like what??? the man?? just wants to write plays??? and is going to ruin every. single. route. for that?? i don’t buy, cybird. maybe we’ll discover his real motives in his route and i sure hope we will.

3) in. every single. route. there is. 1) william shakespeare ruining everything for his stupid plays (i’m trying really hard not to start writing an essay about why i think this motive is stupid) 2) their ancient rival is brought back 3) they want revenge/to see the main character 4) they kidnapp mc who is certainely desperate because they think the suitor doesn’t love them.... or sth like that 4.1) bonus point if the place they’re going to is a theater 5) the suitor arrives like MC!!! 6) mc is surprised because they are absolutely clueless about literally everything 7) it’s moral time! probably going like ‘i’ve always admired you.... and respected you....’ 8) they forgive each other, someone is surely crying, suitor is like ‘mc are you hurt?????????’ then they go back to the mansion and they have sex. 

if this happens in jean’s route. 

i will be mad. (threat level: maximal) 

i am sorry for any english mistakes btw today i had an english oral exam and it was terrible. terrible terrible i just straight up forgot the entirety of my third part i was sitting like??? i had a third part but i forgot literally anything i’ve ever said in it what is happening to me?? 

also it was not in every single route. it was happening exactly exactly like this in mozart’s, arthur’s, isaac’s, there was the ancient rival brought up in napoléon’s (and in theo’s but i didn’t read it so i don’t know what happens exactly), and kidnapping at the theater + moral in leonardo’s as well.  

[bartholomeow]

day 25

po03/09/2020, 20:32 (paris, france)

day 25 of waiting for kagetsugu 

we’ll be here for a long long time so do i even need to say who i’m waiting for

oh my god listen. that is not an otome story. this is just me being like really dumb 

today i was in philosophy (i thought i had never felt that bored but oh boy was i wrong) and i was doing i don’t know what with my criterion (is that how it’s called? like. the fancy pencil?) and THEN I BROKE THE TIP AND IT GOT STUCK UNDER MY NAIL AND I TRIED TO REMOVE IT AND I ONLY SANK IT DEEPER UNDER MY NAIL NOW I HAVE A PIECE OF PENCIL LEAD UNDER MY NAIL AND I’M IN PAIN. IT HURTS.  

and then i had history (like to be accurate it’s called ‘history, geography, geopolitics & political sciences’ (it’s really long) and it’s really hard because i know nothing about nothing. and obviously i don’t know shit about geopolitics because the only things i’m interested in are dating arthur rimbaud and 2d dudes tbh i really don’t know what i’m doing in this class lmao) and my teacher oohhhhhhhh jesus christ this man. so. i’m not kidding it took him 15mn to ARRIVE and then 20mn to turn the video projector on and then 30mn to turn the computer on and find the video he wanted to show us AND HIS CLASS IS FROM 4PM TO 6PM AND REALLY IT’S SO USELESS I JUST DON’T KNOW WHAT I’M STILL DOING IN SCHOOL AT 6PM TO WATCH A VIDEO ABOUT ‘why should you choose history [insert the unbelievably long name of the subject]’ 

BRO WHAT 

WHY SHOULD I CHOOSE HISTORY??? 

TO BE HONEST I REALLY DON’T KNOW BUT I CHOSE IT TWO YEARS AGO AND STUDIED IT LAST YEAR AND THIS YEAR. I HAVE. 9. HOURS. OF. HISTORY. PER. WEEK. SO I GUESS IT’S A BIT LATE NOW  

fun fact: i also have 11 hours of english per week 🤗

also i had the same english teacher last year and she told me that i was an ‘illiterate from forums’ because once i wrote everything in my test in lowercase and yes i guess i’m an illiterate from forums

[bartholomeow]

day 23

01/09/2020, 21:18 (paris, france)

day 23 of waiting for kagetsugu’s route 

GUESS WHO’S EVEN POORER THAN IT SHOULD BE ALLOWED NOW THAT SHE SPENT ALL HER PEARLS IN MASAMUNE’S LOTTERY 🤩😝🤪

anyways wtf i was sooo hyped up for saizo’s episode today because i thought they would have a ✨moment✨and they did NOT mc was just in bed like ‘saizo i don’t want you to go *weeping*’ and saizo was like ‘ninja go brrr’ and then he put her to sleep LIKE STRAIGHT UP TO SLEEP LIKE 

and then he went on another mission and that’s when i know i’m fucked for at least two days 

me: romances a ninja

his village: 

at this point is just samurai meme ballad party ft. adèle thirsty for npc and jesus masamune christ 

tomorrow i’ll go back to school and let me tell you i’m not ready to see 3d people. like. leave me and my 2d boys alone please. i have enough work as it is with those desperate men thank you 

[bartholomeow]

day 16

25/08/2020, 23:11 (paris, france)

day 16 of waiting for kagetsugu’s route :(( 

!!! tomorrow !!! kard !!! comeback !!! 

saizo is very cute i’m happy with his route. i think i should romance toshiie/inuchiyo next but he scares me so much i’m so scared of this boy because i know that i will love him way too much and have my heart broken. anyways today’s episode talked a bit about the language of flowers and i was like 😎 

dear game, 

you can’t test me. your girl had a 20 out of 20 on her english essay using the language of flowers as a plot so clearly you don’t know who you’re talking to. 

your local victorian fangirl.

anyways since i have nothing to say i’ll give you one fact about me:

-me and my best friend played papa’s sushiria but when i say ‘played’ i mean stayed up until 4am to hard try papa’s in the dark so i’m proud to say that we’ve reached day 100 and we’re level 57 

come back tomorrow for another fact 

[bartholomeow]

day 14

23/08/2020, 23:24 (paris, france)

day 14 of waiting for kagetsugu’s route (ಥ_ʖಥ)

i’m so sensitive but like i’m really sensitive i never knew i was this sensitive. yesterday i decided to read a fanfiction because why not and it had a sad ending (well, i didn’t read the whole thing because i felt the urge to turn off my phone and cry) and i was so sad and by sad i mean i was miserable. i just felt so bad honestly i’m quite worried about myself. i used to be so blank faced all the time and kind of void of any strong emotions because emotions scare the hell out of me but oh i felt so bad i hated it and i will never read any fanfictions about characters that i really love because girl can’t deal with sadness

also regarding saizo’s route i really thought i was going to hit someone because sitting here watching mc thinking sEiJiRo was a cool dude while i KNEW he was a psychopath was mental torture. finally mc found out and i hope saizo will kill this garbage so he never approaches my kagetsugu ever again. 

me opening tumblr feeling happy to read fanfictions and closing it weeping like a fat baby with a runny nose 

[bartholomeow]

day 13

22/08/2020, 23:06 (paris, france) 

day 13 of waiting for kagetsugu’s route 

really nothing happened today but like nothing at all and i just hit my head against the corner of the window; i’m in pain 

also i came across a crossroad in saizo’s story but i’m poor so i chose the fate because bro u gotta save what you can 

also i miss masamune and kagetsugu 

masamune i love you ( ˘ ³˘) (•ө•)♡ (´⌣`ʃƪ) (⺣◡⺣)♡*

[bartholomeow]

day 10

19/08/2020, 01:25 (i’m criminally late and why is that? because i watched tv with my mom for 5 hours straight while eating plum pie aha what do you say now) (paris, france) 

day 10 of waiting for kagetsugu’s route let’s celebrate all of this together popping up champagne! whoo, two digit number!! 🤩 

nothing much to say about today except for when saizo asked mc to pay him 5,000 pearls and she was like ‘??? i haven’t 5,000 pearls’ and i was like yessss sis felt that (and with masamune’s birthday coming oh jesus. sorry big boy i’m poor all my money goes into washi tapes and fancy pens that i don’t use. i just look at them, afraid to use them.)

mc, i’ve got 12 pearls if i can help. because i’m spending all my coins into lottery to get ten times the same 70 item score object 🤡 and NONE OF YOU STUPID BOYS WILL GIVE ME PEARLS!!! GIVE ME PEARLS!!! DO I LOOK LIKE I CARE ABOUT YOUR STUPID ‘fAvOrItE tOy item score: π’ I DON’T EVEN HAVE CLOSET SPACE OK??? I’M BROKE  i can’t even count on my allies because i spend 56 hours visiting all of them to get 10 coins and 1 onigiri 

just me playing otome games

[bartholomeow]

day 9

18/08/2020, 00:26 (cheating again) (paris, france)

day 9 of waiting for kagetsugu’s route أ‿أ

ok i’m starting saizo’s main route today and i’m really excited even though he is a ninja (*sakuya gagging in the background*). he looks cool. i played one of his even stories once. it was great. he was crying in his picture and you know the two main aspects of my personality are 1-mean boys are trash 2-crying is sexy (i’m toxic) so there’s that. 

i made a ranking (because the third aspect of my personality is 3-ranking are the best thing in the world and everything should be based on rankings (except people because i hate ranking in real life it’s so much pressure such a shame that they are so much fun to make with characters)) with four columns and COEFFICIENTS like for example if he’s pretty it’s coef1 and if his route looks interesting and spiritually stimulating it’s coef4 (i also included story prizes because i want to benefit of my romance in a material way; hair are coef2 and clothes 1) and saizo ranked 12th for??? some reason (because his story prizes for his act1 are disgusting; such a shame the ones for the 2nd act are so cool) genya ranked first. but i’m too afraid to romance him because i know that masamune might appear in his route and not being able to romance masamune is my greatest fear (that’s why kojuro and shigezane ranked the lowest though they are the cutest persons (did kojuro betray masamune in his 2nd act though?? because if he did 😡)). anyways the only things i can do in life are rankings and tumblr posts about my rankings (does someone want the actual entire ranking? i know nobody will answer but just in case because i’d like to share them. they want to see the daylight).

thank you for reading, congratulations you are ✨pretty✨. 

bonus image: me, out of love passes in the middle of making out with the character i’ve been romancing for weeks 

also works with: ‘you don’t have enough love points! go train!’ 

[bartholomeow]

day 8

17/08/2020, 22:41 (paris france) 

day 8 of waiting for kagetsugu’s route 

nothing really interesting today because it’s only day 2 or 3 of saizo’s route (not even his route, his STARTER route) so i guess i’ll choose a topic on a list of topics i just created and oh- it’s slbp sakuya! how fun! i played this route and i have only one thing to say and it’s not even something to say it’s a picture:

(sakuya’s route spoilers?? i really don’t think we can call that spoilers but some people really don’t want to know the slightest detail so i will respect them and continue under the cut; people who don’t like to be given spoilers, i kiss you. as for me, i regularly ask to be spoiled because i think of it as an interesting experience.) 

like?? i HATE that you are so handsome and so cute in your event stories because his route i-. i really thought i was going to murder him and HIS SIDE WAS WORSE OH GOOD LORD. i said it yesterday but oh MY GOD i HATE the like ‘bad-insensitive-dark-straight up mean for no reason-boy’ so so so much like nobunaga?? ieyasu?? who are YOU??? (i’m only basing my judgment off of their route’s preview though) but this sakuya boy oh my god. 

i swear he changed the vision i have on ninjas. listen, my brother loves naruto but when i say he loves naruto i mean he thinks he is naruto and will randomly hit me or do that strange thing with his hands you know. but ninjas??? i can’t stand them and their fucked up morals because of YOU FUJIBAYASHI SAKUYA i swear when i was playing his side he was literally thinking “i can play with her heart all i want” guys i can’t emphasize enough how this plot can ruin my romance, and i spent so much time doing his route and YOU THOUGHT I WOULD PAY 12 PEARLS TO HAVE THE LIGHT ENDING??? NO I WON’T???? I WILL DRAG YOU TO HELL WITH ME, BRING THE SHADOW EMO BITCH 

at first, i didn’t understand how he managed to rank so low for the last lover standing but well at least i know now, i guess most people are smarter than me and don’t get fooled just because he looks stunning. 

anyways have a good day everybody and don’t play sakuya’s route unless you like manipulative boys 😜😍

(also can you just ignore any english mistake s’il vous plaît english is not my first language my first language is oui oui baguette and my soul is entirely made of bread) 

[bartholomeow]

day 7

16/08/2020, 23:23 (paris, france) 

day 7 of waiting for kagetsugu’s route 

started saizo’s route today! i feel excited because he looks kind (kind of?? cause the boy was ready to kill me but-) and i live for kind boys, like what’s with the bad guy plot?? yes nobunaga i’m looking at YOU if you have a problem let’s settle this tomorrow as MEN OK? COME ALONE anyway i digress what i wanted to say was i’m playing the starter route rn and just as a warning: sanada yukimura, lay ONE FINGER of yours on masamune and face the consequences have i made myself clear? i will protect the boy with my life if you hurt him i’ll beat you to death 

don’t know if i have mentioned it yet but yes masamune best boy must protecc i don’t deserve you and yet i love you so much hug me 

also i’m no mathematician (to be fully honest i dropped maths meaning i basically don’t have maths AT ALL and trust me that is a bliss) but yesterday i was bored and since i’m so obsessed with otome games i decided to do a little maths turns out it takes 1580 days to finish every ending in every route (i’m probably wrong though) so there’s that. 

kagetsugu i still love you even if we probably won’t be seeing each other for a while. 

here’s another picture of sho to brighten up your day.

[bartholomeow]

day 6

15/08/2020 (napoléon’s birthday!!), 22:05 (paris, france) 

day 6 of waiting for kagetsugu’s route 

*kenshin’s route spoilers under the cut!!!*

KAGETSUGU YOU SAVED MY LIFE I’M SO SO SO GLAD YOU WERE IN KENSHIN’S ROUTE the boy saved my life i can’t- 

kagetsugu if you had not been in kenshin’s route nothing would have stopped me from loving this man and oh my god i would have cried all the tears in my body and drained myself to death if i had loved him because holy jesus christ i was  ༼ ༎ຶ ෴ ༎ຶ༽

finished kenshin’s route today. i’m devastated at 38% so i’m okay but still i’m sad i don’t even want to start imagining how i would have felt if i loved kenshin (i’m not saying i don’t love him- well obviously i am, but don’t get me wrong i LIKE kenshin i just?? don’t love him though i feel so so so sorry for him that now i love him a little bit). when he was BLIND i was like (ಥ_ʖಥ) and THEN HE DIED IN MY ARMS OH MY GOD can you imagine though how creepy the whole situation is? like i can’t get out of my mind what must have happened after like?? did mc went to look for help being like ‘hey my lover just died in my arms could someone take his corpse away so that he could have some sort of funeral’ just the fact that she had to see and feel and carry his dead body and go look for help is just terrifying like she must be traumatised (well, i would be)

and then there was this ten-parts epilogue oh boy. 

conclusion: kagetsugu, i love you and i’m so so so grateful for that.

bonus: rare footage of my mother finding me laying in my bed after having read kenshin’s epilogue

[bartholomeow]

day 5

14/08/2020, 23:45 (paris, france) 

day 5 of waiting for kagetsugu’s route also i was wrong kenshin’s epilogue is in two parts so there’s that but it means tomorrow i’ll be done (i should be???? at this point this is just trolling) and it also means i will probably be getting more kagetsugu content which i don’t know if i’m happy or sad about because one kagetsugu line is one heartbreak and i don’t thing i have many hearts left.

also today no meme just a picture of arriety’s sho. because i love the boy. NO SHO YOU’RE NOT GONNA DIE I WILL PROTECC 

[bartholomeow]

day 4

13/08/2020, 22:37 (paris, france) 

day 4 of waiting for kagetsugu’s route 

today i’ve finished kenshin’s divine ending, tomorrow i’ll read the epilogue and i think i’ll be done?? unless the epilogue is in two parts and i hope it’s not because really 1- i want to be done with this route from hell i’ve died four times reading it  2-i’m about to say something controversial but?? i don’t really like kenshin?? i mean ofc i like him but as a friend like i can’t see him as my lover for some reason (named kagetsugu for instance). kenshin i’m sorry you’re so precious, kind, fun and cute but really i have one boy in my life and it’s kagetsugu (ahaha jk i have two bc there’s date fucking masamune the boy is 100% pure gold masamune you are my sky and all my stars you are my galaxy looking at you gives me sunburns). kenshin you deserve better. 

[bartholomeow]

day 3

12/08/2020 (paris, france) yes i’m cheating it’s actually 0:49 so technically we’re on the 13th 🤷��♀️

day 3 of waiting for kagetsugu's route please i know i don't deserve him but please kagetsugu be my boy i love you so much

me, in love with unplayable side characters sitting like